I’m falling. But not in love.
I’m falling
And you are too. We’re falling to a bitter end
Yet again.

And this time, the end does not seem to be
as sugarcoated as it once was.
Or seemed to be.

Letters returned to sender
my heart in the blender
fingers burned
lesson learned!

Been a while since I took them, the little keys to sleep. Unlock codes for unconsciousness, cheat codes for non-committal death.

But tonight the pain is unbearable, the mental wounds are bleeding like they’re fresh. Scenes replaying in my mind constantly, mocking me mercilessly for believing that they’d left.

Time is supposed to be a healer, or so I’ve been told. Time must have missed me off it’s to-do list because  healing is a card I’ve never been dealt.

The pain is effervescent bubbling through my veins and laying heavy on my chest. Tramadol couldn’t even dull it, it demands to be felt.

My only recourse are these tiny promises of temporary respite; I take more than recommended, playing roulette with this life.

It’s been a while since I took them, the little keys to sleep, I wish I could leave them but I’m weak.

"empathy for yourself"
and I broke
head down, lips pursing to keep the sobs, suddenly wracking, inside
I need to feel all that
that I felt unseen
that I felt unheard
that I felt unloved
that I felt unloved.
un loved
let it be
feel that
excruciating
excruciating pain
of being

My favourite book has lost its words
So have you, my favourite place
Which is hard to ask where you are

𝙸𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚛𝚞𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚎,
𝙰 𝚋𝚒𝚝 𝚋𝚒𝚐; 𝚊 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚒𝚗 𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚎.
𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚒𝚕𝚟𝚎𝚛, 𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚗,
𝚔𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚝𝚑 𝚘𝚛 𝚠𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚗.

𝙸 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛,
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚒𝚗 𝚋𝚘𝚡, 𝚒𝚗 𝚒𝚝, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛.
𝙾𝚕𝚍 𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚎, 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚢.
𝙳𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚞𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚍, 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚜𝚝.

𝙸 𝚙𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚗,
𝙵𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚜, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚠𝚗.
𝙵𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚝𝚑,
𝙵𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚕𝚟𝚎𝚛,
𝙵𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚊 𝚔𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛.

𝙰 𝚃𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚝𝚑 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎,
𝚁𝚎𝚏𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚐𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚎.
𝙼𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚗 𝚜𝚘𝚏𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚗,
𝚁𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚘𝚘𝚕 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚔𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚜.

𝙷𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚠𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚛 𝚔𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚍
𝙸 𝚙𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚗 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎!

my 5 seconds of fame will be when my face is printed on the page of my yearbook

5 seconds of reflection and admiration, until the eye moves to look at the square next to me.

5 seconds that were so hard to earn, but so easy to spend.

From down the depths of setting clouds,
reaching to lift the earth around,
playing on shattered rays; sundown,
a heart bestows his love to love

Every breath reds his skin,
a ****** of lust; a shackle of roughs,
his kisses; a vile of touch,
his gaze; a blazing must

For oceans erupt in fondling clouds,
like a love that loves to love,
yes, his heart's for him and only his,
forever and ever, he'll be his only him