I changed my mind
I can love you
and I want to

I admire your apathy
The perfect juxtaposition
to my burning passion

The desire for attention
is never fulfilled.
the more you get,
the more you need
to fill up
the gap it leaves

As fall and winter meet
The trees give up their leaves
And as they stand, now bare and bleak
They don't feel empty

emotions lurk
within a shallow grave
for a traveler to find
waiting for the moment
to release and remind
that something alive
has been hiding inside

I want to dance
with the demons you repress
I long to feel
your delicate hands caress
the beast inside my soul
Unlike your god
My love is unconditional
I love the hideous
as much as the beautiful

Racing through the halls
My vision begins to slip
Slowly fading to black
Until suddenly
I can no longer see

Desperately feeling the walls
My internal voice becomes my guide
A manifestation of reason
Surprisingly calm
For someone who cannot see

As I sink into myself
And I view my fragile state
I simply accept my fate
And realize, perhaps I am most sane
When the world closes in around me
Finally, I can see

she's silent,
never makes a sound
but every time she moves,
she speaks
and the world listens

I wish a meteor struck as I lay in your arms
and we are buried in ash, preserved in stone
only to be found
when we're thousands of years old
Once they discover our bones
they will weep and cry,
"this is a love that has died,
only to live 'til the end of time."

I envy people who can fall in love quickly
Swept off their feet and into the clouds
Floating gracefully as they dream about
A love that will or won’t be

I see your eyes glow when you're around me
how your mind begins to spin out of control
But there's something missing inside my soul
a part of me taken long ago
I only wish you could fix it
and fix me too
But, no matter how hard I try,
I can’t love you

Will I ever find my heart again?
It seems I’ll never know
All I’m certain of is
I want you to be happy,
whether it’s with
or without me

A never-ending race
An ever-fleeting chase
After fabricated humans
And transcendental emotions

Your happiness seems
to exist only in dreams

he loved her only as a concept
a disembodied fragment
to fit an illusion:
his delusion.

her essence contorts,
twisted and deformed,
so she could fit tightly
into his world.

a tainted story
of man's fabrication
and *******
of womanhood.

When will the day end?
I brood as I lay in bed
Listening to my thoughts swarm,
Murmuring throughout the dorm
I always thought I’d find comfort
In being noticed and adored
But the clouds still loom over me
And I realize,  
                     I will always feel empty
There exists no greater purpose,
No lifetime without loneliness.
It's pointless to even ponder
A fulfilling and meaningful existence
So I’ll let my mind wander
Stare back up at the ceiling
Continue to grapple,
Fighting for feeling
My room is black as pitch
It seems that tonight
my only consolation
will be unconsciousness

Tell me why your skin is cold
As your lifeless hand I hold
Body laying at my feet
Our weary souls yearn to meet

Desperate to revive thee
To keep your pure soul with me
To see your eyes gleam and shine
And see my boy one last time

I beg you to stay
Yet you slip away

Deeper
Deeper
Deeper
It’s never enough
To satisfy
The feeling within
Not in the core
But in the soul
Unreachable
Untouchable
Even by the softest hands

discomfort is all
I've ever known
so how can comfort
feel like home?
how can I settle for this
when something better might exist?
I feel it in my soul:
the longing
the pining
for what? I do not know
but if I have nothing to reach for
then what do I do?
where can I go?
if I stay with you
I'll still feel alone
I am always uncertain
I am endlessly hurting
I will never be stable
so I'll never be able
to love you

I fear you’ll leave me behind
So I’ll keep you alive
In my mind,
you will never die

And so, we meet again.
A familiar friend
I forgot I knew
Reveals pictures of me,
talking to myself
as I walk to the library
"Do you remember when we spoke about---?"
Oh, it's all coming to me now
I've been split in two all along
But I know I'll forget you
when I wake up tomorrow
So I lay down my head
and force myself
to remember.

I felt the gentle rock of the earth
as she held me in nurturing arms
a feeble child, touched by warmth
as we swayed together
I hoped you wouldn't let go
for if the roof came down from above
and the ground caved in
I'd be smothered by your love
and we'd be together again

You're stupid to think
I would put all my eggs in a basket
with a hole in it.

I remain the ghost we both knew me to be
You saw yourself reflected off me
But darling, couldn't you see?
Why we always felt so lonely?
We thought we could keep each other company
But what can we give if we are both empty?

you say that you love me
but you don't have the heart
you don't have the wit,
you don't think in art
not like I do.

the yearning
is burning
my poor heart.
doomed to be
a hopeless
endeavor
from the start.

Two innocent strangers
Trapped in a passion dance,
Entranced.

For once in my life I feel at home
When I begin to write
Even if for only a moment,
I can finally see me so clearly
Perhaps my issue is letting go
Of all the trivial doubts and regrets
But when I begin to write
I see my true feelings appear
Instead of worrying about the silly things
I will soon forget

Nothing ever lasts
Thoughts are destined to be lost eventually
But these words from my soul get to stick around
for eternity

You beg to feed,
Bury your seed
Tearing my flesh
Gnashing of teeth
Hungry for blood
It’s all you seek
Seek to find
Take mine
Take me
Inside of you
Swallow
Every
Last
Drop.

how do I shake the feeling
that everyone wants something from me
every "how are you"
every compliment
every charming word said
is done with intention
to manipulate, deceive and
lure me into your bed

you must think I'm a fool
for what reason have you given me
to trust in you?

