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Man May 2024
Music is a momentary salvation
Through the ailings we suffer.
A thin buffer,
Between the painful past and
Future troubles.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2018
/when medicine fails, philosophy takes over./

solipsism,
or what the medical
profession
                    names: autism...

          you can only achieve
a respect for another person,
when, and only when
you share a meal together...

see, the point with retards
in the most extreme example?
safe to say,
      if they have a memory
blank that can be filled...
            but otherwise
the sickly sweet simlicity
of their mind is a choking
sensation,
            
      because thinking is
supposed to be deemed a condition
necessary for
         a presupposition of
ailings?

                   funny...

                how to evacuate
the person from the major
impromptu of thought,
that isn't a moral question,
but a narrative...
vacuum's worth of
emptying time,
                                 space-less...

when thinking becomes
a "problem",
   and when a freedom to speak becomes
the only solution...
              well well well...
     aren't we all, just, jittery!
agitated to talk?!
            
             i care much more
for the freedom of thought,
than the freedom of talk...
              a freedom of speech
crafts thinking to be equivalent
to a claustrophobia...

                   and once upon
a time, there was a (th)ought....
    that became claustrophobia...
              because the sooner
than soon crows pecked,
              and croaked their
                              minimalism.
Man May 2024
Roll your eyes,
What emptiness resides
Within the vacant cavity behind?
Search inside,
Roll them toward yourself and never
Again, outward.
Those who cannot stomach themselves
Have no place to judge another;
When all is law and each thought verdict
Passed upon others, save for the trouble,
Of living up to your word proper.
When someone hates themselves just as much as they hate you;
When it's a life of lies, the truth is
Misery takes no sides but to dishonesty.
What defense can be mounted
In courts with no deliberation?
Where fact is mourned over the exalted opinion
And partisanship is par for course,
Where being objective and without bias is common treachery
And only shows how little you understand of the situation at hand
One likely having little recourse for discourse
Room only for more, escalatory rhetoric & action
As hatred only knows hatred;
Breeding further contempt and confusion  
For the ailings of the world
Niel Nov 2020
Blood stains dye the carpet in
memory of popped bedbugs
The urge to scratch
lays beyond the vermin
No matter where it’s directed
it’s just out of reach
Some far off recess,
swinging on the monkey bars

       Mocking me

There we go, fell for it once again
Because holograms are so convincing
And I’m a pretense to the predicament
by being a participant
Licking candied sticks that inflame the ailings
The moans are a call to duty
Yet I’m unsure of what to administer
And the guinea pig phase is still in effect
So I should stop buying space on billboards
Until the ethicalities get stituated
Epic Poetical Sep 2024
I.
On that divine-like hands and laps of thine, my grandmother, each moment I embraced the new learnings.

Well, in that tranquil Spring night when the wave of stars washed away my eyes, I cried for them to have in the small hands of mine. Since then, I learnt to cry.

In order to soothe my longing cry, thou hast sung me the rhyming lullaby that spreaded the formless form of smile on my face. Since then, I learnt to smile.

At that cooing rhythm of thy song; thou hast energetically swung me high and low in the air, whilst my body seems to have lost its weight so light. Since then, I learnt to get thrilled by the melody of song.

A feeling of overflowing on an edge of the wind has brought the word of excitement to my unawake mouth, ehh.. since then, I learnt to speak a word.

That morning, Aye, drunk by the golden dawn, the wave of my eyes reached to the falling leave at the distant height. The very curiosity to catch hold of it has burnt my little heart. Since then, I learnt to curious about the things.

Slipping away from thy hand, I ran to catch the falling leave. But O fie, I couldnst catch it! I followed its flight —but the wind took it farther away. My eyes couldnst reach to it anymore, as it gradually disappeared at invisible sight. Since then, I learnt to walk.

Thou art my model, my grandmother! These all childly learnings alighted from that holy-like hands and laps of thine. I regard thee.

II.
I extend the words from that little heart of mine— and that's my deepest Adulation to thee, my beloved parents!

I know not how I've wandered upon the Mesh of age to reach this mile of oldness— nor dost I know how I've rushed on over the trouble obstacles I encountered each age.

Such little strange tale of mine evolved from thy ***** hands, my beloved parents!

In the kingly and queenly world of thine, I expanded on the rhythm of an ineffable joyance. I know not the bound— but surely I cherished the flower and its hidden honey thou hast bestowed upon me, from that holy adornment of thy hearts.

Thou hast attained all my childly cravings and worn a garland of smile to this sullen face of mine.

Thou hast taken care of me from all sorts of ailings. Thou hast given me the warm garments and never let my body ailed by the cold breeze in Winter and tanned by the barnstorming heat in Summer.

