The swirl of the ceiling fan
Could not stir
The vapours with which you
Enshrouded me

The gossamer which concealed
And revealed you
Dusky pink over your darker skin
Flowing yet still

Like your soul

Some people live a charmed life
I haven't
How to live without the worries, the memories overtaking the present?
Just be here
In this moment, everything is OK

Sunday morning
Quiet out, even the freeway sounds are dimmed
My neighbors who get visits from three giant police officers
with weapons, and they all look eight feet tall,
are asleep and quiet for the moment.

Birds outside
I wake up with my coffee and almond milk
A bitter drink, but cruelty free
That is so important to me
After all I have suffered at the hands of others
Not to be an exploiter of a senseate being
Not to ever be like those who hurt and walk away

I go to my half couch
Sit and cover myself with a fuzzy blanket
Little Julietta, my tri-color semi-feral rescue hops up for a pet

There are memories
At 45, I have regrets and pain
and fear of more pain
But not in this moment
In this moment, everything is peaceful
The tormenters are absent
I've run away from them
Excised them from my life
Ignored them, they are all gone
There is a day ahead to live, moment by moment

The flashbacks, the dark thoughts come
Pray, let them pass by like the cars on the distant freeway
To experience them once is not avoidable
To extend that, is
They can float by like clouds on a windy day
There is nothing more to learn from them
No more healing from experiencing their pain

Here.  Now.  Is OK.  That is all we have.

and I woke up to hear it and see it because I love the rain
it is cleansing and renewing like a good cry and it changes
the landscape and makes it quiet as nature asserts herself over us
and we need more rain.  we need more tears to wash away the sadness and
stress the envelops the world and my cats are here with me, warm and dry
and afraid of the thunder and little Julietta wants to go out but there is too much
water and I with my sorrows am soothed by the sound of water washing over
my world, sliding off my shelter and running down a little stream.