these billows
of smoke
ploddingly
smothers
the willows
of provoke

The monster inside,
She fights and she bites
Yet I don't feel a thing.

I can hear her screams of pure hatred,
Which almost seems like sweet nothings in my head.
Slowly, I breathe in; and so does she.
Despite being a beast in my head,
She acts like a regular person instead.
But I can't see her, no not yet,
I feel her breath next to mine.
Almost the same tempo;
So synchronised in time.
I inhale the sickly sweet scent
Of her smile.
The wind in her hair;
The drost in her soul.

I begin to smell,
The contempt in her eyes.
The evil, oh so bold.
And as all these senses
Merge into one-
She disappears.
Like a shadow fades into the light
Or a mighty devil scorned.

It almost feels like I'm free
Just for a moment.
Slowly, and gradually,
But it feels like it was in a split second.
The pain rushes back.
The realisation doesn't.
My senses resurrect from their numbness;
Ever so ploddingly
And I see
I see,
Her.
Looking right back at me,
As if she had been there for days, weeks, months,
An eternity.
Just, watching.
Waiting.
Ready to attack.
I look straight back into her eyes;
Barely breathing.
Barely smiling.
Barely feeling-
Anything at all.
It is then, the moons change and the stars shift
Feelings alter
And I feel something I seemed
Unable to fathom
Just a few moments ago.

Then,
I fear again.

things continue to break within me.
the weight of this slowly snaps the supporting structures of my body.

---

a creak
and a small quantity of burning liquid
sloshes over the edge of its fleshy chamber
dripping down the sides of my lungs,
my heart,
leaving streaky yellow marks down the insides of my ribcage.

a crack
and i freeze
suddenly scared to move lest my now unstable stomach container should fall
and my guts topple over themselves
landing spaghetti-like
draped over my womb.

a dull snap - muscles in my face break like aged elastics
they do not spring back quickly
but creep and crinkle slowly away
leaving my lips trembling to support themselves and leaching with them the red from my cheeks.

a slight ******* sound as my retinas detach
but only momentarily: i fling my eyes open in shock and alarm
knocking them back into place.
this sudden movement
however
stretches out my eyelids
and leaves them slack and sluggish.

i am so tired of this constant pressure slowly condemning my body
and now it shows in my eyes.

----

a desperately bound memory of
- greasy hair and welling eyes -
breaks free of its haphazard moorings and wreaks havoc throughout:

falling first past my face
spilling all holds of liquid there
which pour out of my body
gushing free
dripping and messy

it sticks next in my lungs
blocking my sighs
it bounces upon my diaphragm
gaping gasping for air
that i cannot use

it congeals in my bowels
sticking them in their place
preventing their minute movements
those tiny undulations that are the visceral workings

it finally crumbles and filters through my bones and blood
this fine memory powder filling my feet and calves.
it is heavy and densely packed
and i must move ploddingly now.

though dry and breathing and vibrating again
the memory’s toll is seen and heard and felt on my
salty cheeks
wheezing throat
tense body
and slow pace.