I’ve finally begun to feel
The eyes following me
Everywhere
And yet,
No one is there

When she walks, she floats
Drifting past
Faces masked
While she’s enveloped
In a world
                   they’ll never see

I see you as a shadow now
An image of what you once were to me
You were only a flower that bloomed in spring
But the cold is coming
The sun is setting
Your petals are falling
And my love is dying
Oh I knew this was how it was going to end
But now that it’s ending,
I wish just once I could have said
I love you...

Perhaps it was a fluke
And I never felt this way
after all
my emotions were fake
it must be true
for my sanity's sake

That's what I'll remind myself
every single time
I think of you

The days continue to pass by
And time loses reason to fly
It grows weary as it comes to realize
There is nothing to fly to,
No happy ending to pursue
For what would happen after?
For time, it will always be fly
                                                     and never 'flew'.

Memories are all I have left
Ceaselessly sinking
Into the depths of obscurity
Clouded by mist
Shrouded in doubt
Unable to tell
Reality from fantasy

Ink blots
Paint a picture
Tell a story
Of forgotten secrets
Buried thoughts
Perpetually bleeding
Into each other
Exchanging whispers
Hidden truths
I will never understand

Don’t be afraid
To turn the page
And start anew
Forget a past
That’s past its due
Why hold onto things
not meant to last?

oh, how quickly the resin is
devoured by flame
he promised her he'd be there
to save her from pain,
to give her the world,
let her reach for the stars
but as soon as he touched her,
she was swallowed by fire

as she sizzles and melts
blood pours from her side
she accepts her fate
and watches herself die
"in a few moments,
no part of me will remain
everything comes to an end
and so must I
what's the point of fighting?
just let me go
just let me die"

A seedless fruit
Serves no greater purpose
But to serve itself
And yet, it itself does not exist
For what is a fruit
without its seed
and what is a fruit
without its tree
Existing simply to die
a fruitless death

do you remember
the moment you realized love was real?
stuck your hand down her throat and began to peel
carefully tearing away flesh to reveal
celestial beauty, an irresistible meal
of arteries, tissues, and organs galore
isn’t it all you’ve ever wanted and more?
so you swallowed your awe, reveled in her gore
you’ve found the one, and now she’s yours.

A grave stone covered in moss
Sanctuary for two ghosts, lost
Traversing an empty conversation
A selfish manifestation
Of self pity and broken philosophy
Too concerned with themselves to hear
Their words being lost to the ether
The galaxy in her mind
drowned out all sound
It wasn’t until he leaned in,
she was suddenly found

Two souls lock eyes,
and touch cold hands
Silence carried what words could not,
Hidden feelings they now understand
They were both never broken
But communicated best
In words unspoken

Atop the grave stone
Two bodies now lie
Side-by-side
They wait to die

When I was a small girl, I played in the dirt and looked
for worms and other small creatures to give my hands
something to do, something to look forward to
But even when something was found and for a moment
my mind was occupied, there was no reward
I continued to spend my life chasing after meaning
that would never rise up to meet me
looking for a sense of solace that would convince me there was
a reason life was worth living
I searched for the purpose that other children seemed to find so easily but I could not see a reason

I am 18 years old now
and I feel just as lost as when I was a child
I always questioned where my innocence had gone
but something tells me now it's been missing all along
every new emotion I feel
I have felt before
every new person I meet
I have met before
every new word I say
I have said before
if everything is the same,
then why long for more?

There is no more drive, no more passion, no need
so what reason could there be to keep on living?
Perhaps the tree's purpose is not in simply growing
but in spreading its roots and planting its seed
its not about you,
it was never meant to be

Why are you never here to help me
You cause me all this hurt
You’re the one I cry about
And when you take away my tears
I think you’re my guardian angel
You know how many times I’ve called you that?

You’ve proven so many times that you don’t care
And then always tell me you do
So I don’t know what to believe

But if I let you go
Who will I cry about?
And who will make me feel better?

The only hole in my heart you fill is the one you made

Perhaps, the worst thing I could do
is hold onto you.

I exist only to drift softly
in a world of my very own.
My mind is the only place
I call home

Hunger sinks teeth into my side,
and enshrouds my ignorant mind.
I can no longer bear the torture
of being lonely and confined.

The treacherous prospect of waiting
threatens to rip me apart,
As hunger's tendrils grip tighter
around my swollen, beating heart.

I wish there was another way
to quench my insatiable need,
If I can’t indulge, I must implode
So I fall to my knees and plead

“Slash your knife along my torso,
Twist, pull, and disembowel me”

What is the point of life
if not this?
Perhaps there is a reason
to exist
As I breathe with the earth
and sway with the trees
Thoughts materialize before me
Appear, only to disappear
I realize everything comes
only to eventually pass
And to think I lived in fear
that my happiness wouldn't last
Now that I'm here with you
I don't need it to
I don't need it to.