i drink like a peasant, maybe i am of peasant stock,
which is nice, which makes value
the simplicities of life, oh, and i write this
while someone somewhere makes democracy real,
by evaluating the need for bureucratic complexities,
and it's oh so lovely to watch,
like i'm a seagull chic being fed regurgitated, things...
for lack of a better word,
i finally met a philosopher who engages with
the utility of grammatical words, who finally sees
categories... but, not so much a case to argue an imperative...
heidegger... once more, and thrice over!
maybe i am only slightly like him,
   although speaking a self-acquired posh-tosh accent,
coming from a catholic school, that isn't all that bad...
and to think i'm actually amused thinking
this through, given that there's no reason to state
that i need to fulfill an ought subsequently...
or... aphorisms 205 - 207...
     or what i call my work canvas-antithesis:
my vocabulary did this to me, the complete work
of jack spicer, alternatively called:
an ode to gabriel lorca -
   imagine, watching *****, where a dead poet
gets ****** by a living poet, now, also dead...
  some people go to the zoo...
just saying.
                    i have to watch my female cat take
a **** and later pick it up with a plastic bag...
she peers into me with a grimmace and a touch
of quizzical... i look back and am doubly
solipstic... and if you're uncaring: just call cats
autistic; that said, cats are perfect companions
to autistics... you sorta forget them,
sometimes you pet them, most of the time you
let them sleep...
   meows are annoying and a dog barking is
soothing... don't know how that works...
thankfully the greeks out-did the whole theology
bog argument of being trapped in a 1 + 1 = 2
logic of using words, or encoding sounds...
my my... the ancient greeks, weren't they the one
that said: you trampoline off of me...
  so thankfully we have the θιτανς
(well, that's how i imagine a greek might say it...
thigh-tans)...
yes, τιτανς...
     all that linguistic ******* of keeping a lisp,
but in this case: a clear transmorphing F sound...
sort of a signature by my way of thinking it through...
did i say the english language has no clear
syllable system? no diacritical marks,
   i never heard of dyslexia when i lived for a century
(of 8 years) in poland...
  ah crap... there was this one word i was thinking
of when i woke up today that proves
that english is a "two-faced" language...
i.e. you hear it, but then you see it differently...
what was the word?
   sight, site, cite, sigh, sire, citation, eh?
      always, always make writing conversational,
rather than anything remotely needing controversy...
fast and nimble, enso principle,
  what diacrtical marks, what diacritical marks
to use?
          ah, let's forget about it...
     **** it, let's keep it as pristine as a ****
marble statue of David somewhere in Italy...
Naples? Pisa?
but i did find that word i was thinking of with that
optical anchor leaving me bed-bound
and doubly-gravity prone to "waste" it with some
classical music...
        while figuring out why tapping my collar bone
vs. tapping my forehead gave a variation of sound,
how i tap?
          ******* tapped against the ring
finger against the protruding bone...
  doing a joke about buddha's stiff hand gesture,
that could never be translated into Braille...
  the fact that he bends his ring finger and creatres
an enclosure with hi thumb...
  that's a statement of continuity...
then you have papa middle and mama index...
the child is always the pinky... or the Chinese
one-child state policy...
this day was never going to make sense sober,
    in england you don't do sober,
unless you're really, really serious about buying
vegetables in a supermarket while
sniffing them.... a bit like angelique kerber
sniffing tennis ***** before a serve...
           some proper fetishists playing tennis
these days... i can't say i'm any better...
what with performing oral *** on a *******...
yes, to the talking donkey of her ****
and to the ropudy chimpanzee of her ****...
  yes, some people really do play a trombone
to get the music, others blow into *****
and get a vivaldi of something according to
an onomatopoeia... like looking for vowels
in hebrew...
   stretching... aching... agonising...
                                                    ­       pleased.
so, **** adam (english), walking about
the garden of eden... without a bay leaf to cover
his genitals (diacritical marks)...
it would make sense to call the existence of
the roman empire as: yesterday...
  was i wrong about the docile jews in the holocaust
and the story in the monday newspaper,
about how 850 migrants scaled a 6 metre barbwire
fence to get into europe via spain?
    the poles say two things about the jews
the germans wouldn't have said:
a. they shot with bent rifles...
b. and this one is true, wasze ulice, nasze kamienice...
which translates as: your streets, our tenements...
that's a true quote, as remembered by my grandfather,
which i'm transcribing into my work...
   that's what the pre-second world war said in
poland... your streets (i.e. you can be homeless),
but our tenements (our buildings, dogs)...
   and to think that my mother cared for two
elderly jewish ladies, to the point when they
bent over to do the eternal kip (sleep / death)...
well, as a foul mouth goes...
you read de sade and perform oral *** on a *******...
you're hardly going to speak like
you ate caviar and drank champagne at the Ritz...
are you?
well, i have ate caviar once... in St. Petersburg...
it was orange and let's just say:
you might as well drink a bit of fish sauce to get
the picture... but not the texture...
of what caviar tastes like.
orange caviar is the cheap **** russians put in
pancakes...
  and it really was revolutionary, when i ate
a pancake consisting of ham and cheese in Paris...
i never knew pancakes could be served as savory...
until... the world opened my eyes and i ate
that pancake... when Paris was what it was,
back in in the first decade of the 21st century.

erm? what?! civic nationalism,
i get... ethno-nationlism?
what has
an afro-saxon to do with the
Warsaw Uprising?!
what? zilch?! evil?! what?!
jews in Europe?
i thought i
was celebrating
the antithesis
of what the Jews said
to the Poles,
when the Nazis caame...
your streets,
our tenements...
so we're the people,
who are to be homeless?
mind you...
now i know what Amon Göth
said
about king Casimir the Great...
*******!
back to the fight over
missing brick and mortar
of the Levant desert!
and stay there!
can i just add, to allow surfacing
of Holocaust deniers?!
the, Jews...
   are... not ivory...
they're not...
         a protected species...
they have stature of a peoples...
within the celebration
of a national stature...
one song?
   garbage's - dog new tricks...
i want... the bite...
   i want to howl, bite,
froth at the mouth...
like some blinded Alsatian!
with gouged out eyes!
   i want! the charging instruction!
i want to gnash teeth,
and rabies bite into the circa
of what is, or isn't,
innocent!
i am above Jew loving...
but i'm no ****...
   i like the part where i too
get to crucify the false prophet
of Egypt...
                   if you've never
heard of the nag hammadi
library?
i can''t help you...
Kramer vs. Kramer...
   and the french toast...
dipping a slice of white toast
into egg yoke and white...
and then frying it...
with an addition of German ham
and dutch cheese...
   ******* yummy as ****!
but that's what Polish children heard
before the German came...
the Jews:
  your streets...
our tenements...
    oops...
                there's a time to boast and tame...
but not when the angry mob
of Germans protesting the treaty
of Versailles is coming...
     i'm not a Holocaust denier...
i, am?
   serves you right type of guy.
oh...
       what sort of ethnic minority
starts gagging you
with    
  your streets (wasze ulice),
    our tenements (nasze kamienice),
i like quoting my grandfather...
  (SZ = SH)...
               i'll cite my grandfather
on this memory...
your streets, our tenements
  (wasze ulice, nasze kamienice)...
    your Israel...
             our Europe!
       i'll sustain an immunity for
Catholicism...
  no matter what...
  it doesn't bother me...
sell yourself your little, post-scriptum
of the the British Empire *******
about Victoria and Abdul...
          that's your history...
you keep it...
along with the Polish pilots who joined
the RAF in the dog-fights for the battle
for Britain...
         come, come, come...
you sided with the ****-
sidekick of the grooming gangs
to call my ethnicity, vermin...
   i stopped caring...
it wasn't the easiest option...
but... why should i?
what?! every english girl is suddenly,
"somehow", a ******* Madonna?!

Lenka měla malou kapli
na dlažbě svojí ulice
Nad vlnitým baldachýnem
nebe praží do srdce

Lenka měla svoje srdce
a chodník svojí ulice
Litr krve za třicet korun
mění slzy ve vodu

Pod oltářem hmyzích stehen
víno těla, žihadel
Lenka měla malou kapli

a oči místo zrcadel

wasze ulice, nasze... kamienice...
    
boasting Jews of Poland...

Kraków "snow"
  (ashes from Auschwitz
falling on the old capital,
of human remains...
they called it:
     szaryśnieg -
                 grauschnee)...

the marching hybrid
song
         ich bin zu schuld...
   ich bin deutsche nicht
deutsche: ich bin
alles: europäisch...
  die letztemann!                

feminism according
to Leni Riefenstahl...
no women among
the Nazis?
my my... how sexist!
eine makellosfrau!
            eine schnellblond!

oh my! my!

mein mutter
still confuses

  joseph goebbels with
hermann göring -

did you know...
****** was a commoner,
but heinrich himmler
was of the noble sort?
yeah... why expect
a nobleman to exhort such
banality to re-compensate
                          the guillotine?

two decent Nazis though:
Rudolph Heß...
und...
       Erwin Rommel...

   die zwei!

  beside the two?
             curators of evil,
these h'amricans...
with their puritanical excuses...
always the army of excuses...
the Americans constitute
an army of excuses...
never an "ideology"...
but always the "excuse"...
purposive in being adamant
on the metaphor of good,
never the metaphor of evil...

      always the crux-built
fracture of foundation...

die dritte...

                  Karl Dönitz...

hamburger army...
sure... love you...
              Chinese Levi -
Bangladeshi shirts...
Kenyan hamburgers...
and you wonder why
there is an economic displacement?
my people were happier
under a Communist regime...
with an iron-works factory...
simply because...
McDonald's didn't provide
jobs for a hundred people,
but because the iron
factory provided work for
1000 people...

       war... there were always too forms
of war...
          oddly enough:
i'll find you the Nazis i admire...

       because, "oddly" enough,
there are some i admire...
   well... let's call them the trinity...

     you can't make the bargain of reverting
totalitarianism on all the ****...
the argument follows:
there were some,
who resisted...
            and i name, but three.

your turn to play the poker;

what did
amon goeth say about
the Polish king Casimir the great
welcoming Jews into Poland?
very little...
either gassed them,
or shot them doing
beside the menial tasks
of quasi-labor.

yes... the holocaust did happen...
6 million+ jews died...
as 6 million+ cows die in a
slaughterhause (schlachtenhauß)...
but who did really die
in the holocaust?
   beethoven died,
            wagner died,
         leibniz died...
            mozart... goethe...
nietzsche...
     they died...
der deutschegeist sterben!
                 and the german spirit
is not the hebrai spirit
                  what dies remains dead...
unless it's born from
a hebrews' stubborn pact of
agitating a god to continue his promise:
one divine intervention,
mythical at this point...
and then... yo-yo toying with
promises, with prophecy upon prophecy...
but never delivering, only teasing...
till the people believe themselves...
   and a load of other drunken *******...

lucky me to write this drunk,
the sober me gets to appreciate
the cricket world cup.

based on a you-tube video: milo yiannopoulos vs. hysterical feminists; 1 17 2016.

i've never hard long relationships,
the last one i had was a long long time ago,
she said: i enjoy pain -
maybe - but i did also:
i unsheathed my ***** and put on
a c-ring on my helmet:
yes, circumcision does ease
the florals of afro lips
              and you find the cut off skin
in the ******* all the more appealing
all the more necessary to fight for,
oh wait: or so you thought.
hijab blah blah: take away from man
and we're constantly in feminine mourning:
akin to Darwinism's motto:
     there's a reason for everything; everything!
and there is! that's the universal suggestion,
adapt, create a reason for such adaptation -
god in mind (without prayer and laments
at funerals or judges' commentary) -
        ha ha how about we make Poles the
scapegoats, ******?
                well: now i really feel special,
are we supposed to say: yes good lord,
aye aye sir, kiss the ******* of Brooklyn
queens?
                 but you know what's funny...
bird songs...
             birds have an aesthete -
sure, they **** me off when spring comes
and the window is open and it
starts to feel like Africa at noon (i admire
the colonial powers of England:
how did they manage all this ****** heat?!) -
i'd spend a day there and then say:
**** it, get me back to the Scandinavian
refrigerator, can't stand this, ******, heat!
look at me: piglet albino!
                some say white some say
black, some say auburn some say chocolate
some say emerald, some say copper,
  some say pink, some say piglet -
some say 'you squinting, or something?'
try: white boy does a Buddha on marijuana -
people think Buddha is ******...
****** racists...
     one Czech who travelled to Mongolia
told me a secret: the Mongolians don't like
marijuana -
                    the Czech? met him at U.C.L.,
called Jacob - oh sure, grand guy,
                     so if you suddenly interpret
Buddha as ******, get serious:
      look looky at the squint -
then on the page the cipher: renmimbi
and 100 yen -
                        tugged by a ******* yack.
****** complex but then in Latin
simplicity:
                      chow mein -
or chewed a rubber tire and hence came
locomotion: a jaw in a pickle jar,
at every cannibalistic gathering of connoisseurs;
burying my great-grandmother i was
attacked for my expression of guilt:
when the priest started his litany i started
laughing... laughing a funeral, ha!
but it's this you-tube (hyphenation does not
exist in logos - anti plural, hmm:
or to use shorthand off words, i.e. images
to convey less wording and optical adventure
on the sly: hyphen! here boy! tear these
superstitions apart: like in the medieval
period charms and spells and Merlin,
so too the Mc and the i-) -
but enough about the funeral, that video i
referenced first:
                   a throng of crows sounds more
beautiful than humanity talking over each other...
it just hit me! like a bulldozer -
      we are actually so divergent from a unifying
causality, having conquered all natural
predatory forces, that when we're actually
accountable for being collected and told to
say freely what we want, we sound so
****** disgusting - i listened to this video
until i heard that a 10 second silence was required...
        the same we give to those who passed
in war: that's the difference between Western
Europe and Eastern Europe:
the division lies with the idea of remembering:
western europe has the first world war covered,
eastern europe has the second world war covered -
hence the ****** poppy parade;
       and how could i completely integrate into
such a society? what, be fake? relinquish my
bilingual ontology and hollow out, ethnically
cleanse myself? sure, i speak the tongue:
but i treat English as rooted in all things Germanic,
given my baptismal name: Conrad - hell, what
could possibly go wrong.
          i, will, not, assimilate, into, this, *******,
culture, like, some, ******.
                end off!
it would mean: oh you're be happy here,
but forget the 8 years you spent in Poland and
developed a psyche -
i hate it when people force a soul on people
without the capacity to develop it...
  ******* freak saints with their autistic children:
if the thing in question is unresponsive
         toward developing the mere notion of a soul /
a self: why does the church implement this
****** sin against abortion? if i were an agony uncle
i'd tell the girl: think about that scene in
the film Prometheus (2012)...
       i don't get how something that can't even
create the mere idea of a soul actually have a soul...
limited instinct, sure: but a soul?
     hence Santa Clause: or where all innocent
idiots go - provided by Satan's Clause, which in
jurisprudence suggests Disney as the patriarch.
still, with so many eloquent minds about
in history and as in now,
put them together and they sound so ****** ugly:
humanity can create the abundant leaning tower
of Pisa (or let's just call it the ρoμbυs of Pisa) -
we can't recreate a congregation of sparrows' song
nor a lion's roar in a **** way: like grrr -
            what i said above?
we have the power of the atom bomb, and we
decided to champion science, but in the case of
application? we're lazy! we create these sadomasochistic
saints who never bothered to do research into
what might happen - shoot me,
       if we exclude the mere notion of god
and do as Marquis de Sade did and champion nature
(who, by the way, was actually a militant atheist)
        we can't avoid the economic barbarity of nature:
it's inherent cruelty -
                    and this is the modern curse
of outrightly censoring a certain part of human
history as if "it didn't happen".
  it did happen, no wonder i have a plot of land
near Cracow reserved for Jew snow (ashes) -
    it's almost as if to say: because the black plague
didn't happen in the region: here's the holocaust!
      and you'd think this might bring me closer
together with an Egyptian... n'ah.
       as i once said - *oni pyramidy, a my kominy
they the pyramids, we the chimneys.
            maybe the Yiddish evolved in Germany
had something against the Polish Jews?
                            maybe...
who knows...
                 civil wars are known to happen -
maybe that was a subversive version of a civil war,
given that Israel didn't exist, you could have
the Jews of Manhattan ******* at the Moscow
Jews and it all became expressed in Poland...
         they did have a saying, those Polish Jews
back when the money was there -
   nasze kamienice, wasze ulice
(our houses, your streets) -
            as my grandfather used to say:
they fought the war with the rifles bent,
shooting into the sky or into their foreheads
like any Jehovah's witness stance to war was deemed
appropriate to join the cult.
         now i can say, kinda proudly,
sure, your houses our streets -
                           nasze szubienice (our gallows):
or was the free Palestine movement slowly
dying?                  all i know that by the time
we reach 2099 - things will look drastically anti
1999 with that party culture -
      someone just decided to cut off the *******
of a great poker player - America is these days
castrato - Castrato America! Castrato America!
they blame immigration, i blame them
bribing "saint" John Paul II for ******* displacing
me...
            i lived in a city where there was
more than just football taking place: water-polo
for ****'s sake! my father played it!
             Olympic diversity: not this inbreeding
****** of sport coverage:
television, a.k.a. the box? more like a zoo cell.
             the busy market place where i was born?
just banks, no shops, just banks.
  they tell you **** on the internet isn't real:
then t.v. is desperate,
and no teenager commits suicide from a weak
grammatical membrane to invert naked words
into clothed words: red (noun) etc.
and let me add: where are the editors in this place
and are any necessary? no -
what's troubling to the west / capitalism is how
socialism has resurfaced -
          it's not called social media for nothing -
sure the model is capitalising on opinions and conversation,
but how ugly this socialism now looks;
       my grandfather? he's living in a safety net
of actually having a pension -
                   he retired more than 10 years ago,
way prior to reaching 70...
              this is Poland, the so-called "acid satellite"
states of the Soviets...
    where the **** will your old be with "sir" philip
green and the 0-hours contract?
                                                      nowhere!      
oh i would go back: had i not lived here most of
my life and built a greater capacity for the language
beyond a large majority of natives:
  oh look, here comes the Rotherham Pocahontas.

