she was the first
to act as though
she wanted to be my beretta,
to hold a holster to my thigh
and accept the badge
of partner in crime.

she spoke without shelter.

pool days of marination
in monsters and taurus,
a kiss for pity
as i'd yet to be corrupted,
and she stole some joy
in taking what wasn't hers.

she was bigger than me.

she showed me
how shattered touch screens
can look like dried petals,
but cut like cold *******,
and when you're in a field of dandelions
how they come in handy.

she wrote the book on flagellation.

she promised it was all for me;
calloused fingertips from
loving me with lighter fluid,
scratches for feral adoration,
and the damocles' above my head
or rather hers, and hers to drop on a whim.

she wrote a chapter on manipulation.

i wasn't ready the first time
she pushed passed denim
and plaid as easily
as she waived my concern,
nor the second --
nor the third.

she had daddy issues.

i still didn't know
how tampons worked,
or vaginas for that matter,
and so to be forcefully
and viscerally introduced to both
behind a tree in Henessey
****** up my brain a little.

she called it "mad week."

ear bud cables
became garrotes
around my neck
in the suspended
movement of a pulse
through my aorta;
and as every day with her,
i felt she crossed a line,
and as every day before,
i never called foul.

Catch a falling star on your tongue
soak in the gaseous matter
millions of years of history and marination
long ago
careers were optional
fictional
we picked apples and drank milk
big n strong farm folk
tire swings and moonshine
tractor disasters
Ford made robots of robots
gym class saw mills
ashes to ashes
well hello there my jumpy friend
not enough sulphur in your supper?
Tatted body guards in grass skirts
hubba hubba
let the shayman give us some insight
fire side and full of hallucinogens
we will see the future and past simultaneously
martians will be proud
shame on you jumpy junior
mince the words like horror-flick killers
jack of all trades
let this be the silk road to tradition.

Dead skin soup
marination for the soul.
The longer it soaks, the more the skin droops.
More flavor for the porcelain bowl.
Seasoned with scrubs,  wash, and shampoo in the stoup.
Scrub hard, rise hot and watch the tainted drain down a black hole.

i have this nicely hewn

blusish, white and black

blanket rug i bring to the

park to lie and meditate on.

so i'm lying there blissing out

when i open my eyes there's

this ****-diesel beast of a pitbull

literally in my face.

his owner was nowhere to be found.

so i sit up as he circles and sniffs me,

all of a sudden this mass of muscle hit

my back in a collapsing motion.

i turn around to see that hulk had rolled

over and wanted a belly rub.

here comes his owner finally--laughing,

telling me that Bo really likes me.

he liked the vibes, surrendering to that

marination.

For my health and away from chaos ;
I must leave this employment ;
It is a marination

Spare me my lungs
And my worn upon readers
Part from me the company
Of these sippers
These social fighters and patterns

Be gone
Let out

Can I really be free
Staring at the back of my eyelids when I rest
Thought age would give me a leg up
Little did I know it wasn't the flight of any bird I live
Phoenix or not at times I still tie my ******* in a knot
I crucify my ownself in my mind's marination
Lifting my skinny leg to **** on a tree
The apple doesn't fall far and you can see it in the lines of my face
******* away any freedom that could be had
Can I really be free.

That first time, those nerves erupting, sometimes no manifestation through body language , other times the tremors of the body so strong as if you are your own earthquake and the flood of sweat , each trickle flowing heavy like a steam

That first time, the excitement bubbling away , the new job ,school or whatever it is causing a fizzy sensation , like a coca cola bottle that has been shaked and as soon as it opens , it lets loose with no restraint

That first time , where you feel you should be perfect in your approach, possibly causing you to be overly serious and not entirely relaxing, since one hick-up you make renders you hot and flustered, forgetting you are human and that mistakes happen

That first time. with the marination of nerves , excitement and trying to be perfect mixed together, causing the birth of an unusual, unique, yet indescribable feeling, one that if you could taste, you really could not distinguish whether it was sweet or sour , but you would not want another taste

There is a first time for everything, sometimes you may feel like this, sometimes you don't, sometimes it is a quick momentary thing, other times it is the whole day, but hey, when it is over, you will be relieved since now you have gained at least a little experience