I can feel myself drifting
The white noise so loud
It blurries my already hazy vision
I don't know where I'm going
I'm not sure if I'm scared anymore
Or if I'm just tired of it all
My body feels so heavy
I don't know how it moves anymore
I'm so angry at me
Why cant I get off of my drifting sea
I don't know

Of my bold adoration
There remains - a certain -
Slant of Truth
That teases the Sun’s notice
With its retreat to solitude
And - advancements deeper - Within
I still admire her
Even if the six feet
Of silence between us
Blurries my restraint
And holds my thoughts - Aloft
Away - from grasping reach
I Cannot see a better way
To rejoin my own
That plunge straining with impetuosity
That dive that’s bound for Death
The train horn - hollers - overhead
The ropes they bind my flesh to steel
My heart considers this - and then
Resumes her steady throb
And dastardly hurries on
With nary a glance behind
To peer at it - from growing distance
That thought of expiration
Total adoration
Simply holds my head from burning temptation
The possible return to her soothing voice
Taunts my steadily descending mind
And keeps my soul - Alive.

how you ruined me
my reflection in the mirror
my temptations to steer clear
fading gradually, sinking slowly
burn and bleed from these bruises
talking about the little things
what matters who cares why bother
collapsing false reality
won't you descend down from the heavens
and come save me?
suffocating embrace, these fleeting moments
i grasp at the threads
subtle expectations, drift by idly
in my eyes, the world glossed over
seconds tick by, aeons blink pass
i find myself, waiting alone
always still, nothing lasts
black coffee, and my glass is full
of unspoken tears, final regrets
life is deprived of its meaning
memories are gone, distant and unseeming
the way you died at that creek
this numb and empty bitterness
surrounded by cold, harsh plateaus
my hometown
the motherland
i miss you
raising the flag high in the air
white in surrender
death hung heavy
this rope curled around my neck
tightens, it scurries
this blade pressed against my skin
ripens, it blurries
the edge of the ceiling
the dangling fan, in the corner of my passage
heightens, i must hurry
shadows hidden from sight
darkness, no longer my light
making things right
something, someone
was what i meant to be
born out of a blossom
wilting, dying in a costume
rebirth in a coffin
rest easy, rest dearly
my eyes close for the final time, thinking
this wasn't meant for anybody
my mind buries in, my voice cracks
theres nothing left to say.
nothing you can do
i cant fix this
im beyond help
im beyond repair
consume me as you see fit
decipher my words as you find suitable
cry for help
desperation, useless words
give up, something i must do
does this even make sense
i dont think it does
i just wanted to be loved
i just wanted you to love me
i just wanted to be happy
yet i achieved nothing
im pretending to be something greater
im pretending to be something better
but im nothing, this is all a facade
my words dont make sense
logic remains missing, no longer a constant
and its all my fault
somehow, everything is
im doomed
impose your thoughts, your preconceived notions
i am an object, an idea
never a person, never your one
discard any hopes of understanding
blame no one but yourself
for what happened
for what ive done, what im planning to do
its already over
never enough time
i always wish for more
there is no saving a sinking ship
just jump abroad, swim far, far away
the wreckage cannot be salvaged
the mistakes cannot be mended
leave me to drown now
please?
im sorry for making you see this
this awful, terrible side of me
but to those who have, to those who once cared
thank you for reading
goodbye.