Rani jutarnji intervjui
#1 Dok grad spava uz cvrkut ptica koje niko ne osluskuje.

M: Sta za tebe znaci cvrkut ptica?

mh: Za nekog ko zivi citav zivot pored ulice, tacnije u nivou ulice, gde me od trotoara deli nekih 25-35 cm zida, a od vozila  1.5 -2 m, priguseni zvuk vozila koji se postepeno pojacava i postepeno gubi u kracim ili duzim intervalima uz onaj huk u trenutku prolaska kao i govor prolaznika, urezao se u mene i postao deo mog zivota.

Retko uhvatim sebe kako slusam te zvukove sem kada mi se neki bas nametne i to onaj ljudski u duzini jedne recenice koja moze da se izgovori prolaskom pored par metara zida. Iz te jedne recenice koja ima svoj zvuk i tematiku profil prolaznika je vrlo lako zamisliti. Ponekad mi izmame osmeh, a ponekad uznemirenost, pa i strah.

Tematika tih recenica mogla bi se podeliti u zavisnosti od doba dana kada su prolaznici aktivni. Od onih dnevnih tema najglasnije su vaspitno-obrazovne gde se dete uci kako da ne ide ni slucajno pored ivicnjaka, a od onih nocnih, najglasnije su one ljubavne gde tacno znam da u narednih sto metara sledi raskid ili strastven ***.

Ima i onih tema gde ti se smuci i gde sam u fazonu “hajde bre vise” a to su naravno komsijske, koje kad krenu znam da ce trajati bar pola sata ili u kasnim nocnim satima taxi teme, ko koga ceka i ko gde ide.

Ponekad znam da provirim kroz roletne i zateknem vrlo kreativne scene, recimo kreativno iscrtavanje kruga sto mi zene ne bismo mogle.

Vikend je predvidjen za vristanje zena koje pokusavaju da prekinu tucu pijanih iz kafica gde kako se otvaraju vrata treste narodnjaci, a ima i onih koje vole da bacaju veliko kamenje na takve kafice i onda brzim trcecim koracima prodju pored mog prozora.

mh: uh, sto meni ne idu ove duge forme

M: pa zasto ih onda koristis?

mh: Ma ne znam, dosadno mi, a i znam nekog ko voli glupe textove.

mh: Dakle, gde sam ono bese stala. A da, zasto volim cvrkut ptica.

Pa, tokom studija najvise mi je prijalo da u nocnim satima, kad se sve primiri, kad svi polegaju i saobracaj se razredi i kad se moje telo zagreje, da krenem sa radom na studentskim zadacima. Iz dana u dan ritam bi se menjao i ja bih sve kasnije i kasnije odlazila u krevet i tako sve dok nije pocelo da svice.

U tom pomeranju pocela sam da uocavam kad se sta desava na ulici i polako prestajala da gledam na sat. Djubretari bi bucno prosli u 4am a negde izmedju 4:30 - 4:45 bi nastao muk, noc bi pocela da prelazi u dan i tada bi krenulo oglasavanje ptica.

I dan danas ne znam koja ptica je u pitanju jer sa prozora se nije dalo videti ali nije, vrabac, nije golub, nije lasta, ne kresti ko vrana, svraka, nije gugutka sa svojim”dugo spiš”, ne znam, ali znam da je pesma lepa i da dolazi od nekog ko zeli da privuce paznju na sebe. I taj osecaj da priroda opstaje medju ovim betonom mi je bila bas lepa i zanimljiva jer su ptice pronasle rupu u buci i koristile taj momenat da komuniciraju daleko od usiju mnogih.

Te ptice su u stvari bas pametne i prakticne, kad stigne jesen, a one lepo na jug, tamo gde je prijatnije, a ne da se smrzavaju, budu sumorni sve do proleca kao “mi ljudi iz gradova” - Milan Mladenovic

Ptice bi oznacavale tada i pocetak tv emisije nekog kuvara koji bi parlao na spanskom onako kako to samo oni umeju i ja bih sa zamisljenim ukusom polako uranjala u san.

mh: Vreme mi je da uronim u san, zato Laku noc do sledeceg intervjua.

M: Laku noc tebi i svim citaocima

__________
#2 Iskrenost - veoma skup poklon

M: Kako tumacis ove recenice koje smo pronasli na jednom zidu, moglo bi se reci jednu pored druge?
- "Iskrenost je veoma skup poklon, ne ocekuj ga od jeftinih ljudi"
- "Nije vazno da li je skupo, nego da li se isplati"

mh: Nek odgovor ostane za neku drugu priliku.

Prosao je sajam knjiga pa bih volela da podelim sa citaocima jednu pesmu inspirisanu knjigama, zove se "Neizreceno"

NEIZRECENO

Lagano je
prelazila
prstima
preko korica
u ritmu
sto neznost
izaziva

Pogled
mi se usmerio
na pokret
na zelju
stajala je pored
primetila je
izgovorila je

Ja tako
kada mi se
svidjaju
korice

Uzvratih joj
da volim
u muzejima
preko skulptura
da predjem
dodirom
dozivim oblik
osetim teksturu

Znas li ti da je to zabranjeno?
Rece ona
ozbiljno

Tu sam zastala
a u glavi je
odzvanjalo

E jbg
kad volim
ono sto je zabranjeno

E jbg
kad volim
ono sto je zabranjeno

E jbg
vise nije bila tu
vise nije bila pored
ali je i dalje odzvanjalo

mh, Novembar 2016

M: Danas si okrenula novi list?

mh: Today is the day :D

---------------------------------------------------
#3 Koja je tvoja maska?

M: Evo posle relativno duge pauze konacno smo uhvatili mh da nam kaze par reci o tome sta se desava i zasto je nema, da li sprema nesto novo...

mh: Dobro vece svim citaocima i tebi M posebno. Evo samo par reci o tome da se priprema program naucno -obrazovnog karaktera za sledecu 2017 godinu. Bice tu dosta toga sto ce iziskivati da citaoci udju u sebe i potraze neke odgovore.
Jedna od prvih tema bice maske, kako nastaju, njihova uloga i podela.

M: Ja se posebno radujem znajuci da vec dugo radis na tome i verujem da ce sve maske pasti :)

mh: Pa eto nadam se da sam citaocima vec zagolicala mastu i da ce biti tu da isprate program koji sledi.

M: btw. Imali smo jednog citaoca iz unutrasljosti sa komentarom na pesmu "Neizreceno" kaze, u pesmi se navode "korice kao predmet svidjanja" da li to oznacava neku povrsnost ili...?

hm: ne, ne , ne cak naprotiv, sasvim suprotno, oznacava jednu otvorenost da se zaviri i pronadje nesto dublje ispod raznoraznih korica, sem knjige, postoje tu i recimo modni casopisi, ili katalozi o uredjenje enterijera... Tako da mislim da je rec sasvim na svom mestu.

M: Hvala ti mh, ne bi te vise zadrzavali. Vidimo se uskoro :)
mh: vidimo se, pozdrav svim citaocima :)



NASTAVICE SE...

a Jew (unlikely) or a Muslim (most likely) might ask me... do you believe in God... and all the Norsemen will answer... do you believe i exist?!  a happily ever-after ought to ensue. that crucifix of yours worthy of worship is nothing compared to the blood-eagle... unless he actually hanged, and the nails impaled him on his wrist-bones rather than the palms, so that if done properly, he wouldn't be able to move them.

and do you know why the holocaust happened?
monotheism once conquered the tribes
associated with Beelzebub - it ate them -
monotheism the strong-arm out of Egypt
ate up the deities of the middle-eastern tribes
when Israel descended like the 11th plague -
some would say -
but when Judaism cut Isaiah in half
and crucified Jesus and beheaded John it weakened -
the Roman never took a Jew for a slave labourer,
hence the Zealots and the Pharisee and the Sadducee
flourished - students as ascribed with their
rabbinical pimps - because the Jews would never
be enslaved to build something as spectacularly
democratic as a coliseum - for the people, by the people -
that really bugged them -
why are we given intellectual freedoms and aren't tasked
to construct a pyramid or the madness of the hanging gardens
of Babylon? something's wrong! awry indeed -
they weren't asked to build such feats -
they thought that coming from Egypt into the promised land
they might plagiarise their foot when heading north
beyond Roman authority -
their Hebraic came against Runic - they lost, given
the Holocaust - they just couldn't, couldn't
erase an ethnicity - the ᛋᛋ tribe revived -
**** me they already erased the Slavic polytheism
and the symbolic phallus with their ******* circumcision -
the ᛋᛋ tribe was revived - little shlomo only goes
north so far... beyond that he gets gas chambered -
and he does - you can practice you belittling monotheism
in that olive garden, we keep our souls less mongrel-like -
the Nordic tribalism an polytheism you will not
erase unless speaking to a sadistic German -
Islam will plagiarise you, and fail, spectacularly -
plagiarise you as in: yes, Judaism in question -
you had your ploys with eating up polytheism in tribal affairs -
imagine a non-warring polytheism (India)
or a non warring atheism (China), before news reached
the individual - the holocaust happened because you
tried to conquer the one polytheism that captured
the Germanic imagination - with runic came the Hebraic -
and one could not erase the other;
i bemoan, of course i will - i have a ****** on a crucifix
when i should be thinking of a spirit in the woodland -
it's no wonder i'd turn to the Scandinavian encoding of sounds
for a heart - the Holocaust happened because the Jews
thought they could conquer all polytheism with the phonetic
encoding erased subsequently - LATIN HEBRAI EVICTUS FALSUS,
so crucifying the son of god with kept alphabet
of the enemy and later computer programming? how strange,
you could tame the Samaritans and the Philistines together!
but ahead of Austria and Hungary the Norse fables -
the gas chambers - as once erasing the fables of Slavs,
your own cognitive ethnic cleansing -
came the *gas kammer - aren't we all indolent sheep
readied for the kosher season of slaughter? aren't we all!
nase kamienice, a wase ulice! ours the
tenement houses! yours the streets! every jew prior
to world war 2 in Poland... you want some *******
Spielberg sympathy or something? a Mitzvah cupcake
with that milkshake? oh don't worry - the Jews tried
to conquer the north once... the Muslims will
doubly fail in their ethnic cleansing... i have my Eskimo
brother telling me so - halfway bound to Mongolia, i am,
to wake up Genghis Khan.

there is nothing more abhorrent from a teenage girl binge drinking on a saturday, than a repentant alcoholic... hey, you signed up to it, you pre-planned the whole thing like w. burroughs advised (plan your addiction), there's no point feeling better about being sober again to please institutionalism of some kind, going down the anonymous route.*

in england people stress the need
for a garden, but seldom use it,
they buy a house in want of a garden
(preferably a semi-detached
to add to the heating costs),
although they do use it, perhaps once
in a while, in the summer,
as a luxury with the barbecue
as if an australian in swahililand;
god what terrible frosts this autumn,
all my vines shrivelled up and took
to being wrinkly, which meant i didn't
end up making the usual yield of 12
bottles of wine like last year.

p.s. plus london is going to the highest
bidder, some arab or rich african
family member of colonel gaddafi's
ancestry... which means a third of my
generation end up flushing money
down the drain / pocket of some landlord,
or end up living with their parents...
but as the newspaper headlines read:
CHEAP HOMES UP NORTH BUT NO JOBS,
ONLY THOSE EARNING £100,000 A YEAR
CAN AFFORD A HOME;
added to the fact that not enough houses
are being built, the best council houses
in west london go to muslim hate preachers
with seven kids and two wives;
**** up went the world... but i get the
perspective... the polish nobility sold off
the land during the three partitions of poland,
in england the nobility are just selling
bricks and carpets, and in this weird
way say the things that jews said
when they were in poland: was(z)e ulice,
nas(z)e kamienice (your streets, our stone masonry);
thank god for global warming,
i might just end up sleeping under a palm
tree should things get really serious around here.

o, chyrp i trumna, na gest! (co polak wie... żyd skargi! i  jemu ten warty holocaust! konieć! twe ulice, nasze kamienice... m'eh kości.... twe pyrh... w twe total: m'eh kości i zwane kamienice... te teraz zwane ulice, o skarge zwaną: izrael).

bardzo łatwo zabić kogoś,
                                                   tym czasem,
samym czasem jest łatwo...
                   w tych czasach tak samo....
                                           bo powód?
*nuda!
tak nudno, po protu żyć...
nie-zwykle, bo tak po prostu... żyć...
ogier i w ranek... jak niby rynek.
                                          w bieli snu
               albo w czarni targu.
                           o tym!    na rozkaz cie,
roztrzelić mamy w dal na sens: oto traf;
                adwant... w cierpliwości
nadać: w imie ojca, i syna,
                     i ducha... świętégo...
you're going to study in oxford
with that gob's worth of demands?
rozmáchá... unfold.
i'll be honest with you...
that's actually ukranian idiosyncrasy...
isn't so much a case of language
          unsaid,
            when so much of it is
      being said;
we'd like to have said, and read:
              a volume for a pressure for less;
let's say that...
   and then imagine ourselves riding
bicycles in the countryside,
rather than suggesting ourselves to prescribe
ourselves the image of ourselves
  riddled by inner-city beijing e.g.

i hate that it has come to this:

   you can't poke the joker card
of anti-semitism
ANYMORE!

    israel is a nation,
             you can't make any, ANY
anti-semitic argument
anymore!

      this idea of "discrimination"
it seized to exist with the founding
of the nation of israel...

            you can't have both
the nation of israel
  and the anti-semitism card
at the poker table...
you can't have both!

