Another shift, another day, Another buck to spend or save
A million riders, maybe more, delivered to their office door
Or maybe warehouse maybe store.
Or church or shul or city school, right on time as a rule.

Clickety, clackety, clickety, clee,
I am New York, the City’s me
Come let me ride you on my knee
From Coney Isle to Pelham Bay
From Bronx to Queens eight times a day.

Ride my trains, New Yorkers do
And you’ll learn a thing or two
About the City up above, the one some hate, the one some love.
On the street they work like elves
Down below they’re just themselves.

Through summer’s heat they still submerge,
Tempers held (though always on the verge),
They push, they shove – just like above –
The crowds will jostle, then finally merge.

Downtown to work and then back to sleep
They travel just like farm-herded sheep.
In through this gate and out the other,
Give up a seat to a child and mother,
Just don’t sit too close to that unruly creep!

With these crowds huddled near
Just ride my trains with open ear,
There’s lots of tales for you to hear.


Dis stop is 86th Street, change for da numbah 4 and 5 trains.  Dis is a Brooklyn Bridge bound Numbah 6 Train.   77th Street is next.  Watch out da closin dowahs.


     I’m Doctor Z, Doctor Z are me
     I’ll fix your face or the visit’s free.
     Plastic surgery, nips and tucks
     You’ll be looking like a million bucks.

     Looka those pitchas, ain’t they hot?
     You’ll look good, too, like as not!
     Just call my numbah, free of toll
     Why should you look like an ugly troll?

     You’ll be lookin good like a rapster
     Folks start stealing your tunes on Napster
     Guys’ll love ya, dig your face
     Why keep lookin like sucha disgrace?

     Call me up, you’re glad you did
     Ugly skin you’ll soon be rid.
     Amex, Visa, Mastercard,
     Payment plans that ain’t so hard.

     So don’t forget, pick up that phone
     Soon’s you get yourself back home.
     I’ll have you looking good, one, two three
     Or else my name ain’t Doctor Z.


Dis stop is 77th Street, 68th Street Huntah College is next. Yer ona Brooklyn Bridge bound Numbah 6 Train.  Watch out da closin dowahs.


     It was a limo, now it’s the train;
     Tomorrow’s sunshine, but now it’s rain.
     The market’s mine, for taking and giving
     It’s the way I earn my living.

     Today’s losses, last week’s gain.
     A day of pleasure, months of pain.
     We sold the puts and bought the calls;
     We loaded up on each and all.

     I’ve seen it all, from Fear to Greed,
     Good motivators, they are, both.
     The fundamentals I try to heed
     Run your gains and avoid big loss.

     Rates are down, I bought the banks
     For easy credit, they should give thanks.
     Goldman, Citi, even Chase
     Why are they still in their malaise?

     “The techs are drek,” I heard him say
     But bought more of them, anyway.
     I rode the bull, I’ll tame the bear
     I’ll scream and curse and pull my hair.

     So why continue though I’m such a ****?
     I’ll cut my loss if I find honest work.



Dis is 68th Street Huntah College, 59th Street is next. Yer ona Brooklyn Bridge bound Numbah 6 Train.  Watch out da closin dowahs.


     He rides the train from near to far,
     In and out of every car.
     “Batchries, batchries, tres por un dolar!”
     Some folks buy them, most do not,
     Are they stolen, are they hot?
     “Batchries, batchries, tres por un dolar!”

     Who would by them, even a buck?
     What’re the odds they’re dead as a duck?
     “Batchries, batchries, tres por un dolar!”
     Why not the Lotto, try your luck,
     Or are you gonna be this guy’s schmuck?
     “Batchries, batchries, tres por un dolar!”


Dis is 59th Street, change for de 4 and 5 Express and for de N and de R, use yer Metrocard at sixty toid street for da F train.  51st Street is next. Dis is a Brooklyn Bridge bound Numbah 6 Train.  Watch out da closin dowahs.


     “Dat guy kips ****** wit me, Wass he
     tink, I got time for dat ****?  Man, I
     got my wuk to do, I ain gona put
     up with him
     no more.”

          “I don’t know what to tell this dude. Like,
          I really dig him but
          ***?  No way.  And
          He’s getting all too smoochie face.”

     “Right on, bro, slap dat fool up
     side his head, he leave you lone.”

          “Whoa, send him my way.  When’s the last
          time I got laid?  I’m way ready.”

          “Oh, Suzie,..”


Dis is fifty foist Street, 42nd Street Grand Central is next. Yer ona Brooklyn Bridge bound Numbah 6 Train.  Watch out da closin doors.



     Abogados es su amigos, do you believe the sign?
     Are they really a friend of mine?
     Find your lawyer on the train
     He’ll sue if the docs ***** up your brain.

     Pick a lawyer from this ad
     (I’m sure that you’ll be really glad)
     You’ll get a lawyer for your suit,
     Mean and nasty, not so cute.

     Call to live in this great nation
     1-800-IMMIGRATION.
     Or if your bills got you in a rut
     1-800-BANK-RUPT.

     We’re just three guys from Flatbush, Queens
     Who’ll sue that ******* out of his jeans.
     Mama’s proud when she rides this train
     To see my sign making so much rain.

     No SEC no corporations
     We can’t find the United Nations.
     Just give us torts and auto wrecks
     And clients with braces on their necks.

     Hurting when you do your chores?
     There’s money in that back of yours.
     Let us be your friend in courts
     Call 1-800-SUE 4 TORTS.


Dis is 42nd Street, Grand Central, change for the 4, 5 and 7 trains. Dis is a Brooklyn Bridge bound Numbah 6 Train.  Toity toid is next.  Watch out da closin doors.


They say there’s sev’ral million a day
From out in the ‘burbs, they pass this way.
Most come to work, some for to play
They all want to talk, with little to say.

Bumping and shoving, knocking folks down
A million people running around.
The hustle, the bustle the noise that’s so loud
Get me far from this madding crowd.

“We can be shopping instead of just stopping
And onto the next outbound train we go hopping.
Hey, it’s a feel that that guy’s a-copping!”

They want gourmet food, from steaks down to greens
Or neckties and suits, or casual jeans,
It’s not simply newspapers and magazines
For old people, young people, even for teens.


Yer ona Brooklyn Bridge bound Numbah 6 Train.  Dis is Thoidy toid Street, twenty eight is next.  Watch out da closin doors.


     “So what’s the backup plan if
     He doesn’t get into Trevor Day?
     I know your
     heart’s set on it, but we’ve only
     got so many strings we
     can pull, and we can’t donate a
     ******* building.”

           “Hooda believed me if I tolja the Mets
          would sail tru and the Yanks get dere
          by da skinna dere nuts?
          I doan believe it myself.  Allya
          Gotta do is keep O’Neil playin hoit
          And keep Jeter off his game an
          We’ll killum.

               “My sistah tell me she be yo *****.  I tellya I cut you up if you
                ****** wid her, I be yo ***** and donchu fuggedit.”

     “I wish you wouldn’t talk like that.
     And we can just **** good and
     Well find some more strings to pull!”

          “Big fuggin chance.  Wadder ya’ smokin?”

               “Yo sitah she ain my *****, you be my *****.  I doan be ******
                wid yo sistah.  You tell her she doan be goin round tellin folks
                dat ****.”


Yer ona Brooklyn Bridge bound Numbah 6 Train.  Dis is Twenty eight Street, twenty toid is next.  Watch out da closin dowahs.


     Do you speak Russian, French or Greek,
     We’ll assimilate you in a week.
     If Chinese is your native tongue
     You’ll speak good English from day one.

     Morning, noon, evening classes
     Part or full time, lads and lasses.
     You’ll be sounding like the masses
     With word and phrase that won’t abash us.

     Language is our stock in trade
     For us it’s how our living’s made.
     We’ll put you in a class tonight
     Soon your English’ll be out of sight.

     If you’re from Japan or Spain
     Basque or Polish, even Dane,
     Our courses put you in the main
     Stream without any need for pain.

     We’ll teach you all the latest idioms
     You’ll be speaking with perfidium.
     We’ll give you lots of proper grammar
     Traded for that sickle and hammer.

     Are you Italian, Deutsch or Swiss?
     With our classes you can’t miss
     The homogeneous amalgamation
     Of this sanitized Starbucks nation.


Dis is Twenty toid Street, 14th Street Union Square is next. Yer ona Brooklyn Bridge bound Numbah 6 Train.  Watch out da closin doors.


     “Ladies and Gentlemen, I hate to bother you
     But things are bleak of late.
     I had a job and housing, too
     Before my little quirk of fate.”

     “There came a day, not long ago,
     When to my job I came.
     They handed me a pink slip, though,
     And ev’n misspelled my name.”

