Have you ever wanted to die, to be ended so badly that the first thing you think about upon coming back into existence from hours of unconsciousness is your undying wish to meet your final moments, that every breathing moment of your life you just wish deep down that you have the strength or the bravery to actually put everything to an end. to no longer have to exist and see this world that we were forced to live in and now have no choice but to continue because if we even think about wanting out we are seen as crazy or over reactive and wanting attention and as painful as it is to say you really do want attention because you've spent years holding in everything that you feel and are but no one has ever really noticed you and acknowledged the hard work and things you've done in this life you didn't ask for. it seems like everyday i grow closer and closer towards finally taking action on my own life. i wish to cease my breath and thought, to finally return to the infinite void that stares at us everyday, but should i tell anyone, they would say "its only for now"

at this point i don't even know what to say to people or how to correctly interact with those around me because i can just sense the difference between someone who lives in light and myself who drowns in the darkness, i want to be able to reach them but i also don't want to risk dragging them down with me into the depths by holding onto something i could never have

Eyes and eyes,
tell lies and lies,
of truth and life,
too blind of minds

and blind of time,
they blur the line,
that does define,
what defines fine

I love what's mine,
yet hate my kind,
a coldness surfs,
and rides my spine

a home inside,
I cannot find,
a hopeless hope,
a soundless chime

that which I wish,
causes despair,
by devils choice,
I am not spared

I beg to God,
he does not care,
he only knows,
of what is where

of how is what,
how what is there,
who sees the trouble,
whos life is fair

I jump I dare,
to the void I stare,
I am not scared,
for it is not there

A silent morning,
void of life,
a voice that once spoke,
drowned out by strife

a fear for things new,
yet bored of whats old,
my blankets are warm,
yet I still feel the cold

yes unending cold,
a bottomless pit,
filled with these tears
and emptiness

the void has eyes
and it stares at my soul
hungry for more
as I fill its bowl

I fill and I fill
right up to the brim
but in a split second
its gone to the wind

I've run out of thoughts
to feed to the void
yet it silently stares
I cannot avoid

I scream to the dark
begging for light
wishing for warmth
in a world full of ice

the sound of monsters
rings loud in my head
I hold on dearly
but slip on my dread

I fall to the earth
and am hugged by the ground
finally now
there is no more sound

A knock on my door,
I flinch at the sound,
I cower in fear,
and stay to the ground

my eyes with tears,
my heart with pain,
I wait in the silence
the sound has stained

A knock yet again,
I pray for my life,
I grip my shirt,
and I hold on tight

I wait for the call,
for it's happened before,
A lifetime frozen,
as I lay on the floor

I finally hear it,
the voice of the ******,
it speaks through the door,
"Do you wanna build a snowman"