I, like any normal human
keep a list of future names
I started it when I was young
then it was Landon and Ashlynn
kids I knew from school
written in gel glitter pen
in bright pink hues

my list is sorted alphabetically
genders separated as well
it’s followed me from Lisa Frank diaries
to pdfs files
sometimes I add to it often
other times I leave it alone

my list is heavily masculine
I'm not quite sure why
I like boys named Max and Marlon
I like Oskar and Gale too
I have a thing for Old English names
like Arthur and Holden
just to name a few
my boyfriend prefers Ash or Astrid
I like those as well
but, my favorite name is Olin
with one or two L's

I discovered this name on a lost blanket
draped over a fence post by the bay
I'd call him Ollie for fun
Ollie Ollie Oxen free! We’d play
he'd have red hair and freckles
I’d knit him many things
I'd sing him to sleep at night
I'd bake him lots of treats
when he cries I'd hold him tight
whisper that everything is alright

tests continue to be ordered
blood, ultrasounds, and more
results are coming forward
I refuse to see the score
It’s the very thing I’m dreading
I worry that it’s true
seems this list is fruitless
seems I am too

2004 felt so far away from 1994
2014 was another world compared to 2004
2024, and it all looks the same

Sure, we feel different; scattered, deranged
Not knowing who to believe or blame
You gave it all to us too fast at once
All the movies, music, and TV
All the books, articles, and self-help
All the DIY guides and platforms to perform
We never realized we were not cut out to be the curators
and communities all by our lonesome selves in our bedrooms
We crumble at the weight of it all, blame ourselves for not achieving dreams like the pretty people on the tiny screen
Boomer producer parents spend so much dough to help their kids seem bespoke  

I'm afraid many poors got too smart between 2004 and 2014
Too much decent community college, Marxist pdfs, and low down creatives coming together

You can't find what you used to in real life, let alone online

The 6 rich guys that run the world got scared of too many redneck dads actually liking Bernie Sanders and the new sushi bar downtown

People were getting too smart, so they flooded us with slop
to get us back to the naïve pissants we were before 9/11, or maybe even before the Industrial Revolution