     “We’ve got three kids, my wife and me.
     We’re bringing them up right.
     They’re still in school from eight to three
     With homework every night.”

     “I won’t let them see me begging here,
     They think I go to work.
     Still to that job I held so dear
     Until fate’s awful quirk.”

     “So help us now, a little, please
     A quarter, dime (or dollar still better),
     It’ll go so far to help to ease
     The chill of this cold winter weather.”

     “I’ll walk the car now, hat in hand
     I do so hope you understand
     I’m really a proud, hard working man
     Whose life just slipped out of its plan.”

     “I thank you, you’ve all been oh so grand.”


Yer ona Brooklyn Bridge bound Numbah 6 Train.  Dis is 14th Street, Union Square, change for da 4 and 5 Express, the N and the R.   Astor Place is next.  Watch out da closin doors.


     The hours are long, the pay’s no good
     I’m far from home and neighborhood.
     All day I work at Astor Place
     With sunshine never on my face.
     Candy bar a dollar, a soda more
     A magazine’s a decent score.
     Selling papers was the game
     But at two bits the Post’s to blame
     For adding hours to my long day.
     All the more work to save
     Tuition for that son of mine: that tall,
     Strong, handsome, American son


Dis is a Brooklyn Bridge bound Numbah 6 Train.  Yer at Astah Place, Bleekah Street is next.  Watch out da closin doors.


     Summer subway’s always hot, AC’s busted, like as not
     Tracks are bumpy, springs are shot ‘tween the cars they’re smoking
     ***.

     To catch the car you gotta run they squeeze you in with everyone
     Just hope no body’s got a gun 'cause getting there is half the fun.

     Packed in this car we’re awful tight seems this way both day and
     night.
     And then some guys will start a fight.  Subway ride’s a real delight.

     Danger! Keep out! Rodenticide! I read while waiting for a ride.
     This is a warning I have to chide:  
     I’m very likely to walk downtown, but I’d never do it Underground.

     Took the Downtown by mistake.  Please, conductor, hit the brake!
     Got an uptown date to make, God only knows how long I’ll take.


Yer ona Brooklyn Bridge bound Numbah 6 Train.  Dis is Bleekah Street, Spring Street is next.  Watch out da closin doors.


     The trains come through the station here,
     The racket’s music to my ear.
  &nbs

I will tell my son not to do
Drugs obviously but ****
That's like priests telling child
**** peddlers it's not right to *** kids

So I'll have to resort to this:
"son please do as I say"
And not what I did and probably
Still do when grandpa for the day

Takes u away to play,
So I'll tell him things that made
Me a hypocrite so don't have ***
With girls u don't love and I'll say

Always use a ******, even though
It really takes away
From sensation like immigration
Deported it from the land of play

Never use the service of a ******
Even if she has 2 kids
And u think fukking her would help
Her feed em, cause that's just sick

But then Ill feel so guilty from my
Hypocritical ways
Like not going to church but sending
Him with his catholic school to pray

As echoes of my words that say
**** is no gateway to others
Are heard in my head but now I'll
Preach it so over protective I smother

And suffocate, and screen his dates
And call him on the phone
Until I'm that parent ur friends
Make fun of, never leaving him alone

Cause I can love myself but a clone
In my son I would hate
But if karmas real I maybe in
For a scary ride of parenthood...great

Cause as I think back I realize
That my parents would freak when they
found out about ****, which makes me think
of all they didnt know, and all I got away.....

With, and I start to flip, so I
Debate starting to hide some devices
All over my apartment and tap the
****** phone and no I don't like this

But it needs to be done,
after all He's my son
I had no ****** brain and I was
dangerous, imagine him, as a smarter one

I brought u in this world son!
So u better bet I can take u out
Now I'm saying **** I heard and said I'd
never say even though i Promised myself

I don't trust a mall Santa or his
****** ****** elf And mrs clause is a ****
Tell me the truth son! Is he ur drug
Supplier, I saw his knee under ur ****!!

Maybe I'm just paranoid plus he's
Not even one yrs old I'm trippin
But not so crazy if family guys baby is  
Accurate .....so maybe my kids a Stewie Griffin

Trying to **** his mom.....ha , ya! Good luck
I been trying for years
But can't get away wit nothin cause who you are
or were ****** .....is always prime suspect and here

Is where I try to convince myself
To just let the kid grow up, and make mistakes
The girl next store will be fine,
Let him learn on his own, not to go ****

cause its as wrong as that hyperboye was
Even if she was ...already a ***
All I want is to make sure he doesn't
Go down the same path i did, and that I know

That I'm lucky I walked through, and away from
Without dying before I had my lil dude
So Julian at 16 yrs old ima take my
Belt like old school people would do

And beat ur *** with it like it was
A million, trillion beatings in one
Then explain that it was for all the ****
U do and will do, and all that uve done

That u know u wernt suppose to do
but still did Without me knowing,
Then never say **** to him again and
pray while I support him, as hes growing

And get a pair of lawyers incase
My pair-a-noias actually apt
And maybe one day he won't hate me
For random drug tests for crack

******, ***, methamphetamines
And anything else
That feels good, as I religiously raid
His room, then end up doing the house

After finding nothing in ur room
Screaming........ where is it, where is it
I know ur up to something cause
u have my blood in u "explicit, explicit""

And ask him paranoid fuelled
Questions in anger, killing his joy
U missed ur period this month didn't u!
Don't lie to me!! .."dad ***?..I'm a boy?!!

Then embarrassed and frantic
I'll ask him If he's sure
Then hed say yes dad I promise,
I'll never be stupid as u were

...or at least I hope. Just please god
Dont let him suffer
For my mistakes. Guide him to diffrent
or I'll **** him&giv;; his name 2 his brother

Ok I'm just kidding, I want my
Kid to be living
I want him to be educated, successful
Well respected and giving

And Julian if u read this one
Day, I hope u know I worry
And maybe u don't understand right
Now but trust me u will when ur 30

I will tell my son not to do
Drugs obviously but ****
That's like priests telling child
**** peddlers it's not right to *** kids

So I'll have to resort to this:
"son please do as I say"
And not what I did and probably
Still do when grandpa for the day

Takes u away to play,
So I'll tell him things that made
Me a hypocrite so don't have ***
With girls u don't love and I'll say

Always use a ******, even though
It really takes away
From sensation like immigration
Deported it from the land of play

Never use the service of a ******
Even if she has 2 kids
And u think fukking her would help
Her feed em, cause that's just sick

But then Ill feel so guilty from my
Hypocritical ways
Like not going to church but sending
Him with his catholic school to pray

As echoes of my words that say
**** is no gateway to others
Are heard in my head but now I'll
Preach it so over protective I smother

And suffocate, and screen his dates
And call him on the phone
Until I'm that parent ur friends
Make fun of, never leaving him alone

Cause I can love myself but a clone
In my son I would hate
But if karmas real I maybe in
For a scary ride of parenthood...great

Cause as I think back I realize
That my parents would freak when they
found out about about ****, which
makes me think of all the **** I got away

With, and I start to flip, so I
Debate starting to hide some devices
All over my apartment and tap the
****** phone and no I don't like this

But it needs to be done,
after all He's my son
I had no ****** brain and I was
dangerous, imagine him, not dumb

I brought u in this world son!
So u better bet I can take u out
Now I'm saying **** I heard and said I'd
never say even though i Promised myself

I don't trust a mall Santa or his
****** ****** elf And mrs clause is a ****
Tell me the truth son! Is he ur drug
Supplier, I saw his knee under ur ****!!

Maybe I'm just paranoid plus he's
Not even one yrs old I'm trippin
But I'm not so crazy if family guys
Accurate maybe my kids like Stevie Griffin

Trying to **** my girl, ya! Good luck
I been trying for years
But can't get away wit nothin cause who
Ur ****** is prime suspect and here

Is where I try to convince myself
To just let the kid make mistakes
The girl next store will be fine,
Let him learn on his own that ****

Was the wrong way to go
Even if she was already a ***
All I want is to make sure he doesn't
Go down the same path I know

That I'm lucky I walked through
Without dying before I had u
So Julian at 16 yrs old ima take my
Belt like old school people would do

And beat ur *** with it like it was
A million beatings in one
Then explain that was for all the ****
U do and will do, and all that uve done

That u know u wernt suppose to do but Without me knowing,
Then never say **** to him again and
pray while I support him when growing

And get a pair of lawyers in cause
My pair-a-noias actually apt
And maybe one day he won't hate me
For random drug tests for crack

******, ***, methamphetamines
And anything else
That feels good, as I religiously raid
His room, then end up doing the house

After finding nothing in ur room
Screaming where is it, where is it
I know ur up to something cause u have my blood in u "explicit, explicit""

And ask him paranoid fuelled
Questions in anger, killing his joy
U missed ur period this month didn't u!
Don't lie to me!! .."dad ***?..I'm a boy?!!

