I remenise my pain
How it was lined up
Grew up misleaded
by my own mom though
don't like her
because I was mistreated
So how was I wrong?  
I never asked for birth
She act like it's my fault
when i ask why she starts getting ralled up
She never cared that's my lesson
She wished me dead through a message
False love and neglection
Want attention get regected
I don't hate her
I forgive her apology
even though she never said it

Its never easy admiting
While accusing is the strongest thing in
my mouth,
The taste,taste bitter while my words
hurt like dumped woman in divorse,
While my words inflict pain,
A million dollar question rises,
Forgiviness?
Will she ever forgive me for the pain I
brought,
While I apologies like a widow asking
questions in her mind of did he die.
While I look for her respond as her
mouth opens,
I try to catch my breath,
While my mind wonders around thinking
of a million things in one,
For a moment the world stopped,
Pictures of her where on my mind,****!!
The world turned dark with her in it.

You stole my attention.
The only justice i seek now is that i do right by you with good intentions.
A lesson learnes for a lifetime like im doing 25- life in detention.
Everything around me is suspended, my feet arent touching the ground, so if at times im not walking the straight path, i genuinely missed it.
Missing my misses like not even attempting, youre tempting to the aesthetics of you, baptizing myself in you, dripping.
Now i ask i for forgiviness, the pain coming in pinches, as you cuming and gripping you say dont worry, cause you knew that i meant it which promotes the drippin. incantations of our love whispered in different languages. flesh ripping. I imprint it.
Even when im not there. ghostly. im not like those other ******, baby im not ya figment.
Like a thief in the night, ill take anything but you for granted. Im that ***** that will bench press the planets. You trusting my ever word because you can see it; if you were blind i could literally tell you whats in front of you and with no hesitation, such gracious greatness and no reaistance youll paint it on the canvas.
Knowing every color off the feel and stroke ive given you and the placement.
So you stole the only card i was dealt with in this life just to give me the only card you was dealt in life: the heart of gold.

i realized i didn't need permission
to move on
or have to wait for forgiviness
when i did nothing wrong
except for being young
and having trust
in people who i should've denied
i spent months
trying to pick the pieces up
dust to dust
until i realized i never really needed your love

i cared for a while
for years
i was stout in denial
and watched my deepest fears
come to life one by one
everyone had their fun
tearing me down at my weakest
like i didn't try hard enough
like i deserved to feel so scuffed
i'd never hurt this much

and i've never felt this bad
or since
it all just tore me right in half
and where were my 'friends'
while i mourned myself
i needed help
you saw the moment as a chance
to cleanse yourself
i didn't want anything else
but of course you still brought me hell

and now you hate me
for walking away
i can still hear you complaining
because my existence must have caused you so much pain
remind me again
how i dont know what i said
that i'm awful and deplorable
i forget the rest

i'm ******* glad i left