Mother, when the hunger ailed my stomach, I spelt out thy name and cried
In dissonant pitch.Thou hast given me a plate of rice. In the amidst of night when the silence has spreaded its wings, the unrestrained thirst parched up my throat. I awoke thee— so thou hast given me a cup of water to quench my thirst.

Father, the most I must not forget about thee is thou hast shaded the blood and dropped down the endless sweat onto the earthly mud to give me this excess of life.

I'm grateful to both of thee, my beloved parents! Without both of thy presence,
I would not have made my life so far and so long. I regard thee.    

III.
Mother, I've cried out the mighty tears
For one thing— and that's the signet ring.

I cried all day and all night for that. I
Even refused to take the meals thou

Hast given to me from thy queenly hand.
Thou hast bought me the little play toy—

But fie, couldn't bring the harmony to these dissonant eyes of mine! The tears

Unseemly overflowed on its expanding Despair. I was a small and innocent kid,

My mother, as I saw that signet ring Glitter bright on the man's finger, it took

My eyes' captive  away and made me
Oozed upon the brooks of longingness.

By then, I witnessed the tears in my eyes.
I knew not how to extinguish this burning

Agony of my heart— it seemed more Intense as the days passed. All of my

Energies lost to pale weakness. I seem To have had sleepless nights; tossing

And turning on the bed, overshadowed
By the ailing insomnia. I only wished to

Have it on one of my fingers, bright and Illuminating grace like a blue diamond.

It was thy love, at last, thou Hast given it to me on the final day

And cured the very tears of craving. I Heaved a sigh of relief since then.

IV.
Such a blesseth land, have I ever taken my refuge!
Such a blesseth land, is only my century-long home!

Thou art my home for the generation long, my beloved Motherland, how lovely thou art! Thou hast given me a fine place here to take a long and joyant abide.

I took the deepest privilege to spend my life here, embracing the endless blessings of no bound thou hast bestowed upon me. The joy of course, I have cherished a fragrance of this very land, in an ineffable bound of pride.

All that hush and composed mountains that weave the picturesque sight; all that rich and benevolent water that evokes the sweet taste like that of honey; and all that earthly and never-fading mud that upholdest the living beings. O, I never knew I was used to them! Such is my luck!

My life flowers bright here upon thy heavenly garden; and now I'm able to create the beauty of my own within and out like Camellia. I wish my life had no bound and all my body and limbs were immortal, I would heave infinite steps of age, century after century, turning olds into new...

All that thou hast dispensed me doth not belong to me, but I taketh it as holy blessing. Thou hast given me all thy shelters and stood before me shameless and bare. In fact, thou hast protected me from all trouble obstacles of sorts, such is thy holy grace, My beloved motherland!


Such a blesseth land, have I ever taken my refuge!
Such a blesseth land, is only my century-long home!

I am deepened down into the bottomless pride, for I am born to this land of kingly harmony. It's thy pleasure that indeed, I should be grateful to thee, for thou hast  taken care of me till this age far. Such is my fortune!

What knowest others of thee? What knowest others the taste of that golden honey, so-thickly ebbs out of thy ***** heart that seems ineffable.

For me, thou art all that higher than the universe; and there's no above thee, such is thy strength! Thy love is an unattainable worth. I canst return thy love even though my life extend a hundred decades long.

It's indeed the sin to step upon the holy-like body of thine; but thou art receptive by nature, and such is thy holy grace; my beloved motherland, thou hast carried me these long years bearing all sorts of weariness.

Such a blesseth land, have I ever taken my refuge!
Such a blesseth land, is only my century-long home!

V.
Mother, the Emblem of love
A residence of the eternal glory
A supreme fragrance, and the Utopian idealist
Gifted one
Strong existentialist
beneath the
cosmology

O, the incumbent mother!
Thou art an antidote to our
daily miseries—
and a song to our
timeless euphoria
We art blessed
under thy cosmic arms

It is said that thou
hast attained
a realm of love— the unattainable pinnacle
Where we imbibe
the nectar of happiness
Thou art
the ethereal guardian,
A mirror-image to celestial soul
Where we art thy shadows,
The shadows thou uphold'st

Hiding tears behind
The eyelashes,
Putting a facade of smile,
Thou equipped
Us with love and care
Like the sun nourishing sunflower

O, the selfless existence!
A remnant of the pre-existed mother-
The ''Goddess Devi''
We art grateful to thee,
For always taking care of us
Without thou, there is no concept of Existence
(Everything is meaningless)
              
VI.
In this very fragrant and heavenly garden of thine, my noble king, I am one of the blooming flowers.
                      
Indeed, I had luck to be grown upon thy garden; and I never knew I would grow rich in fragrance, it's only the blessing thou hast bestowed upon me as a century-long gift.
                      
