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Jared Eli Sep 2013
Here's some clay I molded well
And a note that's straight from hell
It just says "Live" and when I drop it
This gollum will wake up

He'll follow close my every order
Never teeter on the border
Of sentient thought because
I own him and he doesn't think at all

This gollum'll do the ***** deeds
Like taking out the ***** weeds
That filter through society
The people-poison of the earth

He'll invade your home as you did my mind
He'll make you leave the world behind
He'll take your head into his hand
And smash it down unto the land
As if to say, "Please taste the earth,
Substance of your death and of my birth"
The cyclic theory present now
He'll show you how to die

And when he's done and you are through
When my gollum's finished you
He'll emotionlessly tear through your guts
And with them, drag you through the street

Sleep tight, doll
1.0k · Sep 2013
Continuing the camera effect
Jared Eli Sep 2013
Oh candid life
So stark and raw
Beauty plain in sight
The images of a life enjoyed
Pasted in the papier-mache places of the mind
The finger paints
The doodles and scrawls
The graffiti and love letters
Smiles and silly faces
Open your eyes and see what we see
Ridiculous images
Well-enjoyed and unplanned
Emotion plastered and thought riddled
Life
Stark and raw
1.0k · Sep 2013
Puddin cake
Jared Eli Sep 2013
On a night no different than
The others that abound
I spotted six unsavory men
Together, hanging around

I told meself, "Now looks at them
They seem a likely lot
What may have stole me puddin packs
Right out me secret ***."

I thoughts a bit then took a chance
I walked into their midst
I told about the puddin stole
And ask 'em if they didst

They laughed a bunch and thought me for jestin'
But 'twasn't I what told them jokes
And when they saw I was being earnest
They gave me slaps and pokes

I thought I saw a blinkin light
Above me twisted head
But twas only lights of painfulness
Like parts of me was dead

I never found me puddin packs
And it truly made me sad
Cos I was to make puddin cake
For me child what wasn't bad
Jared Eli Dec 2012
Walking the fine line of the guillotine
With the life and the blood seeping through
These victims of speech simply say what they mean
Because history can never stay true

Holding the fibers of the hanging noose
Where crowds and the black hoods abound
Watching the weighted knots coming loose
Stretching feet never touch frozen ground

Lying down next to the firing squad
As the men with their rifles take aim
Seeing the general make silent nod
The end in this chapter's the same
987 · Feb 2015
I am a cog
Jared Eli Feb 2015
I am faceless in my uniformity
I am a cog
I am replaceable but my position is not
I am forgettable but my position is not
I am unimportant but my position is not
I am the meeting of two planes of
Brushed brass
Bringing order out of chaos
And chaos comes from order
For it is inescapable
I am a cog
Machine-pressed to fit a form
Formed to fall into place
And wrap around your wrist
Tick-tock, tick-tock
I am counting away the seconds
We have together and I
I am a cog
Faceless in my uniformity. . .
976 · Oct 2013
Non committal
Jared Eli Oct 2013
I've been sitting on the fence too long
Too long have I allowed myself
The luxury of not committing
Of simply sitting
Sitting on the fence

I must commit to something
Anything but myself
For I am too far gone
An untamed lawn
Filled with broken bottles

Left or right in or out up or down
Where do my loyalties lie?
Some days I want war
But an oath I swore
To be a pacifist eternal
Jared Eli Dec 2013
I've never collected trading cards
Though I once collected stamps
Until one day
The catalogue stopped
Sending them

I never followed the
Dewey Decimal System
In any place other than
The library
Where I spent my
Childhood days
Falsely convinced that the building
Was at least a block
Big

I've never been patient
For anything but a doctor
Though I once waited
Ten minutes
For the bus
And only got up to pace
Twice

But with her, I find myself
Collecting memories
Of snapshots I've taken
In my mind

Of her fingers
Tracing my face
And holding my hand
Gently
Because I'm never sure
How confident I should be
When holding her hand

Of her lips
As she talks
About things that
Excite her
And I watch them
Hearing her excitement
And wanting to kiss her

Of her teeth
As they are revealed
When she smiles
When she speaks
And as they bite me
I want to make her smile
When the world goes
Boom

Of her eyes
So beautiful
Framed by glasses
Or frameless
And looking
Up, around, at me
Displaying her emotions
And other
Evasive thoughts
And I can't help wondering
What runs through her mind
But it could be
The same that runs through mine:
Unfiltered bliss