       *******! *******!
stop this semitic parasitißation
of europe!
              
either you accept the state of israel,
call it a state, when in fact you
want to call it a nation...
have it!
           have it!
   but some subscribing us to both
the state of israel,
and the idea of anti-semitism!

        there's no anti-semitism,
given that israel exists!
look, it took you 2000+ years to get
to where you are now...

          can the jews at least entertain
the "idea" of a nation?
without having to scare-monger
us back into the non-existence of israel
with this profanity that's called
"anti-semitism"...
  well, **** me... we can go back
to platz eins...

as the ancient polish proverb states:
either the fish... or the aquarium...
  
                you can't have both:
you either have israel
         or the anti-semitic card...
                      
               you simply can't have, both!

you can't!
                                 *******
kippah mongers...
               chinese noodles with
their payots...

   they forgot the idea of nation
as much as they tried revising the idea
of a synagogue...

              no! i'm not going to calm down...
you push those americana pills
down your childrens' throats!
   you calm their a.d.h.d. p.t.s.d.
   you tell them that
the nag hammadi library is the same
as the dead sea scrolls,
fine **** by me -
being crucified, but the latter?
refers to isaiah being cut in half...
      don't confuse the two...
the dead sea scrolls are an elongation
of the old testament...
the nag hammadi? a joke,
            chinese whispers via st. thomas...

but you can't claim both
anti-semitism and the state of israel!
you can't!
   that's heresy of any decent
  interaction between disparaging groups
of people!
you're not going to get away with
establishing the state of israel,
and keeping the notion
of anti-semitism at the same time!
  one will have to give way to the other!
you either embrace the state of israel
and stop ******* about anti-semitism...

jews think they're the elites...
how many nomads are there?
how about the irish nomads, i.e. the *****?
personally, i prefer calling
the scots: picts...

     the jews are the only nomads? really?!
ain't that a kick in the ***** pretentious...
what about the roma roma (gypsies)...
the jews are ******* high-brow
bona fide actors... hence they own hollywood...
great at plagiarism, ****** at talking
the origin of, said matters...

          ooh no no, the egyptians can ****
themselves twice-over...

but you can't claim an anti-semitism,
given that you have established a nation...
   you can't, have, both!
   forget it!
                      you stopped being nomads
once you've established a nation,
god given,
                   on the divine promise...
   you play that ****** poker
anti-semitic card on me, once more,
i'll swear it won't be a holocaust denial
that might bother you,
it will be a denial of your hard worked
efforts to establish the "state"(?) of israel...

you can't claim anti-semitism
   and israel at the same time...

          you ******* kippah donning bully,
that's not how the game works...
    i swear the holocaust would have
given you a chance to grow some *****,
and drop one side of the argument
   to strenghten the other,

no, either the state of israel,
   or the victim card of anti-semitism...
wasze ulice, nasze kamienice
   (your streets, our tenements)
(the old jewish saying
   before ****** gave the land
the "giggles")...

             i deny any notion of anti-semitism,
since i recognise the existence
of the "state" of israel...
  everything i say is within the law
of acknowledging the nation of israel,
and having a just rebuke
of any "anti-semitism" associated
to my freedom of expression;

    i am justified in expressing
the worth of a "state" of israel -
   as i am justified in expressing
that the established state of israel
    has lodged
   an anti-thesis
   to the vulture-mongering
  "virtue-signalling" cases
   of "examples" of "anti-semitism".

you know you're drinking,
and find yourself closed off,
with a traffic incident?
yeah....
           a van carrying pulls up...
stops at
an intersection
to curb speeding?
and the navigator of the van comes
out...
but you say:
i have this...
and then you navigate the vaan
past the barroerss?!
i was really only about to drinkk
a Bacardi breeze.....
or rather...
          with wnere this naguage
comes from...
i#m pretty sure
a Cuban afternoon...
is a million loight years away.....

let me know...
i said some ackward
slur...
       wigs becoming the bn niqabs
becominv the next
new norm..
talk about eatiug pig
and M.GM.: mle, genital,
mutilation..
  
   savvy?!

you weren't circumcised?!
you eat pork!
period!...
you haven't?!
yeah, sure,
the extra *****...
but when it comes to pork?
sorry... bno!
i can't welcome
people who have been circumcised,
but also revel in pork...
you eat pork,
but aren't circumcised?"
no!
       #foreskinforpork!
you heard me!
             #foreskinforpork!
come near me...
i *******, dare you!
             come near me!
you ******* ***!
             come near me!
i want you to come near to me!
i want it!
i want it, i am the one to dare it!
just like the ****** Jews said
to the Poles before
the Nazis invade:
nasze kamienice, wasze ulice....
you want that in English?
yes?
our tenements... your streets....
oh... pity...
i am supposed to bear the grudge
cited by  *Amon Goeth
        about King Casimir?

the *** made home of Eastern Europe?
how does it look...
when cutting into the American flag?
Monaco face down..
Poland face up...

              what a trade...
monarchical democracy...
            with a king of Sweden being
the ruler of Poland,
overcoming the Ukrainians...
         tirade, my faithful, a tirade...
                    
i can understand the missing skin...
when it dominates the exercise of
engaging with women...
   circumcision is like a ****** clause...
all the ***** in the world...
but not pork...
             your "bet", "extreme"...
*****... or pork...
             your choice...
there's an alternative monotheism...
to the origins story...

there's:
  the Hebrew male genital mutilation,
there's:
tye Islamic male & female genital
mutilation...
or?
    or?!
               there's eating pork!
fine meat, fine animal...
the most ergonomic to date!

funny the terminology...
it's not unhealthy...
aren't we dealing with  a jealous god?
didn't god become jealous
because man...
             engineered a creature
so pristine...
so ergonomically pristine...
that he had to make an
argument with both
Judaism and Islam?!

  the logic belongs to the pig...
the pig is the pristine
ergonomic animal...
    and...
we know the deity is jealous...
no wonder!
the pig made the deity jealous...
the boar was never intended
to be engineered into
the form of a pig...

the wolf was never to become a dog!
no...
i'm not outsmarting a deity...
i'm outsmarting
an orthodoxy rubric...
god emerged as...

oh ****... i never expected a wild
boar to become a domesticated animal,
that... ergonomic pig...
which man would claim to be edible,
from the extent of the snout
to the pinnacle of the curly tail,
with a missing oink...

                 because was could be
evil about pork, to begin with?
                like already stated...
the deity is jealous...
it made a boar, but man domesticated it,
and fathomed a pig...
    why do you think that
there are restrictions on pork?
  dumb dumb dumb dumb...
     the deity is jealous...
                 hence it emerged being critical
of human ingenuity...
load of boar... not a lot of pig...

               because how can you explain:
a meat...
that also comes with its own
barometer of applying salt?!

rule no. 1:
you have already compensated eating pork
by becoming circumcised...

rule no. 2:
you "think" that pork is an unholy, *****,
meat, or rather, naturally salted...
because what i find M.G.M,
and F.G.M to be insults to nature...

rule no. 3:
  pork is wrong...
just as M.G.M and F.G.M is...
sure... circumcise the male...
readied for the ***** of...
******* the kangaroo pouch of excess
woman genital skin...
like some... variant of ******...
well done...

rule no. 4:
you **** in the way you find agreeable...
i'll eat what a Chinese person gives me...
give me dog, coupled up with a pig...
it's the most pristine ergonomic animal!
you don't eat pork, sure...
but i don't eat ******* either!

rule no. 5:
whenever an Egyptian claims to be a Semite,
i.e. an Arab...
quickened-mode...
the affair of Semites is best compiled
by Mongols...
the shortest migrating excavation
that is applied as history...
known to man...
  
then of course the Huns...
  you know that these barbarians,
were the ones...
who actually invented the stirrup?
yeah... me neither... wouldn't have known!
barbarians invented the concept of
the stirrup,
which probably involves the concepts
of a ******* saddle!

curse all you want...
Jew or Muslim...
you can't eat pork...
because you've already, "eaten"
the ******* of your male's genital parts...
i eat my pork...
because...
hell...
    pretty sad....
your men can't *******...
needing to ******* against
a kangaroo pouch of female
***** skin...
                  but you can't eat pork...
because?
no! ha ha! it's not because it's
unclean meat!
mad cow disease!
angry beef!
   you can't eat pork...
because you've been circumcised!
so.... so?
*******!

i tak Polska nie wydobędzie Sienkiewicza na rój tych wart smarkań audencii co: by smarkań mość da! jeez Louise: is there a lack of bridges to make them into ghettos worth the man you just dumped?!*

- SH / SZ / CH / CZ never became Æ... clingy ****.

- you don't even comprehend how much
i hate you! sheer! is the word
  best descriptive? -

nie warta walka: bez łez.
  a tym lepi sie: śmiech:
a tym o wart(ym) człek:
          pomysleć w dłonie
   czekanie: myśl;
daj mi boże sfobode nad
życia: b mi grabić mą smerc!
ja mam naród i dziecko -
i matka: jestem, sumieniem!
o tul, o tul, kołysze...
                 Y the emptied
I...
                        czar na bill...
ja chamu zda na gawaridź!
              i am being european
frictive... sorry...
a game requiring a parsley-root:
je chemu sko!
                    gavi morde na mo!
  haczyk skubany wro!
                 skem! sput!
       szto? liter nie budjed czytaj?
patsy - ni budjed: cytatny!
      skavaree!
                a hejm i huja wart skor!
ska! Kazak i Ural i Mągol!
    co slysze? ałła -
                                 i o H w morde!
czerń, gnat i skir o grzbiet: psa!
kto: warczy: i ma tchu by:
                      wilczym brakiem:
                 dać szczak!
ha-o wtopić w moją dupe..
                   extensive....
giętkie: pravda?
                          nah nah nah nah...

                  ser gna w no
o tym co: kichać ma dać dar!
zbieg mieniem:
rady braku: brat...
                o chec...
     i no jemu Baltyk...
        sedno: raj...
                       o chec:
                 i skore zdzir!
                bym mu sprostac -
bytem o: gniew -
                   takim minia polozi -
nad Litwe: krew mi daj Ukiem!
daj mi bozy gnod -
  i warkoc hod! daj ze mi Kraine!
    i to czerpie: chod!
     tym postawie swe miem:
   o co warte skarg: Cerkwiew!
         Gzyms! bell-toll!
              rachunek zem jusz
dal... a reszta: albo politika zna
sie na czlowieku,
               albo czlowiek zna
sie na... kobiecie.
   NIE JA TEM HARANSZA!
               JA: GNIDZ!
   SZARAŃCZA!
jak jom każ ten Frikan...
   lublu liter wart slovo -
             słowik -
niech no, to żyd to przynęta:
i niech nie powi:
   nasze kamienice wasze
ulice... slovo co, co nie tak by?
nuda bracie: cierpiec
   i tez czerpać z historii -
dług: jot -
                 lullaby the
******* seal to sleep
you doughnut gangster by
                                 clapping:
last time i checked:
  the valet did sing
escorting a ***** napkin
  to be touristy "concerned"
  with a: meet-the-parents take on loo....
  doesn't blank urban slang look
just like so: well? because
i actually don't know whether
i'm speaking or speaking the current
year of London...
              which doesn't even
imply a grimmace: rather -
  a bewildered epitome of
                       stupendous: via no vs.
i want to imitate the nonsense of
making rap, music...
          scold me, fine...
              but no one will speak this language
for a need to be doctrined by:
coherently skidding on juicing
a "fascination" with blunt...
      apparently all language is
the most accessed...
         form of discourse...
                   painting is either
painted or sold...
              poetry?
                    better untouched
unread rather than commented on.

going to university was
such a waste of time,
given my social coherence classification
it was actually
an economic antagonism,
the powers at be would have preferred
me to be the muscle in factory work
rather than the brain in something
relating to chemistry,
HAPPINESS IS A SILENT MIND...
well, my mind if wholly ******* static,
how do you cure that?
eat, ****, repeat...
             repeat the eat, **** arithmetic...
seriously, going to university
was a waste of time,
it could have meant something
if i was from Poland, middle class,
relying on skiing holidays,
but it really did't matter...
not now... not ever... educating myself
just meant a ******* laughable whatever;
so... ha ha!
*jak kiedyś żyd o polaku,
tak tesz polak o polaku: wasze ulice!
nasze kamienice!
żebraj reszte! albo proś: panie
zaachwały, Alfons ******...
czekam na paszport na voyage
do Argentyny, i ziew
by oddać rytuał wedle egzemplarza śliny
Turka: kiss kiss... bo taki
jest ostateczny werdykt... ah twe
wzbogacienie, ah twe poliaka wzbogaczeczenia.

ex nihil
              in vivo
ex vivo
            in vitro
    ex vitro?
i too stare at blanks
like...
    there is nothing
to compare it with,
other than...
i only wish...
to heave a sigh of relief
for anyone who
has read anything
of ted berrigan.

i'm also to feud
the fraud of
the wants and...
diatribe, ready:
squint of
the regurgitated
slant nunce
for...
the feverished
to come
in awaiting years...
photograph...
or...
bull-whip & carry...
"mistake"...

out of nothing
came....
                   being
in "life"
   out of life
"being"
                 in glass:
i forget to heave
upon making
a summary,
of all the logical steps...
toward a desired
conclusion...

   i am...
born, and die a death
with, in tow,
a pillow...
i am supposed
to craft, romance
from a moon!

                the whiskey
sour, coke,
glass, cold in my hand...
there is no jazz,
there is no serpentine,
1950s poetics
nostalgia...
there is...
only, this alien...
allah-riddled
     ***-qua-non...
a squint in the eyes,
as if to...
elaborate
paraphrase...
               your sober
peoples have...
astouded me for
so long...
as to amount to...
nothing more...
than...
      laboring for
a false 'eart...

   i sniff an ugly whiskey
being poured...
whenever i see one...
pretending to stand: looped...
on a ****'s worth
of a martini!
    
i have employed scribes
to be allowed a
revelatory manifest...
the bare-minimum...
an inkling...
call it suspicion...
          i call it...
come the unsaid
tomorrow,
i come: as said:
                 the forlorn
today;
tomorrow?
     it can wait.

...and so many words,
without a single paragraph
left intact...
i could have sworn to be
worth something
of a Wordsworthian skim..
living so close to
the countryside...
among the outer-counties...

i grunt, i bellow...
i subsequently speak
the most eloquent
of tomorrows...
  shy off Wordsworth,
certainly not a Shakespeare...
if i were given
the law to speak...
i could speak these words...
but...
          but...
i tend to forget my allowances...
i need to see the eyes
of the storm
before i bellow my fury
at a god!

      before my words
retire to encompass
the status of a harlequinn
novel!
until then...
     i can only begin
to fathom myself
as either...
fog... nebel...
or a musikasten
                   melodie...
to allow for being...
zeitgleich zu mein herz!

this ancient feud isn't
my own...
        i will have nothing
to do with this feud!
but, alas...
it seems...
  i have already chosen
a side...
midning the phantoms
of zeppelins...
big h'america
and h'australia too...

           by the ollkontinent,
i abide,
         ich bleiben;
                       however much
contradictory this affair is...
the tetragrammaton
has left Europe...

you know what the Jews used
to say to the Poles prior
to world war II errupting?

ihre straßen,
        unser mietskasernen

(your streets...
                  our tenemants

wasze ulice...
                   nasze kamienice) -

you want to know who
gave me that line?
my grandfather...
he remembered it...

         as he remembers
asking an SS-mann for
sweets,
being given a handful,
so sweet...
he rushed home,
and rinsed his hands...

ich, willkommen,
         die jude, zuhause!

das ihr *** ist nicht mein Żyd...
jawohl?