Then embarrassed and frantic
I'll ask him If he's sure
Then hed say yes dad I promise,
I'll never be stupid as u were

...or at least I hope. Just please god
Dont let him suffer
For my mistakes. Guide him to diffrent
or I'll **** him&giv;; his name 2 his brother

Ok I'm just kidding, I want my
Kid to be living
I want him to be educated, successful
Well respected and giving

And Julian if u read this one
Day, I hope u know I worry
And maybe u don't understand right
Now but trust me u will when ur 30

This is the last ******* time
I rent you space in my head
I've written about you so much
When I'm done I'm like.... Again

This dudes annoying me, get over
It, she's a *****, what can you do
I never asked for child support all
I wanted was our son to know u

But maybe it's better he doesn't
But it breaks my heart that aches
When his preschool made crafts
On ur dead beat Mother's Day

And he had to make one for nana
And asked me where u were
And now I finally get why some parents say, the dead beat ****

That isn't around had died
Cause I rather that than the other,
Which is tell our beautiful son that
The truth,narcissists can't be mothers

So *******, and this will be the
Very last ****** time
I waste a thought , or a tear drop
On your heartless ***, but I

Still hold pity for you!... Why?
Because I know what you don't
That regret can evolve when u let
Important things left, so I hope

I can hold in the joy, when the day
Comes and your blind *** sees
That our child, your flesh and blood
Has a value, your drugs can reach

A life you made, that you trade
So you can run away but one day
All the pain you left me with will
Find you ***** and it'll eat away

At whatever's left of your soul
Whatever's left of your neurotic
Selfish, ****** up, drugged up heart so black, I reverse oscars, and boycott it

So when psychosomatic Psychotic
Psychosis sets in
And you feel sorry for yourself and
All the time you wasted with him

I will tell him. To make sure he takes
What time is left with u and not
Say what I want to which is, let her
Live knowing, the cost of what's lost

Is being a deadbeat. But sought
Will be knowing if I did
That would encourage the son I love
To lose out so I sacrifice for my kid

Something u know nothing about
And probably never will
But 4 years have gone by so fast
Soon the futures the past and filled

Will be your blinded eyes
Full of consequence disguised
As poor u, self pity, ****** cries
Just like the cries our son cried

As I learn to handle a four month
Old baby boy, but hey .. I did
And you'll never know why sacrifice
And a selfless life fills the void which

We use to try and fill with ****,
Parties drugs raves all the ****
That lead us deeper into the darkness
We thought we escaped and hid

10 years of living for only us
Temptation, inebriation lust
Feeling numb cause sobriety
Brings anxiety in society full of

People who grew the **** up
Responsibility. Purpose stability
The knowledge that pretentious
Isn't being clean, so tranquility

Is real when it's felt rather than
The induced, bile filled puke
That's only half as vile as you
And if you ever see me smile *** u

Is what's meant, as I see now
Why we had to part ways it's sad
You were scared to grow up and that
Will catch up with you but a dad

Was just a scary . Trust me I was
Terrified.. Emasculated embarrassed
The years we spent that i cherished
We're all spent high so apparent

is how sobering up left transparent
Facts that say I didn't know
Who I really was, expect for the one
I was when sedated and I know

Now that there's a difference
In the way your emotions process
And now I maybe who we said we'd never be, cubical Steve at the office

9-5 and ya I get it, got it,
I'm exactly what u hate I know
But one day everything u aren't is
What you will be, but *** this poem

**** the nostalgia the reminiscing
See..... I always end up lost
Cause admittingly I can't get over it
When your eyes stare at me off

The face of our son, the ****** expressions the stubborn head its
All you that I see sitting across of me
And thank u for him, so like u left

Us, I will attempt to leave u
Abandoned in this coffin poem
And hope it doesn't follow me back
Like a horror movie villain to a home

I built without u, stop thinking bout u
It's easier to say
Than it is to do, so with a *** u
I mask the pain the scars gave

To remind me what's behind me
So on the day regrets blinding
This pain will be yours cause karmas
Tour can move slowly but finding

Who it's meant to, means it'll get u
So goodbye dead beat goodbye
I hope u drown in the tears u cry
When u see what u trade to be high

They thought the world was flat
And no one could say different
But what they " knew " turned out
Wrong so they actually didn't,

And I use this as a catalyst til
I question everything annoyed
Until I question my own sanity
Realizing I now look paranoid

But I know I'm not insane,
But taking into account
What I have already said than
I may belong locked up in a nut house

So now I find I question myself
Full of doubt until at last
I don't trust any decision i make
Based on Facts that may not b facts

Obsessed with knowing wut I lack
Which is everything I assume
Maybe I belong in a padded room
That I wont believe is a padded room

Leaving me frustrated and confused
And the only conclusion now left
Is everything is not what it is or
everything is wut it is to some effect

Unless its not, cuz then it's not
But then again maybe it is
So my parents get mad when I ask
if I'm adopted and go blood test my kid

Thinking all Facebook is
Is a social network but what if
It was designed to be addictive and
harmless just to keep us on the grid

What if the chicken ***** really is
Made out of cats and kittens
So u think eating a cat is nasty
when maybe they r ****** delicious

But I would think it was chicken
So ill never know what I know
How can u know what u don't know
If u don't know what u know

Maybe a turtles so fast it's slow
Maybe ****** was a saint
Could u argue its not possible after
Seeing This whole picture I paint

And no I'm not saying history books
Are wrong, at least not tonight
I'm just saying my minds playing games
so may not believe its all right

And now I see why I just might
Be happy ignorant for the bliss
So my new goal is too try my hardest
to be ignorant as ****

Which some may say I already
Am, as to them that's what I show
But remember before u say I am
U better ****** question wut u know!

There were nights I held our son
And just cried,
As he too cried
it felt like u had died .

Like the love we had was a lie
But we gotta move on and try
Cuz u never died
U were a deadbeat alive

But I guess u didn't feel like
Growing up just yet
Even though we spent years
Getting high having multiple partners for ***

But it all turns to regret
If it wasn't part of growing
Into 2 responsible
People or wut is there really showing

That we evolved from who we are
inTo who were destined to be
It was fine to be immature when
It was just us two but now that 2 is 3

Its like u resent him and me
like we ruined all your fun
But it doesn't matter who pulls the
Trigger when u helped invent the gun

So now u leave 2 scared men
Or ....2scared boys to cry
Like a mother and lover died
i hardly remember a goodbye

our son has ur eyes
So His eyes r urs
So it hurts to look at him some
Days but he's still adored

i won't walk out the door
And leave him to cry
Like u did to him
Or like u did to me and  why

p*ss not important to an orphan
hoarding pain
But according to wut u tell my
Sister u stay away

Cuz I beg u to stay
And guilt trip u too long
But all I want is for our son
To see his ****** mom

You've never seen him Crawl
but he doesn't crawl no more
Now he walks like u walked
when you walked out our door

He's got about 7 teeth and
He dances to every song
And another piece of my heart
Breaks when he calls the wrong woman "mom"

Which he does alot lately
But as this all leaves my mouth
I want u to know that I don't
Just blame u I also blame myself

For not being enough to make
U stay...... and this is all
The reasons ur phone rings when
U ignore my calls

So I take as many photographs
As I can cuz one day i figure
When u regret not seeing your son grow up
I can always give u some ****** pictures.....

