I'm sorry I was and am never there enough for you.

When can I open my eyes
and finally see
what she sees in him?
When will I stop leaving a trail
of erratic corpses following me
wherever I go?

Fairy tales never end.
Everyone just lives
"happily ever after,"
guess that
that means
we do too?

My mind is always a far cry from sanity.

I can't feel anything right now.
I feel so... Heavy...
Will you take me away and make me
Free?

When will I be good enough?
Why do I try so hard for nothing?

I hate that I fall so easily.
Just by the looks,
A comment,
A glance my way,
I'll swoon and fall
Under a deep spell that will
Surely drown me.

I was going to write a poem about you
and what you mean to me,
But then I remembered what you did to me,
And figured you weren't worth the trouble.

I forget its night time where you are,
not morning like me,
because I feel like you're right next to me.

She is love,
bleeding out,
****, free, and single.

Fly me to the moon,
beautiful monster.

I could be the one [to]
drive you home.

She is love,
she is
all of me.

Fake It
City,
twinkle.

Everybody wants to rule the world,
savior.

I can do anything
where the lines overlap.

I want to know what love is,
with a little luck.

Why
I don't love you,
temporary bliss.

This is war,
miss ******.
Wake me up when September ends.

Operating
the big bang.

Lucky,
Nobody asked me (if I was okay).

Girl that you love,
love me again.

Demons
breathe me.

Dead
Creep.

I hate everything about you
nicotine.

The sharpest lives
fall for you.

Berzerk
Teenagers
Can't stop me.

Heart attack,
come sail away.

Bulletproof
Angel with a shotgun.

Is it selfish
To want all your attention and time
And to want to be fully and completely loved?
Hah.
Love me so well,
Be so good to me...
I'll get used to the good life and always want more and more.
The withdrawal hurts,
You were my addiction and now you're gone.

Stay.

I don't care if you hate yourself
And hate everything around you.
Im going to be a selfish blunt ***** and tell you that I need you. We need you.

If you leave me,
Who will remind me to punish the holy and free the sinned
All while being awesome?
You will just leave me with heartache
And too many tears...
The grief will drown me,
And I will struggle for a breath that isn't there.
I might even join you.

There's still so much left for you to experience,
Like the way the sun might dance across your skin as you lay lackadaisically on the beach,
Or how you might smile and maybe shy away as I go paparazzi mode on you,
And the way the skyscrapers will tower over you, blocking the sun,
A vampire's natural habitat.
I need you to try
Theres so much left you need to do...
Like meet at starbucks somewhere in manhattan and write poetry together ;)

I want to be your tour guide.  
Stay.
I need you,
If you leave, I'll never forgive you or myself.
I won't be able to go on,
And there would be no point for me to stay.

To A STRANGER

by: Walt Whitman (1819-1892)

ASSING stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me as of a dream,)
I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall'd as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,
You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become not yours only nor left my body mine only,
You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass, you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,
I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone,
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

Can I be your tombstone?
Please let me announce to the world
How wonderful you were
Tell everyone about you,

And to stay by your side always.

I sit here in tomorrow,
as you lay there in yesterday.

I can tell you what's to come:
a broken glass,
some tears,
and too many tubs of ice cream.
Oh an the best thing of all:
a smile
that will surely come.

There was screaming,
laughing,
choking,
all sugar and spice in the air.
Crazed blackmarketing of candy,
too much sugar,
and love in the air.
but what i remember most r ur smiles,
and that chillingly haunting song
that crept up my spine
and stole my breath
by breaking my neck.

i do wonder who wrote the song.

She tears up the pages,
Just as her eyes tear as well.
Everything she's done,
It means nothing.

But that's alright.
All the tears, all the anger,
It won't do anything.

So again and again,
She'll stand again.
Wipe away the tears,
And put on a Sasha-Fierce smile.

She'll grin and laugh all at the right times,
Tell us all those puns,
Making sure we are always laughing and smiling, and most inportantly,
Okay.
Even as she crumbles like a cookie,
Sweet and loveable.

