I lay my dingy old purse down on the floor,
by the hydrant reeking with ****,
my broken stilettos,
as well as my judgement and heart.
Only hours ago, you took my heart and smashed it to the floor.
You left me.
So I ran.
Now here I am, still in my clubbing clothes,
strewn, messy,
on the sidewalk and crying.
Smeared makeup,
runny mascara and eyeliner.
I don't care.
All I had left was you,
and I put my everything on you,
I paid for the rent,
I worked double jobs to support you
as you lay around doing nothing...
I loved you, but you used me like a tissue.
Now your off with some other *****
using her the way you used me.
I wipe my face,
stagger down the block, clutching dearly
at the wrecked shoes and purse,
my hair tangled,
my small glitzy dress in tatters,
too much showing.
An older man walks by me, whistles, low and clear,
piercing my fuzzy head,
and I wink and blow him a drunken kiss.
I have to continue walking,
one foot in front of the other.
I'm too aware of everything,
the honking,
the blaring lights,
the stares,
It hurts, all that noise, all that brightness...
I wince and stumble back to the ground again.

Suddenly, a honk.

I look up to see a cab right by me, it's door open, inviting me to go in and be driven to somewhere else. I sniff, wipe my face and crawl my way in,
closing my eyes, and
waiting for paradise.

---

She was never seen again.

Please  
I'll put my mask on of "happiness."
When you see me put this mask on,
Pull it off and ask me what's wrong.

If I lie to you,
Which I probably will,
Slap me.

When I slap you back,
Pull my hand back,
And wrestle me to the ground,
Force the truth out of me,
Then console me with hugs and kisses
As the tears begin to fall.

Sometimes I let my mind wander
And sometimes
It leads itself into
Voids of despair,
All on its own.
It'll find a thought,
And stay nestled in its cold
Embrace,
Thoughts like,
"He's done with your ******* and doesn't love you," (my personal favorite and current one- it always gets me)
"Everything is going to go to ****,"
"******,"
"Idiot,"
"There's no point for you to live."

But I always climb out.
I just...
Sometimes lose a limb or two,
And stay for a bit longer than necessary.

I'm scared you're going to slip away
Like water through the cracks of my façade
As I cling to you desperately, irrelevently.
I need you to live,
But as we slowly forget that each other matter,
Too preoccupied with what's in our lives and minds,
Maybe it will be too late.
All the water will be gone.
And I will look back and regret,
Thirsty for something I had.

We are more alike then you can ever imagine
But the thing with you and me,
The thing that seperates us
Is that I hide.
You show.

Your beauty, you radiate it in every smile,
Every wink to all the guys.
You've got beauty, power, and magic
At your finger tips
And you know it.
You use it for everything you want,
A queen.

My beauty, it's hidden under layers of hate,
With every rude comment thrown at everyone,
I've got hurt, pain, and *******'s
To give away like leaves on a tree in fall
And I know this.
I use it for everything I want,
A pitiful *****.

The thing about you and me,
I can be you easily,
And you can be me,
But I,
Understand this,
*I give no ***** what people think about me.

Dark,
gray,
lonely.
Baren with lost souls wandering the streets,
empty hearts,
empty stomachs,
empty eyes.

Then,
it came.

It dropped from the sky
the way tears fall from my cheek.
Little bundles of cold,
freezing the burning
hurt,
drenching the scars
with a blanket of a new day
a new thought.

They rise from the dead,
back,
alive,
and ready to roll.
Smiles leap across like rainbows on skies,
eyes lit the way you build a bonfire with frosty trembling hands,
movements jerky with fervor.

They're back.