I write  myself love letters
That really make me blush
Like **** I must be sir mix Alot cause I ****** love ur fat ****

It's a surprise your not conceited
Anyway, I won't bug u
I just wanted to tell u ur amazing
P.S: I LOVE YOU

Cause I make mirrors look
Beautiful but u knew that I'm sure
I'm too **** to quote"I'm too ****"
sooo **** right said Fred's insecure

I look in the mirror and I cant
Help be a romantic falling in love
I can't believe god gave me so
much beauty and some not enough

What Am I doing looking in the mirror
U ask, well see I can't be far
From myself so I name my mirror
****** cuz it makes me hard

And since I'm so in love with me
And get so satisfied I'm needing
To stop having *** with ppl and just
******* or I feel I'm cheating

On the best thing to come in my life
Until my son was born
Everyone else is hard to digest so They r children of the corn

Me myself and my ****
So my *** tape is me
And I look cute as any fatter
Ron Jeremy would obviously be

Me in 3d without a 3d tv
It's emphatically amazing
Bubble bath, wine, a mirror, light flirting Then shower after bathing

Cause I keep making a mess all
Over Myself
Like Ernie does Burt or Santa does
To a slow toy making elf

I'm addicted so I need out
Ophelia plz Help!....**** it
Cuz if I loved someone over loving me
that "someone" will go above this

Love i have for myself and be
poetic as Me beautiful hair like me
A great sense of humor, like me
man who am I kidding its unlikely

There's no one that's  like me
So I touch myself alot
If beauty's in the eye of the beholder
Than everyone's be holding so stop

Telling me I'm incredibly conceited
Cuz I already knew
But how am I conceited when the
Fact is I'm amazing it's totally true

Even my mom says I'm special
And I don't mean I'm whacked
Even though sometimes toilet paper rips while wiping so nasty is that

But lucky for me in fact
Is My crap doesn't stink
I've never been in love with a
Man before but now I am i think

I maybe wearing more pink
Cause it makes me look good
Actually I can't look any better
So I make pink be what it should

**** like me, cuz I'm too
**** to be honest to ever be
With anyone else cause I'm
Almost even too good for me

But we all have to settle
At one time, and before I leave
Let me explain to u why I wrote
this and  hope it's not what it seems

Cause it seems I can be a bit
Down on myself alot lately
Like we all can be when we don't see
anything we like in mirrors making

It hard to let go of the insecurities
Kept bottled inside
Cuz society makes us feel only
Models are easy on the eyes

So I wrote this out
To trick myself into a balance
Hoping the self love will develope
If I first generically enforce the habit

To accept and love myself
Like u should do too
So write yourself some conceited
*** **** And set it all free

Cuz i figure my figure or lack of
Figures in the bank
Would suppress if I contest
My emotional mess and thank

Myself for pointing out all
The things that make me cool
Instead of feeling like the high school
Drop out I am, feelin like a fool

So I lie like I don't feel like a tool
Or stool and say im a star
And I call my bathroom mirror ******
Cuz it always gets me hard

"" OH Lord it's hard to be humble
When your perfect in every way...
I cant wait to look in a mirror
Cause I get better looking
each day "" -- Mac Davis

How do I start...?
This is hard for me...
I probably will only generalize from fear of being ostracized,....
Actually that's a ****** lie too...
not even sure wut I want to say,
Sometimes wut I really wanna say gets polluted by being convoluted cuz it's secondary and secluded
by trying to sound poetic, or smart
then the rest just gets... Included....
I'm not even sure of myself...
My ability....
My limits...
I might even say i find security in insecurity,
Jailed without bail by my emotions and I can't find assurity
Assuring me
a stay on the green mile where I sit, green with envy...
Envious of even ppl I love...
Almost hoping they fail so I'm not alone.....
how truly sick is that?
How could u ever call urself a decent person after thinking that????
And after i drown and drench this depression in drinks
Then dry it off with drugs...
It only gets moist again by the inevitable stream of tears
And u can only let urself down so many ****** times before u can't lie to urself anymore to feel like
..u haven't let everyone else down
And my friends and family can only say ..."I love u"so many times b4 they realize that I don't believe it....
Cuz how can they love me when I don't???
And I'm way past a cry for help
So it's not sympathy,
I don't need it
I have been blessed until now with the most beautiful things life has...
And maybe losing those things has fukked me up....
how do I start....
Ha...
how do I finish....
When I haven't even said anything worth reading....
I use to think I was a writer...
Now I question if I can even do that anymore...
I feel hopelessly dead inside,
and I love my son,
but I can't help feeling trapped, in a sea of failure,
I can't help hating my weak will,
My bad habits,
My lack of motivation
My physical appearance,
My physical appearance
My laziness
And who I've become, when who I was.....
Was so much better.....
My night terrors haunt me...
I miss ppl I shouldn't
I'm jealous of ppl I shouldn't be...
I idolize my godmother for her strength to commit suicide:...
I am everything I use to hate in
others....
I could go on forever
but I'm sick of hearing myself think in silence
Even the voices in my head annoys the **** out of me, and make me sick til I tell myself to shut up....
How do I end this...
....  From judgement of a talented literary point of view...
I can't end it....
Cause...
I never really started....

Cuz when it is your monkey,
And it is your circus...
It's depressskng feeling worthless
When even a clowns have a purpose

.....which is more than me

Lately I am quite bothered by an
Innocent comment from a friend
Who explained, how he only obtains
Pain, when he reads what my pen

Gets sent, from an end
my mom Says was damaged at birth
And all though it's a joke. I'm told
Every joke contains truth, so first

Let me warn you of the absurd
Outbursts that may occur as u read
Hyperboles, that fabricate trolls that
patrol, with holes in their soul, lead

With similes that prove chivalry
Has now shriveled like these
Two nuts, hidden by my gut so if I
erupt, and ****** proceeds

Excuse the poetic **** bleed;
That are like a *******'s **** beads
But it's how I express what's painfully painful to me, don't be **** please

With that said, so I can now tread.
And wrap my head around the topic
explaining, why all my poetry
is sad, and often

It's cuz life is a beach, like the tropics
And when it's not, to be honest
I get lost in the moment, but also
When I try to write "happy" it's novice

And is more narcissistic garbage
Self righteous, lacking meaning
Like.. Look Here... I'm happy & gay today, oh ur hungry? Cuz..I'm eating

And you should too! Oh your broke?
Your down? I get those days too
So here's a rainbows & a flying unicorn that ***** glitter when he poos

And Don't you worry my friend,
It's always darkest before ****
Everything happens for a reason,
Your grampas cancer will soon be gone

soon as he's dead, So it'll work out
By the way I used that example, cuz
My grandfather died of cancer a few years back, and I was told that it was

For a reason. But when your readin
You want honesty, poetry that's blunt
So I refuse to **** my reader, like a
Preacher, who touches a boys butts

But in a godly way of course, cuz he's a
Man of god... Are you annoyed?
Cuz that's what rainbows & butterflies sound like to a reading alter boy

Looking for solace, looking for depth
Someone who knows how inept
How lonely, this ****** phony world
That only the snakes seem to get

What they want, and flaunt,
so it can haunt them more,
But most don't get what they want cuz
theyre too busy just trying to afford

What they need, and when the Greed
Exceeds what optimism is left
All they have is knowing how sad.
Another felt, cuz relating has swept

Away the feeling, so hard to accept
When their overwhelming life crept
With emotion. Bringing the notion
He can't relate to people or connect

So both monetary & Mental pay
Starts to mount, as a debt
Shows amounts to physically mount him. Til he even feels short on breath

Starting to consider that only death
Can relieve whats received so yes
Forgive me if my writing lacks,
Calming oceans, possessing even less

Patronizing, condescension, set
On a scenic mountain top, where I
Tell u how beautiful, ur office cubical
That's suitable for monkeys is, why?

It's a lie, but ok...the sun will come our
Tomorrow like Annie would say
So when it comes Tell ur creditors who Harass you 200 times, a day

That today's a new day. And that debts
yesterdays, and should be left
In the past. Where they say, to leave
Worries, which is insulting, but yet

I AM the dark one, with poems lacking
Goldielocks featuring her poorage
Or Snow White who lives with 7 men? deflowered more than florist is

Deflowering, & who am I to question a phony psychedelic, enchanted Forrest
It's not my business who's Orifice
A draf is, usin like it's a drawer of his

Cuz dwarfism like Orphism's an art, Snow White users for organisms
No wait, that's not right. Anyway...  
Where was I? ..rightt? ***** division

So, fill up the tub with ice. Make sure
Your "patient"s subdued.. No wait
Ooops ... Guardian angels, playing harps, on a cloud feeding you grapes

As Sunshine, hits your face, with
Beautiful UV rays, but...My concern
Is how misleading, it is when reading
Cuz even a beautiful sun can burn

Telling sometimes ****** things in turn
Happen without any reason
Sometimes good people die & do You know why?cuz if not wed be heevens    

Even more so. Than we are so even
My Sad poems can bring you joy
As much as happy ones, do when a gay teen grows up, & no longer a boy

And faces the pressures of coming out, he can choose this, what is charmin' ya
Or continue to feel safer In ur fantasy
Poem of a closet ..... But Narnia

Doesn't exist. So I leave him this,
Along With the lost, emotional kids
To let em know every scar life gives
Is a trophy, earned, and the life we live

Is Not always rainbows, hugs, kiss
But that's why it's beautiful when it is
& every word stands in this
For every cut on angry teens wrist

To symbolize, he's not not alone.
Or That shes all she needs to be
And I'm sorry to the rest, but this ....
Is rainbows and butterflies to me ...

