I want to be intimate with you
Not bare bodied and touching
But a different sort
I want to see your soul as it is
Stripped down into nothing
Your demons in their raw existence
I want to hold each one on its own
Until I can understand how it feels to live them
I want to hear your voice scratchy and strained at 3am
And listen as words fall from your mouth into mine
Late night thoughts and questions
I want to learn your mind like it is the only book I will ever read
Memorize it top to bottom like it is my bible
You are enough religion for me to understand why we're here
I want to understand you
I want your dreams to come to me like I can make them real
Tell me your secrets like I am the journal you have been hoping to find
The empty pages you have been waiting to fill your whole life
I want to know it all
I want to know your fears
Your worries
Your happiness
And everything that keeps you up at night
I want to be the thing that keeps you up at night
I want to be the morning sun that you cannot wait to wake to
And when you do,
I will continue to get to know you better

I don't need your hands on me
Or your skin against mine
To be close to you
The best form of intimacy
Is loving someone without knowing how it feels
To touch them without clothes on
The best form of intimacy
Is realizing you can open yourself up completey without holding anything back
The best form of intimacy
Is laughing and not caring at all how you sound
The best form of intimacy
Is talking for minutes that turn into hours that turn into tomorrow
The best form of intimacy
Is time spent wasting
The best form of intimacy
Is moments
Is patience
Is devotion and commitment
With no guarantee of satisfaction
It is surrender
It is vulnerability
It is now
The best form of intimacy
Is quiescence
It is the purest method
Of affection.

Nothing's the same. Everything change

Different ways of thinking. All of the feelings sinking.

So Distance.  Feels  like there's no existin.

All I can do is reminis...

But what about, if it's always been this way. I would see him but he'd be out by day.  Always visit but never stay. N I would always sit n just wait.

I'm still waiting
Praying  

For a change
But I know that's something COMPLETEY insane

today i watched her play with her hair
i watched her cute little fingers while
she raveled it, she made braids, a ponnytail
i was charmed , i was lost in the time.

.....completey taken by that innocent smile

Twenty Twenty
What a year
It‘s been
A Pandemic
Lockdown
All in between
We took on the news
A lot was said
Digested it
Analysed it
The papers we read
It was like nothing
We’d ever lived through before
It’s intangible force
We just couldn’t ignore
It crept up upon us
Like a thief in the night
Days on repeat
No end in sight
From loved ones
To livelihoods
Completey wiped out
Broken-hearted
Desolate
Filled with so much doubt
Tier one
Two
Three and four
Some followed the rules
Others chose to ignore
We needed some answers
A glimmer of hope
Too much to comprehend
On this never ending *****
Then came good news
A vaccine was near
Would this solve our problems?
No more living in fear?
With 2021 looming
As we ring in the New Year
What have we learnt?
What’s important?
What’s dear?
Maybe Mother Nature
Wasn’t being heard
A deeper message for us all
That wasn’t being shared  
Finger on the button
Press rewind
Say hello to your neighbour
Practice being kind
Time to reflect
From this year to the next
How will you change you ways?
What will you do next?
Sometimes the hardest questions
Are the easiest to escape
But a conscious decision
Determines the action we take
A little gratitude perhaps?
Pay it forward?
Lend some help?
Practice daily affirmations ?
Look after your mental health?
I know one thing that’s true
For me I’m sure
I found my purpose
My reason
My cure!

You broke my heart countless times.
Now you come back wanting the rest of the fragments that contain who I am.
Pretty lies ring in my ear that tell me you indeed love me.
I will not buy into this sales pitch .
Call me what you want but I am not ready to die by the choices you make.
The thing is even if I could completey love you, I could not fully trust you.
The day I could would be the start of my suicide note.