Ignore the demons.
Remember that you did well,
Tell the demons to shut up.
You'rekayyou'reokayyou'reokay
Don't let anyone see you like this.
Plaster that smile
Be "happy."
Let the tears and blood fall in the showers
Let the freezing water mix with your warm tears,
Let the demons out of their cage.
Cause I'm not okay, I promise.
You couldve done better. Put more effort.
Stay up late. Study more.
Do so much more...
You're an idiot how did you even get into one of the schools?
Hah must have been a pity letter.
I ****.
I should've done better.
I could've done better.
That school? Seriously?
What are you, stupid?
Why, in fact I am.
My brain is mush and I didn't try hard enough to mold that stupid ******* into something comprehendable and usable.
Ishouldhaveishouldhaveishouldhave
****...
You are terrible and unusuable,
Nothing to those school,
Youre a ******* stupid ******* who is nothing.
Nothing worth looking at or inviting to a school.
A lil *******.

Go join the other pieces of **** over there,
Yeah?

Some people
Just aren't worth a poem,
Or a thought.

Since when does
Someone's looks
And physical and ****** appearance
Matter?

As long as your nice,
Understanding,
Basically have a beautiful soul
Now that's,
That's what matters most.

I have lost all ability to
tell you how much I really do like you,
the way drone bees are attracted to queen bees,
and to tell you how I would
drown in depths of despair-

WAIT WAIT WAIT A MINUTE HERE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG HERE. THIS JUST CAN'T BE ANOTHER SAPPY LOVE POEM, LIKE EVERY OTHER ONE WRITTEN BY LOVE-STRUCK TEENAGERS.

So here's my start over,
for the things that matter most,
even more than love, because in the end love will just **** you anyways.

Friends-
the rubber-bands in your life that will always come back to you no matter how hard you push them away.
the teddy bear who you can whisper secrets to at night, the one that you hug tight as you cry and cry and cry.
the sprinkles of sugar in my ******* up life
and basically the only thing keeping me alive and my **** together. :D thanx you guys ;)

Family-
like a flu shot- annoying as heck but usually good for you in the end.

AND LASTLY CAUSE I MUST PRAISE THIS (im sorry this doesnt concern you)

Manga/Anime-
for being written and keeping me company at the worst of times and guiding me. you are basically da bae, such a good friend -tear- i can always count on you.

AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, ALL THE BAD THINGS AND GOOD THINGS IN THIS WORLD REGARDLESS yes even you

If you were able to repeat the past, would you?

Aching, mauling over the idea of
what could have been,
the stars that finally aligned within hands reach,
just for a couple of seconds,
and you stared at them in awe
instead of reaching out and grabbing them,
bringing them close to you.

Or the terror, that comes with every decision,
like leaves brushing against a window,
but instead this time the window is your
mind and your thoughts,
and the leaves are your worries.
Scratching at the glass pane as you stare at them...
Bothersome, isn't it?

Sometimes I wish I can stop
everything
with a bash, and everything goes away,
but really,
you can never forget
lost dreams.

So what if, what if I had courage back then?

Because when the one you love,
The one that's most important in your life
Is taken away,
Ripped to shreds,
And given back to you,
You will first help sew him back together.

Then you torture whom did this to him.
And ****** them.
Slowly.

You were my prized possession.
I shone you around,
polished you,
shoved you into everyone's faces
told them all about you.

But you failed me.

Now I must put you away in shame,
you are nothing now.
I'm an ashamed widow.

We're all liars.
We lied our way through the maze of suspicion and into hearts,
We forced our entry into each others minds,
Only to go,
Leaving only a kiss goodbye.
We're all falling,
One by one.
We will all fall together.
We will all lie.
We will charm ourselves into each others hearts,
Settle in there
Just to rip ourselves to shreds
And let the wind blow us away
With no explanation.

They say we're too young to love each other.
But that's not true,
What we have rings true
Through the empty corridors of our lonely hearts.
So when it hosts a ball
And no one comes,
Everyone gone away upon their own businesses,
It will understand.
Just come back.

Only the giggles are exuberant
And the smiles spread wide.
She'll stand tall,
Somewhat indifferent,
Always there.
Too kind,
Always listening to us
Always there for us
As a friend,
As a shoulder to lean on,
Offering comfort all day
In boredom and in panic.
She'll always be around.

