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andy fardell Nov 2011
Pumpa ..pumpa thats all i do
can you hear it .ill give you a clue
stinka ..smelly...parpety parp
that what it sounds like when i do f@#t

see the smog as i open the door
parpety parp ..pumping galore
beans and cabbage help me along
lots of ale ...trumpety trump
pukka pie or chilli kerbab ..
parpety parp...gives me a smile

pumping trumping thats all i do
wind from me **** ill give you a clue
sounds like a whale from miles away
trumper thumper.. parpety parp

sbd's are part of me aim
but a parp is a much better game
brussel ..stuffing give it me now
parpety parp ..trumpety trump
Aa Harvey Sep 2018
Flatulence breeds laughter


Come smile with me, as I sing you a song;
About God's little gift, to every man.
For we all like to laugh and forget all our worries
And we all like to laugh, whenever we can.


At a worldwide problem which just can't be solved;
Of epidemic proportions, it affects us all.
It's the funniest thing known, but embarrassing too;
But the louder the funnier, as long as it's not you.


It's flatulence! It's one big ****!
It's a stinky little number and it came from my ****.
It's flatulence! It's one big ****!
It's a stinky little number written straight from the heart.


It's flatulence! It's one big ****!
It's a stinky little number and it came from my ****.
It's flatulence! It's one big ****!
La, la, la, la,
La, la, la, la,
La, la, la, la,
La, lahh!


Who dropped that off?  Who left us a present?
Who smells that bad?  Come on! Who the Hell is it?
******* that's bad, something smells like it's died.
You filled my lungs with a sickness, you brought a tear to my eye;
You made me wish I was a dog and I had no nose,
Then when you'd tell them of my story,
They'd say how does he smell?
(shout) AWFUL!


It's flatulence! It's one big ****!
It's a stinky little number and it came from my ****,
It's flatulence! It's one big ****!
It's a stinky little number written straight from the heart.
It's flatulence! It's one big ****!
It's a stinky little number and it came from my ****,
It's flatulence! It's one big ****!
La, la, la, la,
La, la, la, la,
La, la, la, la,
La, lahh!


Well it's time to end this song,
With no more bad **** jokes in sight.
It's time to wander on,
With just a trumpety, trump; goodnight.


(C)2005 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Matthew Rowe Aug 2010
The Elephant of Everyday comes stomping through my door
roaring and tromping and crashing about
blowing his trumpety horn

the prowling Panther of Performance
from the closet slides into the room
and circles my bed, growling, as he passes my head
hideous goals he lets loose

the Snake of Selfishness and Self-Centered Living
slithers from under my bed
he slides up the frame and under my sheets
as he curls up and warms my feets

the Black Lion of Pride struts into the room
strong and boasting and loud
living with no help, providing, perfect
telling me how I'm not him

the Otter of Overwhelming Panic
slaps into my room, jabbering and fretting about
running into my desk and my chair and my walls
worrying and biting his ever shortening nails
trying to find his way out

the Shadow Lady strides into my room
eye contact trying to make
the envelope pushes, seduction gushes
objectification she offers me to take

first I try to kick and pry
the snake off of my legs
but he tighter clings and up my torso climbs
his scales piercing my sides

with a snake on my neck
I sit on my bed, my feet touching the ground
and kick and shout at the panther as he
around me continues to prowl

he slashes and bites at my feet and legs
cutting and gouging my flesh
the panther still fighting, I manage to rise
and focus on the Black Lion of Pride

he sees me coming a mile away
and talks me to my knees
I yell and scream 'till I am hoarse
and shake as I weep bitterly

as I kneel, below me runs
the otter, stammering anxiously
I chuckle with malice as he bumbles away
misery loves company

quickly I jump up, out of the way
of the Elephant of Everyday
I kick his foot as he continues to thrash
he does not notice, or even sway

I turn around and face to face
the Shadow Lady's eyes
back me into a corner as I
fail to look away, but feebly try

so on my knees I whimper and cry
as the Gorilla of Guilt comes in
his padded feet near, his thick body looms
as he raises his huge tight fist, to close the tomb

I deserve this I've fallen
I'm no use at all
I can't uphold myself
on whom can I call?

I'm ****** and broken
inside and out
I fight and lose
then I cry and shout

"Stag of Solace, come near to me
I fail at fighting, this is my plea
thrash these menaces, clean my heart
I want to feel near you, never to part"

immediately, a rumbling sound
came from the hall, increasingly loud
they looked at each other, anxiously
then watched the door, slowly backing away

the Stag of Solace smashed through the door
splintering, crushing, a wood shrapnel shower
through the door and into the roaring
Black Lion as, through the window he's rammed,
slashing and crying

strong, poised, graceful he stood
his sharp eyes narrowed, eyeing this zoo
slowly the animals backed away
into the darkness, for now, to stay

his fur was short and sleek and brown
he wore compassion, ivory peace his crown
he came to me, I could not look
he lifted my eyes, bade me come
his shadow, protection, I took

To me he whispered:
my child you strive, you fight on your own
you think you can do this, you can not alone
your sin will never separate you from me
I save you, I purify, I set you free

he nuzzled my forehead
my wounds went away
he spoke once again
this time to me and the fray

the day is coming when I will return
to get rid of the zoo, it will surely burn
for you no more wounds or tears or fear
those things that burden you, never again, will be near

look and wait, for when I come
I come to save and restore
it will be done

until then you will have
trouble when you run
but take heart, for I am near
I hear you, I answer, I have overcome

he nuzzled again and strolled to the door
turned and looked, and let loose a fierce roar
charging away, he powerfully ran
his echo in my head, "I will help you be a man"

and slowly I got up and began to dress
thinking upon the Stag and me
his sin filled, ugly, made beautiful mess

I will still, to my dismay
entertain this masquerading zoo
but the Stag is in and with me
all things he makes new

and I fight and lose and strive to this day
but because the Stag of Solace helps me
I shall never, not ever, be put to shame
1 Corinthians 1:30
Psalm 91:1
Psalm 130
Isaiah 50:7
Hebrews 9:27,28
Galatians 2:20
2 Corinthians 5:17
John 16:33
Isaiah 30:19
2 Peter 3:10-13

— The End —