It's bizarre
I fell too far
so close to the light
I wonder what's behind
to see the stars that don't shine so bright

mangos and apples
we screamed for hours
smiles from flowers
my legs are shaking
I can barely make it

I'll see you again
not today
I'll speak to you differently
I'll pretend

for now
I stay behind
let others be ahead
I want a deep breath

praying to all the gods
thunder almighty
lightning and rain fighting
to stop all this madness
snow caught falling to fast

hiding behind stars
doesn't seem too far
the sun is out
to burn the moon
don't think they get along so well

see you again
old friend
I still remember
your face

don't know what to say
need a signal to stay

we keep driving each other away
it hurts to love

the heavy feeling
in my heart

signs
that aren't mine

should I leave tonight
wonder if we ruined another day

feels like a burden
I can hear your hurting

smoke another cigarette
close enough

don't you know
this isn't love

it's four in the morning,
and i'm thinking of you.
the song we used to listen to when we were on the phone is playing.
the words blast through my headphones,
but all i hear is your laugh.
when you'd laugh at me for choking up.

"sorry, shawn mendes always makes me sad."

it's four in the morning
and i'm missing you arms around me.
you only held me once, but it was for a few hours.
we were at your hotel after your stupid show.
the first and last one i went to.
i told you that you should go meet your fans,
but you shook your head.

"i want to hold you."

"why?"

"what if i never see you again?"

i almost laughed at you.
how you thought i'd never see you again.

but over a year later, here i am.

it's four in the morning
and i miss you more than ever.

I wrote a will.

I thought I was going to
Live fast, die young.

I wrote a will.

It’s a will that states
The truest emotions
Something that should
Be kept secret.

I wrote a will.

For you.

Knowing the situation
We’re in,

I wrote a will for you.

I remember you saying
I was going to get sick

I was going to die young

So I wrote a will.

I wrote it when our love died
When the clouds fogged up the sky
When the rain started pouring

Maybe it was the stone in my chest
Or the love in my heart
That pushed me to write one

I cut the wrong wires
The wires that connected the stone and my heart
The wire that connected us.

The death of our relationship was the death of me
My own body started killing itself
I became the girl with anxiety
Not knowing it manifested

I don’t sleep because I worry
I worry you forget me
We become something of an empty item
It hurts just thinking about it

Never once I thought about getting back together
Because I hurt you too much
You bled out in front of me
That image never left

This is why I wrote a will.

I hurt you too much.

I was scared to say it in front of you
So it would be better for you to listen
When I die

I wrote a will.