.               ha ha... one word...
wpajać...
a word that implies
indocrination...
   ****...
who am i to
govern a labour
of loan words...
     pajac: clown...
acute c: short
and sweet,
no need to extend the matter
into a caron of
an "added"
                hidden H or Z...
naše kamienice,
  waše ulice...
(our tenements,
your streets)
the slogan,
before the jews were
robbed
prior to the
            holocaust...
world war II:
apparently,
the only people that
suffered, were, the jews...
let's just roll the time back,
and allow the right sort
of collatarel
to reply,
       to revert back...
wait,
   wait,
         just wait a little...
currently? i wondered...
when poland played austria
was i watching a home game
or an away game?
was it a warsaw crowd,
or a vienna crowd?
       sowiecki gałgan
(soviet idiot) -
sorry "lads",
this is were i turn all
deadpool om du...
                  i lost a limb
and a woman, to either some
arab sheikh, or some
h'american oligarch...
                      take you pick...
then again:
i was never going to be
made limbo with **** propaganda...
  oops or oh?
big ******* difference...
like: oh is more of a surprise
surrounding a mistake...
oops? more intentional...
last time i heard...
it was infantile
of me to read a bit of
sienkiewič...
    by the fire & the sword...
like...
i was reading something
akin to a harlequinn
novel and ****...
       history,
made into a novel...
next thing i know,
reading the current journalistic
diarrhoea...
   listening to the death of the winged
hussars by
krzesimir dębski
i'm pedro retardo the third...
because i have an elephant's
capacity to sort and assort
the faculty of memory...
  good for me, great for jazz...
i'm not part of the :western leftist"
amnesia get-together...
i have, a, past,
acquiring the english zunge
doesn't change anything...
if there's anything that it does
change...
    i'm hardly going to be part of it...

i'm awake,
it's currently 20 minutes to 3am,
some of the birds associated
with the english summer have
migrated back,
and they're squirting out
mating calls...
             i was given one opportunity
to have a freesome,
i declined...
i figured...
3 prostitutes...
   5 hours...
   **** it...
faking a death of a loved one
on my, then,
student loan bank
account overdraft limit...
   eh...
               i just started to think
about Broadmoor...
how, i'd figure out being
an artist,
  and sit out...
an ontological / zoological
upkeep,
sedated... yet somehow with
enough greens peas to
write something fathomable...
and... it would all end,
in 1930s Disneyland...

          where l.s.d. was off-limits,
and you could *******
an ego into the vacous entity
of **** of thought...
by simply watching the *******
cartoons! in black & white!

before ******-doo!
and the marvel universe...
before ******* batman,
and all that:
superhero but not superpowers
schtick!            ****!
like i wanna be faking it,
but then matthew mcconaughey
is 5'6" on the oscar altar
of public ****-talking,
and i'm watching him in
all these rom-coms and he's like:
giant me *****!
12" **** to boot!
  watch me oil up an alpha seal
before clapping its way into
a harem!
what's the difference
between a ****** and a dwarf?
don't know...
  but his middle name is,
and his full looks like:
middgy
  'matthew mcconaughey' darf...

i didn't plagiariße...
i just borrowed...
****...
from...
   shoe00head
mingling with darth-drool...
and the whole:
now that my dad's dead:
i get to milk the cow
sort of...
    "reiterating" the nostalgia.

people wanted funny!
until the jokes had to become
so complex,
as to compete with
20th century fwench absurd
literature...
and something resembling
german philosophy,
of the 20th century...
   **** me, strap-on with Locke...
you'll go far...
as far as 2001...
years later?
don't ask me...
i said very little,
                      and just watched.

LOSER BLOCK...
so i did two things my mother asked
me...
  filled out her disability application form...
cysts on her spine,
arthritis,
       injections into her spine and wrist,
hi replacement...
no, no chernobyll never happened...
walking with a cane,
aged in her early 50s...
  wrote a lovely rubric...
dug a hole,
planted a xeres cherry tree in the garden....
and then... relaxed...
        started to spot worthwhile
pedantic observations in a language:
which i "somehow" don't own,
or have claim to (by french psychology
third year student exchange programmes),
since i'm not native...
and drank... oh ****...
drank enough ms amber
to put a ******* rhino to sleep...
and?
              listened to some movie
soundtracks, avoided jazz
and punk...
              i never allowed myself
to brag about ***,
i had a chance for a *******...
declined...
     n'ah...
                 i had enough brains
to only bellow in a clarity of a transaction...
if i didn't pay for ***,
as a man,
i'd be paying for someone else...
i already know how unprotected ***
looks like...
oddly enough...
my my... aren't the prostitutes
overtly sensitive when it comes
to labouring under a scrutiny of
responsibility?
      ******* + a ******...
  that's why i don't understand the motives
of Jackie the serial Reply Guy
manifesto...
           an hour...
that's all it takes...
  but being tangled,
     faked,
    being dragged into nuance...
just schlichtlügen?
       you know... i'd rather chew on a *******
bay leaf...
   in all honesty...
i like playing responsible,
when i'm expected to play responsible...
i'll pay an extra 10 quid
on the 10 quid entry fee,
and the 110 quid per hour
if i'm going to proove
that h.i.v. is not transmitted
******...
no, not her playing cotton-candy...
me eating the oyster...
     that's ******* hilarious...
i had to visit a *******...
to clear my conscience
of, having, once upon a time,
a relationship,
that lasted roughly 6 months...
with a russian, western,
free woman of the world...
i actually had to visit a *******
to clear my conscience...
and then say:
whatever the **** i liked!
amazing...
           and then i cut off
any unfathomable desire to persist
my allowance of "using" prostitutes
to clear my conscience...
akin to the last time,
i "blamed" myself for not trimming
my *****...
which i made into an excuse for
her not touching my genitals,
which i later translated as
succumbing to merely kissing her...
with that sort of mouth,
that i kissed...
i probably ****** off a hundred
*****...
   and felt: m'eh about it...
but getting those words out of her
mouth,
was, by far, anything that
a faked onomatopoeia of "marriage"
would ever allow...
oh the german are ****** with us...
we still own Marienburg...

last time i heard:
before having a historically minded
memory hole was
deemed "infantile"
by the neu-communists in western
europe...
that, citadel?
   it wasn't constructed from red bricks...
ghostly grey / white bricks...
what?
        Marienburg...
now... the suspect opinion...
is the expansion of Islam akin
to the black plague...
resembled akin...
for the sole reason that...
us, Polacks,
experienced the same fate of
the "arabs"...
how we entertained the flow
of the crusades?

  wow! revelation!
discovering h'america in a can of
sardines!
or Einstien: in an acronym...
akin to mine...
M(atthew) C(onrad)...
   eh... like i'd tell you anything more
beyond the first letter of
my surname E(
              **** it)
                                     (schlert)

then again...
   why do people dox?
       99% of such interactions
ever end with said people,
sharing a meal,
or a drink,
or hand-jobs while taking
a shower together...
so...
                 i'll still leave this canvas
with an unrepentant fetish
for the german language...
english? complete...
now i have to further my interests
into the buffer-zone
of origins.

squirt (title): pompoms scream (body) - to bypass the 502 Error Gateway...

second shift at Craven Cottage, the Fulham stadium...
well **** me...
i was in luck! Tony, this ex-military supervisor
asked me straight up: you want to do pitch-side?
do i?! the first shift i did was walking around
the park outside the venue, meeting & greeting incoming
fans... but to be allocated a more responsible role?!
you cannot believe how refreshing work has become:
you cannot believe how refreshing tiredness from
work has also become...
i don't know how it happened, but...
ARBEIT MACHT FREI is... ringing high and loud...
perhaps that slogan over a concentration camp
was always a bad joke...
i can't imagine that the Germans thought all the Hebrews
were lazy, not diligent workers...
even my grandfather remembers Hebrews in Poland
selling matchsticks and getting rich,
after all, what was that pre-war saying the Hebrews
had when putting down Polacks?
ah... wasze ulice, nasze kamienice...
your streets, our tenements...
maybe the Germans thought that a lot of Hebrews were
studying in the Yeshiva? nothing practical for society,
or that all Hebrews were somehow rabbis...
whatever it was... well a slogan above the entrance
to a concentration camp: where in a concentration
camp you'd perform a parody of work,
e.g. move one sack of rocks from one end of the camp
to another, to later move it back...
it's not like concentration camps were... munition factories...
a German bad joke...
but if, like me, you spent your 20s and early 30s
working in patches... the odd week on a construction site
doing some roofing, the odd month...
but mostly concentrating on writing...
and now this, steward at a football match...
some rigour re-imbued, some strategy,
some responsibility... i can't press the matter further...
sure, i'm not a football player, i'm not a film actor,
i'm not even the head safety officer in the ground...
i only put on some identifying clothes...
an accreditation badge and a uniform...
what did i get? people asking me questions as to where
to go, if they were sat in the correct seat...
for a man to feel useless, to be without authority:
that's horrible, writing poo'ems would never give me
that...
a compliment from a supervisor when i pointed
out that a woman was drinking wine in view
of a football pitch: which is illegal...
'nicely spotted'... after he approached her and asked
her to finish her wine from view of the pitch...
at the end of the match three boys came up to me
and asked me whether they could
pinch a piece of the pitch...
i let them... how their faces illuminated the place:
it was so dear to them: i couldn't just not let them
(mind you, they only pinched a piece of the astro-turf
lining the actual grass pitch, they didn't hear
that they were pinching fake grass...
let me leave them happy, after all...
i was providing a service)...

prior to leaving for Putney Bridge from Newbury Park
(first getting two buses there,
oh, i'd say a good decent 2 hour trip,
i've started to fall in love with commuting)...
one quick hot dog, with a Turkish toppish
of squeezed onions, parsley,
white wine vinegar, salt, sugar, gochugaru chilli flakes
& some sumac - well... squeezing the onions
releases their juices, making them less bitter:
actually sweet...
i only came back to Romford on the 86 bus
having arrived by train from Stratford
to Goodmayes - it's still zone 4...
all buses are zones one to four... Romford being
in zone six (if using a train or the tube)...
a two piece chicken meal with fries & a coca cola
zero... gulped down at approx. 12:20...
then... the most glorious cigarette to add smokiness
to the digestion...

starting work, proper, in your mid-30s...
while your 20s were spent unravelling a psychotic breakdown,
borderline schizophrenia:
that wouldn't fly, my supposed "schizophrenia"
dissolved when the element of bilingualism came in...
why should i only "hear voices" in English...
when i didn't hear them in ******?
the illness made no sense...
it didn't tap into my bilingualism...
why?! i read up a lot on this topic,
from Julian Jaynes, Jung, Richard Bentall,
R. D. Laing... no mention of schizophrenia coming up
against bilingualism...
misdiagnosis?!
i was never going to be merely a ******* victim...

now i see the bigger picture, music always helps...
the overseer - glass + unbreakable soundtrack,
James Howard's theme...
sure, the bonus of being pitch-side was also being
able to watch the match...
making new friends... well... colleagues...
i talked with Danny about our interests...
his was crypto-currency mine was music & cycling...
he used to cycle: until he hit a tree...
blah blah... time flies when you're talking...

oh such a little role of heroism on my part...
just minding people...
all this life truly requires is these little roles of heroism,
of responsibility...

i was at university, dated... i worked as a sub-contracting
roofer on construction sites...
i'm sorry to say this...
no relationship with a woman comes close...
to the amount of satisfaction received from
having a role that's more than a mere job you get paid for...
being responsible for the safety of others is...
probably somewhere in the hierarchy of where
the status of teacher is placed...
yet not with the current affairs of pedagogy:
of indoctrinating younglings into ideology:
whatever it's called these days...
intersectional *******, anti-racism, critical race theory...
teach them ******* English: the language,
teach them geography, chemistry, history,
don't turn them into spineless zombies
where they resort to a "rebellion" of succumbing
to football fanaticism...

me & Danny concluded: he "supports" Arsenal,
i "support" West Ham... but, "support": not really...
i just love the sport itself... i wouldn't be found a mile away
from the nearest crowd of avid club chanters...

my god, how refreshing to be in a position of authority,
even if it involves being at the bottom
of the hierarchy, being merely a pawn...
i can pull it off though... a welcoming yet intimidating look...
6ft2, 98kg... two jackets clad...
arms folded in front of me, arms folded at my back...
calm, collected... smiling... observant...
perhaps relationships with women were great...
they filled that void i was fed by literature prior
to my engagement with the opposite ***...
did i leave these relationships disillusioned?
of course!

   would i ever return to them? my heart is a stone...
mein herz ist ein kleinstein...
it has stopped bothering me, it bothers me less & less...
i'm not built for love, for romance,
that's why i don't want to write about it,
or even think about it...
i imagine that should a scenario present itself...
i'd be loved: but i wouldn't be able to love...
i'd merely... insinuate... i'd be on the receiving end
whilst doing the utmost minimal to
reciprocate... i'd be a cold-hearted *******...
oh... the mushy-colt aged 21 is long gone...
thank god...
could i love again? intimacy i can get with
a ******* in a brothel and not think twice
that a girl outside the profession of prostitution might
not give me an *******: again: is there something
wrong with me? why can a ******* give me
an ******* while some random girl picked up
in a bar, can't?!

i prefer talking to strangers than i ever preffered
talking to established friends...
it's not high-school anymore... there's no more
high-school banter... come to think of it...
the formality and the clear lines one cannot trespass
when conversing with strangers / colleagues...
come to think of it:
i'd tend to tell strangers more than the people
i was friends with... taboos enter the dynamics of friendships...
you can't tell of your innermost woes to friends,
after all... with friends you're supposed
to have a good time! no?

