The way you looked at me,
Finally things were going my direction
That moment when I caught your attention
Soon enough we'd be holding hands,
We'd be writing our names in the sand
Lets make it come true, show me that its not just pretend

Spark? What spark?
We left that all in the dark,
We left it there to fade with the dust
You made me believe,
I really did, like a child, i was so naive
I thought it was love, wasnt it love?
If it wasnt, then what is love?
Someone answer me what that was,
Will i ever get back what was lost,
I've said it once, i'll say it again,
I guess we really had a spark back then,
But She came along and blew it,
Then left that spark unignited.

I'm waiting I'm waiting on my mania stages
so I can overflow with feelings and pour them on pages
Right now it's so forced, I feel ashamed
stagnant contentment isn't doing it for me

2/4/14

time flows slowest
around galactic centers and our worst moments
black holes and dying parents
foul, putrid and humid in
acts of betrayal and cowardice
pooling around loss like van gogh’s whorly stars snickering
voyeuristic time crept in at my point of least courage
subatomic tabloid photographers flashbulbs cracking
when I broke your heart one january afternoon
and there was enough time gathered for me
to store all the details of the scene
the way your shoulders slumped and the
straps of your tank top slid a little to the sides
how you looked up and to the left hoping the oak tree out the window
would grow a mouth and explain my sudden departure
if only you could see it through tears coalescing
like soap bubbles summoned between thumb and forefinger in childhood baths
“I promised myself I wouldn’t cry,” you said
and it took me years of vanity to understand you’d known;
my accumulated guilt and sadness had not been subtle

i named my sin at an awkward dinner out
millennia after a stellar collapse in a one bedroom apartment
where I lied and told you it was me
not you but it was you
still burn inside me cold
when I’m alone
warm on days I know I saved our children
from the sad gravity of loveless parents
silently begging of them greatness
to validate a vacuum-empty marriage born of
supposed-to and should in the absence
of desire or at least the resignation
of married friends or Jovian planets unignited

maybe time cups our worst memories before us
in greedy luminescent starflesh hands woven of personal apocalypses
laughing outright when the memory burns away
in solar flare fingers
warps in the distorted fabric of how
we edit and redact those moments to survive sane
and we panic realizing
after breaking or being broken
we have remade ourselves entirely of
shame and misery and misfit parts
devoid of structure beyond weeping
brittle bones of future selves
stolen or relinquished  

or maybe time holds these memories for us immature
baby skull soft
too delicate to be picked through with angry desperate hands
while distance and growth or
maybe just forced perspective
lets the memory or
us harden into something we can pluck
from its hands lifetimes later and lazily
browse like any other casual catastrophe

Aphrodite have I done you so wrong

That you enamore me in loves somber song

Yet leave his holy heart unignited

Cursing me with burning affection unrequited

Why allow me to be denied Anteros

And Eros strike me so cruelly with arrows

That I must make Philia to be enough

When what I desire fervently is his fleeting love

I see now goddess that I you must truly despise

For you sent forth Phobos and Deimos to terrorize

Until I found my heart to be ragged and maimed

Still for their sake I find myself acting as if it's the same

Oh, how the alarm clock goes
I flex my arms and curl my toes
The night air creeps through an open window
I feel the chill of it funnel into my room and grow
I am the harvester of vitality
Reaping the seeds of death that I sow
They lie on their beds with unignited fright
They are a disease to my crops, an unwelcome blight
I strike them off this field of light
Seeing the gore drip, I just have to laugh
This is my yield
A 2 AM bloodbath

Eros is a wicked fiend.
Wields his power on the masses.
Not only because of who he touches, adores.
But also who he ignores.

Those blighted by love unrequited.
The lonely soul with a heart of coal, unignited.

View held by one with cause to resent.
Emotions running wild without consent.