I thought expressing how I’m feeling would be freeing.
I told them they were a fraud.
All-knowing, but clueless about ‘being’.
A narcissistic deity with no right to call itself God.
An entity so powerful it can create a universe in six days,
But it created a boy who every time he starts something, cannot commit.
A boy so riddled with self-loathing that every day was a haze.
I told it,
“I’m afraid.”
That night I laid in bed thinking of more ways to describe the blades I felt piercing my heart. The jaded and absent almighty father who may as well have abandoned me and left me with the maid.
This is why I stopped being religious in the seventh grade.
And this was a desperate plea.
I can’t get to sleep.
The weight of the world is the weight of my sheets.
Try to get up, but everything’s spinning.
I asked God,
“Is this just the beginning?”
“read.”
That’s all that it said.
Ghosted by God like it had a hot girl at a bar’s passive nonchalance.
And it fills me with dread. Like I was just diagnosed with lung cancer.
But I told God, “What I’m most afraid of is losing hwr.”
I meant to say her,
a textual slur,
but at least that plea will live on,
Despite no answer.
Edgy poem about a girl I wrote a few years ago.