Until she won't.
And I swear,
When she's gone,
Gone too far,
Someone we never noticed before
Will suddenly come alife
As if a cannon strick us
And took away arms, legs,
And paralyzing us.
We'll finally realize,
But it'll be too late.

If she was his ocean
And he was her sky,
What happens past the horizon?
What happens
When the skies are stormy
And are unclear
Hidden away beyind
Bursts of thunder yells
And night time lightning?
What will the ocean do then?

i told you to come here,
there's something important
i need to tell you.

You ignored me.

i told You i hate You,
that You are an *******
and that im breaking up with You.

You ignored me.

i told You
i loved You,
and wanted your love forever.

You ignored me.

i told You i needed You,
i wanted You,
and i stripped to my bare undergarments.
insecure, embarrassed, afraid, innocent
all foreign words to You.

You looked at me, caressed my cheek,
kissed me, molested me.

I guess my body has come to realize
That it won't see you in real life
At least,
Not any time soon.
It won't hear from you,
And it can't remember
What it was like to laugh with you,
To have an actual conversation with you...

It finally realized this,
And I guess...
I guess that's why it keeps trying to hold on,
Putting you in my dreams,
Making sure you are there
So I can never forget.

But with this,
The sadness always rolls in.
The longing of how things used to be.
The merriness of it all.
Come back home.

My eyes are wide open,
But I'm off in wonderland,
Dreaming of a prince
To rescue me from the pits of hell,
To take me away.

A whisper,
A scowl,
Howls of laughter.

"Creep? Are you paying attention in class? Please answer number 5."
"Well, Mr. Wolov. Number 5 doesn't really matter, does it? In the end, it won't help me at all, I will forget it and it won't help me in life at all. What will help are these senseless dreams I put myself in, they nurture ruptured hearts, pick together murdered minds, remind me how to be sane. Oh and the answer to number 5 is that President Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation did free slaves, and allowed for contrabands to join the Union."

-silence-

"What?"
"Um. Thank you, Creep...? Number 6, Dani."

What more can wishes do
But to state the obvious?

I stopped hoping,
because I know these
hopes
dreams
are only just hopes and dreams, and will only be
demolished into bits of pieces,
burned in the fiery bonfires of all the hell before me.

I don't want much,
nothing really.
I just hope that Andy survives,
a Christmas miracle.

That will be my priority Christmas gift,
but besides that,
all I want is you,
and for you to get better.

I want everyone has a warm house to come home to,
and a happy Christmas morning and day,
with smiles to go all around.

If I asked you for your jacket
'cause I was cold,
would you give it to me?
What if I snuggled under you arm,
stayed close by you to feel your heat radiating off you?
Would you push me away?

I want to write your words on my skin
So that they can be fully absorbed
And with me forever.

Someone once told me
That words are nothing
And shouldn't hurt you
The way the punches do,
That words have no power
In relation to physical violence,
At the face of bullying.

Someone once told me
That words have the power
To change the world,
That they are more powerful
Than wars and acts of destruction
At the face of peace.

Who was bullshitting me?

Sharing is not always caring;
     You don't want to share STDs with anyone.

At first it was just a caress.
He stroked my throat as I shivered.
His hand came closer,
His fingers reaching further.
And before I knew it
His whole hand palmed my neck.
It was light at first,
Like a scarf, warm and pleasant.
It grew tighter,
And tighter,
And now its too tight,
Wound like a boa constrictor around my neck,
It tightens each day.
Too hot, too much pressure, those sweaty palms clamping down like jaws...
I'm starting to lose conciousness,
Starting to fade and to give in,
To drown in obscurity...

Help...
I need clarity...

You wrapped me up
In love so fierce
That all I could see
Was you.
Nothing but
you, you, you.

