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America I've given you all and now I'm nothing.
America two dollars and twentyseven cents January
        17, 1956.
I can't stand my own mind.
America when will we end the human war?
Go **** yourself with your atom bomb.
I don't feel good don't bother me.
I won't write my poem till I'm in my right mind.
America when will you be angelic?
When will you take off your clothes?
When will you look at yourself through the grave?
When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites?
America why are your libraries full of tears?
America when will you send your eggs to India?
I'm sick of your insane demands.
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I
        need with my good looks?
America after all it is you and I who are perfect not
        the next world.
Your machinery is too much for me.
You made me want to be a saint.
There must be some other way to settle this argument.
Burroughs is in Tangiers I don't think he'll come back
        it's sinister.
Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical
        joke?
I'm trying to come to the point.
I refuse to give up my obsession.
America stop pushing I know what I'm doing.
America the plum blossoms are falling.
I haven't read the newspapers for months, everyday
        somebody goes on trial for ******.
America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies.
America I used to be a communist when I was a kid
        I'm not sorry.
I smoke marijuana every chance I get.
I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses
        in the closet.
When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid.
My mind is made up there's going to be trouble.
You should have seen me reading Marx.
My psychoanalyst thinks I'm perfectly right.
I won't say the Lord's Prayer.
I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations.
America I still haven't told you what you did to Uncle
        Max after he came over from Russia.

I'm addressing you.
Are you going to let your emotional life be run by
        Time Magazine?
I'm obsessed by Time Magazine.
I read it every week.
Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner
        candystore.
I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.
It's always telling me about responsibility. Business-
        men are serious. Movie producers are serious.
        Everybody's serious but me.
It occurs to me that I am America.
I am talking to myself again.

Asia is rising against me.
I haven't got a chinaman's chance.
I'd better consider my national resources.
My national resources consist of two joints of
        marijuana millions of genitals an unpublishable
        private literature that goes 1400 miles an hour
        and twenty-five-thousand mental institutions.
I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of
        underprivileged who live in my flowerpots
        under the light of five hundred suns.
I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers
        is the next to go.
My ambition is to be President despite the fact that
        I'm a Catholic.
America how can I write a holy litany in your silly
        mood?
I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as
        individual as his automobiles more so they're
        all different sexes.
America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500
        down on your old strophe
America free Tom Mooney
America save the Spanish Loyalists
America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die
America I am the Scottsboro boys.
America when I was seven momma took me to Com-
        munist Cell meetings they sold us garbanzos a
        handful per ticket a ticket costs a nickel and the
        speeches were free everybody was angelic and
        sentimental about the workers it was all so sin-
        cere you have no idea what a good thing the
        party was in 1835 Scott Nearing was a grand
        old man a real mensch Mother Bloor made me
        cry I once saw Israel Amter plain. Everybody
        must have been a spy.
America you don't really want to go to war.
America it's them bad Russians.
Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen.
        And them Russians.
The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia's power
        mad. She wants to take our cars from out our
        garages.
Her wants to grab Chicago. Her needs a Red Readers'
        Digest. Her wants our auto plants in Siberia.
        Him big bureaucracy running our fillingsta-
        tions.
That no good. Ugh. Him make Indians learn read.
        Him need ******* *******. Hah. Her make us
        all work sixteen hours a day. Help.
America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from looking in
        the television set.
America is this correct?
I'd better get right down to the job.
It's true I don't want to join the Army or turn lathes
        in precision parts factories, I'm nearsighted and
        psychopathic anyway.
America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

                                Berkeley, January 17, 1956
JP Goss Dec 2018
The last of the angels’
Castaway nametags
Hung from the plush red edges
Of the art deco interior.
A breeze from the open door
Cast the doctor’s pamphlets to the floor
Advertising his services
For the special remediation program
Since he could not sleep
What with all the voices
From below chanting his name—
How he envied the people he killed:
For they were spoken so little of.
That is, except for on his intake sheet:
After passing over the names,
Seven in all,
Whose lives were, shameless,
Shed over ***,
The latch clicked
And out came the doctor’s hand
Beckoning through the door
A “come hither” gesture.
On the couch he sat,
Neck conforming perfectly to the couch
As he swam a cascade of Rorschachs
Apart the mirror-faced, owl-like man.
Speaking with a heavy Eastern-European accent
He knew exactly why Elliot had come:
Perhaps the intentions were dubious,
Perhaps he was looking
For quick solutions;
Regardless, Mirror-Face was there to help:
Too easily, these days, was it
To determine dysfunction in the masculine—
And this case was rare,
Awash in chatter from below.
So, there must be something deeper
Rooted in fear of perpetual
Romance fetishism
And absence of its referent.
Yes! The penetrative is missing—
The limerant object
Is without form, shapely, and feminine
And would forever escape him,
In part by suicide,
In part by isolation.
The reason you are here
Is the absent-present offspring
Of such missing ***,
A veritable porcupine-dilemma
In the flesh, a show of insufficient ****** capital—
See now in this face of mine.
Yes, now that I’ve diagnosed
What ails
Let us explore what solutions
Could have been:
The living world does offer suitable surrogates
For those lacking—
Recognizing this is the first step
To being forgotten,
To allow you to sleep.
Yes, you recognized then
The gun as the extension of the phallus
And it levels the playing field
Raised up, aroused by power
One feels when operating heavy machinery—
Yes, all flesh which is the metaphorical egg,
The bullet is the *****,
Which penetrates the flesh of the paramour
Impregnating her with life inverted
And creates, in death,
The child of ****** frustration.
While this child is one of children lost,
It is child nonetheless.
Yes, and this gun, the metal *****,
***** not one
But many—in fact, incestuously,
It ***** entire families,
Entire communities,
And leaves their lives gravid
With your legacy.
Yes, it is the only way to create
The ultimate matron, the universal feminine,
The supreme m-Other
For the Supreme Gentleman.
And you, as you see me,
Are the absent-present of this child of death
This union of bullet-***** and the whole-body womb,
With which you, sadly, impregnated yourself.
But, here’s the secret,
Because of this, you can only do damage control:
Your child will prevail.
Yes, the name may be gone, but the child prevails.
Name may be gone, but child prevails.
Name gone, child here.
So, have the voices stopped?
Has the child matured in you?
You are on your way to being forgotten,
But the child lives on:
Yes, the name may be gone, but the child prevails.
Name may be gone, but child prevails.
Name gone, child here.
Guns are bad--but why are we attracted to them? Why do men **** women?
Mike Essig Jul 2015
America**

