apology accepted,
trust denied.

If only you knew the damage caused
a few small words said and forgotten
days and hours of painful analysing
awake late at night, cold sweat haze
reliving, re-enacting, in my mind
caught in a time trap, held on repeat
left on my own, locked in this hurt
I hear my voice repeat as I cry
eternally asking the question, why?

Knot in my stomach, black hole as a heart,
My mind only searches for a way out.
Out of my mind, out of this dream,
Out of this life that's way worse than it seems.

My body is nothing but an empty shell,
Every day is a tedious visit to hell.
My hands shake, my body pulls tight,
I've acquired such weakness, I can't put up a fight.

You're the only thing that keeps me alive,
Bailing out the water in which I have dived.
Drop by drop, I am desperate and drowning,
As I lose all hope, my death you keep doubting.

You tell me everything will be okay,
I refuse to believe a single word that you say.
You tell me I am beautiful, I simply ignore you,
I know I am worthless and I don't deserve you.

My body is here, my heart has gone
My mind is stable, but can't move on.
The wrong emotion arrives late,
A smile hides a painful hate.
So high up, yet so far under
When it rains it pours; my soundtrack is thunder.

A memory is lost much too quickly,
But a lie takes its place just as swiftly.
Attempting to gain love through false affection,
I leave in a state of empty disconnection.
Guilt buried inside waits for my vulnerability
To crack my broken soul and devour it wickedly.

For those who feel it in their hearts, that want it to be different, separate from fighting. They know that love is more than a simple truth that is forever in their heads. Those kinds of people are open minded, binded by feelings and loyalty.
     Hold on to Freedom and love, lift up by the wings I have given you. With only doubt, hatred, and hurt to hold you back. Fly past that all and lift up your hearts to the music that surrounds. Give what is deserved but not what is taken. Be understanding and truthful to your temptations. Hold onto what you are and what you are not. Bluff only when you play cards. But not in real life. Hold up your head, for you should be proud, for pride is what holds me up each day. Don't be down, don't rain on my success. Your words are inspirations to all. One more thing to say to those open minded people. Lift your hearts to spread to others.

I am but a skeleton,
A misprinted society element.**
I lived to the hum of my own melody,
A disapproved version of achieving ecstasy.
Those around me didn't like that very much,
Made me feel crazy, distant, and such.
Then, one day, I came to find,
I was one of few with such an open mind.
Pressured with conformity, I remained organic,
Such a rebellion filled them with panic.
So here I lie, a pile of bones
They ripped me to shreds, no trace with their ghost.
No one realized, for they were confined,
Stressing to stay structured, to keep their design.
But in the near future, they all will see,
The one they cold-heartedly killed is with whom they now agree.

I have done it again.
One year in every ten
I manage it----

A sort of walking miracle, my skin
Bright as a **** lampshade,
My right foot

A paperweight,
My face a featureless, fine
Jew linen.

Peel off the napkin
0 my enemy.
Do I terrify?----

The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth?
The sour breath
Will vanish in a day.

Soon, soon the flesh
The grave cave ate will be
At home on me

And I a smiling woman.
I am only thirty.
And like the cat I have nine times to die.

This is Number Three.
What a trash
To annihilate each decade.

What a million filaments.
The peanut-crunching crowd
Shoves in to see

Them unwrap me hand and foot
The big strip tease.
Gentlemen, ladies

These are my hands
My knees.
I may be skin and bone,

Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman.
The first time it happened I was ten.
It was an accident.

The second time I meant
To last it out and not come back at all.
I rocked shut

As a seashell.
They had to call and call
And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.

Dying
Is an art, like everything else,
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

It's easy enough to do it in a cell.
It's easy enough to do it and stay put.
It's the theatrical

Comeback in broad day
To the same place, the same face, the same brute
Amused shout:

'A miracle!'
That knocks me out.
There is a charge

For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart----
It really goes.

And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood

Or a piece of my hair or my clothes.
So, so, Herr Doktor.
So, Herr Enemy.

I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby

That melts to a shriek.
I turn and burn.
Do not think I underestimate your great concern.

Ash, ash ---
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there----

A cake of soap,
A wedding ring,
A gold filling.

Herr God, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.

Never try to trick me with a kiss
Pretending that the birds are here to stay;
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this.

A stone can masquerade where no heart is
And virgins rise where lustful Venus lay:
Never try to trick me with a kiss.

Our noble doctor claims the pain is his,
While stricken patients let him have his say;
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this.

Each virile bachelor dreads paralysis,
The old maid in the gable cries all day:
Never try to trick me with a kiss.

The suave eternal serpents promise bliss
To mortal children longing to be gay;
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this.

Sooner or later something goes amiss;
The singing birds pack up and fly away;
So never try to trick me with a kiss:
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this.