Blood
Runs down my skin
As my lips curl into
A rapturous grin
I forgot I was alive
Until the blade dug in
And I watched pain unravel
Into sanguine satisfaction

I like when your eyes gaze into mine
And I watch you deconstruct my soul
To be pieced together in your mind

I like looking at your hands as they fidget
And imagine what they'd look like
Taking me apart, piece by piece

I like hearing you say my name
My being is given meaning
When it's conjured from your lips

there is no reason
to be so afraid
hold my hand
and we'll be ok

I am just as scared
as you are.

I want to cradle your soul
in my humble hands
and feel the weight of your heart
crushing mine
I want all you can give
and I will not settle for less

When I'm alone
I keep catching myself
Smiling
Imagining you
next to me

I touched the fragile snow,
watched it slowly melt,
and what I did not know
soon after, I felt
my fingers were no longer cold
but ignited in feverish flame
yet they refused to let go
and continue to hold
the scorching snow
just the same

Still searching for something to fill the void
The early silence trade for endless pain
And when my mind is screaming, filled with noise
If sanity is dead, am I insane?

Oh how I want to give my soul to thee
So I don’t have to hurt it anymore
The only thing I have to fear is me,
You tell me that I’m broken, are you sure?

With all the many lies to me you’ve fed
I see the truth that’s lingering afar
Hung on too long, to let you go I dread
I’ll leave this suffering, still plagued by scars

Embrace the pain. With it comes wisdom too.
Wake up, my dear. From death springs life anew.

Stop wanting.
Stop wanting.
Stop wanting.
Stop wanting.
Stop wanting.
Stop wanting.
Let things come to you
as they should.
Let things come to you
as they should.
Let things come to you
as they should.
No.
No.
No.
You need to realize
that you do not deserve
anything.
anything at all.
This world was not built for you
This world was not built for you
This world was not built for you
There is no one out there
built for you.
No one out there
that can understand you.
No one that would even want to.
So either find someone
more ****** up than you
Or save the tears
for hell.

Why have I been put on this Earth?
To live just to lose?
I keep on asking myself,
if I was allowed to choose
my person, my future, my destiny,
would I truly be happy?

The answer is
it's the fighting, the yearning,
the pondering, the burning,
that gives a reason to living
My suffering is a symphony
That builds and rings until one day,
In a clashing crescendo,
Discordant sounds align
and resolution is reached.
A peaceful resolve
will give strife
its meaning

As a child, I always felt safest
holding the hands of tattooed people.
Their feelings were worn on their skin,
their smiles were always genuine,
their words came from deep within
their soul, honest and true,
and their acceptance of themselves
showed me it was beautiful
to be authentically you.

I have come to realize
that I have become the person I looked up to
since my vulnerable, earliest days.
Now, whenever I feel alone or afraid
I hold my own hand
and feel safe again

As I gaze up at the moon
all I can think about
is you

I will never understand
who or what I am
but when you're next to me
I gain some sense of
familiarity
I see your face in the moon
staring back
blankly

The only time I care what people think
Is when you’re around
Because meandering eyes
glance, then look away
But yours always seem to stay
Lingering, pondering
But I can’t for the life of me
Figure out what you’re
Thinking

I’ve lost too much time
Wasting away in my cage
Of cyclic thoughts, repeating
Over and over and over
The same boring tunes
Of pity and self virtue  
Each second spinning sorrowful songs
As days become shorter and bleak
My memories grow empty and weak
In the quiet of my home, I live in delusion
My lost time is but an illusion

I used to fall asleep early
because I knew
I had reason to
wake up
tomorrow.
But now I have
nowhere to go,
no one to see,
nothing to do.
No reason to
go to sleep
or
wake up
tomorrow.

I still remember
  Bleeding out
     in your arms
         with a bullet in my head
You always knew I’d be happier
                    dead.

Laying in your arms,
You give me one last kiss

Put the barrel in my mouth
And pull the trigger

I smile as I feel
the sun shine on my skin
and we frolic amongst flowers
in the garden

you don't know how long
I have waited to feel
held and touched
by a love that was real

and as you pull me in close,
your hands melt into mine
I realize it's you
I have waited for
all this time

let's bask in this feeling
here, among the tulips
our two lips
can find meaning

I could be a happy song,
a breeze through your hair
a breath of fresh air
but I can't right your wrongs

I can teach you how to sing,
to live a life wild and free
I'll reveal to you the beauty
that waits in corners,
hiding

because it's the little things
the sweet, sweet nothings
that mean everything

when you learn to see,
come and walk with me

The dust has come to settle,
At last, my brambles sprout
Vibrant petals
Full of hope and tranquil joy,
To drown out lonesome grief
A little toy
Was all you planned I would be
But there is so much left
For you to see
Soon you’ll know  
What I mean

Trauma shapes her outward projection,
A sorrowful display of rejection
And repeated emotional assault.
She needs to know that it was never her fault.
That there's still love left to give.
That there's a life that hasn't been lived,
She can acknowledge the darkness within,
and have no desire to live in sin.
Underneath her skin is an innocent core
It turns out she was never a *****