America I've given you all and now I'm nothing.
America two dollars and twenty-seven cents January 17, 1956.
I can't stand my own mind.
America when will we end the human war?
Go **** yourself with your atom bomb
I don't feel good don't bother me.
I won't write my poem till I'm in my right mind.
America when will you be angelic?
When will you take off your clothes?
When will you look at yourself through the grave?
When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites?
America why are your libraries full of tears?
America when will you send your eggs to India?
I'm sick of your insane demands.
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?
America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world.
Your machinery is too much for me.
You made me want to be a saint.
There must be some other way to settle this argument.
Burroughs is in Tangiers I don't think he'll come back it's sinister.
Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke?
I'm trying to come to the point.
I refuse to give up my obsession.
America stop pushing I know what I'm doing.
America the plum blossoms are falling.
I haven't read the newspapers for months, everyday somebody goes on trial for
******.
America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies.
America I used to be a communist when I was a kid and I'm not sorry.
I smoke marijuana every chance I get.
I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet.
When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid.
My mind is made up there's going to be trouble.
You should have seen me reading Marx.
My psychoanalyst thinks I'm perfectly right.
I won't say the Lord's Prayer.
I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations.
America I still haven't told you what you did to Uncle Max after he came over
from Russia.

I'm addressing you.
Are you going to let our emotional life be run by Time Magazine?
I'm obsessed by Time Magazine.
I read it every week.
Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore.
I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.
It's always telling me about responsibility. Businessmen are serious. Movie
producers are serious. Everybody's serious but me.
It occurs to me that I am America.
I am talking to myself again.

Asia is rising against me.
I haven't got a chinaman's chance.
I'd better consider my national resources.
My national resources consist of two joints of marijuana millions of genitals
an unpublishable private literature that goes 1400 miles and hour and
twentyfivethousand mental institutions.
I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of underpriviliged who live in
my flowerpots under the light of five hundred suns.
I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers is the next to go.
My ambition is to be President despite the fact that I'm a Catholic.

America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?
I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as individual as his
automobiles more so they're all different sexes
America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500 down on your old strophe
America free Tom Mooney
America save the Spanish Loyalists
America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die
America I am the Scottsboro boys.
America when I was seven momma took me to Communist Cell meetings they
sold us garbanzos a handful per ticket a ticket costs a nickel and the
speeches were free everybody was angelic and sentimental about the
workers it was all so sincere you have no idea what a good thing the party
was in 1835 Scott Nearing was a grand old man a real mensch Mother
Bloor made me cry I once saw Israel Amter plain. Everybody must have
been a spy.
America you don're really want to go to war.
America it's them bad Russians.
Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians.
The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia's power mad. She wants to take
our cars from out our garages.
Her wants to grab Chicago. Her needs a Red Reader's Digest. her wants our
auto plants in Siberia. Him big bureaucracy running our fillingstations.
That no good. Ugh. Him makes Indians learn read. Him need ******* *******.
Hah. Her make us all work sixteen hours a day. Help.
America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set.
America is this correct?
I'd better get right down to the job.
It's true I don't want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts
factories, I'm nearsighted and psychopathic anyway.
America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.
Happy Birthday, America.
Michael CJ Aug 2013
I can't remember the last time
Where I looked you in the eyes
And simply said what's on my mind.
It seems every time I'd lie;
Taking another chip from your heart
And placing it in my shark shaped
Piggy bank.
You called me out and I ran away with my words
Down another trodden path
Of familiar verbal catastrophe
When all you wanted was me.

Well if that's all you wanted
I guess I should start from the top.

I'm sorry but I think I'm leading you on. I'm apologize for coming on way too strong in the beginning. But I feel afraid all alone with no comfort from close friends, just media drones. I keep you around for the ***, however convenient, yet I can't stand the shape of your forehead, nose, or neck. I want to take away your breath, if not for the moment so you don't speak, then for the mornings when all I want you to do is leave my bed. I'm so insecure. My character faults tumble down the rabbit hole like a bead of sweat wet from my hairline on my head to my hairline in the crevice of my rear end. I still pick my nose and sometimes eat it fearing that if I don't that I'll feel cheated. I convince myself there are starving kids in Africa; kids who would do anything for a meal that they would endanger there body in the form of human trafficking. I'm selfishly selfish. I come out with personal gains for every favor in my friends' names. My *** ***** hangs but not as low as the average, a trait I think most females would laugh at. I have trouble saying "I love you" to my mother because deep down I feel troubled that she would just ridicule me for having feelings for another like she did when I was twelve. I consistently lie through my perfect teeth that hide the grime and cavities that I do keep. I feel like I should somehow be embarrassed and express all of thoughts to a psychoanalyst. But they would make me tell the truth which seems to be the most difficult thing I could do.

