"I love you," you said
Three times
Sober
Or, at least, after only two glasses of wine
With an expression that wanted me to see its sincerity

You thought about the way your face looked
And how I was looking at it
Which, naturally, made me suspicious
Less of whether what you said was
Or is
True
And more of whether you really believed it

I certainly don't
Although, regrettably, too big a part of me
Hopes that you do
But you won't even go out to lunch
So the concept is moot

If you dwell on me so frequently
Where are you?
Not here, in the growing rift
Between our potential and reality
Where I fume

You flatter
Whipstitching my raw edges
But your adulations can't repair
The fact that you don't know
My favorite color
My stance on religion
Or the quality that I admire most
In a friend

Negligent though you may be
I'm harsher still
On myself
Allowing you in, while I know all of this
How you must find me!
So easy
Malleable
And still I permit you

"We're alike," you say
And you tell me how you care
So little
About so much
But not when it comes to me, apparently
Or so said the lips
That have only kissed me once
Without seeking more

But I kissed you then, anyway
Knowing what would come
Freckles
Sinful dimples
The unfathomable brown eyes
For which you hold so much disdain
The slightest gap
Between your front teeth

Your encouragements didn't stir me
Already shoved
From my resolution
Before your many admittances
And rare
Melancholy musings --
These, perhaps strategic
But disorienting, nonetheless

I'll chalk it up to us finishing the bottle
Which I started
Frustrated
Half an hour before you arrived
And carve myself some apathy.

Who are you,
and why have you come?
you, yes you
postured
firm and intent
in those grass roots
and tie-dye...
are you listening?
don’t you know
these sterile walls
and linoleum floors
aren't safe
for anyone?

You really do
look familiar...
did you come
from the farm,
or way down south?
either way
I've nothing
to give
they took it all
at the induction...
left me standing here
with nothing but
a cold green frock...
do you think
it’s deserving?

Surely there’s no use
in pretending...
like I told
the one before
(and the one before him)
standing around
with steely eyes and
sweaty palms
will only
bring on the heat...
no use laying
down promises
one cannot keep

I’m tired
and up to here
with these
new admittances
(ripe with their tall tales)
nothing left to do but
jump the glass pane
(or jimmy the lock and ride
the drain)
I just gotta
get out of here
Mr…what did you say your name was?

Look around
these antiseptic halls
and vacant rooms
are squeezing the life
out of me...
and these people
don’t you see them?
they've all lost their minds...
it's in the food
and the meds
and the way they treat us
I just don't know
who to talk to about it
anymore

A tall man
in a black suit
shuffles in,
speaking softly
of condolence
and arrangement...
standing high
with gable chin
and gurney ~
the people in the hall
are switching their attention
to giddha dance
and have no questions
or comment

thank you for listening
dear sir

this does feel better

On the darkest night of the year.
I was alone at home, quivering with fear.
I started remembering the year before; I had a fright.
Just as the day was fading to night.

I recounted the encounter which gave me such a fright.
On the scariest, darkest of nights.

Walking home, alone, I pulled my coat tight; I was chilled to the bone.
First a shiver ran down my spine.
Then “many” long arms wrapped around me, tightly squeezing, like a creeping vine.
I couldn’t move, I was paralysed with fear.
Then I heard the voices of “many” whispers in my ear.

Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum
We like All Hallows Eve fun

I opened my eyes to look the “many” up and down
It was as if I had stumbled into a Ghost Town.
The “many” wore clothes tattered and torn.
Their har thin, and like a sheep, shorn.
Their skin hanging from their skeletal frames.
The “many” started to play their games.

First, they took some rope from their pocket.
Then they took a picture out of a gold locket.
They used the roped to bind my hands.
Then they huddled in a circle to finalise their plans.

They stood me up and spun me around.
I was giddy and almost fell to the ground.
They showed the picture to me, it was one I held dear.
Me as a child, before I knew fear.

They said they would set the picture alight.
Showing fear would not help my plight.
As the picture burned it would take my soul; deliver it to the devil.
I began to twist my hands; I began to scream and wrestle.

I did not want to live below, where the fire is intensely hot.
Where the devil chooses someone each day to scare and tie that person in knots.
The “many” closed in and took me by my bound hands, led me away.
To a pit they had dug that very same day.

The pit was 6 feet deep and lined in red.
The first thing to do was to bury me standing, up to my head.
The “many” stood me in the pit and picked up their shovels.
They quickened their pace and filled the pit on the double.



I stood once again paralysed with fear.
I felt my cheeks wet, with the tracks of my tears.
The “many” took the picture and held it high over my head.
Laughing, shouting in my face “had I wet my bed”

I knew there would be no turning around from this, tonight would be my last.
I grew calm and waited for the final blow, shot or blast.

I had my eyes shut tight.
But...nothing happened, nothing came, the picture did not ignite.
I was still trembling though feeling terrified.
I couldn’t move, my hands were still tied.
I prayed to heaven; I did not want to die.

Then a bit of luck perchance; I did a little happy dance.
I wriggled my hands and pulled them in tight, the rope began to loosen.
Just maybe I would remain on this earth, remain human.

My hands broke free and pushed away the earth; set myself free.
I looked at the time on my watch, saved by the bell, 01:01, last admittances to hell.

When the clock had struck 0100hrs, All Hallows Eve Fun was over.
Saved for another year, but to be on the safe side I will remain indoors this year.

Confession unburdens the heart, lightens the load and ensures conviction and imprisonment. The truth shall set you among homosexual rapists. Reflect upon your station, status & position. Deflect the slings & arrows. Infect those who would infect you. Turn admittances into declarations to ingratiate, enrich and centralize or consolidate! Post-war German machinations are compounded by the Turkish infestation devised by Anglo-American Alliance saboteurs, the selfsame illumined ones who brought the beautiful Ái Vân well-deserved acclaim at the 1982  Internationales Schlager Festival in Dresden.