But I swear to you,
There's too much to her,
No matter how many times we try to understand her,
She'll always slip away right when we think we got her.
Alone but in the most crowded room there is.
Metallica will play,
Children of Bodom swims around her mind,
Everything about her is its own music.

So distinct,
So catchy,
I don't think I'll ever be able to get it out of my head anytime soon.

I have this fantasy
That one day you will strip away
All your fears,
All you facades,
All your faces,
And just let me see your soul.

I want to palm your heart,
The way you clutch mine so tight,
And feel it beat,
One, two, five...
Skipping three and four.

Finally,
I want to erase all the scars that run across you,
Old markings and tales,
Railroad tracks leading to burnt out bonfires,
Almost forgotten,
But always reminding you that they are there.

But really,
Above all,
Is that I just want you to be
happy.

**Even if I'm not.

I love you too much.
It's a fact.
And now it's too hard to let go...

You know,
     there was once this
          sweet, sweet
                boy,
                     who I am forbidden to love.

He wrote me a poem
     and stole my heart.

Now, whenever I feel sad,
     I reread it,
          and remember what it felt like
                                   to be loved.
---

I wonder when it will stop working it's magic and I'll finally let go of the memory of what it felt like... why I should still be here...

hang in there! :)
you're no hershey kiss, but a rolo!

Really,
we're just tourists to this big world we live in.

i dont usually write from the heart,
its too dangerous down there,
so i write from my head.
ill try to write from my heart today though,
Try.
For you.

There was a movie i once watched.
Taken 2, i think it was.
In the movie, the woman had her throat slit,
And she herself was hung upside down
To let all the blood flow out of her neck.
She soon lost conciousness,
A pool of blood by her head on the ground.
I imagine what i feel right now is this.
This hurt and aching of sanity leaking out onto the floor
All because im missing you.
It hurts... And its a deep aching that can only be replenished with you.

Now, back to real time and reality...
Yesterday i went to the temple to pray for new years.
For the first time,
I didnt pray for myself.
I prayed hard and long for you.
I want you to be happy and well,
Which will make me happy,
Which begins a complicated cycle of joy.

I dont know why i began this **** poem thing this way,
But id like you to know
That you are much more than enough.
Your strong arms and words-my home.
Your voice-music to soothe me, get my heart thumping again.
You-my everything.
You have helped me when i thought nothing was worth it anymore,
That caring will only lead to hurt,
When it was dark in the night and in my mind,
No one was there.
But u came,
My knight in shining armor.
You rode in with a BANG
Knocked down all my doors.
Showed me the light outside of my dark ashen house.

And with that,
I let you drag me out.
Remind me how to love, to live.
Thank you for that.
Ill try to shove you away,
Lie to you,
Fight u,
But you still stuck by me.
Thanks... It means more than you know.
And...
I love you more than anything.
Nothing i say will show u how much i love you or how much u mean to me... For that i am sorry.... I can only do this in actions.

Planes, trains, cars, ships
anything to get me to you.
If that doesn't work out,
I'll walk and swim all the way to you.
If that isn't enough,

I'm content with going to you
*in my mind.

I might be trapped in this cupboard,
But my mind and soul wanders on its own.
They don't need legs,
Or wings,
To go anywhere it pleases.

They flew away from me yesterday
To visit you and show you my love,
To take a tour through San Francisco
With its winding slopes,
Where the mountains meet the bay.
They swam over to London,
Go spotting for Banksy artworks,
Skipped down to Russia swigging
Down that ***** halfway there to
Wash away all attachements.

But I guess the ***** wasn't enough
Cause I'm still here.

Please,
if you do go trick or treating,
come in costume!

I told you I tripped today
cause I stumbled over my own foot,
that I'm so clumsy.

But really,
I stumbled cause I was trying to please you,
to get our team that goal,
and maybe you would be able to see me.

The whole time,
I was literally "falling" harder for you.