**** that... with strangers, with my shadow...
i burned down the bridges of my friendships a long time ago...
now i walk in the realm of Hades...
and i'm all the happier for it...
there were four major attachments in my life...
i lost one in the past year: my grandfather...
under circumstances that are, to be frank... rather horrid...
and... now that over a year has passed...
i feel... no... not relieved... i feel: RE-LEASED...
from some sort of heartbreak *******...

it's coming up to a quarter to 3am...
i have a shift this Sunday at the Wembley Stadiun
for the women's FA final,
my supervisor told me as i left Craven Cottage
that there was a good chance i'd get a chance to work
indoors... **** yes...
plenty of children to burn my eyes out:
not mine, not mine, thank god for that...
i don't need to be a father to them...
what a release from some bogus obligation that
in life you have to procreate...
hell... others can do that for me... i can just stand watch
and observe how...
this be the verse, Philip Larkin...
little chance of failure, or disappointment...
the Pontius Pilate approach...

it's a quarter to 3am and i just finished my shift,
my feet are somewhat sore, somewhat chilly,
who would have thought
that standing in one place, or two places
could be so exhausting: i'd rather walk a length of
a marathon than stand on duty...
the air outside looks like... a glass of water
with someone having splashed a dollop of milk into it...
it's so... murky, so... ambivalent...
so literally foggy...

no, not me... i was once the great romantic...
after being injected with the three musceteers,
with Stendhal's the scarlet & black...
i'm the one now saying:
work is better than an intimate relationship with
a woman... moi?! pour putain de l'intention
(is that, for ****'s sake?)
i'm trying to word with with spite...
i'my trying, i'm trying... no... no good...
on the way back some girls eyeing me up...
i try to think of the guys not being eyed up...
invisible creatures...
i hope i'm not much to look at either...
but can a woman do more for me than work?
i don't think so...
i'm such a fan of this hierarchic dynamic,
a work ethic, professionalism...
i don't think i could give myself up, on a whim...
my life can leave traces of fulfillment i generate myself:
this writing... well... it's obviously not Tolstoy...
just a product of these times...
i'll settle for that...
i'll also settle for being merely any overseer in a football
stadium than a rock-star, or actor:
never mind being a heart-surgeon...

but me, the once great romantic...
reduced to a function that mere guarantees him
a pawn status... the microcosm of overseeing
a football match: it is merely a microcosm...
in the grand scheme of things:
a newly found focus... returning with gladness to:
i am small... i'm a unit...
i am insignificant... writing creatively can rob you
of this perspective... infuse you with a sickly
megalomania...
it's best to return, to reality, to people...
away from the high-brow insecurities of an ivory
tower... it's so... refreshing...
after all, no Hamlet here, no Auld Lang Syne...

no... and all the better for it...
maybe it was a bad joke that the Germans posted on
the entrance of concentration camps:
it was... if concentration camps became
munition factories... but sieving sand:
in order to sieve more sand... to perform
Sisyphus tasks... while also exterminating the potential
workers? why not think of it as essentially failing:
when the essentiality of existence was lost?

but... translated, outside of the context
of a concentration camp? arbeit macht freit?
work set's you free... i can forget about my shortcomings...
my shortcomings are replaced with responsibilities...
i can forget about elaborating this tongue to my idiosyncrasy
and focus on formal communication...
i can live parallel lives...
i can have two lives...

as i have a prowess to wield of two tongues...
i can also... wield two lives....
and i don't even need to have a wife, to have children...
i can pass off being some loner since,
i hold a relationship with myself that grounds me
differently to others: others who are exposed
to their solitude, those who do not write,
who do not add form to their being,
who refuse to experience themselves with depth...
who switch off after their swift rather than switch on...

oh, these people are apparent... chamaleon me...
i turn into a right extrovert when a situation imposes itself
on me... yet writing is not a clear aspect of extroversion...
writing is an introvert's project...
yet how these two (aspects) are consolidated has
become... rather: a revelation to me...
i never put it into practice, mind you...
now that i have...

should all the final connections of significance die
and i'll be left alone...
just give me a "lesser" creature to bother me...
perhaps a dog... but more likely a cat...
i like the cats' take on placebo solipsism...

père corbeau...

   me, disavowing the chance of romance with a woman
over a desire to fulfill the role of steward,
sure, while i do my idiot writing on the side...
"idiot": it's never going to reach Fifty Shades of Grey
traction... then again:
i don't think i'll ever write something that exhausts me,
disappoints me... i'll just write what's made available...
what i want... come whoever may wish to come...
and a nice filter to boot... this will never be spoken
in either audio or a video format...
why bother unwanted attention,
made all the more accessible via audio or video?

what's it called? camaraderie? a select number of people
don't want something being spoilt,
by the intrusion of a greater number of people?
a loss of familiarity?
it's life... a phase of transition...
we're only taking a few people with us...
within the framework of memory, of a shared experience...
it's very much unlike a football match...
a football match consists of 11 players...
either side of the opposing teams...
the staff involved with the teams...
the stewards at the venue... blah blah blah...
very much unlike writing...

walk the moon - shut up & dance with me....
that sort of colt is not coming back....
even all those regretfully looking girls coming out of
clubs in Romford, stumbling, obviously not being
able to handle their drink...
oh, that guy is not coming back...
once upon a time taking a ******* a date to
the Tate Modern for an Edward Hopper exhibition,
then to the cinema to see a movie, Troy,
then some sushi... sending her off on the train
with my then friend messaging me
she said she felt butterflies in her stomach...
said "friend" later, years later, sending her a phallus-"selfie"...
ah.. RE-AH-LI-TY everyone's worse nightmare...
any psychotic's bread-and-butter...
so engrossed in it it would be impossible
to simply vacate it, leave it...
come the marriage with death... only then...

servus! neugefundenmann!
oh... hallo mich!

mein gott!
trinken im der nacht: im der kalt, kalt
fingerbetäubung winter nacht:
was freude! was genuss!

hier mit mein: liebe der lieben!
Fräulein Bernstein -
       mich, ihr Herr Schnurrhaare...

that's the thing about choosing the right
of suitor... i went out looking for
Athena... i went out looking for Sophia...

all of sudden... they jump from one body
to the next... it's not reincarnation
and it's not incarnation...
it's an archetype modality that i put forth
onto each woman...
what is my return? perhaps the odd old
lady that's curious to me...
wisdom, from an older woman?
i would be a stranger, she wouldn't give it to me,
i trust old men to do that...

Athena and Sophia teach... from a woman's youth...
now... if i were looking for Odin...
if i were looking for Hades...
i'd be looking toward old men...

all of course just an amusement park for my
thinking & looking at an entire stand
of people in a football stadium...
i shopped for "souls" in those eyes & faces
transfixed by something so trivial
that it could only be:
22 ballerinas kicking a ball about...

a game of tennis usually employs a football
team of judges... if you were to add
the ball boys / girls...
a game of 7 rectangles...
no wonder it's not a popular game for
the public to engage with...

oh, the old gods of the fabled Europe...
did they suffer the same fate as
the Semitic gods that the Hebrew deity...
quiet simply ate? like the fate
of Beelzebub, poor sod...
no, i think they just went out of fashion...
as if Odin sent his son Thor (you sure it wasn't
Loki... playing that trick of turning
water into wine, resurrecting poor Lazarus...
send me back! send me back! he screamed)
to conquer the European gods...

i think they just went out of "fashion":
before there was even a concept of: fashion...
before donning animal furs etc.
of the old gods: sure... the Scandinavian
& the Greek ones survived: miraculously...

i have no qualms with the Hebrew god...
it's genius! it has no form... it's purely a god
of the script... a bit like... Thoth...
hmm... theta omicron theta or... FOF...
i could spice it up a little...
given: (ph)ilosophy-O-(th)ought...

Thoph or Photh?
                                 i'm liking this....
it's ideally compatible: the Hebrew deity with
language itself... what with the Hebrews
hiding their vowels like some Europeans
employ diacritical marks...
a caron "hovering" over an S can hide either
a H or a Zed... "magic"!

the suffering sun, tortured on the cross...
what a great banner to march up north!
subdue the pagans... but... no... don't invite them...
scare away their old gods
keep the people at the distance...
howling, chattering obsenities,
gnashing their teeth... when the narrative was
swallowed...
sooner or later everyone looses track of
a narrative of any kind... myth becomes fiction
while... people are bonding over...
journalistic crowd control mechanisms...
fear, scare mongering... miss-information...

let's begin afresh...
for me, the New Testament very much resembles
the book of Genesis...
a Judeo-Greco conspiracy manifesto against
the Roman Empire...
i guess the Greeks despised the Romans
for plagiarising their gods &... since they lost
their vigour, their vitality:
they couldn't believe that reinventing the old
gods could bring such refreshing mana
to a people with no prior knowledge...

what the Romans accomplished by turning
Zeus into Jupiter...
the New Testament is equivalent to the book of Genesis
(insert debate) -
the garden of Gethsemane...
Mt. Golgotha... a book... riddled... with...
metaphor, imagery...
no... oh no... you're not getting off that likely:
you're not cutting corners...
i'm not even going to bother myself
with the Book of Revelation as the Exodus part
of this story...
if you really think i'm going to settle for
the sort of Exodus "you're" talking about...
we ******* via genocide & what not?
you have to remember...
we're talking... circa 2000 years of a Hebrew
exodus from Palestine to... so far north
as to mingle with the deutschemensch &
subsequently conjure up: yiddish!

managing to undermine the Roman empire was
one thing... but thinking that the northern
barbarians could be accommodating...
sure... some were... the Polacks were benevolent...
king Casimir welcomed the Hebs who would
later become Yids to Poland...
prior to world war II kicking off...
the Juices used to brag (as recalled by my
grandfather): wasze ulice, nasze kamienice...
your streets... our tenement buildings...
basically insinuating:
you can be homeless if you'd like...

i like the idea of the Hebrew god... why?
Juices are masochists...
they feel a need to be punished by their deity...
hell... the Holocaust happened...
at least they know when they're doing
something wrong...
the Holocaust happened & what?!
no divine intervention?!

i also like the idea of...
a... ahem:

      wohlwollendschutzstaffelmann...

a benevolent SS-man, basically...
i drink, i'll start speaking German, why not?
i'll drink, get drunk, start speaking German
& even if it kills me... will be listening to some
Roy Orbison! Roy! you're the man!
all the plebs can have their Elvis... you're the man Roy'oh!

why... wohlwollendschutzstaffelmann?
well... borrowed from my "late" grandfather...
memories from world war two...
the Russians? colts... fresh from Siberia
or what other *******...
slept in barns with the animals...
rugged smelly... Russians, you know...
but... the Nazis, stationed in my hometown...
home... town-of-birth...
London is my home...

from someone's who dead memory:
i still love how he said the following with
very poor punctuation,
he said it like a German might... compounded
i.e. herrbittebonbon:
herr! bitte bon-bon!
       & the schwarzbekleidet SS-mann would give
him sweets, bon-bon... he would run back home
& put his hands that were stuck together
by the sweets under  running tap of water:
to unglue them... ergo?

die wohlwollendschutzstaffelmann...
i think i look the part...
if i look the part: that' enough... optics is king...
just look the part, no matter whether you fill
the specified role... lucky for me, as a steward
i get to do a little bit extra & engage with
the public...
i have to, i, simply have to:
meditate on a frightening excitment..
how, i put that into practice is... my private
******* deal, savvy?

- guess what, i'm happy people taking up
the classics, it almost feels like the good
old days when...
books like...
were printed in 1967 for people studying
for their O-levels (ordinary level)
of the G.S.E. before... G.C.S.E. *******
came in and standards were dropped...
so... basically people circa 16 years old learning...
Cicero... in Latin... no... not in English...
in mother-******* Latin...
books like? the alpha classics...
the thought of Cicero...
selection edited by S. J. Wilson
(G. Bell & Sons)...
general editor? a Mr. R. C. Carrington, M. A.,
D. Phil., headmaster of St. Olave's School...

sample (why not?)
wait wait, imagine my delight... back then...
an S. J. Wilson would rather put
the title B. A. after this name...
than a Mr. at the front... trans-****** "issues"?!
almost subscript: senior classical master,
Methodist College, Belfast...
sure... sure... have to be doubly sure whether
or not the ******* Irish are literate...
let's check if they still speak Gaelic
like the Welsh speak Velsh...
no? oh... then like the Scots...
capitulated to the English and just retained
their ****** accents...
Scot's a sing-along-because-it's-a-****-up-Friday
and Hibernian are playing Harts...
or some other load of *******...

some people seem to WANT to become extinct...
& the English... the people who conjured
up Darwin and Darwinism...
i'm thinking... these people... espouse...
half-wit ****** Darwinism...
the Dodo project people...
Christian "compassion" (suicide) sort of got in
the way of... the cruel, sane, objectivity
of the origins of Darwinism...
well... is that a sort of... "oops", moment?!
if Darwinism was discovered under
the cloak of Islam... ha... ah: ha ha ha ha ha!
brown people breaking the backs of brown
people...
camel jockeys taking charge of Bangladeshi bodies...
but... no... i will not feed the narrative as
as a reactionary...

sample: unlike Cicero's Roman Gentleman...
shunning physical labour... me? i adore it...
arbeit macht frei... even if it's merely standing...
minding the crowd... sure... i'd rather cycle for 40 miles
than stand in one place for 4 hours
looking out for some elder perhaps having a stroke
or a heart-attack... my feet are killing me...
after a long period of exercise i feel, sort of, relaxed...
oddly enough: doing something for which you
are being paid: drags you down into Mammon's pit
of suffering... compare that to cycling out of
your own volition... wow... 40 miles is like a breeze...
you feel it, you don't feel it, you feel it...
you don't feel it...

iam de artificiis et quaestibus, qui liberales habendi,
qui sordidi sint, haec fere accepimus.
beginning with... ending with:
omnium autem rerum, ex quibus aliquid acquiritur,
nihil est agri cultura melius, nihil dulcius,
nihil uberius, nihil homine libero dignius...

that last line... i think i can conjure a translation
on a *****-nilly... nothing human dignifying liberty...
loosely...
if Cicero were to be reborn...
comparing the supposed slavery of physical
labour...
to... non-physical labour... whereby there are
two options... getting fat... or...
having to get on the ol' hamster wheel at the gym?
who the ****'s loosing out, &, more precisely,
on what?!

personally... i'd rather be tired from physical labour
& enjoy my free time... than...
do "work" that's all pickled-brain & juice
"inspiring" extension... to then have to...
"enjoy"... exercise! ha ha! the conundrum!
shouldn't those treadmills & exercise bikes be...
producing electricity, rather than, wasting it?
shouldn't people exercising generate energy?
they're not doing anything useful to begin with...
shouldn't they jump on the queue and generate
battery life? wait... what?!
physical labour is frowned upon...
from the time of Cicero...
get fat?! you need a crane-"lift", mate... ahem...
beached whale beauties!

