The Rules of Online Dating Poem
(8/5/2014)

Rules start the moment we decide to do online dating.
You can't choose Christian Mingle, because things get too spicy there.
You can't choose JDate, because they all want to sign pre-nup's.
You can't choose Plenty of Fish, because who wants to date a fish?
... I mean, I'm pretty sure that's illegal in most countries.
Grindr is great, but we're talking about the rules of online dating... Dating.

Now, OkCupid is where it's at.
Okay see here, you need a username.
Something quirky.  How about 'Quirky?'
Oh, that's taken, so add numbers!
The website suggested 'Quirky 69' ... okay, maybe no numbers.
Quirky_Cat, because everything on the internet is better with cats.

Let's move on to selecting several profile pictures.
Dust off your digital archives, and find one from that time you tanned.
Ever take a funny photo eating food?  Perfect, feed it to your fans.
Is it Halloween?  Because I'm thinking Headless Torsoooo!!!
Annnnd for good measure, let me take a selfie.

The hardest part is answering the match-making questions.
My soul is searching for its soul mate, and there can only be one.
It's like the heart hunger games.  
Who can shoot their compliments with the precision of a bow and arrow,
right through the wall of cats I've accumulated from being single so long?
The first one to make me feel so alive I want to die,
but not before devouring a pint of ice cream, wins!!

SO ANSWER THESE CRUCIAL QUESTIONS:
1, Is astrological sign important to you in a match?
YOU BETTER NOT BE A GEMINI
2. Are you a cat person or a dog person?
I DON'T DATE CAT-DOG HYBRID PEOPLE, JUST BE A PERSON PLZ
3. If you turn a left-handed glove inside out, it fits?
MY ****
4. Would you be willing to meet someone from OkCupid in person?
IF YOU ANSWER NO, *** ARE YOU DOING HERE
That concludes today's question answering.  
Stay tuned for rules on writing the self-summary.

Rule #1 - Bang your head on the keyboard for 12 minutes.
This is a mandatory, required start to every OkCupid profile.
Rule #2 - Use a lot of cliches
Don't worry if you don't know any, just copy some from someone else.
Rule #3 - Say you are bad at writing self-summaries in your self-summary
That's a good one.
Rule #4 - Say what you are good at... which duh, is your writing skills.
I mean you have a liberal arts degree after all.
Rule #5 - Tell them you are a real person, not fake.
Some folks need to hear this to get over the imaginary people they dated.

Rules require structure, and structure is built by bullet point lists.
So first bullet point, favorite books:
- Quickly go find the titles of everything you had to read in high school.
Second bullet point, favorite movies, and variety is key here:  
- Include musicals, rom coms, at least one low-budget indie film,
    a foreign film or two, and throw in a few Disney flicks for good measure.
Third bullet point is what will make or break you, music:
- For gay men this will mean you're only allowed to pick female divas, so...
To the tune of 'Kokomo' by The Beach Boys.
There's Britney and Whitney, ooh I wanna take ya,
to Rhianna, Madonna, ooh and then there's Robyn.
But Queen Bey, J. Monae, Miley, and Christina,
Katy Perry, and Coldplay, because they count anyway.
Cher, and Cher, and Cher, and Cher, and Cher.

Alright alright.  We've had our fun, but now it gets serious.
The profile is going to ask us to advertise ourselves like products.
Of course we are going to comply.
5 foot 6.  145 pounds.  Brown hair, Hazel eyes.
Bi-lingual and knows how to use a tongue.
Annual income?  More like outgo, as in out goes my money.
Do I use drugs?  Only if they're free.
Do I diet?  As in drink diet soda, as opposed to regular?
Slightly hungover on Sundays.
Can send more pictures of cats I wish were my pets, upon request.

Alright, start stalking people for endless hours,
sending messages sporadically.
Good news!  We're ready to do online dating.