Not ego
We go
Let go
He flow
Bestow
Hes a muh ****** beast doe!!
Ive never been anything more then what my Father has made me to be be I may have been sane but briefly cause God man is just "crazy" (the way that He Loves me.)
...
Sswwwooooo!
I AM THE FORE-RUNNER FOR UNDER-GUNNERS WHO SHOOT FOR THE STOMACH PUMPIN HUMPIN THE DURT
YOUR NASTY MIND IS SUCH A PERVERSE
PERVASIVE PILE, HOLD ON ILL LET THAT LAST ONE JUST SINK IN A LITTLE WHILE.
SATANS CRAMPIN' MY STYLE. TRIED DIGESTING THE BIAL BUT I NEED A VITAL
SIGN HIS TITLES BLIND BUT MINE IS THRU THE VINE OK JUST ONE MORE LINE
MERRY CHRISTMAS
FROM MY HEARTS OWN MIND

Despite my spite, I will forgive
You tonight
I won't wear my pain like armor
Cuz it won't help me fight

Forget wrong or right
Instead let's talk class
But this is no time for laughs
this is u bein left in the past
---------

Your not worth all the pain
Your not worth all the tears
It's funny how heartbroken I
Was throughout the years

Comparing u with my peers
That in my head never could
Measure up the way u would, cuz
On a pedi stool u stood

And I always helped put
You there, blind from seeing
That you were an empty vessel far
from special but looks are deceiving

Intriguing, til it was demeaning  
Feeling not good enough
So all I keep thinking of was ways
To make you think that I was

When you couldn't.cuz I wouldn't
So how could u ever
the reason love hurts is cuz it makes
u forget nothings forever

Like it's emotionally clever
And controls u with levers
Til the day you pay as u endeavor
Your once whole  heart severed

Feeling withdrawn from pleasure
From the love that was lost
Til your consumed by bitter sweet memories that wither and rot

the "I love yous"are now I love u nots
As your Stomachs in knots
The same way it was the day u met same feeling, but twisted plot

How sick is that? leaves u distraught
Petulant and angry
Hiding in my apartment crying
Ashamed I don't react manly

Cuz I'm weak and now im sadly
Feeling lonely from solitude
Trying hard to keep the little dignity
I have left by not callin you

And Begging you to come Back
Or asking how can I make u stay
Ill do anything and everything
I need u here, now,..... today

But it just ....pushes her away
And makes me look so pathetic
Leaving me a bill to pay back the
Self respect I'm now indebted

But that was past tense when I let it
Overwhelm me, not seeing
That she was very distant from the
all mighty superior being

I kept seeing u as but being
Alone forced to go on your own
Makes u realize how to be a guy
That can now be properly shown

How neglected he was when prone
To catering to someone he thought
Was deserving but after serving her
With Respect,that I never got

I Felt so meaningless but stopped
Seeing myself as undeserving
Deprived of the love i needed most
from myself to help the hurting

Cu losing the one I've been serving
constantly giving love away
Not realizing a true lover would give
Something back to trade

Instead of rewarding me like dogs so I got laid as a treat from my master
I felt like pavlovs dog,a lucky ******* Looking back it was such a disaster

So if I was a good boy I'd get an
Ear scratch, or a bone to hunt
I guess to be honest the equivalent more suited would be a leg to ****

Cuz she made me Forrest Gump
In love with a jenny
Too stupid to be offended by the many times she left for any

Man who treated her the opposite
Of the way that I did
Like she wanted to be put Down
Instead of wearin crowns cuz she is

Royalty to me But in time long after she left me for dead
My brain was confused, knowin the aim was happiness but Instead

She's gone so more self aware and  Self repair to bring myself where
I was needed, and now I feel cheated By my own neglect,impaired

So I forgive u cause if incase u care
You'd know that when u left
I didn't see it but I really needed u
Gone to see it was so incorrect

living to please who I respect
And not respecting myself
No wonder I felt beneath her and
Couldn't face the fear I felt

Cuz she left, leaving me blessed so
Yes if u see this u are forgiven
Thank you for constantly teaching
Me the hard lesson I was given

Bringin confidence I had prisoned
And all the sight I lacked from vision
To see how bad I need to be the first
one I love if I ever expect to be given

Another's love which is hidden
In self love that helps reflect
Once nurtured causing it to bounce off What comes off the opposite ***

So after this you'll finally be left
In my past as I have to move on
But I'll never forget all you left for me
as the lesson I keep to stay strong

And as a reminder, that the keeper
Of love is the loves designer
&should; be possessed to address the next love I get if I can find her

And when I do I'll think of you
and Know you gave me the best
Present by not being present cuz subtracting ur presence as u left

Is the reason I am blessed
And I read the email u swiftly
Sent a few days ago to hit me
By saying how much u miss me

And It was sweet but I simply
Can't be weak and entertain
The company of what had come to be the suffering but comforting pain

Cause I see you like I see the casino
Dat left me broke by takin my money
So The teacher of hard lessons Now takes on the form of how ****** ugly

The lesson can be if it's not learned
that's why knowledge is earned
So in my past with tears shed over u
Is where u will now return

Like my memories are her urn
That keeps her bottled to turn
Over in your grave for making me a
Slave to abuse but the burns

Sat bluntly"don't be a dummy
Or she will hurt u again"
Cu if I play with fire like my desire
From the attraction acquired then

I'll never allow it to retire unlike the
love I had and It was strongly felt
But I'll resist u¬ kiss u or Ill miss
u but if I fall again I cant be helped

With my issues needing tissues after I get My hopes up for nothing
So this is goodbye,cuz I must deny
the high I get when just one thing

Leads to another2leave me smothered, high by your scent
But I cant help remember how lonely I was, when u left, I jus say and wept

So it's time to accept the debt
We will now pay in our own way
By seeing what u had&did;;'t want but u want now... as it walks away

After forgiving all the bad moods
The abuse and all the cheating
And I'm not sure what my future path
Has but I know my past is keeping

You and I wish u well keep dreaming
And never ever go believing
U can be loved and not love or ull be in anothers past as he's leaving

You behind like I did in time,thanks for the lesson ....now here's mine
Open eyes, don't help love come out
It needs to be felt, til then ur blind

By a love ull never find
if u keep taking but never give
Cuz true love is like a 69 it can find
A way to receive as it gives

