I.
Grab my suitcase from the carousel
Lead me through the baggage claim

Take me by the hand
Tell me you would take me anywhere

Hail a taxi and rush
Because he's already got the meter running

We're like Chicago
I love the city but you hate the hustle

II.
Walk the suburbs with me
Hold my hand down the sidewalks

Drive the BMW to brunch
Come back in time to give the cleaning lady a key

Sleep on a field of feathers
And wake up to coffee brewing

We're like Wheaton
I despise the deep pockets but you love the atmosphere

III.
Take the train from city to county roads
Drive and drive until traffic is nonexistent

Show me your favorite spot by the lake
Dare me to jump in when I fear the blue waters

Stay up with me all night
Hold me while sunlight floods your room

We're like your hometown
I'm your family and you're the charisma

IV.
I'll drive north through sleet and snow
And meet my mother for a warm embrace

We'll make the couch our home
Nesting under a blanket and promise

Ice cream in January is nothing out of the ordinary
For you and me

We're like the town I grew up in
You're the summer breeze and I'm the familiarity

V.
Together, we're a city
We're the ups and downs

You're the broken windows and I'm the noise
We're the wineries and over-priced pastries

You're the quiet and I'm the prying relative
But together, we make any city an adventure

There once was a woman named Filli
Who was bit by a Wheaton named Tilly
A scarier terrier'd have made Filli warier
Now Filli fears Tilly's a carrier.

The Miserable Hell that is My Violent Life,* When will balding Kirk
Douglas coldly lurk rugless? Each morning I awake to being poorly
tail beaten like the cast of T.N.G. beat sorely Wil Wheaton. You say
my arm'll heal quicker than a rib'll as I sit in mud to eat Alpo kibble
In Walter Disney's World on Queer Pride Day, I slept like Porky Pig
yet while at black mass with gay Catholics, I porked like sleepy pig
It is the time nearin' to mourn tearfully Macao's adorable Kitty Ting
by roastin' 1,900 sparrow sputzies in Bethlehem Steel's **** dumps,
like I am **** hole Pittsburgh's most famous beer-guzzling ***** king
A **** sees without the logical assistance of unsighted rods & cones 'cause she ain't learned to appreciate the music of gimp Busta Jones
whose queer stunts brought pooftas down at Mucho Defiance Town
that is west of Puget Sound, made hotter by the polar bear fur gown
with the moose-tail train that has earned internationalistical renown

The Miserable Hell that is My Violent Life,* When will balding Kirk Douglas coldly lurk rugless? Each morning I awake to being poorly tail beaten like the cast of T.N.G. beat sorely Wil Wheaton. You say my arm'll heal quicker than a rib'll as I sit in mud to eat Alpo kibble.