Ripped ribbons scattered aimlessly,
with fractured cups, dirt and dust
pink pearly acetone just won't be enough
to erase the evidence of you.

With forced confessions,
spilled out all past indiscretions,
and cursed vindications and blood
splattered like a musty revenge.

Blank canvases,
Hand print caresses that show
Polaroid prints all faded and jaded
like the illusion of us.

It was desperate fingers
that clung to the railings
but the force of gravity meant I had to let go.
Hope had revived me
Like water to my parched throat
my oasis is the desert
All my horrid words were revoked.

Yet nothing will ever be enough
to surgically remove
our open bleeding wounds.
I must tend to the injured,
Leave alone the wielder
Knife still in hand
How did it come to this?
I missed your voice
so much it made me cry
yet after I heard
it made everything worse
Mourning a loss that was not mine
but yours.
Grieving hurts.

I still love you
but it burns
burns
until I have to take my hand off
the all consuming flame.

My teardrops cannot pay the price,
or eradicate the past in peoples minds
Will I forever be beholden to this guilt that now defines me?
Too many skin graphs to hide the scarred tissue underneath.

All paths lead me back to here.
I'm helpless to watch your ghost
Linger,you still linger.

are you angry?
that my life not longer revolves around you?

that,
i’ve traded my longing for you in
for a real relationship
with someone else?

are you angry?
are you bothered?
that i finally know who i am
that i can finally exist
without you?

are you angry?
that i don’t dream about you anymore?
that your lips are someone else’s and
i wouldn’t have it any other way?

are you angry?
that i’m okay?
that i’ve grown up?
that i’ve moved on?

are you angry?*

(good.)

I look deep into his eyes
trying to see my forever
trying to redeem the lost time
trying to envision a life
together...

If the eyes are windows to the soul
then where exactly am I?
As I trek deeper into the confines
of those beautiful eyes,
I have to wonder to myself
do the eyes sometimes tell lies?

How do I know that
it's *our future I see?
Not reels of the past,
visions of lost dreams...

As I stare deeper,
his eyes captivate me
as I look at him intently
I wonder the reverse,
what does he see?

his face becomes a blur
as I get lost within those lashes
his soul is aflame with passion
as I sift through the ashes

what tragedies,
what agonies,
what misspent youth
what vindications,
what feelings,
what untold truth?

I'm driving myself crazy
with these guesses aloof
maybe we aren't meant
to know another's soul
escape their eyes with
valid proof

I come back to reality
and softly grab his face,
kiss him sweet and softly
enjoy the embrace

I don't think even a lifetime
would reveal what the eyes,
what the soul
*sees

you left me, you know
see: i don't think you do
i don't think you've ever, ever realized
what you did to me

but whenever you ask
my tongue freezes up
fear clogs my throat
and i can never seem to get out
the perfectly-worded, numbered list of grievances
i laid awake composing in the dead of night,
throat raw from whispering my vindications
to myself over and
over,
waiting patiently
for situations exactly like this one