When you released your tentacles
And let me leave,
I blinked bleariness from my eyes,
And looked for you, but you were gone.
I looked for the warmth of a new cover up,
Someone who could wrap me just as tight,
And let me see only them,
And forget about you.

But it was never tight enough,
All I ever inhaled was cold, stale fumes,
And never the sweet cologne and hints of you own special lemongrass scent.

I became toxic.
Too many poisons digested, breathed in,
And now,
No one wants to even attempt to wrap me.

I miss you more than ever.

A Friend?
Just A Friend?
But... but... there are so many that I all care so dearly about... -sigh- fine, I'll do it for someone that I care about and always write about anyways... :P Plus, I don't think he can ever get enough poetry written about him. ^^ yay for acrostics!

Kind-hearted to the core.
Independent.
Young, yet so wise in mind...
Underestimated.
Kawaii!
Irrisistable.

In­timidating when he wants to be.
Strong.
Helpful to everyone.
Incredibly caring.
Dangerous bad boy only when it's just.
Asshole? I think not. More like Angel.

I guess maybe,
It's the pain of yesterday
That reminds me that I have you
Today and tomorrow.

Dani Chase.
The Emerald Outcast.
Unwritten.
Kaisinsky.
Little Polish Boy.
Yuumei.
Leelah.
Abstract Colleague.
Lotus Blue.

Kiyuki Ishida.

You're a diamond.

I told you this, that one time I allowed myself some vulnerability.
You denied it, but let me tell you,

you are both wanted by everyone,
but little to no one
ever has enough "money" to "buy" you.

You are both
impossible to ever scratch,

always shining,
in the light
and*
in the dark.

Diamonds are a precious stone,
The way you are precious to me.

I'll put diamonds on a necklace,
lay it on my heart,
the way I took your heart
and encompassed it with mine.

I'll try to shatter you, break you apart,
you'll always stay whole
when you want to.

When you don't,
you'll break into little pieces for everyone to
hold, love, cherish,
and one day you'll just disappear on them.

You'll drive women,
and men sometimes,
mad with greed, lust
for your luster, the sparkle (in your eyes).
They'll all fight for you,
and the winner?
Hah.
Who said the winner gets anything?
Both sly... both heart-breaking... both trying to rip us apart.

Come back home to me, baby.

The roses are whispering your name to the wind,
Murmurs of ladies in waiting to high dukes of the gardens.

The door whines with fervor
Anxiously awaiting your arrival,
My prince.

The sun is shining,
Waiting to look upon your beautiful face once more,
So beautiful that the sun watches and awaits your arrival everywhere you go,
For you are the most kind and pure and golden
Being it has seen walk on the Earth in all its days orbiting.

The house hums a quiet little melody,
An orchestra playing and preparing for your arrival,
Creaks
Clangs
Slams
Whines
Whistles.

Everyone is ready.

We just await you,
Your majesty,
My dear prince.

Your name fits so well in my mouth,
I can roll it around,
Like a ball,
Fling it across,
Catch it.

The pursing of swollen lips,
Just to whisper your name in agony
And yearning,
It feels so
right.
Like it's meant to be said.
To be heard.
To be known.

Its beautiful.
It deserves to be heard,
but I can't stand it.
I'm scared,
when you whisper into my ear
secrets of a past love,
screaming lyrics,
flustered murmers,
it just makes me more and more
confused
and I just want to fall into your eyes,
to smash my lips to yours,
to show you every single thin ive been hiding inside.
Every ******* thing.
That might overwhelm you,
but it has been overwhelming me,
my love for you is so hard to contain....
and it only starts to jump around and go just a bit berserk
when you say something,
imagine what its like when you touch me.
So, let's stick to text for now ok?
even with texts, you got my smile
stretched all the way,
incapable of stopping,
and you've got my cheeks
flustered, embarrassed, blushing.
But that might just be one of the reasons
why I love you so much.
So please go away.
Your everything just makes me more confused.
I love you.
But go away.