my mouth was still stained
red from the
pomegranate seeds i ate from the palm of you hand
when i checked your instagram feed.
i had been lost in your underworld for
three
whole
days
before the weight of your sorrow found its
way into my stomach
and to the marrow of my bones.
like some fish wiggling along the sides of a
tank i ate your emotional refuse
and felt myself
becoming heavier and heavier
while you lifted to the clouds
and found this beauty among them.
i still sat in the bottom of the pond
bloated and
envying the sky above me.
you are still swimming in my blood
like a nasty parasite
and i feel like ripping out my stomach
to pour the weight of you out
but you seem so happy that
i want to pretend that your sadness
never existed and
that i am a stranger merely browsing through
photos.
but the fact remains that i
am still here.
on my bed writing angrily
about you like i have written about
dozens before you
and for some reason
something
hasn't
changed.

maybe that's why I hate math so much
because i have spent so much of my time
with
numbers being
drilled into
my head
and
showing on my
hips
or falling off of my
rib
s
because I know
how many calories are in each item of my fridge
better than the backs of my hands
and the lines carved into
my
thighs
like tally marks

I would like to write you a love poem.
I would like to speak in flowery metaphors
and smilies, where your face is the
scarred moon
and your breath the dawn
but it would be more beneficial to
write
instead
an epic dedicated to the
way yoga pants make my *** look
because black stretch fabric
and my thighs
have a relationship worthy of fluffy fan fiction
and my worst pair
hug my body better than you ever could.
and black will always have more loyalty
than your heart can imagine

i woke and felt the weight
of an immeasurable sadness on my chest
or more aptly
on my throat
because i couldn't choke out the salted word 'stay'
fear held its hand over my mouth and i shouted against it
'please. stay. i love you don't leave' 'if you leave you wont come back'
so instead i wrapped serpent tight around you
wanting you so much closer
and hating my ravenous heart for being so gullible
so instead i kissed you
and knew you must have tasted melancholy
on gnawed lips and across my morning bitter tongue
i looked into your eyes only once  
pleading and hungry for the warmth of you
and closed my eyes as you greeted the morning
you will sleep tonight
pushing me away and mumbling incoherent
reasons as to why
and i curl
facing the window
awake
listening
listening
and i wonder if you can feel the quake of my doubt
and fear in your dreams

She will lose herself in a book
and find herself in poetry

She thinks that religion is a sacrilege
and that long showers are sacred

She makes love when she's tired
and never tires of making love

She is irreverent in her humor
and pious in her gravity

She is diligent in completing her work
and ambitious of her quest for leisure

She is the personification of romanticism
and the embodiment of compassion

She exists harmoniously in my mind

An ocean of thoughts
inside my lungs
suffocating me.
At night
I carve shadows
slowly down my arms,
feel rivers of words
drop onto the white tiles.
The water surrounds me
and I surface
begging to breathe.

In the morning
I wake with wet hair
my sleeves scratch
against the memories.
And the tide ebbs, and the tide flows.

God closed his eyes that night,
but I don't blame him.
Even God needs to sleep sometimes.

At just seventeen,
Timmy never saw the truck that killed him.
Never saw the blood and ***** on the asphalt.
God closed his eyes that night,
but nobody blames him.
Even God needs to sleep sometimes.

A little girl was taken that night.
Beaten and *****.
Innocence stolen and beauty forgotten.
God closed his eyes that night,
but her parents don't blame him.
Even God needs to sleep sometimes.

Even God needs to sleep sometimes.

im so tired of holding this inside, its threatening to burst from my chest. If i were just certain it wouldnt ruin anything, id tell you in a heartbeat..1..2..3.. "Whats on your mind?" you say..
"love" i try to reply...
my tongue wont form the word. It wont let me tell you how painful it is to watch you leave, or about the tears i hold back when you give me that last kiss.. Is this what its like to be in love? endlessly agonizing over every sweet look? Hoping that this time.. This time you will say those words that burn holes in my throat, trying to escape and find their way to your ears.. I was never sure that i could even fall in love, i had never even come close to feeling a fraction of this painful ecstasy. But i knew.. From the second your lips touched mine with the salty taste of ocean water, that i loved you.. And every day i fall more than i ever thought was possible. You can see it in my eyes , and still you hesitate, wanting the timing to be perfect, when its all i can do to keep myself from collapsing in your arms and choking out those three, enormously small words. I need you to understand that i can no longer survive without you, you are my life now.. Maybe soon you will hear what my kisses are whispering to you so sweetly each time our lips meet..
i love you

I see the world uninterrupted
A split second to you
Becomes years for me
I cannot blink
I see things you choose to ignore
I'm a man with no eyelids
I see things you cannot see
I can't shut out the world that disturbs me
One bad day separates you from me