I'll take a rain-check on the beef stroganoff
just give me dessert
strawberrys and cream or cheesecake
I, yes, rush to an extreme,
'cause,
there ain't a man
who could ever be patient
when you look that way
like a berry

HE PHRASE OUR LITTLE HELPER A THOUGHT FROM MY LITTLE TWEEN CHILDHOOD



YA SEE IN 2001, I GOT SICK OF BEING TREATED LIKE A LITTLE YOUNG DUDE BY MY MATES

SO I DECIDED TO TURN MY LIFE AROUND, LIKE, JOIN THE BELCONNEN MAGPIES TO DO THE BBQ

AND BE A VOLUNTEER AT ST VINCENT DE PAUL, WHERE THEY MADE A SANTA CLAUS SUIT FOR ME TO DRESS

UP AS SANTA, FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS, AND AT THE END OF THE YEAR, I WENT TO WATSON CANBERRA

TECHNOLOGY PARK, WHERE THEY OPENED A BUILDING CALLED THE RAINBOW, WHERE I WANTED TO SHOW OFF

MY COOKING SKILLS, AND MATE I WAS A ****** COOK THERE, I ALSO REMEMBER, THROWING THE BALL

WITH A MATE, AND THE MAN SAID, GUYS THIS IS A BIT DAFT, YA SEE, EACH TIME I COOKED SAUSAGES AND STEAKS

FOR THE HUNGRY HERD AT THE FOOTY, IT MADE ME FEEL NEEDED LIKE AN ADULT, AND I GOT THIS WEIRD VOICE

FROM MY MUM AND DAD WHEN WE LIVED IN WOODBERRY,SAYING I WAS THERE LITTLE HELPER, CAUSE I SAT BEHIND

THE BBQ ALL DAY, NO MATTER WHERE WE WENT TO, YEAH IT WAS SO MUCH FUN, AND THE KIDS WOULD GET A FREE

SNAG, AND A COKE, YEAH, I WORKED HARD, BUT WELL, AND AT THE RAINBOW, I COOKED MEALS LIKE SPAGHETTI BOLOGNAISE

BEEF STROGANOFF, PIZZAL HEAPS OF DELICIOUS STEWS AND SOUPS, AND I TRIED TO COOK THE BBQ THERE AS WELL,

MAN IT WAS ACE, WE ALSO WENT ON A FEW TRIPS, AND I HELPED COOK AND CLEANED UP, ACTUALLY I ROUGHED IT

BY SLEEPING IN THE TENT, LIKE I WAS LIVING LIFE LIKE IT’S ONE BIG ADVENTURE, SOMETIMES I FELT DAD

REALLY WANTED ME, TO BE NICE TO THEM, BUT IT WAS HARD, CAUSE, I AM AN ADULT, WHO TOOK PRIDE IN HELPING

PEOPLE JUST LIKE ME, AND THEY ARE JUST LIKE ME, DEALING WITH MY ISSUES, BUT MATEY, I REALISE JUST BECAUSE

THEY SHARE MY VIEWS, DOESN’T MEAN THEY WANT TO ADMIT THIS, AND IT DOESN’T MEAN THEY LIKE ME APPOLOGIZING

ALL THE TIME, JUST BECAUSE THEY HATE FOOTBALL EVEN IF I LIKED IT, AND I WAS A TAD CHIRPY, AND EVEN IF NOBODY HATED ME

I STILL THOUGHT TO MYSELF, THAT THIS WAS WEIRD, I AM GIVING THESE DUDES A HOT MEAL, AND THEY SPENT THE WHOLE

TIME WINGING AND WHINING LIKE TWO YEAR OLDS, BUT THAT WAS BECAUSE THEY WERE MENTALLY UNSTABLE, THEY CAN’T BE NICE

CAUSE THE SYSTEM HASN’T BEEN NICE TO THEM, YA SEE, I DON’T BELIEVE IN CHRISTIANITY I AM A BUDDHIST AND DESPITE PEOPLE

TRYING TO SHOVE JESUS DOWN MY THROAT, I PREFER PEOPLE TO KEEP THEIR BELIEFS TO THEMSELVES, IT’S A TOUCHY SUBJECT

RELIGION, BUT THEN AGAIN, I DON’T PREACH BUDDHISM THOUGH, I HELPED AT THE RAINBOW 2001 TO 2004 AND IN 2002, I WENT TO

THE CHRISTMAS PARTY IN MY VINNIES MADE SANTA SUIT, WHERE YOU CAN SEE IT ON AAA YOUTUBE TV AND AARON CLAYTON

ON YOUTUBE, I HEAR THESE WORDS, FROM ALL THE MEN, AS I WAS BEING MY HELPFUL MAN, TO VOLUNTEER WORK, MAKING

A VOICE, FROM MEN SAID, HEY HANG ON, YOUR OUR LITTLE HELPER, I REMEMBERED BOUNCING AROUND ON MUMS BACK

AND MAYBE THE CAMPFIRES WHEN I WAS YOUNG, BROUGHT ON THE HELPING AT THE FOOTY, BECAUSE IT’S A BBQ, AND IT WAS