But...  what if I don't really know what I want?
Maybe online dating isn't for me.

you see bob delahunty, one da7y developed this website, where he takes people on quests

to find out whether or not really exists, and first stop was jerusealum, where he spoke to a rabbi,

and bob asked the question does GOD exist, and the rabbi said, i can be your saviour where

whenever you need any answers, i can show you, ok,

after that, bob went to the BUDDHIST temple in taibet, and the buddhist nuns said, god is just

a couple of easy answers, we need people to understand that the answer is to mend every blade of grass

and bob left thinking mmmmm interesting, and the muslims said, god, there is no god, but there is mohammad,

and he is the same, as this GOD, and bob went away singing

god is the devil and the devil is bob

god is the devil and the devil is bob

god is the devil and the devil is bob

GOD, THE DEVIL, ANNNND BOB

the next part of bobs quest was going over to the catholic church and after 12 minutes of hearing the boring catholic morals

bob went over to the priest, how many children have you ****** today, and priest got offended in what bob asked, and through

bob outside, with the tune going, god is the devil and the devil is bob

god is the devil and the devil is bob

god is the devil and the devil is bob

GOD, THE DEVIL, AND BOB

bob was kicked out of every religious place in the world, so he decided to gather some religious freaks, to form his own religion

going out on the underground to meet different religious people on the street, first was wendy sweeeeet lips who was a ****** by night

nun and helper of the poor by day, and she was nice to bob, ands bob said, i can get a decent **** out of this pretty lady, time and time again

and when the nun was asked to leave the catholic church despite her keeping the ****** bit to herself, she decided to join BOB,  religion

by a man named bob, bob had this philosophy, no ugly wannabes, just **** legs and pretty faces

bob asked the ******-nun, do you think GOD exists, and they said, we don’t hate any religion, but, we hate catholics, because, their morals

are against our good work here, we don’t have a GOD, policy here, we are the face of the devil, but the devil brings happiness,

you know to angry *** crazed men, aren’t they needed to wipe off the angry look, and bob went away, who cares, and sang his song

god is the devil, and the devil is bob

god is the devil, and the devil is bob

god is the devil and the devil is bob

GOD THE DEVIL, WHO IS BOB

and bob said, who cares if i’m the devil

i don’t look at the symbol of jesus nailed to a cross being a symbol of peace

jesus exixts, but the way he is killed is the REAL DEVIL

BECAUSE, all together now


god is the devil, and the devil is bob

god is the devil, and the devil is bob

god is the devil, and the devil is bob

GOD, THE DEVIL, AND BOB

So .....

How do they know ... ?  
when a man's ... NOT .... "The One" ... ?  
when they ... "REJECT" ... you ...  
before ... your first line's spun ... ?!?  
  
Annd ...  
How do they know ... ?  
how to make you .... Feel Blue .........  
I ... REALLY .... Don't Know .........  
Can someone ...  Give me a Clue ... ?!?  
  
Annnd ...  
How do they know ... ?  
when a man's got ... " The Cash !  "  ... ?  
It's like they're .... "SNIFFER DOGS" ....  
in a field ... Full of ... HASH ... !!! ...  
  
Annnnd ....  
Why ... DON'T ... they know ... ?  
when a man is a ... " DOG " ...  
can't they ... Tell by his ... BREATH ... !?!  
when they're ... having a ... Snog ... !?!?!?!  
  
Annnnnd ... Why don't we know ... ?  
which woman to ... " LOVE " ... !!!!?!!!!  
  
You'll ... NEVER ... know that ... !!!  
They ... DON'T ... fit like a glove ... !!!  
  
Annnnnnd ...  
Why don't we know ... ?  
when a woman looks ... GREAT ... !!!!!!  
It's .... HIGHLY UNLIKELY .... that ....  
She wants a ....  SOULMATE .... !!!  
  
Annnnnnnd ....  
Why ... DON'T...  we know ... ?  
that a woman who ..... SHOWS .....  
Too much of her body .....  
is ... simply ... A ... " ** " ... !!!!! ...  
  
Annnnnnnnd ... Why don't we know ... ?  
that a .... " SINGLE MUM'S SON " ....  
is always .... gonna be .....  
Their .... " NUMBER ONE " .... ?!?  
  
Annnnnnnnnd ....  
Why ... DON'T ... They Know ... ?  
that ... Years .... Down The ............. Line ...........  
  
Most men want a woman .....  
Whose Body's ....  STILL FINE ......  
  
Annnnnnnnnnd ....  
How do they ... KNOW ... ?  
when you're looking at ... " THEM " ...  
  