All that I am embracing is none other than the grace of light that showers richly from thy own kingly heart, and it knows no bounds.
                      
This small garden of thine, for which thou hast immense love, lies at one periphery of thy heart.
                        
Thou hast carried it against all the trouble storms and protected these long years. Each day, thou hast tirelessly worked to give the very harmony to this garden of thine.

That's how all the flowers have come to bloom of their own each, so bright and aromatic.

As the very petals of mine have touched
Thy majestic hands, it giveth the endless birth of pride to my heart.

How fortunate am I to be grown
Upon this garden of thine!

Each morning, I awaken not just to bloom  but to offer thee my fragrance in humble devotion, for thy timeless love and care.

VII.
At this age of thy oldness, my grandfather, as I touch thy supreme hands, these very intengible eyes of my heart break down in tears of adoration.

It's because of thy grandfatherly love and contributions I am offering the words to thee. Those words are of my heart and have been hidden and unslipped out at the edge of my lips to this very day.

Knowest thou the time before the break of vergin dawn....

Getting up early as 4 in the morning, walking upon the harsh meadow enshrouded by the thick dew, and getting the water from the distant away, bearing the cold touch of winter breeze.
Two jerkins full of water weighing thy hands heavy, no torch but walking under the grace of rich moonlight.

Ah, had it been today, I would've at least
helped thee carry one.

Boiling the water warm for our washing,
Cooking the rather-delicious breakfast for us, helping us wear the gho neat and clean, and reaching us all the way to the school on foot.

Ah, had it been today, I would've at least walked the school by myself.

Celebrating the pain of love within like a man of supremety, all the days tirelessly sweating and soaking in other's field, and earning the petty amount of ransom for our timely welfare and school stationaries.

Ah, had it been today, I would've at least worked by myself and taken care of my school needs.

Bearing the body heavy with tiredness, yet coming till the school entrance to get us. Wearing the torn jacket, folding the wounded arms tight, and waiting all alone at the gate thro' the passage of time, till the school hour over.

Ah, had it been today, I would've at least returned home by myself.

I wonder how thou hast passed half of thy life with us, my grandfather! Taking care of us all day and all night
living in the small and ill- thatched camp wast challenging for thee.

It's by virtue of thy all-day and all-night presence, we've grown healthy and untroubled to this day.

 VIII.
In this fragile land abidest thy coy footprints unwithered; and it seems that the sweat thou hast droppeth down, I would still find there. I could recall thy wounded hands healed by the painful blisters.
Each day toiling in the field; ploughing beneath the scorching sun, cutting down the grass and feeding the herd of cattle, and walking towards the moorish hill in search of the firewood. Alas!  No slippers on feet yet enduring the harsh sting of nettle. Indeed, thou hast never failed carrying out thy duties. Thou hast turneth up each moment wast special for thee.
In thine eyes I've grown this age. I shared my love and joy with thee and simultaneously, I learnt to carry out all the external work and withstand the pain. Although I've come across the endurance, thy continues guidance hast shaped my each learning.
Thou hast made me a master at rather young age. I would regard thy fatherly companionship and mastership. Today, I could see change in thee. The weight of years hast overshadowed thy wandering age but the fire within, thou keepest bright and unfade in thy heart.
That's why I still see thee labouring at this age— despite thy oldness. All that I'm living today is because of thy endless hardwork and tenacity.

 IX.
The only glory heaven that has ever revealed to my eyes is thee, my dear patria! How could I forget thee in the passage of time!

Thou art mine friendly companion and all that infinite memories, I have in one store of my heart today, have bent forth since my childhood alongsides thy endless play, my dear patria! How could I forget thee in the passage of time!

I know, when the time has held my feet, I left thee in speechless grief for the months long. But surely I mourned for that, as it was my folly, my dear patria! How could I forget thee in the passage of time!

Over the steady heave of months, the
uneasy flake enshrouded the terrains of mine heart, often troubling me to weave upon the mesh of time. Thy mystic love now and then ebbed my being in silent utterance.

All that pictures gleamed before my eyes were of the fragile land where I reside, the graceful mountains and gorges that often caught my gaze, and the buoyant dwellers. Not only that, the tastes of those fruits and the clean water have haunted my taste bud.

And now all of my agonies have settled calm, for I'm back and shalt lose myself in thy majesty, my dear patria! How could I forget thee in the passage of time!