It's all pouring out of me,
My soul,
****** out by the demons.
They've finally got me.
I've finally surrendered.
It'll be better now,
No?
You'll be happier,
I promise.

Trying trying ever so hard for a smile,
A flicker of appreciation,
A hint of pride and
Satisfaction.
But who ever said it was easy?

Why do I try so hard, when it yields nothing
But my never ending tears?

I wonder if we will ever learn our lesson.
We keep trying and trying,
all in vain,
always hurting ourselves...
I guess we are all masochistic in that way.

The prize,
if we try, and after all that hard work,
if it works,
the prize is too tempting to not try.

How can you look at me and tell me
All these lies?
You hurt me, you the tsunami
You overcame me and washed me away
With a crooked grin
And those mischievous eyes...
You tore down all my walls
And cradled me with the idea of inner peace
Even when you killed everything around me,
my friends, my family, my life.
And when you left so suddenly, I shouldn't have been surprised.
You left everything in ruins.

I just hope you never come back again,
Because this time,
I will love you even harder.

I miss you like you don't even know-
And all the things I whispered to myself
As the days go by,
its not working
and the words just disappear into the wind.

The shaking to my aching bones
miss your every embrace,
the solace and life you breathed into them
turning more brittle by the minute.

I think it's just me though.

You changed my whole world.
For the better, or for the worse, I can't tell.

And then there are those times when I just want everyone
to pity me
and feel my orb of pain and sorrow that surrounds me.

Those moments
when you just want to feel
loved once more.

I don't talk much,
So I'm hoping I'll find someone who will talk for me
And know me enough
That I don't need to talk.

Love is not caring that
You miss them so much it physically hurts,
That it's agony,
But rather,
Hoping so much that it hurts,
That they are doing well,
And they are
*happy.

It's hard to leave
The things you hold dear to your heart,
Its hard to leave your home,
The things you hold oh so close to you...
But sometimes the wild
It beckons
And sends you a crooked finger
Motioning for you to come closer...

They all said they wouldn't leave me.
They all did.

What hurts the most though,
Was the fact that
I'm not strong enough to fight for them.

I bit my lip
In hopes of not trembling
In fear
For I remember the days
When thimgs were so sweet
So innocent
When you were still you
And I was still me,
When things were okay.
...

Sleepless nights lying awake in bed
trying to get another glimpse of the boy
that stole my heart
hoping that something will end the aching soon
knowing that sleeping will only just make me hurt more
for the dreams are too hard to bear-
they remind me so much
of what I want
but can't have-
at least,
not soon enough.

He came into my bedroom last night,
As I curled up,
Burrowed deep into the covers
Searching for his arms.
In my head were demons
Chasing little me around.
He came in.
He banished them away,
Tall, beautiful.
Mine.
Above me, he stared at me as I dreamt
Of his eyes,
That mesmerizing voice
Soothing my fear...
He stared one last time.
He leaned down,
And kissed me.
Supple, soft.
Endearingly, as if I was as fragile as I looked,
As if I would break.
He forgot everything I've been through
While I lay, vulnerable.
He kissed me anyways,
Those tender lips...
He took away all the shivers
And took me away to a land far away,
A safer place.

But he stood up, and walked out the door afterwards.
To go to his own safe place.
Somewhere no one could hurt him,
Somewhere no one would come for him.

He just forgot to take me with him.

without you,
there's no point in trying.

When will the world see
What you've done to me?
How you brought a smile to my bruised lips,
Formed reds on my cheeks instead of the blues of bruises?
Slipped endearing love into the lyrics I sing, banishing away the blues I bellowed?
When will the world finally realize
That you really are my everything?

Drowning, drowning in this fathomless abyss of unrequited love, where so many have fallen before

Air,
The need for air--
So strong--as strong as the need for you in my life.

Oh, how I swoon at the thought of just
being there, by your side,
maybe even in your arms...

The waves rock my heart
Back and forth...
A lullaby starts to ring in my ears
Your name,gently spoken
By the water

But this does nothing to calm
the canniballistic urges that
crowd and overpower my being.