SORT OF THE OLD FASHIONED WAY, AND I HELPED A LOT, THEY SAID, HANG ON OUR LITTLE HELPER, BUT I MIGHT HAVE BEEN

TRYING TO BE ONE OF THOSE HELPFUL YOUNG DUDES, YA KNOW WORK ALL DAY, WITHOUT ANY PAY, BUT THAT WAS ALRIGHT

CAUSE I ENJOYED WORKING ALL DAY, AND I REMEMBER I HIKED THROUGH THE SNOWY MOUNTAINS IN THONGS AND, YEAH NOTHING

BAD HAPPENED, BUT I DON’T DO THAT NOW, DUDES

YA SEE I DID THE BBQ AT BELCONNEN MAGPIES

I PLAYED SANTA AT VINNIES AND ON YOUTUBE

I HELPED COOK MENTALLY UNSTABLE PEOPLE  A MEAL AT THE RAINBOW

I WAS A CHIRPY FELLOW THERE, TO BRING HAPPINESS TO THAT PLACE

I HELPED OUT AT THE MASTERS GAMES MARQUEE AT THE SOFTBALL

I WAS A TABLE CLEARER

I PICKED UP ******* AT THE KANGA CUP SOCCER

I AM WILLING TO LEARN ALL ASPECTS OF THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY

I BATTLE A VOICE SAYING I AM TOO WOOSEY FOR LIFE, BY OLD MATES

I WORKED AT OCTOBERFEST, PICKING UP *******

THEY TOOK THE MICKEY OUT OF ME, BANGING ON THE TABLE AS I WAS TAKING ******* FROM UNDERNEATH

YEAH, THE VOICE COULD’VE BEEN TRUE, I WAS THE ADULTS LITTLE HELPER

BUT I WAS A BIG HELP, I WAS A HARD WORKING RUN OF THE MILL MAN

I SUFFERED MORE THAN OTHER MEN, BECAUSE I NEVER EARNED THAT MUCH MONEY

I WORKED WELL AT AINSLIE VILLAGE, HELPING THE MENTALLY UNSTABLE YET AGAIN, **** I AM A NICE PERSON

I BATTLE VOICES IN MY HEAD, FOR A LAMOUS CRIME I DID UMPTEEN YEARS AGO

BACK WHEN I FELT MORE POWERFUL THAN DINOSAURS

I DON’T WANT TO BE JUDGED FOR THAT, NO WAY NO HOPE NO FEAR

I WAS CANBERRA’S BIG HELPER BETWEEN THE YEARS 2001 AND 2013

I ALSO PICKED UP ALL THE ******* SPILT OUTSIDE A HOPPER AT KINGSLEYS CHICKEN

AND PUT ‘EM INSIDE THE HOPPER, I AM A GOOD BOY, BETTER THAN MINJAE

NOW I AM READY TO BE AN ENTERTAINER, SO LOOK OUT WORLD HERE COMES SANTA BRIAN ALLAN

OUR BIG HELPER TO CANBERRA, CAUSE I PARTIED IN CLUBS ALL OVER THE PLACE

ON BOWLING WEEKENDS AND WEEKS, I’VE BEEN ALMOST EVERYWHERE

HOBART ADELAIDE SYDNEY MELBOURNE BATEMANS BAY GOLD COAST HERVEY BAY

JERVIS BAY SNOWY MOUNTAINS GRAMPIANS MERIMBULA, SALE GOSFORD NEWCASTLE

MAITLAND PORT STEPHENS ORANGE SCONE DUBBO ILLAWARRA WOLLONGONG

A FEW MORE PLACES, BUT ALL THIS SHOWS, I LIVE MY LIFE LIKE IT’S ONE BIG ADVENTURE

AND THAT IS WHAT I DO, FOR YOU

YA SEE I WAS TRYING TO TAKE DAD OUT OF HIS KID, BUT HE WAS TOO STUBBORN

HE WANTED TO PLAY ALL DAY, NOT WORRY ABOUT THE WORLD

OH YEAH, BOW BOW

Sighing deeply into Omi’s embrace
Like a thimble replaced in a sewing kit,
Her permanent warmth that can’t be erased.

A doily made of cream coloured lace,
Her set of values is tightly knit,
Sighing deeply into Omi’s embrace.

She makes extra stroganoff, just in case,
Then, whole-house clean-up, “Lickety-split!”
Her permanent warmth that can’t be erased.

My sister and I in a hiding place,
And nothing of our plums left but the pit.
Sighing deeply into Omi’s embrace.

The whole rainbow neatly interlaced,
In Omi’s garden, her butterflies flit,
Her permanent warmth that can’t be erased.

That pair of blue sweat pants we couldn’t replace
Because no other pair will ever quite fit.
Sighing deeply into Omi’s embrace,
Her permanent warmth that can’t be erased.

