I'm not mad at you
I am just sad at you

I bit into a poisoned word and it tasted like your kisses

I should be sleeping

I'm cold, scared
You didn't come home

I'm not ready for the world
I still need to rest

Strangers crying and daughters dying
Lights that only reach so far
Candle put out by incompatible thought
Incomplete pieces of a scatter puzzle

If you ever needed love
I would play you until my fingers bled
Your strings biting into my skin
What is a taste of pain to a beautiful melody

It's been three years
And nothing had changed
I still love you
Stupid girl that I am
**** it

'98
It was a good year
Twenty-twelve
It was better

I met you
I never knew
Brown eyes

Could see inside my soul
Empty my whole heart
At the same time
You make me feel whole

Two thousand fifteen
That's how many years
It seems like have passed
Since I kissed you last

Seventeen years old
Some years left to go
Some I will love
Some I won't know

Many years remembered
Many memories to make
Many hearts forgotten
Many, mine, will break

Years of time stretch high
Some to kiss into the sky

Moments that taste
Like popcorn
Oreos
Smell like rain
Feel like my fingers
On a taught bow string
Taste like pavement after a storm
Look a rainbow

Hide and seek
Time to keep
Kiss to give
Moments to live

Be careful where you tread
Gently place your feet
Or you may fall to a dark place
Where the demons dwell

Be cautious my friend
Or you will know my hell

Have me hold your hand
Justify the means
If we go together
If we might make it through

But in this desolate place
I don't know what to do

If you fall then I will fail to
Cause this life means nothing without you

Step gently, tread softly, hold your breath, and count to ten

Make a wish, wake the dead
We fight though we cannot fly
But in this wasteland
The least we can do is try

We stand on crumbling floors reaching down to depths
If we fall, when we fall from above Hell to a thin paper veil

I read your writings
You said “God was a woman,
But she was not mine.”
And when they say; “my God”
I did not know we were speaking
Of property
Of ownership
Are they truly a God
If they belong

Will you not tell me
Of your longing instead
Not of your wishes
For her to open her pearly gates
I know you tasted heaven once
I know you licked golden honey
From the fountain of life

It seems you will always thirst
For the juice, of forbidden fruit

You fit religion into my mouth like a metal fillings
Before my tongue even learned the curvature of my own name
My thoughts hold no inkling apart from that which you bound to me
Such as I am empty
Fill me up, with no doubt for my cracks and chips
I am a humble vessel

I’m too good for this
I was soft with you
My mistake

I don’t want to be here
To feel this

I don’t want
I only have, to lose
And so I give and I gave
Break myself into little pieces
To fill as much space as possible
In every place I’ve ever been

I almost became
The cross
On the side of the road

We used to climb
Stairs of light together
I've done a lot of dying
Since you left
A lot of living too

I can go back years in my mind
and still
that changes nothing for today

I am such as I have never been before
and still
she is not enough

For to me all things
even dreams and death
are tangible

And such that I could touch
life and love alike
but the world spins in it's own way

I retrograde in my emotions
and there is no center
to loss and losing

My only comfort is this, you
and still I cling
knuckles white and bleeding

There is none and nothing to surround me
Still my body chokes
On air fouled with memories

And dreams
oh nightmares
that they would leave their scars and go

But the world and whims of life
are not as such
and such I should have known

Fools live and die
and I am still afraid
of life and death at once

The coffin of my mind is unburied
and such these memories renew
a soul tired in its journeying

This is now still
a day to remember
though many I still forget

For time passes like water
through this life
and on into the next

These scars I carry
though the weight not the same
still I feel its presence

Let me pass
just as I am
in the shadows of the overgrown

Into that which calls me
by my own name
in the dying light of the stars

This day is still only a rising
that will set into the past
and I will let you go

As I have done so many before
such is the way of the world
still she spins, in fields of flowers

like a dope addict
no matter what the cost
I still always come back
to you
for more of my high

The music was right
Time is a dark

Kale eyes
Still waters run deep
Seaweed sentiments
The tide will go out
Waiting
Still and quiet
At the edge of the sea
The earth will not find me

Does the night remember our relentlessness
Here we drink, wine and stars
Intoxication of souls
Grains of salt, on sugar sweet lips
A taste of stars, for a black hole kiss
We die, the night goes on
To live one more day
Is to outlive all
The earth does not know
Nor will she remember
She bore you, conceived
Brought you forth
Out of the aching of her years
Turn your face
Lift your hand in anger
Were you not human once
Do you still hold your tongue
When angels speak
They crave your words
Your peace
There are no gods here
Maybe once, in an older day
Maybe once, when you knew their names
Passed from lip to lips
No more than a kiss
Their halls are empty
Fires burnt out
Smoke nearly touching the stars now
Their lungs are empty
Breezes settled
Will you quarrel with me here
Raise your hand against another
Lift your voice for a song,
with no words,
that you call anger
Give me up
To the sins of your head
Your heart dare not act out
I am worth these
And I am worth nothing
Change in your pockets
Will never make sense
You return me to the earth
This is your curse
Luna will call my name
Screaming it into the heavens
A voice falling only upon your ears
Turmoil and angst of your conscience
Your ears and neck burn
And you become one with regret
It will name you
Find yourself unable to utter any remorse
As it coarses like fire through your veins
This is hell, she is patient

I'm starting to feel,  again
And I've never loathed, anything
Like I do, this headspace, here, now