**** me, at least i managed to walk off / cycle off
20kg, down from 120kg to... fluctuations
of 96kg through to 98kg...

haven't the people picked up the classics, though?
last time i heard there was some:
DO
to perform... a virus spoke & people started to
enlarge their... spoof presence to:
DELTA-OMICRON!
oh look... people are relearning the Greek alphabet,
guess William Wallace's uncle is back...
if we're really lucky... we'll get an Omega
"variant"...

coming back to the Hebrew... deity...
what's Y? a DEL implosion...
what's DEL? the up-side-down delta... nabla...
so why is it, "omicron" when the delta variant
could be be called nabla?
oh... right... not many people know about...
said "X"...
what's that? (ch)AOS or (ch)eat or... lo(ch)?

that's what i love about the Hebrew deity...
it's a soul-eater... minor deity eater...
poor Beelzebub... from a minor god of the Canaanites...
to a demon...
a bit like...
the archangel Michael... reduced to...
St. Michael... so much for the suffering at
Golgotha... Jesus / Loki...
oh pity me, pity me...
in the background... Santa Clause was waiting for
someone to inact the: Satan's Claus...

look at it, the tetragrammaton:
Y... the imploded ∇ (del), what happens
when ∇ (del) intertwines with delta?
you get... the star of David...
see... it works perfectly inthe Latin script...
H... one is a surd...
the other... a source for laughter...
what would the mensch do...
without... the Hebrews' definite article?
probably not laugh... i.e. why HA HA
and not... MA MA? or GA GA?!
well... rugby works on goal posts being
H shaped, anyway... so: we're good to go...

ah... W... W is a ref. to trigonometry...
cosine starts from 1 down to 0... through to -1
and then wave? no?
M... starts (sine) starts at zero... up to 1...
back to zero then to -1... wave...
we're talking about a Hebrew god...
it's not like Odin became... the ha-shem's *****...
he sort of... fell out of vogue...

ha ha... Loki oh, hey! hey "Zeus"! ******* ******...
at least i had enough of a ***** bank in me
to not play the narrative of a ******:
and actually **** a *****!
ooh... not comfy... is that supposed to be:
my sort of variation of a, "problem"?
i'mt not even going to bother myself with
the hard-core h'american believers...
that ship, that ship has ******* sailed...
wave, bye-bye... pretend it's the ******* Titanic...
o.k.?

circa 2000 years later, there should be a book...
allowing for the congestion of history
of the Hebrew people moving north...
trusting the barbarians...
it was an exodus 2.0... take it, or leave it...
culminating...
yeah... i "forgot" to tell you...
these people wouldn't be constructing a pyramid...
actually laburing for the construct of
someone's vanity...
there would be a brick... this brick... you'd move to
some random place... place it there... pick it up...
then move it back to its place of origin...
a sadistically ingenious joke... if you ask me...
but no, not building of pyramids...
necrophilia: directly...
nothing... metaphorical...

what other, nuance of the words, among the English?
terms like, orthography,
without an application
of diacritical markers?! what, are,
your, *******, islander, intellectuals, are, on?
Dickensian prose?!
*****... don't be coming from Devonshire...
or anywhere Bristol, slandering Essex...
******* westernlandfotzen!

in the meantime:
let the dolls play with their toys...
lassen die puppen spielen mit ihr spielzeuge!

i have enough time to wait...
fingers like spiders...
space...
       like cobwebs.....

do you even know,
what an oczopląs
looks like?
it implies the person
you're looking at,
appears with
a "double"...
      oczopląs:
                augengewirr...
m­acaron(i)..
here's to reviving
a pride in
the das boot mantra
of the chorlied....
me, drinking...
   hallo!
die rheinrotunde...
    durch der deutsche
ich bin gezüchtet...
jetzt jetzt! nacht!
  viel, schnell!
        hier!
                         jetzt! schnell!
erleichtertvonjude,
mein stichwort!
oczopląs...
i'm seeing double...
         literally...
eyes are tangled up,
spaghetti...
near-miss
                    Mussolini...
     ­       die haus von ßaß                  
                          in Polen...

vaše ulice:
   naše kamienice...

the jews prior to
the second world war...
your streets:
our tenement buildings;

i guess the treaty of Versailles
translates itself into
a transcendent variation
of, the minded,
history;

   evidently i'm still the drunk,
and that's the part
where i begin to recite
seeing, "double"...
   big **** up,
bid day-double...
      eyes-tangled...
never quiet equipped
to serving up
giving excuses...
                     i guess: oh, oops.

as fast paced as: not necessarily rhyming -
which is all that rap is...
talk quickly and mishap -
i take another refill:
arrogant sloth borrows me once more:
it must be something to
be born in westminster:
i tend to visions of the countryside...
i'll cover 10 miles in under 3 hours
and sweat to the point
where my tip of my trousers
at the belt height are drenched...
it's all about pacing and writing
to some music:
or better still... i start talking...
and the music comes in...
i'm still not rhyming nor detailing
any event of "poet"
as being "europe": a funnel for
squeezing in some ottomans
or some mongols...
the hordes of huns and germanic-
prior:
rubbing a history like it's
aladdin's lamp: there i'm also
rubbing a lamb with some
oil salt and rosemary...
perhaps i have an anemic language...
forever this pangs of
shortcomings:
to a reply:
        well what if i had to be
less of a beheading:
literally talking - lyrical...
not this encryptic: ego-cipher
bilingual "muddle":
as ever i forage for eyes and not
the ears...
i'm slow pacing:
she's over there gun glazing
and reshaping cotton into copper
into easily agitated listening:
a democracy of being left behind...
heaps of scraps:
whether metal or charon ligaments
and sinew...
i write nothing to elevate hearing:
sometimes i will burden myself
with technicalities
my own name is a technicality
of nouns under the hubric of:
tetragrammaton / ha-shem
         for some people...
  will i invoke the caron S
            or merely... delve into more
bilingual nightmares for
the tongue to endure...
seems i have my niche: prospect of
interest:
once more it's not about
the people it's about
grammatical technicalities...
and... you... really can't rap about
that sort of crap...
it must require leisure:
eyes crying or eyes bleeding...
and time beyond: beyond time of my
allowance for anything
to achieve a stature of: ripeness...
such that: in the immediacy of
composition: it's necessarily
mediocre - it's just agitating enough
to know it exists without
it being agitating enough
to be given a phonetic palette of
gurgling: rumble-rumble-oh...
a tongue that trills the R but can also
mimic the numbing tarantula bit R of
Woah-don... all Lone Escapee
not literally: the river that professes
a tide but not bulging at the seams
of a monsoon seasons...
it flows in... it flows out...
it's murky greyish matted zenith for
the eye to peer at...
            again: what's lost this
conversation was never started...
                all these nuances of "jealousy"
and of... limp-**** echo jolting...
it's forever a team-up
of shaking hands with my shadow...
perhaps from fear of "impotence" - aside, aside...
now this really is  relish:
a solipsistic exhibitionism model -
but at the same time:
skim reading into beauty:
that there is: always in traffic of...
let me allow this grand word an outlet:
democracy like in school
when we were told:
it's better to draw a straight line
with three coordinates...
       "just to make sure"...
          i see straights line all the time...
it only takes... from A through
to a B...
unless: the copernican veil:
it always has to become
so grand and devoid at the beginning
then so humble and hollow self
and minding the numbers
for: but reinviting the old
geocentric model for:
our drama of huddling by a fireplace...
orate me this...
i can't reach this focus group
attentiveness for entertaining crowds...
not this writing perhaps
escapes into fiction: but all that friction
i'm back... armed with an x-ray
of words and an oyster for
where the brain is supposedly at work...

- hyphenated new entry: supposedly
either verse of paragraph...
it's a telling sign that i've come to abhor
that i write... juxtapositions any
new tenures of the supposed unexpected...
it's still this inverted "claustrophobia"
of "verbiage":
now bounce... bounce *******
for the suffix -phobia...
to groove into details of:
how best to walk...

    for all the exotic details of
a well composed night... in that all of them
are detailed with people awaiting
hindering... talk of people and people
the gross misjudged inconvenience
of "individual"...

if i don't borrow some cyrillic
or some greek i'll become head from
a guillotine utilised as
canon fodder...
that's me... head limbo tongue
squiggling worm-esque:
now that language has an image
i can't talk briefly: i can't rap
and conjure fudge details
for the membrane...

i write as quickly as the eye deciphers
what can be: limitless
in literacy...
given... the priestly caste kept me
from this, apart, for so long...
i can... wait a little... borrow some blues...
but then by 34 years old
i'm this disgruntled stereotypical
loath... mein zunge ist nein neu...
i'm parrot-phrasing some:
Horace... conversation overtones:
because i hardly think it's necessary
to ingest a tongue through the ears...
sometimes it might require
an eye...

i start drinking i demand of myself:
to forget to blink...
and then... as that happens...
i hardly expect to find my own voice
trapped in giving democracy
for: flowers or bricks or ****-soiled
mattresses my own: echo... prince...
it's so impossible to:
an-ti-thesis...
                ff...           ff: thrist for...
                alTHough...

            V's up a welsh longbow man victory
salute... i look at the corner of
my room... it spells out a geometry of
Y...
         i look at a serpent's tongue...
Y slithers into my tongue...
i curse the sound of J...
in english...            it's beside a dryness
excvated...

now i feel inclined to be
the most workaholic...
the best performing plumber...
i want to be a daily post-office cue:
"anon" walking marathons to no end...
since the day:
the day that paper had to reach
for a route of the horses:
how they are still kept...
to saddle... but hardly... to be exploited
to work...

they... just... graze...
equestrian... in the english "freely available":
i've walked the routes where horses
****...
lucky for me... i have yet someone
arrived at a speeding porsche scenario...
to own... a horse...
but to never... sit in one...
at a gallop...

poland has cheaper details concerning
renting out horses...
and... for all the awe-sigh-pondering...
one would expect...
being able to... saddle up a horse
for prizing a gallop...
two heels digging into the torso
for a "gear change" bravado...

as it stands:
i'll go to either hungary of the czech republic
to take care of dentistry...
then i'll go horse riding in poland...
too little of me investing
in... yachts...
         then again... yachts...
or pedigree dogs... proper...
rottweilers or alsatians...
                and such legs as i have
to walk either genus...
        
not in england... though... these
animals
have been grazing long enough
you'd start thinking...
what if... we... re-painted all
those battle canvases...
with men having mounted...
bulls...
what if we replaced
all those horses
with the charge of men
adoring bulls...
and took to eating more horse-meat
than... these poor castrato beef
hulks...
what if?
it's only impossibly: what if... isn't it?

- such that i delude myself with
my antagonist...
the ferocity of youth and health...
that i cling to shadow like
i might cling to blinking...
prior to old age i am...
walking around a choice of trees...
i tend to burden myself
with birches...
on the continent... furthest east
before you encounter russia:
you can find patches of forest
reserved for birches solely!
not in england... "though"...

well... so much of my life is but
a memory that...
so much of it has to invoke
patterns of debilitating stressors
in the vein of: exaggeration...

which is not... but since so much
is the same:
to the point where... even a *******
in a brothel would have to remark:
'but... you haven't changed!'
i read that as her giving ear to...
a kierkegaard's the changelessness of god...
for that matter: most assured...
a stone is... a mountain a sea...
a river... a man can also...
change very little...
but then again: what are the habits
of mountains...
what makes us... stale impersonators
of a supposedly exciting: yesterday...
last autumn?

i like the idea of being undisrupted:
a mimic a replica...
no clone will ever touch this
crimson lent caricature should
shame dethrone my brows...

they might just... drop off...
it can almost be deemed agitating that
i remain as constant as:
an inanimate object...
prostitutes should know...
you haven't changed...
unchanging is hardly an impasse...
being thus is...

yes... it's enough to pet animals
in order to doubly appreciate
the patience that's required from releasing
oneself from being a music *****...
as to how i became...
the benevolent misanthrope and
not... this... overtly-protectful:
scheming philantrophe...
beats me...

             i supposedly signatured my
presence to a gynocentric / heliocentric...
world order... or a patriarchy / geocentric world...
muddle spaghetti toasted figs monster...
blah blah return...

i am a misanthrope...
but at least i'm not a meddling philanthropist...
quote: mickey microsoft yates
"might have said":
by the time the second wave hits...
they might know... etc etc.

quote me on god:
i intejectd once... big mistake...
i had to satisfy myself with...
let them settled their own battles...
i will not take sides...
they engaged themselves
with crafting the pyramids...
they can escape concentration camps...
it's not like they will be alone
in the endeavour... it's not like
other people will not hear their plight...
the end...

how does this supposed "god" work...
the genius sadistic ingenuity of
the demiurge: new atheism citations
of parasites...
that wriggle into the eyes
of lambs...
        god is not a c.c.t.v.: please put
your chewing gum into a designated bin!
do not! spit! your chewing gum!
onto the pavement!

this is the vain attempt to convert
atheists?!
hyper-escalating
the already hyper-escalated
omni- litany?
  what of pause for death?
can't death be given a romance
and an angelic personification...
it has to be so ******* sterile?!
so... ha ha! alias... "godless"?

the stone becomes godless because...
the cat starts to fiddle with its
tongue for the prospect of reclaiming
genitals: by a smear of a tongue:
and that's why i kosher! chicken protein
pulp used in... a kentucky fried
wings: pigs don't fry:
sort of a spectacle...

             minus one "point": *******
to that...
they start decapitating french history teachers
who are presumably arsonists...
the 'acking ****- has a quest
to re-noun the dire straits
of telling me:
what the concept of reconquista
implores! let alone... implies!

we have achieved a fever pitch
with what book burning provided...
at a time time and a whine
when the monotheistic gods
don't have enough to **** or therefore
enough to settle for...
**** on some sand and let's call it
glue and a sand-castle:
**** it... let's call it...
a kettle of boiling water...

you heave this monstrosity of certain affairs...
you heave this... diatribe of
diabolical quests...
you become this figment
of invested life...
this crease wording...
that has to be met with ironing:

this antagonist hebrew motto
prior to: how their pride...

nasze kamienice: wasze ulice...
our tenements: your streets...
this is how the jews spoke
in ******-land... prior to their great
expulsion:
as most people do when
they talk with a wounding of their pride...
i still acknowledge the testimony
of the hebrews:
god-fearing folk are not...
their-god celebratory allahu akbar esque:
shorthand for...
if you were... circumcised upon
salvaging an inconvenience of marriage:
as to how...
Kant made the bachelor rite
a status juncture... for... right...

i don't own a porsche...
   it's not status symbol: it's not a klup necessary...
but if i owned a horse...
i'd know how to gallop with it...
break a neck etc.

this will not make it for the
egravious, larger, audience?
oh.. sorrow woo for you too...
paid for... mr / mrs. netflix
queening and boisterous king-ish...
no?
  then... pay for your own
******* bread... let me conjure up
mine!
critique for what's freely available is
a bit like:
terming in ******* when it rains
and you're not equipped with
an umbrella...
because... it has to be necessarily:
raining over saint tropez...

****** wriggling await...
for a hand-job cold fingertips
sort of gimmick...
****** of sorts...

i suppose there might have been
an audience... but... the again...
supposing there was never a supposed 'un...
i proposition: i...
i heave a conjunction: thought...
i don't allow myself an
immediacy of "reliving the past":
most immediately...
with: think or thinking...
i brush up on all over
the moral nuances...

and... hey presto!
                      a body of work... of wording...
best left completely ignored...
ergo... moi... or a germanic upper
tier variation: m'eh...
here's to!
how tulips dare to resound
in... keel-y-anyah.
i've never been...
but i'm betting
the lithuanians and the ukrainians
will give me... auxiliary / sputnik...
tabloid press hive mind-set
preemptive details to:
concern myself over / with...

here's to finger-crossing goo!

irksome as i watch you: labouring under the weight
of sacrilege of your own choosing:
that none shall bow before a grave image:
you: your toil upon the crucifix:
a late arrival on the Altar of Moloch:
the slaughter of Innocents before Herod's cravings...
you! crux: death-head and the chimney sweep
of affairs of Auschwitz!
mind you... that's what you get when you
convert barbarians of the north
into gentiles of some mythical: supposed south!
Jew or Hebrew... at least the Muslim man
kept his distance:
NASZE KAMIENICE: WASZSE ULICE:
our tenements: your streets...
that's the motto the Jews in Poland arrived
at, prior to the second world war...
burn *******, burn!
i'm starting to dislike the Hebrews:
i think i'm going to align myself with the Arabs...
why? dunno... why wouldn't you?
Jews are unruly folk...
you throw pearls before their feet...
it won't matter: copper! coin! copper!
coin!
           a ******* insolent lot... no wonder:
chosen by (a) god... Lucifer qua Prometheus...
globalism...
         i was never questioned about
being an anti-Semite:
Arab or Hebrew: both are ******* Semites...
the Goths and the Vandals were: Semites...
what the **** is everyone even on about?
i need to try that drug... i need it!
i want as much ******* of delusional
thinking as these people are on!
give me! give me! give give give give me!

i'm just tired of hearing this same old *******!
Holocaust this Holocaust that...
and why do you, "think"?
you are crude lot of people:
why did God "choose" you?
yeah: like "he" had a "choice":
he only chose you because he thought:
of ****: these insolent lot!
the same goes for circumcision and pork...
god: creator: perfect creature of
genius abundance: creates the PIG...
then... who said?

says: oh... wait wait... that's terrible!
i made an oops with the pork!
what?! still can't fathom the idiocy of man:
the genius of man i can fathom,
i have a stomach... but the idiocy of man?
no chance...
i'm talking to ******* earthworms
and tapeworms...
that's what i just said: ******* Semites:
sheep can survive in rocky cliffs...
PIGS, NEED, MUD...
it's not **** you ******* imbecile SEMITE...
you ******* COUSIN-******!

so in this "almighty's" creation of perfection:
the sole imperfection is pork / pig?!
seriously?! no wonder you women don
the niqab: with your ******* blitzkireg mode
of thinking: they better do!
***** are not a problem?
tapeworms are not a problem?
rats?! hmm! no problem?
just pork? you, *******, IMBECILES!
YOU ******* RETARDS!

a ******* mollusk has more brains than you
******* TWISTED ***** OF SPAZ...
no... seriously! SERIOUSLY!
these people are allocated the prophecy
of Herr Spastic Fantastic!
they ought to be MINCED!
i don't need these people for either
company... or... work... what else?
would i eat with these people?
nope! i'd sooner eat them than eat with them...
what?!