I must be a stairway
The way I get stepped on
I must be a nightmare
The way I get slept on
I must be a ****
Cause all I got is *****
Life must be a maze the ways
I bump my back into walls
I must be a toilet cause
I'm constantly **** on
I must be repulsive rejected
Whoever I hit on
Must be a ****** as I'm spit on
Must be a door cause they push me
U r wut u eat and on good Friday
I always eat *****
Cause I love chicken *****
At Chinese food spots
I must. Be a target like a sponsor
For target the way they take shots
I must be in pain the way
I take pain killers So
I hope the pain stained is detained
And not refrain from slow
Pain removal and it soon'll
Tell by time but I'm weary
Mirrors seem to fear me
Homeless people are less. Needy
They don't. Need me I'm
Depressing and it stinks my clothes
I must have aids cause I can't even
Get laid by hoes
I must just be gross
Net pay and gross shows. Nothing
And I must. Be associated with
It as I'm nothing unless I'm something
Along the lines of an
******* or a *****
Or so I'm told by people cold
And wish I'd die but I did
Die because I seem to be a
Ghost to most I know
Only call me when there problems
Are so ****** up they know
No matter how ****** up there
Situation. Is that I've seen worse
Which is insulting and flattering
All in the same verse
I must have a curse
Like Toronto maple leafs
Who coulda had a cup by.now
But the phat cats are cheap
But stupid are we not them
Because there's no sense
In investing in a roster if merchandise
And seats commence
To sell and they do always
From loyal die hard fans
Who they rob of bein part of a
Contender team but the stands
Are full I guess losings just
A pass time now
But I'm so off track where was
I, **** I forget now
I believe I was ******* in my
Own special way
And I always get ****** cause I'm an
*** so I guess I'm gay
I must be a runaway
Cause I don't got a home
I can go back to, am I a dog
Cause in my pants is a bone
I must be a **** pad
Cause my wings don't help fly
I guess I'm not a big girl
Cause big girls dont cry
I must be a fat *** cause my
Fat has a fat mass
Equivalent to precious eaten
By fat joe and thats
Not the type of mass with
Stained glass and religion
Where an alter boys farts are
Never heard if u listened
In an amplifier I'm ampped on fire
But nobody sees it
So if I said president Obama
Had ****** diseases
No one would protest and say jesus
Christ that was wrong
What would Jesus do?
He would probably write a song
About his long slong his **** and
Very long hair
He'd. Never sleep with delilah
But still a cross he must bear
But I would never cross a bear
Are u aware jerusalems where
Darker skin toned people appear
So why is Jesus so fair
Well I don't really care
Not even sure why I asked
90% of the world is unattractive
Sounds harsh but do the math
Am I a long necked giraffe
Cause mom said I belong in a zoo
Which is appealing as the monkeys
Get to masterbated and throw poo
I have no hint let alone a clue,
Was. nEver quite clued in
Too busy angry collecting debt
Feeling disrespect and sins
I now and forever regret since
Ii grew up a little
Had to stop substituting ****** pills
For my bag full of skittles
So I must be a riddle
An enigma to ponder
I don't journey with destination
Only have patients to wander
So to be a doctors patient I
Saunter and walk into a walk in
Clinic so in it i mimic a ******* to
finish with a script for poppin
Perkecette oxycotton
Clonasapan diasapan even
So my back pain I make so real
It starts to hurt as I'm leavin
But giving. doctors are decieving
So deceiving them does not
Pin guilt aide it wilts knowing
The real drug dealers the doc
Sending people who got
Addiction problems to phone
A Clinic to start u a new dependency
Called methadone
So leave the **** alone, such
A mess and known
If ur not an ignorant clone
That can't see on there own
It's the same drug dealer
Just a different drug
So how does **** for oxy heads
Really help them its rough
I must be a mute cause all
My opinions arnt heard
And I protect my pocket with no
Pocket protecter so am I a nerd
I must be a bad ****** word
Cause whenever I am. Brought up
Eyes go wide as if I am a bad
Influence like I'm hopped up
On morphine and more fiends
Are. Created each day
As doctors seem to just
Wanna give there drugs away
Well I'm done for the day
That's enough complaints for me
And if u didn't like it call 1800
I don't give a **** and Plz
Remember if it's busy just hang
up and try ur Call  again
Cause I always look forward
To being **** on for when
I use the freedom of speech
Giving to me as a right
So those opposed your all *****
So that means I must. Be a ****
*** yikes ewww a **** yuck
Get it away
So what I say I had to say Plz don't play
With what lay in my spray
Of opions in the way I say
What I say when I say it
If u hate me I'm still on ur mind
And worth hating so go ahead hate it
Poetic dues I payed it
Roads I pave it so those
Who chose to be a voice for
His beliefs always knows
There way but in dismay
I may not pray for others
Cause they may see a dead end
Even though they are covered
And smothered in talent
But if never discovered ur covered
Lucky if Facebook will even read
Let alone brothers and mothers
Cause to hypnotize the others
Selling out lurks in the way
And wut defines selling out is such
An area of grey
So goodbye again I'll say
I'm on my way out and gone
Not even a penny for my thoughts
And it's so sad a penny's beyond
What most would pay
As they say I'm just one of alot
But I maybe a snowflake looking
The same but actually I am not

It's not enough to complain
It's not enough to feel shame
It's not enough to give up after
U fail. It's not enough to go blame

The neighborhood u grew in
Or the ppl u were around
No excuse is enough to justify
So u can just deny knowing how

To succeed and exceed what u
perceive in your dreams
It's not enough to just proceed if u
bleed for what u believe by all means

It's not enough to try, give up and Cry
while u surrender and accept this
Cuz hardheaded and stubborn
when positive, is called relentless

So address this where your address is
and if u find no way
There's a huge world out there,
so learn while u search and maybe one day

Ill see u on the other side
Where no one ******* or complains
Where no one is slowed by
Failure or fear cuz they're driven by pain

Where u don't even need a brain
Just passion and will
Cause if your still ****** breathing
Than be believing u have a chance still

And I write this not only to ****
The doubt that poisons ur mind
But while stressin im confessin
Ill admit this is to **** mine

Cuz we all get weak at times
Where we actually consider
birthing a child of regret while bitter
And becoming its full time babysitter

Conceived with life thatll ***** you
Without any protection
And even those who oppose abortion
Would see this as the exception

Just make sure u never let them
C- section your heart
Keep fighting back, cuz keeping Faith
when life falls apart is nothing short of an art

It can be beautiful but dark
It can be abstract and expensive
And remember stubborn and hard headed
when positive is called relentless

It's not enough to complain
It's not enough to feel shame
It's not enough to give up after
U fail. It's not enough to go blame

The neighborhood u grew in
Or the ppl u were around
No excuse is enough to justify
So u can just deny knowing how

so if you need to work
3 jobs, while u scratch and claw
your way to whatever dream thay lay
awaiting you to sink teeth and lock ur jaw

break your enemy and the law
create a strength with ur flaw
like having deadly aids and using it
to **** ur enemy by sleeping with his wife or dog

whatever it takes do the job
be stubborn and never listen
to the dreamkilling dream-***** blockers
who want u to fail so u can be kissin

the same *** they kiss, dont miss ur chance
dont over think
take what u want like bill cosby does after
making a woman a drink

cuz To succeed and exceed what u perceive
in your dreams, and become
a man than if u have to bleed for what u believe
then by all means cuz success ends

when your sacrifices do, so dont give up and
Cry while u surrender if not, pains expected
be hardheaded and stubborn cause its a positive,
thing in this case but differently name as relentless

So address this where your address is
and if u find no way theres a huge world
out there, so keep learning and maybe one day

Ill see u on the other side
Where no one ******* or complains
Where no one is slowed by
Failure or fear cuz they're all driven by pain

Where u don't even need a brain
Just passion and will
Cause if your still ****** breathing
Than be believing u have a chance still

And I write this not only to ****
The doubt that poisons ur mind
But while stressin im confessin
Ill admit this is also to **** mine

Cuz we all get weak at times
Where we actually consider
birthing a child of regret while bitter
And become its new mom, no babysitter

Conceived with life who will *** u
Without any protection
And even those who oppose abortion
Would see this as the exception

Just make sure u never let them
C- section out your heart
Keep fighting back, cuz kept Faith when life falls apart
is nothing short of an art

It can be beautiful but dark
It can abstract and expensive
And remember stubborn and hard headed when positive
is called relentless

I write this for those
Who are complicated like me
Too busy to find a relationship
But not busy enough to be

Lonely as ****,
And when I say that to some,
They are puzzled and befuddled
A single parent raising his son?

How can you be lonely?
That's when I feel the guilt,
Like I'm ungrateful, cuz it's painful
Explaining a brain full of silk

Emotions, that aren't fulfilled
By a child who's a dependent
I can't express the stress on my chest
And secretly lie like a defendant

And whisper everything will work out
When I'm not even sure it will
And it's emasculating to mask the failing
Without someone to distill

Like I do my son, and fill
My head with optimism
That I reciprocate and return, concerned
When they feel like earths a prison

And I'm not asking, ans this isn't
For the pity I despise when given
I just miss, the bliss of a hug and kiss
To remind me I'm still livin

And yes my son gives me this in
The daily grind, but my mind
When I get a minute that's mine
Always wander to nostalgic times

When I didn't question if I'm
In the place that fate with signs
Led me to. Or like many do
Am I lost where you can't find

A lost in found, lost in frowns
Can't find what I lost, no solid ground
Where you say fake smiles are around
And hate it. Only to realize that now

You do the same, another clown
Who seems anything but profound
I use to be royalty. Had loyalty,
but somewhere it all crashed down

So in my Burger King crown
And my throne, built with a stapler
Made of cardboard, matching my scepter Made of
that hallow cardboard tube you get from wrapping paper

You wrap Xmas gifts with,,
and if you Wonder what the paper was used for
It was used by the me in my past, high off his ***.
Who wrapped up my future

And inside was a dead end job,
Sobriety, and some ****
So when life ***** me, I can be lucky
And slap it on my rusty, ... Well you....