 X.
In thine sweet farewell, my beloved teachers, my eyes burst out the tears in silent grief— for our years of flowery union in the school have faded with the passage of time.

                          
Our teacher-student love was deeply and utterly rooted under the substratum of hearts. Unseen yet surely a felt relish. We enjoyed the days through learnings and experiences. Together, we rushed against the stony obstacles and vicissitudes of life and thrived under the gracious illumination of education.
                            
Not only that, in our unlawful conducts were thee the masters behind to uphold our immorality and make us grow with rich ornaments of discipline. Thou hast well treated us— indeed good and humane as though we wert thine own sons and daughters.

                              
Thou hast scolded to us at our undone homeworks was varily right on our part, I claim that for otherwise we wouldst not have grown and reaped the sweet fruit of an accademy.

                              
Thus, we shalt regard thy unwavering care and mentorship done to us in all our stay in the school. The unrevealed light of knowledge thou hast revealed in our sky shalt guide us through the passage of our lives. More importantly, the sweet fragrance of love that ever sweetened our lives came fom the garden of thine own hearts, and 'tis going to haunt us here on. I claim that.
        
                                  
With this, I pen off and I wish my verses would reach to thee someday. Fare thee well to all my kingly and queenly teachers and it's uneasy at my heart to          
leave thy kingdom on its lonesome.

 XI.
O monk, the worthiness
of this long-sleeved, wide and dark, saffroned robe. I, the byfarer, ever walk to thy lonely temple to seek blessings from thee. Wouldst thou lead me in? For I've no sins nor scorns in my heart. I've withered the dark hues of sins and scorns to the glanceless colour.
O monk, before thou
leadest me in, let me not forget to bow down my whole body onto thy barefeet. Thou on the edge corner of thine alter hall givest me the warm floor to rest my body. Thou takest out the beads. Ready for chanting prayers and
songs. O monk, shall
I join thee or keep my mouth all shut and tight in silent listening. Ah such is thee and thy costless bliss, love, and nobility are divine attributes that I ever aspire to reach. Thou offerest the millions of butter lamps for me and for all kin beings around and across this din world. Ah when I leave from here, let me not forget to extend my deepest
gratitude alongsides holy
    reverence.
A Lone Jun 2020
Look at all my missteps which have birthed hating
i swear the sweetest venom is a cursed craving
my brushes with love have made the worst paintings
i found the fountain of youth right when the thirst faded
i think it's obvious i became my first satan, so
God You're wrong for thinking i'm worth saving
Don't i make it obvious i'm broken and shamed
Eruptions that i can't move on the notions to tame
Thinking about my situation hoping for change
Knowing being more open means more open for pain
See how at times my thoughts are overwhelming
i can't block it when they scream out "we know you're failing!"
"Tell us now why you can't slow your ailings?"
"What you carry will crush you, we know your shoulders aching!"
i have never in my life felt more scared and nervous
Why show emotions that weren't prepared to surface?
i can barely find a smile and even rarer purpose
Any mistake means my mood flares or lurches
And you may think my walls aren't fair, but curses
But there's depths of my dark that do not care for searches
my anger explodes and i no longer care for surges
Ironic im yelling at You saying "i swear im wordless."
How long has it been i've been deprived of peace?
i have self harmful ways i've tried to cease
my life's a living hell but i provide the heat
im living with hate but can't decline the lease
i wish i didn't know how to disguise the beast
Any kind of hope is what i've strived to keep
But a failures what i am when described in speech
Dreams to arrive at peaks im now denied to reach
and i cant lie, i gotta admit that it's got to me
always being the perfect lesson for what not to be
Anyone else in my shoes could tie the laces
paying for mistakes is all i can buy with wages
let's be honest i'd never be the guy with praises
guess that's why i fail when i try to face it
Face i raced against my past and saw it get the checkered flag
i thought that i was it knowing i was never tagged
now i wonder if solace is something that I'll ever have
when it rains im poor and i see the weather's bad
i say i can't find the words when really im not looking for em
i say it's to avoid involving you in a crooked forum
You go asking your questions and i start shying from sharing
not speaking means you can't see how my lying is glaring
i shut out the fact i know your prying is caring
Only the paper and ----- know how im trying but erring
i have too many wrongs to feel right in my heart
i know a way to stop drowning but im fighting the ark
how many connections are you responsible for driving apart?
So far gone you're blinded by the light in your dark
My own criticisms have never felt constructive
A council of hurt i've watched my sins appoint
All of my actions have been so self destructive
But then again that's always been the point
i couldn't point to a time when i saw these habits begin
i wish different choices were made so i didn't have em to end
Lord knows not many of em were right for me
i never wanted what's become of this life for me...

— The End —