Of her hair
The way it tangles so
Easily
The way it reflects
Her and matches her
And how the first time
We went bowling
I used it as a blindfold
So she would be surprised
When I
Kissed her

But with her, I find myself organizing
These memories
These thoughts
This unbridled energy
That is the happiness
She brings

The organization reminds me
Of a library
Or the TARDIS
Because in here with the memories
It seems bigger
And I might be a madman
"But it just may be a lunatic
You're looking for"

But with her, I find myself patient
I can wait
Steeping in happiness
Like oolong in a clay ***
Getting stronger and stronger
The longer away I am
I can grab my
Bag of memory
And every moment with her
Builds my supply

Like nothing could get me down
Not now
Not for the predicted future
And sure Chaos
Is hard to predict
But **** patterns, I'm making a beeline
For her
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTF6nGc9Omw
Jared Eli Sep 2013
Sometimes I read things that make me tear up
Or see things that make me sad
Or hear bits of conversations
Half-chewed sentences thrown from over-thought
Tragedies
That make me just want to take people into my arms
And hold them close forever
And be their scapegoat
Their Atlas
Their lighthouse
Their pin drop of light in the sky of darkness and despair
And false hope
"Hit me" I want to say
"Take the pain and the hate out on me
I can take it."
I want to say this, even if I can't
I want them to feel love
The love that I feel for them
The love they think does not exist for them
That exists in my heart
"Ask me if I love you" I want to challenge
"Ask me if I care. Don't even think of ending
Don't think of taking your life
Who will I give hugs to then?"
I want to be everywhere at once
Hugging all the hurt people I don't know
Making them feel a little better
Even when the universe takes a **** on their life
I want to be their Batman
Anonymous and protective
I just want them to know; the hurt
And the broken
The sad
And the ones with beauty they can't see
The angry
And those who feel unwanted
I want them to know
That my hugs are free
And I mean every hug I ever give
Even if the recipient doesn't know it
I mean every single one
Virtual hug
Feel better please
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rnQM5hfWqI
950 · Jan 2014
Untitled
Jared Eli Jan 2014
I sat there, it may as well
Have been a whole day
Cranked up the volume
And heard them screaming at me
"You're an idiot!"
Yelled Bach
"******* quivering little ****"
Mozart shook his head
The tears welled up
But then they stopped
Because someone else stepped in
"Just relax. Close your eyes."
Floyd was understanding
Floyd got me
I floated away from self-loathing
Dropped back into the façade that was
The day
And I grinned like an idiot
Manilow? Yeah, we sang together
Paul and John? You best believe
We're a three-person harmony
M'lady Pink requested my voice
And I gave it to her
I sang loud and out of tune
Because they requested it
And finally, Mozart and Bach
Apologized with their minor keys
And accidentals
Their music emblazoned with the word
**Genius
I realized that the ending may appear that Mozart and Bach are calling me a genius, when in fact I simply meant the word to be as a snub, pointing out their genius as an insult to me.
946 · May 2014
Bored
Jared Eli May 2014
To quell my boredom I have sought
To do something I mightn't ought
I'll write me down some words in verse
A catchy meter; could be worse
Yet what a shame I think it'd be
To lose these words that came from me
Jared Eli Sep 2013
Please do not patronize me when I've done it already
Because the two actions compound on one another like atomic bombs
And I can't take the force
Can't take the heat
I'm not the Hulk
And I'm melting slowly inside already
I'm Chernoble
Fill me up with concrete
Cover the mistake with the plain gray of overlooking
Because maybe if w don't look at the mistake
The huge ******* disaster that we figured would happen
The huge scar left, the hole we tried to close
"It'll never happen to us" we said
"It'll never happen to anyone we know" we said
Yet here we are, I'm in here and you're out there
Looking sad because the pain you feel through empathy
Is just the self projection your selfconscience made me into
The extension of yourself
You're sad because I am you
[Hypocrite.]
But that's okay, because that's society
We act as one trying to avoid being the one while claiming we are ONE searching for The One
We are all hypocrites living in the gray of overlooking
The gray matter where electroshocks go off telling us in binary that we are the superior mind
Nothing else will master us
"We are invincible" says the idiot
"We are magnificent" says the optimist
"We are human"
Because we are
We are all human
Though that word is over-used and tied to a defiant and apologetic connotation
Like an excuse we were born to give
Because society wears the coat that says "No Excuses"
But the pockets are filled with slips of paper saying things like:
"I'm just one person"
"I didn't know"
"It seemed good at the time"
We are all suckers about something once
So don't patronize me
Don't patronize my actions
When I give a streetlight a serenade
Kneeling like my leg was taken by a hand grenade
Gesturing out like a grand wedding proposal
Using all the arm length at my disposal
Don't patronize and judge
When my eyes don't budge
Maybe the cloud really is that interesting
The cloud in the gray of overlooking
That overlooks us all
That overlooks everything
Like a reverse oxygen mask
It never felt so good
To suffocate
I love you guys (Evelyn and Sean)
Jared Eli Dec 2012
Hey Mr. Wall! It's your ******* up friend!
I've cut her wide open; will she ever mend?
She came to me, tears streaming, but did I wish her well?
No, instead I freaked out and she said, "Go to hell"
So it's been quite some time since I talked to her last
And I know what she speaks of, that event in the past
When I said, "I've no right to hear all of your tales
You've med all that clear; but just tell me what ails!
You're closing the doors, all the walls are air tight
You said you'd say something, well, how about tonight?"
No response did she give, so I started to worry
So I texted her, back-pedalling this time with hurry
It was next afternoon when I got the reply
Another came later: "I was bit by a guy"
I replied with an "oh" and "How'd that go down?"
She said "After, he kissed me." And I started a frown
Then the frown turned to tears and I said "Well, that's neat"
She said "Yeah" and " 'night" 'cause I guess she was beat
Well, it went on like that: nights of tears, days of silence
Day after day I had thoughts of self-violence
The White Room* was no help, and venting no good
I was sure she had a new guy like I figured she would
I just wanted a clue for me to grasp tight
With no contact from her, I hugged my pillow at night
I would openly cry, and that bugged me to hell
Because it wasn't about me; was she doing well?
I felt like a ******* and so **** needy
I wanted to hear her and that made me greedy
But **** it I loved her and wanted to know
How'd I ***** up and make her hate me so
I wouldn't find out for a week and a half
From 11 to 23 and maybe you'd laugh,
But that time was torture and helplessness thrived
Into pools of depression, I stepped forth and dived
Because I missed her so much, even before all this started
And now I had opened my mouth and we parted
My shoes were the same my own sign of depression
Then she called to say goodnight; relationship regression?
I didn't know yet, but I asked her that later
I didn't force an answer like a high school debator
She didn't want to talk, nor was that up for discussion
But at least she responded and my heart did percussion
I wanted to clear this; what did I do?
How can I fix things so we were ok, us two?
I was starting to think, maybe I'd end it
Make a noose with a chain, hoped my body didn't bend it
String me up, say goodbye, leave her better without me
Then there'd be no more reason to trust, hate, or doubt me
But I knew that'd solve nothing, So I stopped all that thinking
Because I knew she wasn't well; like myself, she was sinking