When all I want to do is lie to you.
And keep you on a fish line
Because I like the way our bodies intertwine physically.
Just please stop asking me what on my mind
Because honestly, you really don't want to know.
Miss Grim Jan 2016
It seems these antihistamines
Are causing reoccurring dreams
For every time I go to bed
The same old scene is in my head
Like the one where all my teeth fall out
As I sit and pluck them out of my mouth
This one causes a lot of strife
For I've had this dream my entire life
So I searched for answers everywhere
And this is what they had to share
The native said it signifies
Remorse I feel from telling lies
Which I guess would be appropriate
I tend to say things I regret
So I went to see a medium
To trace back where this all begun
We tried to get mister Jung
But as the Latin rolled off her tongue
To our surprise
Before our eyes
Stood the spirit of Sigmund Freud
Claiming I need *** to fill the void
A conversation I'd rather avoid
Needless to say we ended the spell
I gave her my paycheck and bid farewell
And as I exited out to the street
I almost hung my head in defeat
But the natives words came back to me
Bringing a sudden epiphany
It occurred to me as I was walking
I really need to just stop talking.
Perhaps I'll be a silent monk
To help me get out of this funk
But that just sounds absurd
I can figure out how this problem incurred
I don't need to see a therapist
Or invoke a psychoanalyst  
I will just continue on my quest
Until I obtain some dreamless rest
I'm sure I can find the connection
By immersing in more self-reflection
So when I go to bed tonight
I'll study my dreams with all my might!!
I may be delusional.
Sam Temple Jul 2015
being made physically and mentally ill
by the excuses of my fellow country-people
so many prescription placeboes
psychoanalyst *******
and million$ on useless therapy….
and for what?
I get it:
you were molested
parents sold your *** to the neighbors
**** in the baby bottle
there are reasons folks suffer
but not every stress is a reason to medicate
sometimes the struggle and it’s lessons
are the reason for the experience
or has American society forgotten that tidbit?
So many wannabe doctors
telling friends and loved ones
that they are dealing with PTSD and ADHD
sprinkled with STD’s
in reality,
humans have always experienced stress
our ability to recognize it
and conceive of alternative ways of being
is likely the hub to our evolutionary journey
now what?
Fat, lazy, pill-popping excuse monsters
on every corner
on every channel,
the new norm….
maybe I need a pill to deal with these ******* –
Bruised Orange Oct 2011
My neighbor has advised more roughage.
"Healthy bowels will keep illness away."

My therapist says group will do it.
"Share your stories with those who relate."

My doctor gave me a script for ******.
"Call me when these run out."

My muse sings urgently into my ear.
"Keep writing, we'll get there, no doubt!"

My friend tells me more prayer is the ticket.
"Talk with God and you won't be afraid."

But my sister (the French psychoanalyst) tells me simply,
"You need to get laid!"

now i've tried the vegetables, they are tasty to eat
and the group i found, well it's just down the street
the prescription's been filled, and easily (twice!)
my pen keeps me writing long into the night
and prayer brings me answers, my truths come to light


but this last advice has left me in stitches
you see, its been such a very long time
would someone direct my feet, and,
please tell me, where do i get some of that?

