Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
I look in the mirror
What do I see?
Wrinkly woman
Staring strait back at me
Her eyes have bags
She hasent slept in weeks
Her hair all white
White as snow
Her eyes wide like a child's first hope
She looks at me
Puts her and on the mirror
"Dadda?" She asks
" no I'm not your father"
"Dadda?"
" I don't know where he is.."
"Dadda?!" She starts to freak out
" I'm not your father!"
"Dadda!!"
"I DONT KNOW WHERE HE IS! I DONT KNOW WHERE HE WENT! HE LEFT US OK! HE LEFT us.."
She turns her head and looks at me
"Why?" She asks
I tell her" I don't know!"
She points to the watch on her wrist
"He only gives you those so you can count down the minuts to see him! It's not worth it! Every year it's longer and longer, and soon he will walk right out of your life!"
"Dadda is suppost to come! I want to play!"
I look at her, reach out and touch her hair
"The only game our father plays is hide and go seek except we give up looking and waiting for him"
"But I've been waiting since I was three!"
" and now your eighty! Don't you see? Go get sleep or find some friends! You will find other love, it's just as good."
"Don't lie to me!" She demands in a deep voice. Her eyes full of hate!
"No don't do that! You don't deserve all that hate !"
" nothing is as good as a fathers love! Not a date, a true boyfriend NOTHING!"
"How do you know ? We have never had a fathers love!"
" but you see it around you. Then you give up and try boy love."
"Don't say that!"
"You know it's true the only reason you date boys is to find some love for you! You seek attention and kisses and hugs! So you feel someone truly cares and loves! Your pathetic trying to wait! Pretending to love him every holiday ! "
"SHUT UP SHUT UP!!" I say and punch the mirror
"Why don't you make me! You pathetic slime You can't enjoy Christmas *** he's gone mine !"
I stood up and stare her in the eyes. "No one owns me or tells me what to do!"
"Oh I'm so scared!"
"Yes yes you are ! Your scared of never being enough! Your scared that if your not pretty! You'll die and he won't give a ****! Your scared that you will loose him! Your scared no one will care! Well guess what buddyriend and family that care !"
"Why don't you sleep it off? And wait for him to care?"
"IM DONE SLEEPING AND WAITING FOR HIM !" I reach in and grab her by the throught. "AND IM DONE LISTENING TO YOU!"
I turn her neck till the mirror shatters
The glass breaks
my hand blead
I sit and cry like nothing mattered
I look at one of the pieces on the ground in front of me. It's a little girl only about age 3.
"Thank you" she says and curtsys and disinagrates away.
I sit and cry. Tears of joy
Nothing is more blissful then freedom
Even more then a boy.
Journal entry #2

Curled up on the bathroom floor.
I stare down at my phone, so long, that my eyes glaze over.
Surprised I remembered all the songs that use to set my soul on fire.
Music was always my second love, and then there was you.

Already tipsy, I take a long swig from my bottle of jack and say to myself, (Rip it, its just like a bandaid just do it.)

I hit shuffle and the first song that plays is...
(H.O.L.Y. by Florida Georgia Line)

The pain that washed over me was excruciating. It made every hair on my body stand and shiver. Tears fell from my eyes as my mind brought me right back to that time, and that place, in that car, as I brought you to our home and you sang that song to me.

I remember thanking God in this moment.
I finally had you back. I remember thinking how lucky I was... Blessed.
Thinking we conquered it all.
Feeling like I had died and gone to heaven and there you were.

I felt short of breath, I felt like I was suffocating. Because I  never knew such a happiness existed...never wanting someone so much in your life..

Try to see this through my eyes.
Life hasent always been good to me.
I try to see the good in life.
But good things in life are hard to find.
But then, in walks a man I thought was sent from heaven.
Maybe, it was finally my time to be happy?

God is that you?

Too blind to see it at the time, but God was saying No the entire time.

I was blown away, what could I say?
It all seemed to make sense at the time.
Stupid me, thinking he loved me, as much as I loved him.
Gillie Younger Dec 2012
my eyes open to a new beginning
a fresh world to see
the chance for a new life
a day that hasent been decided yet
a moment that you make
the moment that only matters
when you are truly alive
you forget you alone
I Have had a hard life, but so hasent everybody else,
I try to forget the pain, but im afraid of the result going against the grain,i still have to be true to myself, relationships have come and gone, making it hard for life in my lane to just go along with a flow i haven't been able to stay on for so long, honestly i care, but its hard to not be scared, when the reality and truth has been, hidden, forbidden, now were are the people that said they cared?  are they there? maybe im delusional in this world , but everybody makes references and insults and get suprised when ***** pops off in the mist of the air, tell me what it feels like being that kid sitting over there, trust me, ive been there ive done that **** was never fair, but realize those kids end up killed or in jail, dont feel left out, dont set your self to fail, cause they act like punks and claim they get the best *******, but they turn they back on a homie when **** switches, and the watch an chain he wearin aint real, he stole it from that homeless innocent woman with not a dime to spill, so think about it, and let this **** set in, cause i know these words that im spewing ill never be forgettin, people these days have no ******* morals, back in the day there was a way to get along without needing money in ya pocket, im trying to capture every good moment i have, maybd put it in neckless and lock it, hold it tight in my heart, but burn so these hater can never grin at the truth,. they cant **** with my furnance, wich is the root ofmy heart, and ill never let anybody change me or rip my family apart,
this is from my heart how i trully feel, and im not saying people have been though the stuggle, the struggle is real, but theres always a choice and everybody has a destiny to fulfill
Just a girl Mar 2018
One of the most devastating heart breaking things I ever had to go through as a woman...

Was falling in love with a man that couldn't love and respect me...

Because he simply hasent learned how to respect and love himself.
sage eugene zumr Oct 2023
collected ashes practiced forth
addict often rancid earth lavash
personal draft lasted laxin birth
actions ive hasent yet mansion
first is the tragics then savages
church inset fashasts passive
quirks in the static perks relax
i got half a havoc in stashes
massive in classics of traffic
lex in the luther predator stupper
seminol truth erks in fences over
my pencil posture poser is best
of the rested introductive relent

— The End —