Get the picture. And if it sounds familiar
Or not. But still feel a spot
Inside that you tried filling with ***
An unfillable void, u avoid, but can't stop

Feeling it, when you stop. And got
A moment to yourself
I hope this consolation, for the constellations,
not aligning, is a help

Cause I write this, to get it out,
But I post it publicly, for those at home
Who feel the emptiness. When the phone isn't ringing ....
Your not alone

In being alone, which sounds
Like another of life's contradiction
But contradiction is a literary term,
Almost as if to give u a vision

Of poeticness. Where mine is given,
But the give of irony can be fun
Leaving only humor, left for the tumor
That teaches us, that when the sun

Is out. Not not to take it for granted
So I circle back to my son
And I'm sure, that if still unsecure or
Unsure, whenever this poem Is done

Maybe it's time to train your brain,
To regain a perception, that we
Inadvertently trained it to ignore, in horror
Witnessing what wasn't meant to be

And find solace in all or it ...
I know, I sound like a clicheè
Like a cheesy, hallmark card,
that makes you wish, the author had aids

Ok.. Not aids ... But ******, or something
Now I sound like a *****,
But sometimes I see public display of affection
from couples, and I think

You ******* PPL MAKE ME SICK
HES PROBABLY FUVKING UR SISTER
AND WHEN YOUR AT WORK SHES PROBABLY ....
Wait... I can't be bitter

And you shouldn't be either ..
I know it's easier that it sounds
When robin Williams committed suicide
I swear i couldn't help drown

In thoughts. Of how, somebody, so famed  And Loved,
would want to die
which means there's no chance for me..
But logically, it proves that inside

We all have that void. Annoyed,
Wanting it to just fuvk off
But the hard part in life is concentrating on.
What we have. And not, .... the have nots

And remember what you forgot..,
The annoying, overbearing, ones who
Actually do care, about you, are priceless
And trust me, if you have one too,

A mother. Who tries to smother,
so u run For cover and don't visit
Are the ones you give away, on the days
You rather be Alone to pivot

In worthless worries, only to revisit
The same pain, u feed as you fear it
And as I write this I'm rolling my ****** Eyes too,
cuz nobody wants to hear it

But the truth is *****, just like ur mom
But in end it's the only honesty
Left in a life full of broken dreams and fake smiles
toco-sign the promising

Promises no one kept,
when they said "I love you" or I'll never leave
So I'll try to take my own cheesy advice 
 Left in this poem if u do the same for me

So I gift this to you. And my future self
As well, and I can only hope he
Takes the message inside and abide, or try ...
And Remember,lastly, when coping

That just because your lonely,
It doesn't mean your alone ...
Just because your lonely doesn't mean your alone ...
For u.. I wrote this poem ...

Where's Ophelia?

Lately my thoughts are scattered
No filtering bladder
Happy un-birthday lets have
Tea cuz I feel madder then hatter

Like my brain was ***** matter
Recycled which explains
Why my parents call me a
**** for brains

In my eyes it always rains
So the forecast I'm callin it
Cause I can predict the ****
Like a meteorologist

Even my psychologist
Has to see a psychologist now
And all I did was tell her about
Bein a kid so my childhood turns out

Was ab normal or a portal
To immortal hell
Probably why I'm amoral as well
Directing ***** at 12

No no no Barbie be submissive
For ken no one likes a *****
And where's Gi joe this is a
******* scene ****

I'm a professional and refuse
To work like this
"No mom I have no clue where my
Sisters Barbie is"

That probably led to the dead
Cat, who I asked can I feel ya?
And before you know it the
diagnosis Was necrophilia  

i need help like Ophelia
So get me to the nunnery
If you don't get the reference
It's ok I'm full of odd dummery

So concluding with summary
Is ima mind **** like ******
Resulting in psychosomatic
Brain Assaulting causing lobotomy

Which I consider a commodity
Cuz it's better then mediocrity
Plus more interesting is sarcasm
contradiction and hypocrisy

Which is all part of my psychology
That offers me Psychosis
Acting as my main excuse for
My high in strong flight like Locust

Which is highly corrosive
Very ferocious to the brain
Which was already ****** like
It was the victim of a jailhouse train

Yelling bomb! bomb! On a plane
That's why I took the train
I couldn't be fixed by sigmand
Froud 50 dr Phils and a dr crane

But I swear I've been framed
By my mind frame no less
But no more either so I'm no more
Eager to fix it I guess ....

Seriously .....where the ****
is Ophelia?

I'm not in the mood to be
Serious or Make valid points
Or debate social issues
I just wanna anoint

To cleanse the emotion
And see what comes out
And hope it's not insecurity
Self pity or self doubt

It's hard saying help
It feels like a dogs yelp
Perplexed while still vexed
I can't figure life out

Or what it's about
Will I ever feel success
How can I relieve the stress
And achieve my best

When I believe my death
Is right around the corner
So many feelings bottled
Up inside I could be on hoarders

I'm a *** can u spare a quarter
Hi, hitman? I'd like to order
Can you shoot me lucky number
7 times it seems I'm out of order

I'm outta order? Your outta
Order!
This whole ****** poem is
OUT OF ORDER!

Please excuse the obtuse
Blown fuse I'm ok now
Stupid ****** what do u mean
U dont take pay pal

**** if u want something
Done right u gotta do it urself
I have no chance in life if a well
Liked success hangs himself

With his own ****** belt
So what chance do I have?
At finding happiness  I know
It sounds bad cuz I'm a proud dad

But that can't fix all the
**** malfunctioning inside
I'm so use to life ******* me in
The *** Ill probably go to pride

Part of my soul has died
The other parts like why ?
Why the ****** hell did I
Survive, I hate being alive

Even the devil wouldn't
make A deal and take it
And all I wanted was some
******* and to look good naked

I'm definitely not gods favorite
Even my parents seem to love
Other kids more than me,
ashamed their kids ******* up

But i wouldn't be if I stopped
Huffin gas and glue
Or unexpectedly had a child cuz
My birth control was Mountain Dew

Who knew that myth wasn't true
Maybe Santa's not real
Then my psychiatrist asks with Condescension
"how does that make you feel?"

I felt caged young like veal
So I conceal all the things
That add to the pile that will
All help when I explode and squeal

Like the pain is too real,
To live through anymore
Hearing countries going to
War and we talk like a score

Is being kept when both wept
When soilders on either side
Fought for their believed and
All that's bequest is bein denied

Being alive to see what survived
If his cause justifies it
So his future he may devise it
But his destiny defies it

Don't cry ****, your eye dry it
Don't be blinded by sadness
At least he gets a piece of peace
Ours is fake like an Easter rabbit

Live in his honor, less a maggot
And more patriotic
Comfort to a fool is a promise
To be honest dont me honest

I rather live thinking I'm ok
And die In surprise
Then be told my fate holds
Deaths cold hand that slides

Over my shoulder knocking
Over the chip
Which I woulda ate but I was
Saving it til I had some dip

I can't seem to get a grip
******* the exception
I give Too much information
On occasion it can't be corrected

Cuz my brain has rejected
The original factory settings
I know what the yellow and white
Stains are but blood on my bedding?

What's going on, something
Is seriously wrong
I been menopausal all my life
Oh well who cares I guess, yawn!

I'm growing tired here's a song
That's when I put country on
To have a cohesive vibe with
The depression comin on strong

Ouch I sat on my ****
Solving the mystery of blood
I didn't know ******* ripped
So easily...HUrry get me tongs for my ****

I seemed to have lost my thong now
too..But lost... never gone
Sing about that sisqo ....
where's the crisco I'm goin deep and long

The Hail Marys of retrieval
The most uncomfortable evil
But my fingers are ******* lucky
.....According to my ego (wink)

That was a good line people
Even if it was about my **** hole
Oh **** ....emergency evacuation
Someone get me a soup bowl

No seriously it's crucial
There's no loop hole out
Now there's this!.....high blood
Pressure, *****, **** itch, and gout

Otherwise I'm in perfect health
This poem has been a blast
So much depth, so much honesty
All wrapped up in.... class

Cause naturally I just have
That kind of suave demeanor
In Corduroy pants and a wool cardigan
While I listen to weezer

Lol I sound like such a wiener
Or...ahem.. winner if you will
Cause I hear what I wanna hear
And chances are... I always will

Cuz I'm idiotic neurotic and
Making constant deposits
Of elegant,to be eloquent,when  
i refer to the skeletons in my closet

Please... step into my office
Cause your ****** fired
Why is the crack I been smoking
Making me feel wired.....??