(and now she dissolves, into fits of hysterical laughter)
well, i wrote this a few weeks ago.  the only thing humorous i've managed thus far, lol.  gives me hope for myself. ha ha.  yeah.  i get an awful lot of advice.
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2018
it would best appear that:
  talking really aids talking to flesh -
and yes, beside the psychoanalyst
triad theory of the "narrator" -
          the ego can become an ailed
limb - a limp arm,
an amputated food -
                     when the square
doesn't fit through a square shaped
opening: the ego become fidgety -
and it aches beyond the ache
of being, a physical inconvenience /
convenience...
    the ailing ego is an ego
that can only construct a cogito
without the ergo dynamic of trickling
toward a "satisfying" sum...
           because there really isn't
any other suited adjective -
  other than the already aired:
because there is.
         i wanted to concern myself
with the dynamic of what is sickly
or at best: an unease unit
of fathomable concern...
              ego must,
ego = limb...
           it's not a central
foundation to all things apparent...
          and believe me when i state
that i require verbiage to make these
statements...
           when the ego is a cubus,
and thought is the "river"
                        quadratum -
       having to encompass the perplexity
of the Freudian Triad...
  it doesn't really matter,
  does it, to concern a cube passing
through a square, when a triangle is
concerned, is it?
                  a mental "illness"
  needs to encompass a "flat earth"
akin to reading maps: no good knowing
a spherical globus exists if you
can't get from A. to B.
                     that is why i don't
understand a stigma with regards to
a "mental" to "physical" dichotomy -
which it has become having divorced itself
from dualism...
          the ego being a limb and
thought a body,
       reiterates my concern with how
mental illness cannot acess the freedom
of a body, or thinking,
                 in a fluid manner:
akin to the thoughtless extracts of
               a disembodiment ascribed to
ballet dancers...
             hence the sickly limb comparison:
the whole affair isn't worth
an atomists' venture to find: a middle,
a nucleus...
                     a sick "ego"
                              disvalues a concern
to think: akin to any worth of
****** function...
            the conscious-unconscious
paradox of the ego is that:
    it's health is supposed to coexist
with the way one treats a hand, finger, elbow...
the fact that a "sick" ego is by no means
sickness apparent doesn't mean that
it is not a form of: dis-ease -
  not a bad word, merely a reformulated
aversion of saying it quickly...
  there does exist as - negation
   of ease...
                       i have found this with
myself...
                          apparently
it was necessary to outdate Latin grammar
once again, while keeping the ego
a necessary ingredient worthy of theory
when cogito ergo sum was
summoned... because where is the ego
in that? the ego is the antithesis of
a narrator of fiction!
             who ever said that fiction
was without Trojan walls and biological
membranes?
                   the ego is either foremost
an ailing limb: or the unscathed narrator!
it can't be both!
          - but the limb comparison makes
more sense, since what is primarily
distrupted is thinking: rather than writing
a book!
                    i have experienced
the distruptive ego like a fidgeting snare of
a limb in metaphorical Parkinson...
               but i am not keen to
sub-assert a division of it worth a sub-ego
and an id... without an ob- prefix to boot.
a "sick" ego disrupts cogitans
in that there is no ergo
       to make a cohesive translation into:
wanting to be a bellerina - i.e sum...
i.e. sum *** non cogitans...
  and that's because the ego is a heavy
load, already not stressed in
the original maxim "prompt" of:
think - and you will be...
  well no... most of the time it's a case of:
don't think, and you will be...
      the fact remains:
  the ego treated as an ailing limb is
akin to an ailing limb disrupting
the sigma of ****** expressions -
             with the sigma of ****** expressions
being best met with mere: thinking...
                 hence the irony of
a "mental" illness -
      there is no ailing thought -
but an ailing ego -
  which is a contradictory summation
of character, presupposing
a character is at the same time narrator...
the stigma? well...
   a person of interest is asked to
have both status of a healthy character
and an ailing narrator -
      or rather: a character
incompetent of having a narrator...
   or whatever this constricting observation
implies...
   the fact still remains:
   the ego was allowed a Ronin status
when working from the Cartesian maxim...
    it allowed itself to flourish in Freud
who took to impregnating it with
  a pseudo-Christian analogy...
         if there is an element of medicine
in philosophy... ha...
     odd...
            how can the mind be ailed by
the body prior...
      there must be a paradoxical intersect
of ergo ( = ), i.e. ≠...
                    whereby the same is true
for: the mind can be ailed by the body:
but the only prior to a body is a mind...
            since there is no prior to a mind
to express: body...
           otherwise why are we to concern
ourselves with a "mind" of the underdeveloped...
ah... but the underdeveloped body...
       hence?         |    a ******* stick
in the ground!
                  it's a simple juggling act of
two *****... on thinking terms,
but yet it is simpler to juggle three *****
on un-thinking terms!
              all i "know" is that
a sick ego dissonates the fluidity of thinking,
and it doesn't aspire to anything
but that in its ailment -
to make it any more complex to
suggest an atomic caricature of
the Freudian id - neutron / superego - electron...
   an ego that distrupts thinking
does not make a cohesive unit worth
a theory...
                 you put a stick into the river
of Heraclitsus: the stick will remain
a stict - the question is always asked
concerning the river!
                - as far as i am concerned
the disruptive ego has "unfathomed"
  the fathomability of thinking -
       notably:
          the mundane cul de sac thinking
of ordinary people -
a lost day-dream break from inacting
a "greater-good" focus of: transcending society...
     and attaining: "the" individual...
    i've experienced the sick ego
unable to convine itself with staging
thought: akin to an theatre with
a stage unable to consider itself:
    not fit to hoist actors on it!
                   hence my concern with
res vanus...
            the "thing" within res cogitans!
the whole point of:  (ego) cogito ergo sum!
          which is why those who have
reached the status of, say: prima ballerina
exact a "cogito" ergo (ego) sum status!
- at some point i really will be
starting to digest the VII-XI ponderings
of Heidegger...
                  bewildering myself as to how:
1939 a.d. was conjured.
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2019
i never write "anything"...
i'm claustrophobic when its comes to
exploring cognizance...

'wow! what a fancy word!'

i hardly beg to differ...
i hear of people fathoming the novel...
and...
i'm a monolith monstrosity...
some bourbon, some german:

ich bin gut zu gehen: ja!

spucke bourbon au zu mein gesicht!

i will never write a novel,
i deal with butchering an animal
for: ein stück von fleisch...

"a novel" und barockarchitektur:
sounds similar?

oh but it's a freel available tattoo
in the anglophonic frame of ref....
Hastings, 1066...
hard to come by when the tattoo reads...
ahem...

Tannenberg, 1410...
Vienna, 1683...

clear-cut... almost safe-net catch-em
while you can...
the Hastings folk were pagans...
don't you know?
don't you know that only white
people can be racist?

pst... ask the russians "about that"...
see what you come back with...
i will have to...
S'****** at the reply...
no... honestly: "because" it's forbidden for
us former iron curtain "roma" folk...
**** dastardly's dog: muttley... S'*******...
giggles in...
we former folk from the eisenvorhang...
coming across the californian:
siliziumvorhang?!
where are we... polacks...
hunagarians... czechs... estonians...
lithuanians... ukranians...
yugolz... at?!
we don't fit the narrative... do we?

it's the 27th of december...
and i'm "thinking"... it's mighty fine...
to celebrate something with the aestigermani!

the children of ***** sought a father...
the children of gomorrah were akin...
i do not know whether i am
a father figure or whether:
there's that pointless safety question
to mind: did i wear a ******?
i was assured! i was assured there were
contraceptive pills involved!

