One day I will meet a girl
Set aside for me
Of all the people on all the earth
I'll know her by her chemistry

Her eyes will shimmer like an allotrope of C
With one of Cu(NO3)2
One of CuCO3
And hair of Cu straight
Or perhaps the deeper hue when Fe2 meets Oxygen
Her skin an alloy of Cu and Sn
Tall and thin like a long chain hydrocarbon
And electroplated in Zn
To steel her on her mission to heal this mad and broken world
Her heart of Au
And Ag tongue
And mind as quick as Si chips in sequence
Resonating on my frequency
Like a SiO4 oscillator tuned to me specifically
She is what happens when H2O meets Na
Or Li, or K, or Cs
Or by adding HNO3 to glycerin
She burns as bright as Mg
As H fusion
Waiting to lift the Pb from my soul
So we can float away like He

Capacitor plate ల  మద్య  insulation  లా  నీ feelings దాచేసావే.
Diode forward bias లా  నీ  మనసు  చప్పట్లు  pass చెయ్యవే .
Zener reverse bias లా  నా  voltage stabilise చేసేయ్యవే .
Transistor regions లాగా  ముచ్చు  మూడైనా  stages లో  ఉన్నావే .
Cut చేసే  వీలుమ్డే  cut-off నుండి  బయటకిరావే.
మితిమీరే  అవకాశం  ఉండే  saturation నుండి  తప్పుకుపోవే .
Universal Acceptance లా  active stage  కి  చేరిపోవే .
Amplifier లాగా  నీ  ప్రేమను  సైతం  double triple అవ్వాలే .
ఎ  input లేని  స్పందించే  oscillator నా  heart అది  chese beat ఏలే  .
Infinite oscillations తో  నీవెనకే  నేను  నాతొ  నా  ప్రేమ .
నన్ను  control చేసే  feedback loop ఎ  నువ్వు .
నువ్వు  చెప్పింది  చేసే  circuit నేను .
Transistor లా  Switch అల్లే  మన  ఇరువురి  ప్రేమని  connect చేసేసే .

As

the strings
of a viola,
I am

like an
oscillator,
resonant

with
nervous
energy:

do...

te-- le--

so fa me re do--;

As

a marble
dropped
onto

a piano's
keys, my
pulse, with

anxious
accelerando
strikes:

pitch...

pitch, pitch

now, now

now now now

Stop.

My mommy made a promise when I was young. She told me that she’d do everything to protect me, that she’d do everything to keep me safe. She swore with all her heart and strength that she’d fight for me with all her life.

She did fight with her best.

She fought with her all.

She gave it all she’s got.

She did manage to push back all my tears just before they would fall; sometimes they even climb back to hiding behind when she smiles. Even sobs turn to laughter at her presence.

Heck, I never felt down. She kept keeping me up.

She fought the winning fight. Beaten away sadness, and boxed out regret, she made shame feel sorry. I never even knew doubt, of course because I was sure she was there for me.

I never knew any counter weapon that could ever out power her smile, or her hugs or her forehead kisses –nothing could ever beat her forehead kisses.

She won ‘til the very end.

Then she lost.

I guess it’s kind of too ironic now. I hated it with all my heart before.

I hated the fact that when my protector disappeared, I was left bare for every new stranger, sadness… regret… shame… doubt…

All the tears that she kept pushing back, they finally escaped.

I didn’t even have any idea before that there’s this pool of raining kept up at the surface of my wrists just waiting to be freed—

I hated her.

I hated her for always winning.

I hated her for always trying so hard.

I hated her for fighting—

Ironic is it not? Now here I am making that same promise to you.

Seeing you cry so much, so devilishly much, I couldn’t really help it. I couldn’t help but remember all the times I cried without my mommy smiling to hush me; I couldn’t help but recall all the tears that fell from my eyes then, how I waited, crying, how I prayed crying, how I foolishly tried to fake all my smiles for the first few  months, still crying… Just vainly waiting for her to stop my tears from falling.

I couldn’t help but stop it.

It was all that I could do. It was the best that I can do.

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

I swear that I’d do everything to protect you. I’ll do everything to keep you safe. I swear with all my heart and soul that I’d fight for you with all my life.

And, my son, I’ll never leave you alone.

I’ll never let another tear pass through your eyelids again, neither will I let another sob from your throat, no, now you’re with me, I won’t let this leukemia I passed along hurt you anymore.

This is the only thing she taught me to do.

Smile.

Hug.

Kiss your forehead.

At least I fought— How I hugged you managed to muffle the deafening beep of your oscillator…

I fought with everything I had.

I fought with all my heart and my strength like my mommy did.

I kept all the tears back inside your eyelids just when they are about to fall. Not even a single drop of blood escaped your wrists too. I think I was able to push back all the shame and regret and doubts in your heart? I hope I did.

I won against fear, at least. I managed to see you smile one last time but—

—I fought ‘til the very end—

Then I lost.