It’s 3:44 A.M.

you are not here but you are always on my mind and I hate you for it I do not know how to put these emotions into words but I know that when I look at you I only think about kissing you and I do not know where love is derived from and you hate that we’re in love I know it’s after midnight and you have work in the morning but maybe if I ask enough and maybe even beg enough you will come and see me right now but you’ll probably say no so I am leaving tonight at that

It’s 3:44 P.M.

you are right next to me but I still don’t know where you really are and twelve hours ago I was craving your presence and now I’m regretting it you forgot that kissing is more intimate than *** and you still hate that I can ******* and not kiss you and that pushes you away from me you always assume that I never think about you so I push you away further but I can promise you twelve hours ago you still were on my mind I wanted you to come and see me right then but I did not ask you to because you’d probably say no but now I am stuck losing you due to my lack of communication so I am leaving today at that

I know you hate when my writings are

sad I didn’t mean it when I said “I can’t

be without you” I meant “how could you

do this to me and now you’re not here” I want

to hate you but instead I call you when I need

something about ******* makes me feel

horrible every time it’s the only time

you give me attention now that you’re

gone I sit in my room listening to versions

of “Tom’s Diner” and this feels like my version

of “Teenage Fever” I’ve been working on a

poem about you it’s seventeen pages long

I won’t show anyone when it’s finished

because I’m embarrassed I’ve spent time

obsessing over the beaches we should’ve swam

at and the restaurants I could’ve introduced you

to and the dogs we would’ve named Steve and Rex

you’re going to read this and the only thing you’re

going to comment on is the fact that you never wanted

to name the dogs Steve and Rex and I won’t even be

mad because what else do I expect and I did this to

myself and what you don’t see is every reason why I love you

And I can blame gravity and fate for falling in love, or endlessly compare you to the moon and the stars; or I can just admit that there's something in you that tells me you're my half - maybe it's the way you fix your hair, or the way you bat your eyes, or the way you walk or the way you speak, or even the way you let me have the last piece of fries.

There’s only been few to see
me for who I am
I still need you
sometimes when I am alone
I call you but it goes to voicemail
these people I have acquainted myself with
make me feel more than you
I do not want you
but I would
rather feel insufficient
than nothing at all
I get a lump in my throat
when I think about the past
you’re the first thing I see
I am not like you anymore
I hate you for making me
who I am
no one else understands
I still need you sometimes
and I don’t know why
I am crying

I hate when I write and you
can't tell I'm being sarcastic
I want you so much I feel greedy
(that wasn't sarcastic)
I say I don't miss you
you should know I do
I don't think it's fair that
someone can think about
a person as much as I
think about you
think about this:
you being you and me
being me but together
all these people think I'm
writing for them
it's for you