i'm tired on the usual steaming-heap
pile of warm ******* and ****
to give a psychoanalyst his rhetoric
elevated status of disinhibition...

cocktail! madonna's papa don't preach...
dusty springfield: son of a preacher man...
and any other formidable calypso
study of salsa... should this sugar baby
this sugar baby be my baby
and if i would never become a sugar daddy...

and because i was only ever looking
for the six oops-stones of womanhood...
infinity: eh... bag 'em one weekend...
forget 'em the next...

god... let me this one type of racist...
Jefferson keeping "green things" akin
to Zoe Saldana in some variation
of a "basement"...
i'm good with green...
use enough cumin, coriander or
cinnamon powder in your cooking...
you'll ask: what's wrong with green?
i'd **** green! i'd **** green sitting down
i'd **** green of the sort sleeping!
i'd peacock myself in many variations
of drunk to stage:
that one sober sort of **** with her
and... it's no samantha 38g and...
classics come to mind...
homer, horace... and plump models
of: extra cushions!

ha ha... i make myself laugh:
i make myself laugh because:
there's about zeo chance of me...
conjuring up a novel ambition...
me and a novel...
a "supposed" schizoid and a novel...
ha ha! Noel! Noel!

there was a time where i grew a beard for a reason:
i.e. exercise less..
grow a beard, hide the pride of a walrus
minus the harem...
double chin and the...
Zoe Saldana in green skin...
octopus fucky-fucky or what?

- never mind -

grow a beard... hide the shar pei...
i figured over time...
my beard became a giza pyramid
focus of my eyes...
it took some persuasion...
namely 4 years and my grandmother
finally pointing out:
oh look how thick it is...
she wanted to play g.i. joe with...
prior to: my hair...
like some thor meets barbier universe
dolls extravaganza...
a hard-on waiting...
with an ava lauren limp twist...

"oops".

now the beard is all about...
being 34 years old... while donning
the *** leftover skivvy look
inflating the organic body for a media
frenzy to "compenstate" it to be aged:
49!
ha ha...
i keep forgetting why i'm in such a good mood!
today is today! and i'm...
and i'm not allowing myself to succumb
to an anglophonic seriousness
of staging an elvis costello seriousness
of: everyday writing the novel...

pst: sounds better than that obvious...
"nook 'n' cranny"...

my alternatives!
minnesang - neidhart:
meie din liechter schin!

weihnachten ist erledigt!
weihnachten ist erledigt!
weihnachten ist erledigt!
weihnachten ist erledigt:
lassen uns singen!
lassen uns geben loben!
lassen uns männer verlassen
der mutterleib!

ensemble für frühe musik augsburg -
mayenzeit one neidt...

jetzt kommen der lieder:
zu gesungen! für alle das jahr!

i guess i grew a beard to hide a shar pei...
then again:
perhaps i grew a beard to pretend to
fiddle with a throng of violins?
perhaps i found growing my hair long...
i had to compensate!
i had to exfoliate in the downward
spiral and exchange...
oi! baldy! baldy!
i can juggle! i can juggle!
i can grow long hair and a beard!

but never the two at the same time!
germany and the nazis...
i just can't stiop thinking about
the lucky... those frivolous drunks
of the holy roman empire...
esp. when peering via their folk songs...
i call it: having to succumb to
english prune and pristine pressures...
even these days...
being wholy saxon is to be:
most unwholesome when it comes
to the german federation...

it's called cheating:
eatin saxon white soy
and not... riddling oneself
with Bavarian rye!

i'm drunk! it's the 27th of december!
the little ******* is born!
now i can celebrate!
chevalier, mult estes guariz!
on the 27th of december i can sing
german, and french crusader songs!

on the 27th of december i can celebrate!
nothing has to be left so innocent
and passive! so coddled!
and if they weren't singing byzantine
chants... prior to this day?!
let them sing no more!
i have found my happiness! once more!

Ö dies freude!
jetzt ich können: singen!
einst die kinder und engel...
ar legen zu bett!

if i am to be the integrated kind...
now i rejoice!
for i have all the reasons to rejoice!
i do no have to pander
to a babe!
i do not have to force myself
into elevated expectations with
a pre- litany of the omni- suitor...

now i can champion the romance
of the crusade...
i am... freed from the utopia...
that only one heart is allowed
to feel... and its feeling is to be contested...
solely by the sacrifice of a crucifixion...
not by iron maiden outlets "etc."...

now muttererde...
ihr liebhaber: wind - seine unterschrift!
weihnachten ist erledigt!
weihnachten ist erledigt!

it's the 27th of december and i can finally
celebrate with songs...
that... celebrate the sort of christianity
i am accustomed to...
french crusader songs...
german folk...
that i can stomach...
not this... pandering...
expecting the nuns to not...
somehow, not, become...
the ****** of the christ-harem!
a nun is a nun is a nun is a nun...
is a nun...
but i very much like...
being considered...
for... the better part of the feminine whim,
outside the realm of:
the usual rejection tactics of:
the aborted... i like my exercise of yielding:
DAS WORTE... ooh... chisel that
with a base goosebump strut to be worth
being added!

em... it's almost like that...
time-travel question of:
why not travel back in time...
and **** the baby adolf ******...
dunno... no point doing that with a jesus...
since... m'eh... his cross is our
genuflexion... yes: kind sir...
yes mr. greek and mrs. hebrew...
esp. in this script...
esp. when its alive and "we" debate...
the pronunciation of:

nil admirari prope res est una, Numici,
solaque, quae possit facere et servare beatum...
hunc solem et stellas et decedentia certis
tempora momentis sunt qui formidine nulla
inbuti spectent: quid censes munera terrae,
quid maris extremos arabas ditantis et indos
ludicra, quid plausus et amici dona quiritis,
quo spectanda modo, quo sensu credis et ore?

