How do I mend my relationship with my body?
How do I hate myself, less?
How could I?
How dare I?
The world doesn't.
It tells me all the reasons why I shouldn't.
I mustn't.
I must hate myself.
I must hate my body, that is what I deserve.
What my body deserves
Love is reserved for the thin.
the beautiful.
The beautiful.
I could never be beautiful.
It's a lie,
when they say it.
It's a lie.
when they say I am.
I am beautiful from the neck up.
but you'd never use that word,
designate it to my body.
to the rest of me.
The rest of me should be tossed away.
discarded.
Please sir, can I keep my head?
It's the only place I live, the only place I am allowed to be.
I am not allowed to be beautiful. not allowed to be thin.
that was not the hand I was dealt. not my lot in life.
I exist in the world with my shame exposed.
On display.
Do you know how that feels?
No hiding.
No escaping.
No pretending.
I am fat.
My body is fat.
and from first glance, you can see my unworthiness.
My lack of deservedness
It's always there.