******* AIRHEADS... lost souls:
disembodied bodies:
too much cousin-*******! for, ****'s sake!
to hell with keeping this world alive...
this world was hostile towards me:
i'll be hostile towards it...
it said: *******...
i'll reply: ******* too...
then... oh then... the pang in my chest...
i think i just felt a heart in my chest...
i did...
it doesn't matter...
it's only a pebble: there's a mountain to look
after... or at:

i used to love the Hebrews once upon a time:
times change: they built up a falsifying Dementia
confusing Polacks with Germans and Russians...
******* with you: to the Arabs cess-pit you:
yo-yo: go!
as much as i love the Qabbalah:
i hate the the Hebrews...

why? they're a proud people that: shouldn't
be so proud: "chosen": yeah: for slavery:
for slaughter!
air-heads... it goes back to
when Abraham's concubines founded
Islam... didn't she run 7 times backwards
and forwards between two mountains?
the mother of Isaac...

unlike you Semites: us Gentiles erase our
history: i guess: it's because of the cold
and the night...
there's nothing worth remembering
if it's not alive... breathing...
savvy?! SEMITES... roaming fools that only
roamed in the PINEAPPLE regions
of the world: didn't make it so far north,
have they?
******* circumcised "bald" barons!...

they are BALD: more ***** than *****!
any circumcised man is a **** to me...
he's not a ****... he's a ******* ****!

i suppose there are variations of this name...
some cite it as of: Turkic origin...
   i'm not going to agree or disagree...

evidently the insertion of the second surd H
was of my own scrutiny...
although it's not necessary...
i don't suppose the first surd H is necessary
either... given that i've employed
a macron on top of the vowel
to make emphasis of elongation...
which the surd H also stresses:

instead of kaa... either way:
a double emphasis...
like... writing something in: italics
after a colon...
the colon is an emphasis as is the italics...
"misnomer"...

... and some ****** ska-punk
with KULT's - brooklyńska rada żydów...
like any ****** might make summary
of: Oh... they left?
what happened to that old saying of theirs
that my grandfather recounted
to me once...
of the 'ebrews living in Poland...

wasze ulice, nasze kamienice...
your streets... our tenements...
i don't suppose...

anyways... enough of that...
no wonder... i'm no duracell bunny...
i can't just get a hard-on
in a company of two...
it's different when i'm completely:
unabashed... solo...
today i checked myself...
not much to look at...
cleavage, some thighs... hair... lips...
hands...
six times i spotted myself
with a proper wedding tackle...
six times i stopped myself from
*******...
so... this thing's on?
it's working...

now i see the bigger... funnier picture...
a few night ago...
after a... draught... "season":
i'm starting to suspect those 3 years
are actually 4 years without being
intimate with a women...

a dysfunction of the *******...
i'm not going to pop some ******* pill...
it's like push-ups...
or the trick the mind plays when
you're cycling up a hill and feed into
those thoughts of giving up...

perhaps i just wasn't that much into her?
perhaps she wasn't that much into me...
upon entering the brothel
she was sitting alone...
the matriarch said there would be more
available in about 20 minutes...
she was sitting alone...
i figured... if this isn't going to be a slap
in the face...
i don't know what will...

i like 'em... older... cougar-esque...
with a full-blossom of hips... stomach...
****... *** and **** like a royals-royce rather than
a sporty Lamborghini...
skin like... well worn leather...
nothing too: cherished and un-tested
akin to a ******...

for an hour i tried...
worked for about ten minutes...
but was i crippled with a sense of shame that would
turn me into a Jack ol' Ripper with
thoughts on revenge...
she was pretty... all that's pretty about
the Romanian countryside...
fake lashes... extravagant nails...
i caressed her... we exchanged some words:

ochi (romanian)... aha... oczy (******):
eyes... lips... ears... eyebrows...
i bit her tenderly to test the waters...
pinched her... suckled a while...
while my hands were already all octopus below
her threshold...
i ****** at my fingers and tested whether she was
aroused...
hell: i've missed most times than i could ever:
****'s sake... all that *****
and the point of insertion is always below
what i'm "expecting"...

but i drank too much...
better be all the more nervous and only 50ml of
whiskey in than... 300ml of whiskey
and having issues with the ******* tool...
literally...
hell... i would be willing to put on a strap-on
***** but... seeing how she was not in the mood:
and i found myself: not in the mood either...

eh... what could be bad with some kissing...
some caressing some hugging some...
if i were really going for some
Trojan cohort ****-buddy: forget me not
egoism...
i'd have them lined up, wouldn't i?
3 / 4 years without touching someone
so intimately...
i call that the ice-breaker date in the brothel...

mind you... i cleaned up after myself:
i insisted...
i took that welcome shower prior...
and as we walked out... i sat down...
cornered...
now there were three of them and the matriarch
sitting in the waiting room...

hmm...i suppose: UN-like talking to three
girls in a nightclub...
talking to three prostitutes in a brothel...
some "things" become... obvious...
i have something they want...
they have something i want...
who's going to date? no... one...

me talking casually with three prostitutes
in a brothel would be...
unlike that ****** funfair of three girls
in a nightclub...
the cards are laid on the table...
you either take it... or don't...

recently i've been listening to some "mano-sphere"
******* and i'm just like...
no... i can't listen to this...
get over it... stop talking about it...
turn your focus onto something else...
me... i just drank too much
and... she wasn't my type...
but she was sitting all alone and if i waited
with her for those 20 minutes before
the one that's my type walked in...

just some tenderness...
i don't mind paying for that...
at least there won't be any free nagging and *******...
ha! obviously!

- and as we walked out from a room of
improper deeds
there sat... Khāda... there was that immediate
connection: she: all leather...
like an armchair in reverse...
it's so terrible to stress sexuality among
the English:
why do i have to be that...
perverted... congested... ****-lord...
this...                  oh-it's-naughty borderline
gimmick... i don't like the concept of ***
among these natives...

but there she sat... this implosion
of an armchair...
glorious in her skin as leather...
she said she was Turkic... i figured...
honey... you belong further east down
the silk road: you are teasing the Raj...
all the more for me to like...

as she started to tease me with her *******
in her hands...
i told her: i'll be coming for seconds
for you... believe me...
she liked me... she even wanted to have a listen
to what music i was listening to:

wardruna's helvegen...
she asked me for my name...
matthew...           wha? she asked...
matti... mateo... mathias... mateusz...
second name... conrad...
two good names to have...
so i asked what her's was...
up came  Khāda...
but of course i had to...
   write it down on a tissue for her to read...

what a bulging plush of womanhood...
everything i want to be in love with...
older than me... plump...
something i can fix my pincers on:
creasing some more of the already established:
mandible parts...
well worn... skin like leather...

as i departed with 3 glasses of delay...
her friend joked at me being a gentleman for kissing
her hand upon parting...
Khāda i kissed on the hand and cheek...
while this Romanian girl lodged between them
i kissed on the forehead...

you can't not love women...
even if they are prostitutes...
   i can't listen to men stress the need for the purity of
women...
i've listened... i've come back with
stomach pains...
now a test... i'll drink less
and worry: even less...
about... what's that word...
  that word... exposure... no...
upkeeping... no...
stamina... almost...
         PERFORMANCE!

never you mind that i pull my ******* back
to give imitation to the most pristine
representation of the phallus....
among women who....
will not don a niqab etc.?
               for a compensation?
no problem:
i'll just just sheave and practice jerking off...
oh... this time...
i better not drink...

Khāda seems like a woman that's all that's
fun and i don't want a limp-biscuit-of-a-****
to worry her...
she seemed into me and i was... most certainly
into her...

the moment i forget having to desecrate
virgins... and lean in into some
flesh... is the moment i can pardon myself
with: life... and a scrutiny of relexation...
this impasse of sub-par...
performance will not discourage me...
i'm already planning a second date
of stomach crunches of: suckling up to
a phlegm-and-sick being ushered out
from this same gob...

3 / 4 years of "procrastinating":
from a... vector... akin to hunger...
akin to shelter...
when i need a ****... i need a ****...
sorry me for not hitting the mark
with an ******* and a fully-working
hard-on...

oh but this *****...
   she's right up there in me desire to dream...
since i hardly dream...
i can see her as this antithesis of *******:
although i've limited to looking at stuff
deviating from any possible ***** envy...
all the curves... hell... anything that might be sculptered
by Rodin...

i'll just go to the brothel...
nervous as a lobster... sober, though... and therefore
perform my little litany of:
piston at the ready...
juiced up oyster second best...

oh that "thought": what if i don't...
well then... i won't be... glamour-****-egoism
to mind... further conquests...
i hardly imagine christ on the crucifix
with a hard-on...
so i'll imagine myself being crucified
when attempting to be intimate
with a *******: for the giggles...

i'm not going to drop the pill... i'll continue to rephrase
the sentiment: i was either too drunk
or wasn't in the mood...
or she wasn't on my palette!
but this one... and since she was so engaging...
god... a volume of a woman...
everything requiring a leather analogy...
makes one think about *******
an elephant standing on a ladder...
but not an obese beached-whale type...
just this: completeness of woman...
that most certainly hasn't focused itself
on breeding offspring...

plush... harness proof...
come the barrage of the sea...
or the tide within the confines of a river summary:
this woman...
like she was... almost... edible...
of course she was edible:
but i'm teasing in halves...
she's still a movie creature...

here's be celebrating sobering up...
i'll pretend to ******* six times
on the thighs...
once on the cleavage...
before i take my turn...
on what her sigma will ****-up...

as i will not... listen to men bemoaning their...
adventures in Darwinism...
you can only hear so much of it...
after a while you just...
unconsciously gamble with what's on offer...
fair enough: protecting the younglings
while protecting your whittle harem...
i don't mind women that feel like...
their skin is leather...
and their body posturing is an imploded
armchair...
i also much admire the ancient Roman
liberalism concerning...
fostering...
the ancient Romans... the most noble...
of the highest hierarchical certainty of preservation...
em... they...

fostered offspring?
******* son of a ******* uncle: i'll father you...
said some Augustus...
what's being focused on?
the... ******* IDEA...
i have no concern for biological reality:
i have, concern for... the cognitive disparity that runs
counter to... whatever nature unconscious dictates!

the problem men have with
the promiscuity of women...
me? i just went to the prostitutes...
let's have it done and dusted...
i'm not here to argue...

my god that blush... of this Turkish...
gloat of a wheat loaf... and...
          amylase of the nibbled on *******...
all her sponge of buttocks...
her turn-tilde of hips...
             she's not edible but i... just... want...
to... eat: her!

i don't know how these self-help gurus with their videos... managed to... infest my self-d.j. prospects on youtube... oh... wait... youtube was gearing up for creating paid-subscription to compete with spotify... no wonder the algorithm went hell-wire... it stopped behaving like a thesaurus might... there were no new... alternatives... unless of course... some of us remember the need to buy a KERRANG! or a MOJO magazine to find out about... the lesser know... "neglected" artists on the music scene... you thought the music scene was bad... poetry is even worse! - but no... all these self-help gurus: it's like the hell i was told to inhabit for not buying any of their literature... i'll listen... eagerly... but will i take any advice? it's not a rhetorical suspense coupled with "probably": it's an outright negation: no...

take this example... some self-help guru: perhaps a gym bro or... whatever...
starts reading an article akin to:
'we live in a time where lust is glamourized and (true) love is made out to be shameful and boring...'
hence the brackets... is truth more of a noun...
or merely an adjective...
true-love... compounded...
no... that's conflated...
it's boring to tell the truth...
and that's also coupling with the alias: boring...
no... telling the truth is ineffectual...
lies are: weaving strands...
truth is: gravity...
                        people who don't escape into
reading or writing fiction prefer to tell lies...
what about my statuary rights
as a person concerned with...
the guarantee of a product...
i heard that the manufacturer provides...
a one year guarantee on the bicycle tyres...
but the seller steps in...
defending the manufacturer...
not the buyer... moi...
the manufacturer will be forced to answer:
i'm just left with a "smug":
oh... we're replace your tube: inflate it...
we won't charge you for it...
but we've seen worse tyres...
what... the ****?
and this world is atheistically: enough?!
if you're a rhetorician...
this world isn't enough:
this world is the least of all possible worlds!
it's a ******* primer!
that some god almighty... whether
he be demanded the ******* camel-jockeys
to take a critique of pork seriously:
pork as leather as shoe:
or belt...
  now we're talking...

- aside... what about the nobility of swans?
they are... noble... those creatures...
aren't they?
no talk of a duck harem imitating chimps...
the swans are noble because there's
a concept of a widow / widower swan...
how such animals pair...
without thumbs to stress
the posit of hammer or a... ******* igloo!

of the past two hours i've been "debating" with myself
the agony of a Tosca ****: opera in three parts:
freeing a ****...
a quasi-constipation:
not exactly high-and-mighty:
instagram me drinking champagne on a yacht
in Monte Carlo...
to-and-fro... first sitting the magnum opus...
second sitting... third...
Cheerio shrapnel...
fool you fool me... who's the fool all the better?
absolutely tortured by a ****...
at one point:
my **** started yawning some acid...
i treated it with some mint-caress fluid
of a tendering wipe...

the story goes...
the nobility of swans... coupling...
better me... not coupled to fakery:
i will not listen to the advice presented:
it's entertainment alone:
there's nothing practical about it...

