Im deep in the throws of finding myself
Caught in the undertow
Tumbling under the surface
After a wave pushes me down
I cant see what direction is up
And what is down
Theres pressure from all sides
Pushing and pulling
Like children in masks
Waiting for you to choose them
Who am I without a clear path?
Who was I born to be?
Does it even matter?
Thoughts jumble and
Twist into knots
Its impossible to untangle
The truth
But they say the truth will set you free
Am I forever to be
A prisoner of my own indecision?
Of my own lack of insight
Into who i am?
Because it is scary,
Getting lost in the current,
And when I can finally come up for air
I hope it tastes sweeter
Than I remember

Her pale skins scabs over and grows back translucent.
She’s disappearing, but she glows like starlight.
It bursts from her pores, shining and silver and still.

Still, so still.

Inside she’s screaming, clawing at the nerves of her brain.
Spiders crawl across her arm.
She’s a prisoner in her own skeleton.
She breaks her skin, though she can’t break through.

Still, she cannot move.

Her body fades into transparency as the world looks on oblivious.
Look, class!
Look how she rattles at the cage of her bones.
Look how they shake and lock her in tight.
Look how still she sits, so still.
Look how beautiful she’d be if she smiled.
Let’s stitch one across her face and tell her she’s fine.    

Still, I watch her from a distance.

I can’t look away, but I can’t help.
God knows I’ve tried.
I kiss her lips, hold her wrists, try to tell her body it’s still alive.
I try to tell her that life is more than the bones which imprison her.
I try to see her, but she’s disappearing.
I try to hold her, but my hand passes through her like smoke.

Still, I try.

Now tell me such a tale sir
while I am tightly bound
of captive maidens held sir
where evil knights abound.

Then taken to be used sir
in their castles of renown
of tortured girls so sweet sir
who are forced so to kneel down.

Then tell me of the dungeons sir
within the fortress drear
with chains upon the walls sir
where I might be held in fear.

Then show me what it means sir
to be such a prisoner
where nothing else is real sir
but myself as a damsel fair.

Then make me live the thought sir
that I might so lie within
and tortured all day long sir
for each imagined sin.

Then secretly find pleasure sir
in all that’s done to me
while my knightly captor sir
has me on my knees.

Then eventually confess sir,
to all my worldly sins
while my sadistic lord sir
is making me more commit .

Then tie me even tighter sir
with every knot aware
rough ****** I now need sir
to think myself as there.

Then make me taste your whip sir
to force me to submit
of the marks you leave sir
you care not a single whit.

Then take me as you will sir
and drive me really wild
make sure I’m deeply kissed sir
where I feel it burn inside.

Then hold me in your keep sir
and bend me to your will
and use my body more sir
for my needs are never still.

Then stand me on the brink sir
and show me just the edge
of where I shall be pushed sir
with just the slightest nudge.

Then tie me up and leave sir
to dream and squirm at will
of the ways I might be used sir
in your castle on the hill.

**
From the Francesca Anderssen collection of 101 **** Verses 2016