there's nothing to be surprised by, Numicious,
in this life's mainstay, peace of soul and happiness;
others, onto the sun, the stars, azure bodies...
on the round year of orbital changes, look with
a calm... and you would, upon the gifts of earth,
pearls of the sea, what of the distant Arabs,
Indians beyond the Arabs,
on the Kwiritow (googlewhack...)
Quiritus' honours, questionable plaudit: peer
raptured in awe without measure?

a very ******* bad a very ******* terrible
translation... as you do...
as you do... sinking into bourbon...
thinking about... maritza mendez...
sylvia loret... samantha 38G...
and all those lost plump classics of *****...

i would have sunk the Potemkin!
drunk... i wouldn't even require
a sober catch / scrutiny of "character"...
because now i am yet to translate
some latin, use this... ahem...
pseudo-cuneiform text:
"LATINE QUOD MORTUS EST"

perhaps that's mis-translated as:
qua: i.e. "as being"...
perhaps MIT... some runic...
or glagolitic... we AWAIT: the revival!
of the grand h'american protestant church
of apocalyptic wonder!
maybe, perhaps... "then"!

but it's the 27th of december...
the... "messiah" is born!
now we can reroute and go back to our...
current year... ***** and gomorrah type
of *******...
the cosmopolitan whoop-t'd'ah is 'ere!
come easter, come spring....
come the crucifixion! come the resurrection!
Addie Kay Jul 2019
When the psychoanalyst
Pulls out the piece of paper
And asks:
What does this look like to you?
I’d like to answer by saying
A bunch of black blotches on a page.
But that’s not what I said.
That’s not what you’re supposed to say.
You’re supposed to look at it really hard
And make an image out of nothing.
I can’t remember what I said.
But I do remember,
The woman making me repeat it,
asking for a back story.
I didn’t give it enough thought for a
“back story”.
No, I do not know why
the man is sitting at a park bench alone
eating a sandwich.
Maybe his wife left him
and he can’t make his own food
Because he’s the type of guy
Who’s been married so long
He doesn’t know how to not be married
So he bought a sandwich
I’ve never been married so,
I don’t know.
Maybe he just likes sandwiches.
It’s not my fault the black blotches
On the piece of paper
Look like a man eating a sandwich.
Now that I think about it
I was probably just hungry.
Why are you asking me
What these black blotches on paper
Look like?
Why don’t you tell me?
How the **** should I know.
Not really a poem but a stream of thoughts
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2019
bashing a blank canvas...
   i can almost put my "faith"
in the disbelief of
having to live in a dream
of nebuchadnezzar -
the last bit...
skipping in puddles
for the relevant 2 pence
and 1 pence coins
                 of copper...
sure... a "revival of rome"...
but somehow the phonetic
encoding couldn't just... "die"...
from a people,
of a people, one-to-one...
to a people...
              "uniqueness"...
   "pride"...
             i'm finding to lodge
a justifiable word
to compensate...
          the synonym-tinged
close proximity of
   a hypocrisy
                  and a paradox...
****** life...
living a dream being
kept alive for so long...
    it's like...
   "they" didn't walk into
this farce, sleepwalking...
did they?
          i'm sorry... but the idea
that i'm living in a, "reality"
best described as wish-fulfillment...
apart from paint:
my original psychotic
detachment is as about
"psychotic" as my past ambition
of collecting swords...
yeah, long *******...
some more than half
a meter in length... hussar sabers...
curved... for a reason:
on horseback you'd require
a curved sword...
   you couldn't stab...
you'd swipe...
      because by stabbing
you'd lose your sword
with the inflicted stab wound...
              ooh the religious people...
so why the **** am i living
in a secular nightmare
of having to live out a prophesy
of the first psychoanalyst,
the prophet daniel,
    describing but one man's dream,
namely, nebuchadnezzar?
i'm guessing experiencing
l.s.d. would be bad at this point...
  nebuchadnezzar...
ingenious despotism...
carved out a legacy with the Yids
(not a slur, a prefix
derived from yiddish...
all the U-boat crew would know it)
who inscribed his dream
into sacred writing...
        and the ancient roman
spaghetti bonanza ensued...
yeah... the prophesy...
about the revival of rome...
         only when the northerners
arrived, from the east,
and... the island folk
found their worjk ethos outmatched
and...
        beyond competition...
so... "this" is... reality?
i don't think so...
   i'm basically lodged in
a dream of a man who has been
dead for... oh... 2600 years...
           it was one thing for
the ancients romans to form
their entymology / history genesis
in Troy via Virgil...
   quiet another for the
****-bongo-&-loco
   Belgians to come back from
Congo (like in that song
we didn't start the fire)
          and say: shirts off!
we're going skinny dipping in
the north sea, at midnight!
                  it's like...
did we really have to stick to
the "plan"?
    there was a "plan" to begin with?
hardly any celebration
of nihilm left,
  better get used to the fatalism...
by word, and subsequently
be deed
...
           well... look at it this way...
i'm trying to extract colour
from this base counter-geometry...
and also reveal that:
i haven't read a stephen king
novel...
      nope, not one...
                 but having arrived
at the conclusion,
that i am living in - a circa 2600 year
old - despot's dream
(& interpretation by...
the person who managed
to predate Freud, i.e. Daniel)...
yeah... feels great!
      everything in this world
is about as bogus
as a ******* piñata stuffed
with banknotes...
         i know what is real...
pain...
        the rest: a ******* mirage....
and i'm done
with the frenchman,
the philosopher,
the gensis of suppositions,
the table and a ******* chair.
- but pain?
     better get used to it...
it's the only pinch
you'll ever experience
to satiate the basic
bogus nature of any other
experience...
           because at this point...
there's no point
    fiddling with cotton
to starve
    the nerves from being
given... something more than
an ****** of a *******
mollusk...
        a bit like playing
truant to the coddling apathy...
        so... why would i even bother
agitating myself
at a cheap-stab
   against someone on
(thank god i never used it)
       twitter?
           i just hate living in a reality
that derives itself from a dream
interpretation...
       and...
         in domine patris...
         wiped off any indigenous
constructs of the mind...
leaving me...
strapped like some *******
gimp... in a Greco-Judeo
           brothel of...
          whatever thinking comes
next...
   what's wolf in pollack?
   vilk...
                in finnish? susi
(**** me, that's mild)
           wolf in lithuanian?
     vilkas
     in estonian?
       hunt (but i'm guessing
it's 'hoo'nt')
               magyar?
                                           farkas...
did i miss any odd ones out
apart from the pollack?
      i know that the pollack
tongue is heavily borrowed...
   loan-words...
       some of the tongue
   is etymologically
original... "pure"...
but yeah... a great deal of it is
derived via the usage
of darlehenwörter:
                           loan-words.