It's .... THEM .... that you're after ... !!!  
NOT ... One of their ... friends ..... ?!?!?!  
  
Annnnnnnnnnnd ...  
What makes them ... THINK ... ?  
That ... When ...  
They've had a ... "Drink" ...  
It's ..... OKAY ..... for them .......  
to .... TEASE YOU ... with a ...  WINK ... ???  
  
Annnnnnnnnnnnd ...  
What makes them ... FEEL ... ?  
If ... Their Man's ... NOT OBSESSIVE ...  
The Love .... He ... PROCLAIMS ... !!!!!!!!  
Just ... CANNOT ... be ... REAL ... !?!?!?!  
  
Annnnnnnnnnnnnd ...  
Why ... CAN'T... They See ... ?  
That ... their ... " LOVE for MONEY " ...  
Will ..... NEVER ALLOW .....  
Their ... SOUL ... to be .... " FREE " ....  
  
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd ...  
Why do they ...... TRY ........ ?  
To ..... ALWAYS ...... imply ....  
That ... Relationships ... FAIL ...  
because of the ...... " GUY " .... !?!?!  
  
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd ...  
Who is the .... FOOL ... ?  
that said .... " It was Cooooollll " ....  
to trust .... " EVERYTHING " ...  
You get taught .... in your School .... !!!!!?!!!!!!  
  
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd .....  
  
Why is .... Thissssss .... !?!?!?!  
When things go ... WRONG .... !!!!!  
in a ........ Relationship ......  
  
She .... suddenly develops ....  
Hips ... like a .... " SHIP " .... !!!!!  
  
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd .......  
What's with these kids ... ?  
when a game like ... " The Sims " ...  
is more ... REAL TO THEM ... ?  
Than .... " REALITY " ... is ... !!!?!!!  
  
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd ...  
Why do I feel ... ???  
like these questions ... i'm asking ...  
can't possibly ..... STOP .......  
Young people ... GUN BLASTING ... !?!?!  
  
So .....  
What's in a ... LIE ... ?!?  
What's in the ... TRUTH ... ???  
Why do people ...  CRY ... ?!?!?  
  
Why do people die ... !?!  
and ... when all's .......  
"Said and Done" .......  
  
What's in a .....  WHY ...... ???  
  
And ...... YO ....... !!!!! ........  
  
What's with this ... PROSE ... !?!?!?!?!?!  
  
"Called" .........  
  
What do we ... KNOW ... ??????

Not a Poem.

I'm back in the music business!
Some of you wanted to hear my stuff, but as I can't play any more, I had to figure out a way to share my album.

http://soundclick.com/JoelMFrye

My album, "Adrift", is posted there in mp3 format.

Let me know what you think.

Attractive and spunky
happy and content
quiet, yet funny
I wonder what it is that makes you so magnetic
I'm not the only one I know this for sure
but I'm selfish when it comes down to it
I'll share, but I won't like it

Hello, how are you? I uhhh forgot what to say
I'll just be quiet and smile with every word you speak
I'll take it all in and enjoy every minute
why am I being so shy? I'm usually a loud ***
This is weird
whatever, I'll just go with it
Man, I would love to say something creative right now
I'm speechless, what the hell?
This is the perfect point where I could win you over
I'm failing, just keep laughing and smiling
I really hate me right now
annnnd there she goes....

Bye!....oh and btw  you're gorgeous, and I would love for us to take a walk
out on a beach or a picnic and share some deep thoughts....of course, now I know what to say
You just might be the only one that has me so wrapped up so fast
I have got to settle down, I don't even know enough yet
I'm not even sure if I want anything
It doesn't seem like I'd get hurt with you
Here I am looking waaaay too far into the future

Ok, so these other girls are talkin to me
you're cool
not her
so are you
not her
you are too
not her
this is ridiculous
I need to step back

I think I'll just stop talking to you for a lil
I don't want you to think that I'm too much
I love your company
your personality
what you think about
I cherish the moments when I get to see any of it
God I need to stop
Here I am over doing it

Today I began all the projects I’ll never complete.

The toolbox is out

Everything is ready to go

Annnnd goodnight.....