- it's hard to find a meaning of life:
if, that's all there's to it:
meaning, counter: momentum alternative:
will... who cares about it being "FWEE"
at this point: a binding contract that
defaces death as a waiting game:
it's hard to find a meaning in life
when you only arrive at the crumbs:
by the end of the day that stretches
into the night...
if it's not come the genesis of day:
the zenith...
these meagre words come the 2am slot:
the nadir... are as "important" as they are...
hardly impotent: more... crazed raw
akin to the croaking of the crow
or the laughter of a fox...
because... in England... there are no wolves
to awoooooooooo!
we are best left to what remains...
bark-my-finicky-dance-of-moon-finicky:
clock tick-tock...
speak to me of wonderous cre-ah-tures...
akin to Walruses....
many fanged and -  sabertooth tiger
didn't take it up with the seas?!
here's a moustache to prove:
a family of mice living well inside of it...
like a bunch of Hebrews come
the expulsions of the people
from their Tenements...

the old maxim:
our people and the tenements...
your people: and the streets!
wasze ulice... nasze kamienice!

i might be the first to thirst bemoaning
the: export of the Jewry from Europe...
if i were anyhow Russian:
i'd be almost intact...
thank **** i'm not Russian:
but i'm certainly not glad
for the import of the gladly summarising
ladies of... she imposed an African
import of living ******...
i forget about anger about this point:
of cutting the mustard...
i'm more interested in horseradish
to begin with...
i have a maine **** with bramble seeds
and as i bite into his fur to get them
out; entertainment for the whole
worth of night...

perhaps the repenting drunk is more
monstrous than
the unrepenting one...
no... the repenting drunk is more
monstrous than the unrepenting drunk...
if the latter is still...
killing flies and the former is
making confessions to sore thumb...
                          
    currently they are laying new tarmac
outside my house...
    it is nearing midnight and they might
be finished come 5am...
    it's so real
that there's no need for painters...
or... it's so "surreal" that the scene
can be translated in my mind as...
the same men... manning a U-boat in
world war II...

a massive road paver...
   like a dinosaur / whale...
   and skidding road rollers
  of finishing details...
                shovels... bright lights...
a sedating volcanic scent...
a romance of:
        not working in an office...
therefore not needing to invest
in hamster-wheel fetishes of a gym...

but i'm not out there... i'm...
      Homer was also a man... Dante...
was also a man...
               Horace...
                what is gender dysphoria...
in the context of:
a man writes the divine comedy...
a man is... laying a road...
   well so much for writing these words...
and hoping to not feel
a ghost pair of ******* from
being castrated...
           as a man's man...
        or as... a woman's man or...
              the other the it the lobotomy oops...
by comparison
each muscle in my body is by now
a mollusk or an oyster...
   my phallus is in a pickle jar...
my **** is screaming: vough-vah!
pretending there's a titillating L
in there somewhere...
          but i am all for playing
this cascade of "piano"...

     mrs. america starring cate blanchett...
2nd wave feminism...
i guess the 1st (wave) invokes
the suffragettes -
                     yes... since the women
the vote: there haven't been any wars...
well... no heroic wars...
no pride ownership wars...
just collateral this... collateral that...
    but work as such...
            beside the harsh grit...
this... aesthetic ******* in between...

no man of a disposition such as i
should write words to paper...
it doesn't help the digestion of oats or rye bread...
hardly a boast of 6ft1 115kg
   and... hunched over this doodle...
that i wish my fingers were dancing
in my mind...
this softcore presence of life...
hardly a feature of:
    how bone can mingle with stone
and wood... how the muscle can be strained
and worn into a tearing...

but a poet is less than a tailor...
          grumpy fool... dealing with the feminine...
i detest having the sort of youth
that had me inspect philosophy...
by now: it's very unreasonable to have to...
it's not like being literate is
anything spectacular...
          
          to have replaced playing the guitar
with stroking my beard...
  is also a premeditation on the nostalgia
for shaving...
         impossible this scrutiny of
psychology... perhaps at best being:
riddled by letters...

i try to fathom the concept of masculinity
in the guise of the alchemist...
or the astrologist...
    but it's somehow impossible...
too impossible to quake at the prospect
of the masculine plethora of experience:

that i could... somehow...
make my body a potential...
                  and leave it as only a potential...
that there's this grey bureaucratic murk
of: that's enough...
  or... that's the constipated zenith
of all that was ever necessary...

  when there was a time of economic marxism:
i.e. there never was...
but to fend off this 20th century ghost
of a marxism: culturally speaking...
it's impossible to begin...
from the french revolution...
       from the russian revolution...
notably: because of the serf-emancipation...
prized african bulls...
while the sorry sods with
siberia in their subconscious...
prized african bulls:
                 slavery and genocide...
            because it's not like...
                   it's not like...
                        that's a paralysing dichotomy
of concepts...
          a people enslaved are not...
   a people made subject to genocide...
                       slavery is not negation...
                   the current grievance list of arguments
is so impossible to stomach...
       i find no sympathy in my heart...
between being kept alive... sought out
essential morbid crosses of exploit...
   but then... to be teased with life...
                     to be teased with any sought-after...
an african bull is... a lanky leek of a sorrow
of a pupil at a yeshiva school...
             it would be "easier" to run a marathon...
than read a nugget of hegel's oeuvre...
                    the phenomenology...

the viking culture: to be treated as wholly
masculine... had... a respect for the poetic...
no poetry when all is a half-baking
of journalistic integrity...
                 how the vikings loved poets...
by now: all are solo projects...
all is a democracy of solipsism...

     i could come around full circle: bilingual
"schizoid": de facto contradiction - squared...
                    this language is hardly recitation
material... where is the rhyme?!
                  it's not supposed to be ice-skating...
sharpening a knife...
           language complicates itself...
         should i wish to simplify it...
                i could if i didn't allow it to press
forward with automated purposes -
mind its own master...
  somehow comparable to a knee-**** reaction...

otherwise: to do something as convenient
for the tax-consciousness of the overt-wordly...
as to acquire skin drafts of roughage
from kneeling: stub spectacular
circus cameo: endless this constipated
barrage of words...

             like an imitation of colour:
that grey is a shared hue
of having invested in a plop of genesis:
either black or white...
               that there are enough
adjectives to hide a noun...
and that nouns behave like layers...
           and how one noun can't conflate
another noun...
           and how almost all concerns
for misnomers are adjective prone examples...

is that vinyl can be compared
to rock liquorice?
like cookie crumble is the *******...
wild exaggeration of ******...
         nothing is agreed upon...
           all is being riddled with a juggling
act... notably a sway to invite...
a "critique" of: the cure's siamese twins...
or: a short-term effect...

in Istanbul / Constantinople the old
world powers congregated...
talked and resolved their griefs with yawns...
the forest people of the north
made demands for the saharan bicycle
only-boys club...
                       the Hagia Sophia
was reminded of blood: brick by brick...
       the forest people had enough
timber for solving the toothpick conundrum...
while the camel jockeys served
a privy for... time encapsulated
with the usage of sand...
  and a riddle of a trickle...
                   because the mosquitos
required the advent of moisture...
and either hot... or cold...
the camel driver disinfectant managing
tool...

           it's a worded painting:
a word salad... or the very most debilitating
first concern...
last served...
                            hues of revised red and
purple... accents of colours...
demanding over-reach of what could
otherwise stage a solid proof of
geometry...

                     diptych spec-ocular...
                        a chicken drumstick not
riddled with angry teeth...
                     some disused nouns...
   otherwise the remains of prepositions /
conjunctions instilled with
an in-vogue presentability...
                          how does a word
beside itself to become out of fashion...
yet retain... it's etymological grant?

my dear sir / madam evans...
            no cute cue toward... being employed
by kew gardens...
   since! the house is in disarray...
                   best kept secret... a bone tomahawk...
a cave... some cannibals...
a whole litany of secrets...
that make... creepy-crawly talk
a foundation for: a butter extraction
from... jerking off milk...

more hollow than hallow jerusalem -
some said: build low...
others said...
give 'em the playground...
high tier raise and tow:
wasze ulice... nasze kamienice -
your streets... our tenements...
   the notable jews of poland...

there's a prestige at the nibble...
governing the prized palette fetish...
nearing the bones...
it's not enough to just... gorge with
a mouthful at the mere protein...
it is... mere... protein...
somehow butchered twice...
once at the actual butchers...
second when it was being cooked...
a meatloaf extravaganza...
       an amputee tossing giggles...

excruciating return-to narrative offers...
          because picking cotton was
not unlike... a potato harvest...
or coal-mining: leave that to the irish...
or the ****** slav enclave...
unreasonable spectacle of nostalgia...
a u.f.o. meteor replica
of awe...
             given... there's a propaganda
leisure concerning:
all are presumed innocent...
     of those that can do no wrong...

a very anglophile creation...
      if one were to speak french in africa...
one wouldn't want to claim
a return to the native talk...
    why... if i were not ******...
if i had to be made weary...
subsequently to be negated in such
a way as to... inquire... what prior
to... given a "hypothetical" lesson
in either german or russian...
                      of my "own" people...
                                  such that this is
written in english...
                it's not the english of a currency
of protest...
         it's not... hitchhiking...
it's not stealing the narrative...
it's... i want the narrative of a clerk...
                     in my mind i want:
ławka to remain... a bench...

         but in the realm of english-speaking...
french is somewhat: m'eh...
spanish is contested...
german is ignored or simply reviled...
arabic and mandarin have to
be acknowledged...
  the remains? either negated outright...
or beside a concept of concern
via "being" neglected...
there's only the riddle of gaelic or welsh...
if one were to find a locality
within the confines of english:
and a geography and a fake of
the cross-continental diaspora...

i only write in english because...
   there's a comforting concept of irish...
a sort of hebrew synonym parallel
contending with the egyptian hieroglyphs...
cocktail of:
it's hardly a contest...
to have to heave...
a borrowing...
                   of having attained...
         a status of: being conquered by ancient
rome...
   most notably the english...
who spell a latin letter by lettter...
unlike....
      the fwench: who applied some adventure
in the detail of: a diacritical marker...
  the S i.e. kedilla...
     or the iberian folk... blah blah blah...
borderline... where rome didn't arrive by
sword... the greek arrived at with quill...
but that's still... contested territory...
this "central" and "eastern" ESTONIA /
LITHUANIA...
       and the borrowed tribes of mongol / mongrel
polacks of... silesia is
the new sardinia /                  sicily...

otherwise to partake in the ****
of assurances of those born into
a "*******" to mere speaking english
this leash like not other...
and some muzzle...

a gargantua of the not displaced...
failed city adventure
economics...
              i have to bestow
an agony of jealous worship for
a people: beside a concern for the individual
as having the nomad bestowed
upon them...

this ideal crux of a welcome day...
and this abiding by a synchronicity
exhaustion of the night with
the ideal of minding sleep...
towing my inability to fake...
dream-world architecture...

                       to be made necessary...
beside a concern for "love"...
to have enough of a worldly affair as
any man should even perhaps ought:
to begin a prospect of an aching
breath with...
                
          what a daydream!
           what! anyman's tittle and...
that there will never be...
a myriad of a reasoning with doubt;
choicest...
my once prized peacock: doubt...
a sacrificed fixation on sharpening
a discard of loitering emotions...

    now this outright:
              having to compete
with the forever unnecessary...
a walking abortion...
                         glide over gimmick...
and... forever towing that
best kept inhibition, spectacular.

O what a welcome happy hangover:
could be drawn, hung and quartered
and i believe anything as durable as this
hangover could make
this world a pretty place and petty too:
like a whisper in my head:
well i clearly couldn't give a **** even
if: but i'm simultaneously constipated
and wondering:
how will i get my scent into this Taylor
Swift t-shirt before sending it
to Edie on Kauai -

             how sudden to reflect-reflexively
the mirage of ***
and wants and needs of so many people:
bumping between cliches and
sometimes: in language: nothing spectacular
happens and i can't be
just another with a Shakespearean hard-on /
crutch...
        to have to cite Homer too would
be: a hollow cause for envy...

hollow: caustic...

took to two cups of coffee and almost
four with a cigarette head-spin:
literally: my eyes popped out of my head
while the guillotine smiled
and my head rolled into lust and clouds...
headache without a head
too little i thought
with just enough: i am...

         names popping up with the vengence
of weeds...
Roger McGough:
           i too was influenced by the Beatniks
for a while: but then i grew out and up
toward heavier influences...
         some stand alone sod ***:
should i show symptoms of dementia
(as this is my genetic curse
borrowing from my maternal side)...
i'll be the one ingesting magic mushrooms
to spike my nervous system with
flare acid hyper-color...
       until then: sobering up antics in everything
non-rhythmic...

Ian Gillan and dog biscuits
only yesterday AC/DC
and i looked like a smart *** using my phone
to write a message to a hyper unruly
teenager grown *** man
dancing on the stairs:

so as part of a response team you get to
coordinate 4 henchmen:
although i wasn't given 4 henchmen...
i was the henchman and i had
four shy, sly, wouldn't even call them foxes:
i was the fox and the wolf
laughing at *****...
i had a ******* Muslim ****** to work
with: for ****'s sake...
we were reminded that it was
the anniversary of the 7/7 bombings
where my then girlfriend:
just missed the bus that was torn open
and i thought to myself:
do Jihadis celebrate Christmas?
just saying: wouldn't they want a new
anniversary for us to worry
about instead of celebrating the same date
years later?
polygamy and these young Muslims boys
still virgins
perhaps so desperate perhaps not
but like i told both of them:
           you'll still end up with one good
quality woman
and the rest will be quantifiable jargon
of your own whims and competitive
streaks but
there won't be any real love and fashion
or pickled fingers in all that
brine and liquor of **** juices and Oms
of harmony in the O aghast chasms of More...

come to think of it:
you wouldn't discover anything about
women even if a woman
told you: in the capacity of being educated
as a psychotherapist...
you'd be better off reading
Madame Bovary by Flaubert...
men learn nothing about women
when women educate men about women:
men learn everything about women
from other men... period...

             ditto ditto ditto...

another article in the culture magazine
i picked up was
all about....
    now that movie: the Zone of Interest
truly captivated me:
more than the soppy story of Schindler's
List:
because i had to re-watch that latter movie
realizing:
oh... so the whole "action" sequence:
that didn't happen in Auschwitz: did it?

most were Polish Jews
regardless i think whether they were Jews...
what's stressed is their Jewishness:
                  dunno: bit of a ***** topic if you
care to concern yourself
with what my grandfather used to say
the Jews used to say in Poland
to the natives:

our tenements, your streets...

       proudly: openly...

              OUR TENEMENTS, YOUR STREETS...

nasze kamienice: wasze ulice...

   basically you should be happy to be homeless
while we strip you to the bare knuckle
of rent!

             so yeah, i have mixed emotions
with regards to: "x"... kiss kiss: meu meu... meow...
hasty: hatching a plan...

herrbittebonbon!            from memory:
but i best punctuate it
to structure the affair of being a child and running
up to SS-mensch and asking for
sweets:   herr! bitte bonbon!
and getting those sweets and then
running back to the house
with my hands glued together and having
my mother wash the sweets off my hands:

knowing my luck: apart form my father,
no one in my family had any luck with women...
my grandfather's mother was a flirt
conceived him out of wedlock
and had 5 other: some *******...
then my father's mother abandoned him
blah blah...
            
  oh jeez: women... what a headache...
i don't even know if the Islamic approach is any
better:
the cruelty of women and the reality
of nature and you're just a ***** donor
lucky if you're that angler that Dutch perverter
of DNA who donated over 1000 cases
and imagine in a world so small that
the two people collide and turn out
being cousins...
                  
                             then comes all the blatant
DNA revisionism and how the Chinese
just added about a foot to their height
but apparently really tall Chinese are somehow
normal somewhere over there
but at this moment i'm hardly going to protest
freaks us all: freakazoids...

            but just outright shock! aghast! no no...
or simply outright evil:
less the people and more the ideology
because to think that people couldn't
change their mind but merely obliterated
themselves as consorts of the obligated
shakes and stirs me... consorts of the obliging:
obliterated like that:
brain virus nervous system dead...

             but what's the difference between
**** ideology, communism, Christianity or Islam:
from man unto man unto:
          crazy radical and nothingness to reboot...
and then years later:
some procrastination with a rebellious streak of:
well: at least we know that Christianity
waged a war against words for the longest
known time:

Christianity is a religion of images:
it's not a religion of words...
hence why certain words have become images:
Trademarking...
                              why Islam emerged with
its strict ordeals to curb the use of images:
like for like...
        if you're going to get a tornado:
might as well think a butterfly started it...