   - well if i have to be honest...
- you're drinking sodium pentothal
or something?
- nope... *** & pepsi...

i can't be bothered staging
props, hiding in costumes...
     lying...
             i'll just state
the most painful truths
    and get on with it...
   yes, i know, the ******* standard
in english of either
a latin prefix
          or a greek suffix...
i just thought that my fellow
pollack "brethren"
  would not **** themselves
with so many
loan-words
for their everyday colloquial.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jun 2019
My dog, Soxie,
seems like a dog,
but I know different.
In '48, he was the
"Black Burrito"
stationed in Costa Rica
doing undercover work
in the jungle. In '54,
he lived on the Left Bank,
sorting out Sartre. In '62,
he took his Ph.D. at
Columbia in the social
dogma of Mao. In '72,
he was a speech writer
for McGovern, who almost
chose him after Eagleton.
In '86, Soxie became a
Dungian psychoanalyst,
offering therapy to heads
of Humane Societies
(a double misnomer)
to assuage guilt. In '91,
he had an affair with
Madonna and got rabies.

Copyright 2019 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a poet and human-rights advocate for his entire adult life.
Carly L Washor Jan 2021
I knew every man that lived within him; as entities, held off from; dragged out to the large dumpster outside. “Projections of the mind, “ she would say. “So, they inhabit ones waking life and all of the sleepless nights tell the practitioner whats missing in daylight. “All he had to do,“ she would say. Crossing bridges, houses, oceans, philosophical quandaries, beliefs about the G-dhead. All she would have to do would be to forget. Burry the other and do her own bidding. She would take the role of the brain dead; alcoholic trope, mid life crisis psychoanalyst, stereotypical neurotic, unmotivated artist; the child of a sheltered home. “That’s it!” All she had to do was to heed the words sewn from her own tongue. Criss crossed backwards hymns calling her back home to the forgotten ones.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2020
better than drinking and listening
to music...
i forgot: "forgot" to become a...
music nerd... a needle-drop:
ant(h)ony fantano...
       a... john peel...
          linguo nerd:
                   the tetragrammaton
is like a bulging ego phallus...
with moloch the... elephant's ******
depth of... the mariana trench...
like landing on the ******* moon!
yet to happen!
i love music... but... apparently...
not enough...
the budget was ah... ha ha...
stash of old records... some jazz...
some *******... shotakovich...
some...
               ah... no wonder...
i turn on the radio and i'm freed from
having collected... personal
preferences...
    because... i stopped...
demdyke stair...
the soft moon...
            :wumpscut...
   the wooden shjips...
        bohren & der club of gore...
  gjeilo: the northern lights...
   christopher young: the hellraiser hellbound
sountrack...
   peter gabriel... contra john debney...
joshue redman...
        jazz... not... a thing for the internet's
busiest musical nerd...
   yeah... rap was never...
on the cards...
                        musical "nostalgia"...
knocking on marble: will the elgin ever...
                                sing?!
at least a song of:
who they... belong to...
because... who does... the rosetta stone...
belong to? the party... most invested
in deciphering it? perhaps?!

so much for not being a musical nerd...
anthony... that's....
me toying with nerding:
          ανθoνɛ̄....

                   or.... αντoνɛ̄... serve me up a diet
or radio... and i'll give-away my eclectic stash
of... non-review...
wardruna? heilung?!      
   again...
                    that's like... no concern / alarm...
for the tetragrammaton "not being"
an imitation - idea - that sort of behaves like...
a fungus... a telepathic magic mushroom...

sings the praises to god: allah...
jesus christ: hope it's not me...
schadenfreude civility thoroughly brought
forward...
but... hides... the four letters...
in a tetragrammaton: in ha-shem...
     and... yet the sparrows sing...
the crows peck and croack...
and there can be... some... sanctity in
the affairs of man...
a potency / a cognitive stimulus...
because... what bogus story what myth
is to be arrived at with a hebrew god
that moved everywhere...
and wasn't... this rock-hardened...
odin presence... etc.

