When I have borne in memory what has tamed
  Great Nations, how ennobling thoughts depart
  When men change swords for ledgers, and desert
The student’s bower for gold, some fears unnamed
I had, my Country!—am I to be blamed?
  Now, when I think of thee, and what thou art,
  Verily, in the bottom of my heart,
Of those unfilial fears I am ashamed.
For dearly must we prize thee; we who find
  In thee a bulwark for the cause of men;
  And I by my affection was beguiled:
  What wonder if a Poet now and then,
Among the many movements of his mind,
  Felt for thee as a lover or a child!

dear mum,
i don't know when we drifted apart. it was probably eons ago when i was 7 or 8. ten years down the road and we haven't gotten any closer. do i regret not spending more time with you? not really.

i haven't been the best child. i've lied. a lot. i've broken your heart. a lot. and i've done things that you've told me not to. a lot.

i've learnt many things from you.

i've learnt to treat people the way you want to be treated. i've learnt to be sensitive of other people's feelings. and i've learnt to be kind. from you i have learnt how to care and be selfless. from you, i have learnt how to be a good person.

but i have learnt not so good things from you as well.

i've learnt to stay out of things because it's too tiring to get involved. i've learnt never to stand up for my future child when my husband is calling her useless trash. i've learnt that lying is the only way i'll ever be able to do what i want. i've learnt that if i ever want to divorce i should do it instead of hanging on for more than a decade and feeling miserable, the way you did. and still are doing.

i've learnt that the way to raise a child, is to provide for them physically then not to give a **** about their feelings.

love,
your unfilial daughter


hello dad,
it's been a while since i've ever felt any affection towards you. i think it ended the moment you started calling me idiot and useless trash. and when you ripped my dreams into shreds and forced me into the academic school of your choice.

i love how we cannot get along together without arguing at least twice a week. i love how you call me fat and compare me to my friends. i love how you have never praised me ever since i was 9 years old.

i love how you think that i still love you, when i don't.

in some twisted way you say that you love me, yet you continue to make me feel like the dirt on the bottom of your shoes. i love how you have never put 2 and 2 together to realise that the main reason why i'm always out of the house is so that i don't have to see you.

i love how dense you are. i absolutely, absolutely love how you told me my dreams are useless. i adore how you take out your anger on me, and how you never say sorry. and how you think that fat jokes are just jokes and that your insults are not hurtful.

i love how you think that with parental status, you can overwrite anything your child thinks. i love how you have taught me that the moment i become a parent, my child must do whatever i say and that i am always right, because parents set the rules. parents are gods.

you have taught me well.

-your useless trash of a daughter