If I could only write one more  
poem Knowing I'd die
The second it was complete
What would I write

To represent my life,
And be relative to my peers
But also to anyone reading
After thousands of years

Would I try too hard to be poetic
While trying to say goodbye
Or would my poem be full of Regret
as I'm faced with wasted time

Would I be Erratic and confused
Or will it all be in perspective
Would the ink run from the tears
I release as they leak ejected

Would I leave a letter to my son
His mother or my parents
Would I do a good enough job
Making my heart look transparent

So u could see the capacity of Love
that it held
And how I leave behind no hatred
Even my enemies I wish well

But if I only had one poem to say
What I had to then I think
My hand would move instinctively
So fast it would be done once I blink

Cause my emotion under pressure Of knowing
these were my last words
I know my skill would help spill
the poetics that fill the depth of my blurb

As my stomach starts to stir
And I sweat as I'm sure
I will be gone after that poem so on
I go strong with rattled nerves

I'd let all those that I loved Know
that I never ever stopped
I'd let it be known that all the wrong done
To me is forgiven even if I'm not

I'd express my guilts, my desires
The shame of not doing better
We as humans are suppose to leave Earth
no worse than when severed

From the womb and I live forever
Through the words of my last poem
And they r priceless the only thing im allowed
to take wit me that I own

Lastly I'd encourage those left Behind
who still have time
Not to waste another second
cuz The strongest weapon designed

in existence is free will so
have The will to still stay free
Not held back by the unimportant Things
and go do what u will see

Was not as crazy as it sounded
Because No dream ever is
But what's crazy is not seizing
The day now given and miss

The opportunity so live life
like kids carefree and if you dare
than live life like kids who don't question if they
can dance... they just dance and if u stare

who cares it dont bug them at all
cuz Self consciousness is developed
Once we're poisoned by the same Outlets
than plan to give us insecurity to sell us  

Vanity and pills, cheap thrills,like it helps us
so I hope You will try to stay above it
Don't hate what makes u great or different
u should embrace it& ****** love it

And as the pit of my stomach
Starts to turn I now know
That I've said Everything I needed to before
I'm dead so now i go

so remember to love wildly and recklessly
and After a broken heart do it again!
Cuz itll be too late if u wait
til
    u
        can only write one
                                   last poem
                                                   ...the end...

lately i feel like
your all i really got
but like everyone else i love
im the only one who talks
absent with the congregation
cant be selfish today
so i try not to bother you
with all i wont say
stomaches full of nerves
that make me feel i rot
so nervously i sweat when im
not even hot
every tear has a story
as well as salt that packs
in my tears, no wonder i
reflect so much fat
all i wants to be humble
and get my love returned
instead like the dead my hearts
needing an urn
wheres investments return
dont wanna go through this
wheres jesus christ, let him know i
have now found judas
sometimes i feel "***** this"
"that, him and her"
innocence is extinct in ones i
felt were so pure
so infered is the absurd uncured
desease that plagues me
i now understand how my
enemies passionately hate me
cause lately i hate me
so greatly as well
cant threaten me with the devil, im already
used to this hell
everyones **** ****** smells
mine and all of yours
snow white was trying to tell me
most woman are ******
in drawers of seven dwarfs
who no wonders either sleepy
***** or grumpy when will
i get a break or freebie
dark shadows pass so creepy
most people are deceitful and greedy
i swear i can almost feel
my soul wants to leave me
just like everyone leaving
loyaltys not a common relic
no wonder all we feel is so
uncalming and jealous
why cant i find strength embelished
prior used to front
but i rather be killed then *******
heartlessly hunt
and maybe thats why before you
i kneel and cry
asking for the mercy of death
i see such peace in the eye
of the one you will cry
for if they die but roughly
im jealous at funerals wondering
why im not so lucky
so in the name of the father
son and holy spirit
i pray if i dont see death today
that im hopefully near it
.....amen

A child is not a pay cheque
A child is not a weapon
A child is not a priority
You can push down to second

A child is not a bargaining
Tool, a hassle or a pain
A child did not ask to be here
So Plz use ur ****** Brain

A child is not the person
U hate that u made them with
A child is not the one who needs
An excuse to be child-ish

A child is not a doll
A child is not to be resented
A child is not ur second chance
To live through, that's demented

A child is not to blame
A child is not a bother
A child is not to be without
Either it's mother or father!!!!!!

Don’t try to fit in,
in fact, try to be more odd
If you don’t see bereavements
as achievements
it’s your view that’s flawed

which explains why I see motivation where you see peasants
Why you see failure not experience,
Or a curse where I see a present

It’s all in attitude, your approach
how you perceive progression
You see scars, I see trophies, you see mistakes I see lessons,

You say life’s hell, I see heaven
They say reality is perception
that’s why Wasted time and money
look identical to a good investment

So when I see hard work pay off
You’ll just see it as luck and scoff
which I see as inspiration for you
but all you see is a loss

all you see is where you are, so where you could be is robbed
But if you can’t see achievement in bereavements it’s your view thats flawed

if you can’t see trophies not scars
Or lessons and not mistakes
then you’ll never get why I see u ****** yourself, where u swear your bein  *****

I can't believe ur gone I'll
Always mourn the loss
I don't know where u are
Some things can't be washed

A lesson learned in loss
Now only one remains
So my eyes are clouds
Bringing the rain

Can't believe ur gone
I try to stay strong
I know I left u but I came
Back and I can't find u so our bond

Breaks like my heartaches
I'm trying to deal with the loss
only one came out of the wash
They were my favorite ****** socks

I'm shocked, I'm distraught
How do I always lose the brother
In a pair of socks so sadly in
Horror I must throw out the other

And when I do I'm so blue
Two days later when ur found
Left again with one sock so I cry
As my knees hit the ground

Screaming at the sky
Why god why?
Now I gotta throw away the
Second sock as I frantically cry

She said"am I dying?"
As lots of blood departed
So much blood Moses would
Mistakenly try to part it

And since her screams started
In fear and confusion
I've been panicked its satanic
The imagery it's producing

And all she kept asking me
Why this is happening to her
And the pain made her cranky
And I just wasn't sure

What to say or what to do
"I'm only looking after u
Whille ur parents are gone
I'm just as ****** scared as u"

Then she asked for me to look
At it and see just how bad
It is and even though I said no
She persisted and then her dad

And mom came home to
See me and their daughter
****** and frantic, and that's
When her father

Asked me to stop examing
His daughter so well
As her pants were off and in
The panic I could hardly tell

Even though she's clearly
Bottomless but was distracted by fear
Since that day I can no longer
Watch horror films and it's been years

And when I run into her she acts
Like it was no big deal
But her screams and squeals
Still makes my stomach feel

So Uneasy that I get queezy
When my steaks medium rare
Knowing the meats been marinating
In its own blood and I swear

I literally have flashbacks
Start to sweat, I even gag
I hope I'm never around again the
a 12yr old comes on her first rag

We sacrifice what’s valuable for less
Than it accrues in interest on your debt
Which will only double like the puddles
When tears from struggles and regret

Come to collect your self respect
if our soul was fashionable you can bet
Most people would strangle the life from it, just to wear it around their neck

under the impression our possessions worth the Misdirection from stressin
including the Indiscretions collectiin
Like it’s infection is a blessin

Ignoring what’s left in its lessons
like imperfections are progression
Lack of investment in self affection
leaves us detesting our Reflection

Masking insecurities with our *******
women with make up, no exemption
Our projected Self imagerys Placed above our spiritual growth, causin is the tension

The Self hatred, suicide, depression
We forgot who we were impressin
our vanity is insanity, and its calamity
is savagery but these obsessions

are Useless as thoughts and prayers
Or Facebook profile pics with frames
Showing support for tragic Terrorist attacks, or mass shootings that aim

at the innocent, but the truth is
Most don’t care, as much as they buzz
They do it to feel better about doing nothing, when even donating blood,

is doing more that fake Facebook posts
Of useless sympathy could ever
It’s just condescending well wishes
from fake *******, we all must endeavour

As if were all eating each other’s *******
Putting on fake fronts for other fakes
like a masquerade for *******,to dress like **** heads, for other ******* snakes

and it’s hilarious, but also nefarious,
just like your local politician
who’s poisonous like physicians,
sellin big pharmas drugs wit prescriptions

causing opioid epidemic, addiction
but cognitive dissonance is positioned
So whistle blowing, the little knowing
is labelled conspiracy theory so vision

Is lost when brainwash takes intuition
leaving thought useless like tuition
why invest in an education system
when our own government ****** isn’t

societys becoming economical prison
but we just allow the constant piracy
too self indulgent to protect our rights
to protest and fight, so our privacy

Like freedom of speech, gone entirely
before anyone starts their *******
too distracted by issues for division
media creating bias’ on our television

Instigating prevention of unity risen
til our power in numbers gives immunity
strategically calculated, and predicated
on us inadvertently granting impunity

to the rich and powerful when brutally
is gun smoke, and cut throat lunacy
expressed in attitude to our neighbours, how can strangers have a community?

narrow minded views cause collision
sexuality, race, and gender, opinions
arguing over the illusion of equality ignoring quality, still we argue religion

and beliefs, that make us see difference
Instead of what’s common, our positions
On protecting our family, our jobs,
the fundamentals in the life we are livin

too blind to see any of it clearly
Most of our control we lost when ignored
busy hating each other while the
real threats are laughing at how poor

and how stupid, petty, and ridiculous
do you think rich powerful men
Give a **** what god another rich man prays to, or if and when

He chooses to have ***, who he bends
Over and rams? Cuz really ...in truth
Sexuality is irrelevant in this case
Cuz we’re all about to get *******

but what the hell do I know? True.
I’m just a self righteous dude with words
but one day we’re gonna be like caged parrots who look up at other birds

Who fly free in the sky
and pity them for not having their own
little space like they do not recognizing freedom, thinking his cage is a home