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Hello Daisies Aug 2022
B
I know it's annoying
I know I'm a broken record
For months
And years
Crying over the same things
But it's like
I lost the best part of me
And she's ran away
Without ever missing me

I have to ask myself
What's wrong with me
I have to ask everyone
If they still love me
Or if they're also planning
On leaving me

I want this to stop
I can tell myself to get over it
But it won't quit
I can call you a *****
Tell you you're selfish

But I still won't win
I've lost
So much these three years
And Everytime I try to heal
I lose something else precious
It's miraculous
I'm still trying

There is no denying
This will always hurt
Can I ever heal the burn
When is it my turn
To tell everyone off
To tell you you hurt me
And I don't want to see you
Or pretend it's okay
Or pretend it'll go away
But you left me once again
Broken and lost
Crying and lying
Thinking I'll never be good enough
Now I truly feel everyone will leave me
I can't get close to anyone
Befriend anyone
Everyone hates me
Or loses interest
Best friend for ten years
Guess that really meant nothing

Tried to make amends and you left me
Didn't even try
And acted like nothing transpired
Nothing matters to you besides yourself
I gave you so much of me
And you took it and gave nothing back
Well one thing back
Broken pieces of a heart
That was already trying to heal

You steal
And hide
You run
And lie
You pretend
And make fake friends
You are selfish
You were never
My best forever
But a user
Who wanted to feel safe
Wanted someone to throw everything on
We had so many amazing memories
Now they're ruined
All burnt
She's broken now too
The group is gone
The place I thought I belonged
It haunts me
Every face name and place I see
I'm drowning under sea
Chained down and gagged
While you watch
Driving your boat to safety
Leaving us behind for the unknown

Where do I go now
How can I escape
They say get over it
Like I was ever good at getting over anything
Even if I was
I could never get over this
What I thought we had was bliss
Now it's an empty abyss

It's gone amidst
Ghost haunt me in the dark
Your face lurking in my dreams
You're life terrozing my job
Everytime I see you with that snob

So how do I get over this
The best parts of me
The happiest memories
Thrown away in the trash
Like it never mattered
Like I don't matter
You were the one who taught me to heal
To feel something so real
But you became so selfish
You threw me away
And now you don't wanna say
That it's over

Leaving me doubting
Leaving me wondering
Guilty
Sad
Confused

I have been so used
It's time to let go
But I've gripped so hard to this
How do I let go of my life ?
Even if it's all gone
I can't let it go
You were everything
We were everything
Now we are nothing
And I'm just suffering
Turning to rage
Locked away
Throwing up emotions
Every day

I want myself back
I want you back
Us three back

How can it be right
To throw this away
It feels wrong
Makes me sick
I can't even fathom it

But you

...you

You already took the trash out
And never looked back
Chris Heidelberg Dec 2019
Why am I afraid? The defeat of my trials is overcoming the greatness of my mind. Why am I afraid? I am afraid of the dreams are coming to reality in my nightmares that my life is bringing before my focus…why am I afraid? I’m afraid because the laughter from my enemies are terrozing my mind leading me to alcohol beverages that I’m running from… the past memories has been abused by life trials and tribulations that has put fear in my heart. Why am I afraid? The gossip of the world blinded me from being successful at my greatest dream but the strength I had deep down in me was being buried from not having faith. Why am I afraid? I am afraid because my eyes were blinded and my faith was destroyed from many angles of being defeated by life…The laughter from my closest peers was restored back in my life that pushed me and gave me strength through hard times. Prayer was the power that overcame hard times without the struggle my determination would still be afraid...

— The End —