It was not supposed to be that way.
No green-purple spots in my eyelids, I said,
said
no graveyard asphalt on the back of my knees.
It was supposed to approach me modestly,
quietly,
with blushing fingertips and eons of time.
I had imagined it would approach me modestly.

In the meantime, I could visit a brothel
or two
***** my heart out, spread open its capillaries.
Poetry is prostitution of the lewdest kind
and how lovely, while I **** my paragraphs
to eat a man
or two?
There was one
with hardened fingertips and no more than a second to spare.

I had imagined it would approach me plainly.
No sifting through mounds of shell and bone, I said,
said
no puppet shows.
No masquerades, and my veins were supposed to do their job.

This was supposed to be my play,
my knight takes rook,
my girl takes respite.
I was supposed to come out golden.

He was not cruel but it seeped out of him
like mustard gas.
Sickly, yellow,
I inhaled it with relish
acid burned its way down my cheeks
through my chest.
And how beautiful, to love and be loved
without feeling it crush your lungs.

Pictures

I will draw on you

I am planning to

Pay attention to fantasy

Paint over jealousy

Electricity is hissing (still siren-blue)

Sparking to introduce us

But it's a question of whether it is shame

(Awful, uh huh)

Or a hope to see you again (blah blah blah)

Drawing on you- will it work?

Let's get caught

Planning to make it

Aiming to pronounce it (I'm in baby, I'm in)

I am burning the freeze

Chewed out, pursued, ******* and subdued

I am sinking, and like *******

Feeding the earth with mother-wit

From which blooms blossom (awesome!)

Start shaking before I even feel the breeze

Introductions please, to please

A brief crowd full of crap-infested chivalry

(They are crawling, they are crawling, they are fraught;

A brief wave then it's a crawl to nought.)

Let's get caught baby, let's get caught

Taking a bite

Welcome to the Ball

Share a beer; let's get hot

(Shall we take a picture of our lewdest night?)


Electricity is crawling to the bottom of the end

Why do not you... ha ha ha

I meant

I don't know what it's like to be

Signed in with Love

And golden messages thereof

(The world of plain water- no flavours

No favours por favor for me.)

Planning to image a crispy Fall- leaves

Crashing to the shore

That's where I live

(Between the ocean and the dessert: sweet home

On the exterior- toxic within the core.)

If you can, scoop me up some give

(I already took what I could take.)


Gonna pick up the phone

Planning to call you

Planning to make a moment

I'll draw (if you don't mind)

I will buy into the dream (if you don't hesitate)

I'll pick you up (if you'll be by my side-

Is it not time yet for a ******* ride?)

Let's get started

Baby, I was annoying

Toying... baby I was cloying, destroying


(If you are my mate

I am planning to sketch a moment.

If you are my mate don't worry

Approach me- slow devotion

When every second is another decade

Stretching the link in no discerning hurry;

Approach me- ghost-like

So only I can see you drawing near

And only I can feel you deep, within

And only I can clutch, hold dear

The remnants of the breeze

You leave behind

If you do not mind, I will just let you know

"Hello baby, hello!")


Let's see if there are idiots;

See if it's time to stop hijacking time

(If you would like to make a lapse in rhyme?)

Like, to talk about floating in painted scenes

Hello baby- stop by and lie with me

I will crawl on my side

Please do not wake too soon

Let me draw on you

I will beget it; I will adorn you-


We are engaged in courtship

Most affluent, loquacious

Sweet source of information

Free from harshness; freed of scraps,

Scarce lone sharks, a shiny coin

A sharp-edged mannequin watching

Dispassionate-

We are a bulls-eye accident

Awesomely lonesome... aye, aye.

Please do never leave durin' your stay, as I'm touched in a mentally-
unretarded way while I **** chances with **** who like ******* gay
You've few foul-weather friends 'cause you are maladjusted secretly
and you have 2 teeth to chew pork rinds and you bathe infrequently
to mar many modulated modes moved chemically & chemiatrically
over the ids of Talmudists who wash in synagogues like gay nudists
who outdo pig Goyim on Saturn's day to be the lecherously lewdest