       better than listening to music
and drinking and smoking the ration
of two cigarettes per day...
the lionel nation podcast...
talk radio...
you have to... at some point...
expand pop music... beyond and...
therefore expand beyond classical music...
jazz... retain a love for...
people freely talking...
and the drinking and the rationed smoking
of cigarettes...
i too have my freedom...
but... i don't have an audience...
in writing? in death-scribbling?
i have eyes... i don't have ears...

           i might conjure: a darting ogling:
whithered eye "conudrum:
roulette with eyes: the first one to blink
gets a shot in the dark:
or at a gambling shadow...

    because it didn't really matter that
i was standing in a cue
to buy some Leffe brews at the supermarket
today...
and that there was a single white...
blonde girl two metres before me...
a single white solo mother and grandmother...

and a black couple... trouble...
i was the size of the woman...
and the man was... a chin in height:
above / ahead of me...
what a lovely sight...
   there was no racial antagonism:
a black man was replicating "black":
he was ******* a black woman
and... hey presto! a black baby!
what... a *******! lovely... sight!
two black people well equipped
with the proper translation
of a hindu manuscript of the kama sutra!

it's good to know that tigers will only
**** tigers... lions will only **** lions...
that cheetahs will only **** cheetahs...
i was creeping silent with:
the black woman is the size of me...
how did the colonial buggers size
up their "intelligence" with that basic:
******: physical renown of superiority:
and simply, "simply" catch these:
because the experience
of the slavs and the mongols:
shrimp **** extraordinaire: typos...

it was just pristine...
to see a black and a black woman
and a black child...
not me though...
i have to come back
to this masochism with a... ahem...
"future" bride...
the bride the mother-in-law towing
a... ******* crucifix and an umbilical
chord... wildened ivy keeping
to bear hug the suffocation...

the goat blood and choke...
i'm very happy for the "orcs" to have
their status invoked...
lost germanic peoples... somewhat celt...
velsh...
orc: from: out of africa...
while the slavs surmouted the stereotype:
ask the mongol...
plenty of assumptions:
race is a h'american "thing"...
next thing you know...

is it so bad seeing a black man be in love
with a black woman with a
black child? can i take anything
from a woodland pigeon *******
a woodland pigeon: a fox ******* a fox?
cocktails galore! halfwits and
nuanced *******:
                who's this?
woodland elf...
            ottoman dwarf: pseudo-turk?
the high-brow... merovingian...
the danupe snippet: the rhine order?
they were the ones...
who discovered h'america...
and... somehow... "by chance" also...
rediscovered europe!
h'americans re-discovered europe!

race baiting...
the mongrel crude follow: suite...
all are arabs! all are offered
the stature of rajastan: afghanistan!
copper-skinned: globalist...
cinnamon... cumin / coriander
skinned powder atooms...

all this life assured...
      all this life preserved...
then some artifact from this realm
of the crustacean-caucasian...
not a cocky-asian in sight...
a different mind-boggling...
                  intro... duct.... ion...
                
beside this or that frankenstein:
shtein or a lack: thereof...
                 good for me that i'm not in
the business of replicating an argument...
or having... shaved open to not question...
blank canvases of d.n.a. paint
of a child... it's a good thing i don't have a child
at my disposal: i wouldn't want it
to ingest the... poison i've come
to inherit from the world...
and that's best: when raising children...
to leave them lacking:
in a wordly experience...
             but i'd come out as a psychopath
psychoanalyst gimmick of jung / freud...
         an r. d. laing looking at some
edvard hopper...
    
                              the russian solo project...
the french: where is france...
the duchy of warsaw and... the PRL?
            it's not so much playing the victim...
but when...
it took... as much time...
to conquer poland...
   at the advent of world war II...
by both **** germany and soviet russia...
it took more time to conquer poland
at the advent of world war II
than it took to conquer france...
         says as much as: it doesn't say any more:
than the least!
colonial power: powdered high tier:
trade-offs of... hair-gimmicks...
bulletins of wigs...

                     this has been enough...
i'm the former soviet satellite: east german...
retardo phillipo prima perfecto...
of: what argument one shouldn't have...
this was an "argument"?
                and the west: is still the best!
it's that... lesson in rhetoric...
                it's that lesson of:
the general populace is guided by the peacock
square loot of: pretending to fathom
the godhead of civility:
where... everyone... every... one...
is wearing... the... crown!
                        
who's being lectured... and who's...
the protected "class" of citizentry?
                      who's the token and who's
to be made an example of?
                 well... at such times... at such parodies
of humour...
the world does burn...
  but i'm not... going to succumb to a voice...
that echoes: the populist poets of
sycophancy...
somehow! "they" now have a voice!
yes... drunk from an ad hoc / post hoc populism!
they have a voice, now...
        i don't like populist poetics...
either neither right nor left leaning
politico-poetics...
   riddling the ride of sycophancy...
                  
              and that i have drunk and...
written this: square sober...
      that's my affair of conscience...
                 here's some broken glass...
here's a broken mirror...
and here's xerxes... extinguishing his mind...
asking for the sea to be whipped...
the sea! if he asked for the lake
to be whipped... genesis mirror... exegesis...
sea... how can you whip something
into submission... when a said thing
only submits to chaos?
putting a stick into a river...
and asking it to turn around...
                 the change the current...
             and somehow people still cite...
and laugh at... nebuchadnezzar II...
when... laughing at Xerxes is almost reserved for
people with the audacity to usher a said:
reference to the hebrew god:
wet with tongue and saliva and...
the gnashing of teeth: as if... taking a bite...
of lamb sinew!

— The End —