Out on your own,
Cold and alone again.
Can this be what you really wanted, baby?

Blame it on me,
Set your guilt free.
Nothing can hold you back now.

Now that you're gone,
I feel like myself again.
Grieving the things I can't repair and willing...

To let you blame it on me,
And set your guilt free.
I don't want to hold you back now love.

I can't change who I am.
Not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me.
And in this short life, there's no time to waste on giving up.
My love wasn't enough.

And you can blame it on me,
Just set your guilt free, honey.
I don't want to hold you back now love.

Day of Satan's painful duty! Dies iræ! dies illa!
Earth shall vanish, hot and sooty; Solvet sæclum in favilla
So says Virtue, so says Beauty. ***** David *** Sibylla.
Ah! what terror shall be shaping Quantus tremor est futurus,
When the Judge the truth's undraping-- Quando Judex est venturus.
Cats from every bag escaping! Cuncta stricte discussurus.
Now the trumpet's invocation Tuba mirum spargens sonum
Calls the dead to condemnation; Per sepulchra regionem,
All receive an invitation. Coget omnes ante thronum.

Death and Nature now are quaking, Mors stupebit, et Natura,

And the late lamented, waking, Quum resurget creatura

In their breezy shrouds are shaking. Judicanti responsura.

Lo! the Ledger's leaves are stirring, Liber scriptus proferetur,

And the Clerk, to them referring, In quo totum continetur,

Makes it awkward for the erring. Unde mundus judicetur.

When the Judge appears in session, Judex ergo quum sedebit,

We shall all attend confession, Quicquid latet apparebit,

Loudly preaching non-suppression. Nil inultum remanebit.

How shall I then make romances Quid sum miser tunc dicturus,

Mitigating circumstances? Quem patronem rogaturus,

Even the just must take their chances. Quum vix justus sit securus?

King whose majesty amazes, Rex tremendæ majestatis,

Save thou him who sings thy praises; Qui salvandos salvas gratis;

Fountain, quench my private blazes. Salva me, Fons pietatis.

Pray remember, sacred Saviour, Recordare, Jesu pie,

Mine the playful hand that gave your Quod sum causa tuæ viæ;

Death-blow. Pardon such behavior. Ne me perdas illa die.

Seeking me, fatigue assailed thee, Quærens me sedisti lassus

Calvary's outlook naught availed thee; Redemisti crucem passus,

Now 'twere cruel if I failed thee. Tantus labor non sit cassus.

Righteous judge and learnèd brother, Juste Judex ultionis,

Pray thy prejudices smother Donum fac remissionis

Ere we meet to try each other. Ante diem rationis.

Sighs of guilt my conscience gushes, Ingemisco tanquam reus,

And my face vermilion flushes; Culpa rubet vultus meus;

Spare me for my pretty blushes. Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Thief and harlot, when repenting, Qui Mariam absolvisti,

Thou forgavest--complimenting Et latronem exaudisti,

Me with sign of like relenting. Mihi quoque spem dedisti.

If too bold is my petition Preces meæ non sunt dignæ,

I'll receive with due submission Sed to bonus fac benigne

My dismissal--from perdition. Ne perenni cremer igne.

When thy sheep thou hast selected Inter oves locum præsta.

From the goats, may I, respected, Et ab hædis me sequestra,

Stand amongst them undetected. Statuens in parte dextra.

When offenders are indited, Confutatis maledictis,

And with trial-flames ignited, Flammis acribus addictis,

Elsewhere I'll attend if cited. Voca me *** benedictis.

Ashen-hearted, prone and prayerful, Oro supplex et acclinis,

When of death I see the air full, Cor contritum quasi cinis;

Lest I perish too be careful. Gere curam mei finis.

On that day of lamentation, Lacrymosa dies illa

When, to enjoy the conflagration, Qua resurget et favilla,

Men come forth, O be not cruel: Judicandus **** reus,

Spare me, Lord--make them thy fuel. Huic ergo parce, Deus!

Five years end,
Yes, gone for good.*

It finally died,
I hope it never returns.

I have it buried in soil
Where it will be a feast for the worms

It expired,
My conclusion is firm.

I remember when it created the scars,
It built up the shields that I would wield
Like mechanical wheels underneath me.

It has lost its power to bleach me.
I've become the burning creature,
Defiant and bold,
Risen from the black pyre.

Its ash I scattered into oblivion.
I wore white garb and smiled at its funeral,
No flowers were laid on its grave.

If my eyes forget lacrymosa,
My tears will be cried in ink.

Goodbye Black Sorrow,
Your death has brought life.

(c) 2014 Brandon Antonio Smith

(Originally written 10/23/10
Revised 10/3/14)

I have looked upon sainted kings,
Daring to look them in the eye,
Like I was their equal.
I have watched God cast Satan out of heaven,
The archangels chased him down,
And I was not unhinged.
I have watched Juliet pierce her heart,
Over her dead Romeo,
And only tears for dear old love were shed.
I have seen beauty, I have seen repulsion.
Blood spattered across palace floors,
Watched the ones I love stride away from me.
I have seen lies that have unravelled,
Like some Jacobean tragedy.
Not once have I cowered in the corner,
Or averted my eyes.
He says “Diamond, don’t be cut by your own dust”
As he throws her against the wall.
I’ve seen it all.
I’ve seen dead poets, half-starved and decaying,
Defeated by their own passion,
And I whispered “Misery’s your nom-de-plume” into the silence.
He hung off the bed, almost celestial,
Until you looked at his mouth (In case you were wondering:
Kissed too much by those who didn’t fuel the fire)
But I wasn’t frightened.
Grown men have threatened me with eyes like daggers,
Invisible fingers on my throat.
I’ve seen sticks and stones, breaking bones, and names that definitely hurt you.
But I’ve worn the experience on my sleeve,
I’ve never let it weaken me.
I’ve held shattered hearts in my hands as I try to fix them.
I’ve reached out to find my lover’s outline has gone cold.
I’ve seen Death, standing in the shadows, surveying the mess he left.
I’ve seen flame-haired girls, poised perfectly, but with paused tears,
Threatening to pour forth,
Because he’s in love with the idea of the muse rather than the muse herself.
I’ve seen obsession,
Oh, god, I’ve felt it. Clutching desperately onto his leg,
Dragging herself through the blood and guts of the earth.
I’ve watched boys carve “Lacrymosa” into broken skin,
Either their own or somebody else’s.
I’ve seen the fall of Man, the mouth of hell.
I’ve snapped out of hypnosis caused by ***** eyes.
I’ve seen the name of God drive lovers apart.
Bigoted, acid-flecked spit.
I’ve seen war.
I’ve seen peace.
You see, I’ve lived a life,
And I’ve been bruised before.

But I can’t even look at my own reflection,
Without cursing to some Almighty.
I can’t even stutter some words out,
That could bring me all I need.
Introspection….like a hole in the ******* head.
And yet, they come alive at night,
Telling me to reach out across the great divide,
***** my courage to the sticking place.
“And pray tell, Olivia, what are you so afraid of?”
Fear of the unknown.
Caution doesn’t crack hearts.
And progress report: Parasitical ugliness (please stop living on me),
That drives them away, besides.