Chalk lines, drawn by children
Voices from the school yard
Dogs bark, you run
Feet pound pavement hard
Barefoot toes, wind blown hair
Sharp glass on the ground
Careless when I step
Careful not to make a sound
You chase me, like prey
Trying not to trip
I run fast, get away
I must be silent and never slip
Your hands rough around my waist
Cauaught in your trap
Rest your hand on my shoulder
I can't look back
Choking on the tears
My throat constricts
You ask me questions
I merely nod
Pull me away from my safe place
To your home so desolate
I am gone without a trace
I lay in the leaves of this falls birth
Seeing only the red stained leaves
Trying not to panic for all I'm worth
Don't run or hide, stay alive
I can't wait for it to end
What will you do
What will the darkness send
Uncertain future, my demise
A chase after a valued prize
I could see the lies
Beside the evil in your eyes

Why have you given me this heart
Still it beats
Yet I do not know the rhythm

You say it is a gift
So I cannot
Just pass it on to the next

I hold it between my hands
For it does not fit
Inside of my ribbed cage

My chest rejects in earnest
Such a thing as this
That it would sway my mind

For such a small one
The weight is heavy
I cannot hold it for long

I grow weak
In the strength of my arms
For I have no stamina

For what will drive me
What will push
Me to love, with just a mind

And yet I cannot help
But wonder
If this is why I do not love myself

For a heart is a thing
That must be contained
So the mind can be free

And if it is cold
And simply lies adjacent
So the rest if it's body

It will never do what
It was intended for
Just as you do with yours

To my eyes, it looked to be my last breath
My lungs will not give up as quickly

Every couple hours I forget how to breathe

you don't take my breath away*
    

              you suffocate me like cigarette smoke to an asthmatic

You wrote me a letter it came in a box
A box with no key a box with no lock

The words on the outside were as formal as could be
But I was exited to have something just for me

I ripped up the paper and put it aside
To exited to see what was inside

You asked how I was and how I was doing
I told you of my latest plots I was brewing

The letter riddled with X's and O's
But nothing sappy enough to blow my nose

I wrote you a reply written on some paper
And put it in the mailbox the day later

I signed my name with hugs and kisses
And lots of pointless heartfelt wishes

I wait and wait and wait some more
Until the mailman knocked on my door

A patient emptied from my lungs
And as I read the words I sung

Kisses are dreams from your face
And nothing ever shall take your place

There are different ways to live

And different ways to die

But between them both

You will feel **alive

These men are ghosts
Repossessing my body

The woman made of bones
Stood in front of the oak door
‘Do you want to feel safe or happy?’
She challenged

I closed my mouth and turned away

I die while I wait
Every moment a bit of life
Extinguished
Like the flame of a candle
Slowly sinking to the earth
Wreathed in light
Yet reduced to darkness
And so the demons rise
In the blankness
You have been found lost
Yet you must just say the words
To be taken home
But so still you stay
Alone

If Jesus came back I'd be the only one he left
If the clouds parted I'd still be in the dark
Behind the shadows of forgot times
Just another face in between the lines
If the seas rose and the sky fell
I would shrug my shoulders and sigh oh well
I could simply sit and wait for a new world
Like the one I live in cold and forgotten
If the stars shone in your eyes
I could lie back and not see the picture
If I were a puzzle and you the last piece
I'd rather run away than have you stay
I hate this lonely life but wouldn't want it any other way
Cuz if you asked me, I'd say go away
I'll face the world alone
With no one by my side
I'll take the challenges
And bare the stripes on my hide
I'll die happily
As long as I keep my pride

Bring your truth not your anger
Though the alter take both
A burnt offering of words
As cinders fall
Off the smoking end of my tongue
The circle is drawn
You need only write your name
With the ink in your arms

I just want to make you feel loved
Because I know without that reassurance
It's so hard to keep going

The clock she sings
And I tremble for a moment
My memories laced into to many people
"Never enough time," I mutter, "never enough time. To tell those that I love, that I am with them always."

It will all be well in the morning
It will all be well
Until the darkness sneaks up on me
Again
Just as I was about to breathe

As you call me, I am known
Shackle or sail it be
Earth or sea
The same to me
Remember to pray
Knees do not always kneel
Words stand as they are spoken
Frail limbs, as quickly broken  
No harm, no foul, no folly in this
Walking ignorance, does not know bliss
To bent nails all hammers are blows
Wisdom is fleeting, on it goes

If I could articulate as well as I think
If I could speak as much as I care
I think you would truly understand me
But if you just tired to love me
I wouldn't have to work so hard to heard

I hate the way you know me
Because a child dancing in the street cares more about my heart that you would ever dare

I wish I only remembered the bad things
That way it would be easier to let go
Rather than holding on like an idiot
These foolish threads always tangling
And in my head we still dance
And in my heart we still sing
But in these nights I still cry
Breaking over all the memories
Good Lord, I loved you
And good Lord, I died
And the good Lord held me
All those night that I cried
It is better this way
And so much safer
To be alone, and afraid
What a foolish people
Who trade everything for happiness
Only to lose it for love
Or let it get mixed up and lost
We will do anything to live
No matter the cost
But I just feel alive
And feel nothing at all
Numb as the ice in the North
But you melt me
And washed away my soul
Broke me like thunder
Now I am less than whole
We drink to forget
And we forget to blink
And we cry in the night
And fill up the sink
Now I'm just a sad song
You can forget me
It will be okay
You shouldn't remember
Any of these days
Its all over
It is all done
And in the end
No one won
Will you continue
To reach for the stars
Or will you realize
They are much to far?