Tragedy may await
Soon on my Plate
As I cook something new
could end up goo
I have instinct, good taste
Nothing I make goes to waste
I have trust in my cooking
but today is a first
Its not beef stroganoff
I put in chicken
thinking why not?
I've got no beef to toss in my ***
Where I went wrong
or horribly right
was when I added the spinach artichoke dip
I made last night!
Its green as a toad!
As I have not yet eaten
Thou not scared to take my first bite
I must remember to brush my teeth when I am done eating
or I will be a grinning spinach sight!

You and her are collecting coquina shells and dropping them in the indigo bucket so they won’t get too homesick. You wonder if they know they are aware of what is happening so you fish one out of the bucket and it crawls a little bit out of its shell. The scattered blue button jellyfish make it difficult to see where the ocean stops and the land begins and her white gauze outfit seems as if it is trying to escape from her body giving into the tugging wind. She says “don’t let the voices of other people override that feeling in the pit of your stomach because that **** is always right” in between sips of her margarita. Her salt-rimmed lips brush your forehead and tell you to come up to the house in twenty minutes because dinner will be ready then. You, her, and your fifty-two shell companions sit in front of the television spooning microwaved beef stroganoff from plastic container to mouth. While she reads her western romance novel you check on the shells and the makeshift beach you’ve created for them and that feeling in the pit of your stomach begins to swell. It feels like you’ve swallowed all of the blue button jellyfish as a public service so everyone can see the clear divide between water and earth. She has fallen asleep in her chair and you know because of her extinguished cigarette hissing in the ashtray that snaps you out of your head.  It’s time to place the shells back on the shore because the separation from land and water is visible from the house. This makes you feel guilty because the jellyfish are gone too, so you sprinkle the shells in the incoming tide, poetically.

I might not have liked
The Beef stroganoff
But at least it was food

I might have vocalized
That I didn't enjoy
The flavor of nutrition
But I had energy to utter the words

Getting a little ahead of the game is up to you
But it's good to remember it
When you have three
Square
Meals

A Good Lunch

They didn't have a good cook at the restaurant
on the first floor, they have got a new one now
and it showed, we had a Stroganoff with rice
it was so good we had a glass of red wine each.
It proves my adage you can make a restaurant
with posh sitting and décor but its reputation
depends on the food served.
In my youth, this was not understood and you
got a resentful, rebellious character smelling
of drinks because he had to serve the cheapest
dish, again and again, this didn't matter so much
as people came to drink wine and sod the food.

shape you
they hold your head
when you enter this world
the doctor shouts out "a baby girl"

These hands
spank you
for not following
mother's orders
they leave welts
and black and blues
squeeze you into
tight shoes

These hands
unite with a man
wearing golden bands
holding the bouquet
and cutting the cake

These hands
dust the furniture
make beef stroganoff
and mow the lawn
breastfeed the babies
when they're born

These hands
read storybooks
call the ambulance
shake and sweat
when the boy’s near death

These hands
fight city hall
call the lawyers
doctors and all
turn into fists
and punch the air
and land on lists

These hands
stroke men
that sit in chairs
and listen

These hands
pen the lines
so all can read
all are blind

ah jest wanna boomerang
back into the womb
versus being threatened
courtesy beastie boy gang
beating me to a pulp
after accurately discerning
being scared shitless pang
suddenly imagining myself
buffered, and buttressed
within zen Sibyl
prophet table Chinese philosophy
known as Yin and Yang.

No matter birth canal
long since got breached,
countless scores of years
I quickly grew
impossible mission to plunge
(think Nestea commercial)
headfirst back into utero,
haint got any got any
handy dandy blues clue,

nonetheless said wish
I broach to you,
whether ye reside in Baku
Guangzhou
Kalamazoo
Kathmandu
Peru
Thimphu
Timbuktu.

Sudden­ pang roared awake
nsync like blazing saddles
hot enough to sizzle steak
torpid, humid, and
arrid extra dry to take
breath away analogous vacuumed
courtesy fire breathing dragon
chilling parched scales in great lake
already this doubting

Thomas doth hanker
for global warming yore
less than six months ago
geesh for goodness sake,
when Earth did bake
triple digit temperatures
no thirst could slake,

thus intravenous feeding
in tandem with trach
still inadequate to brake
yours truly did pine... for chill
against dehydration, ah only to wake,
when came the morrow,
where Jack and Jill
sweat buckets, this

before they climbed uphill
akin to madding crowd
clamoring, thirsting, gulping...
every last drop
essentially emptying ****
immense reservoir spill
futilely swilling parched lips till...

Old cranks shrugged off
exceptionally hot weather, and did scoff
younger generation's creature comforts
old geezers recalled
back in the day
as laddies and Tom boy

lassies did slough
no trespassing signs
skinny dipping after they shuck off
clothes giddily swinging
atop highest bough
playing hooky averse

learning would ever payoff
pitying other kids in school
former gathering rosebuds...
around lunchtime hunger
relishing stealing stroganoff
under nose of Mister Groff,

one former German World War II,
who colluded with American "boys"
despite heavily decorated luftwaffe
and posthumously honored
Veterans day getting last laugh!