Maybe she just didn't want me anymore
Maybe dealing with stupidity was too big of a chore
I talked to my father when he caught me crying
He said, "Send her a note. Let her know that you're dying
To hear her at least, but you've got the wrong cat.
I was a no one in school. So I'm not hip to all that.
But maybe if you drop a little 'How do you do?'
She'll reply in the like and start talking to you.
I don't know her too good, so I can't gaurantee
But that's what I'd do; I mean, if you were me."
I thanked him for the talk but it didn't really aid
Me in my mission, I felt like Doug Quaid
I wasn't sure what I'd done to get this girl ******
But unlike Doug and Melina, we had never kissed
I was so afraid we'd ended, that she was moving on
While I awaited her return, she was already gone
But this wasn't the case, as I found Sunday night
When she caught me off-guard and ended the fight
"You said something upsetting." She told me right then
"I'm not sure what it was, why you said it, or when
But I know it upset me and kinda made me mad
And what's worse is you said it when I was already sad
I couldn't speak for a moment; I felt like the devil
This new info took my stupidity to the next level
I whispered, "I'm sorry" and I've never meant it more
I hated that I caused her to be so **** sore
"I don't want to be mad anymore" is what she said
"And why I was mad has just slipped from my head
We talked for some minutes; about 32, I guess
I asked, "Can I call in the morning?" and she said yes
So I'm hopeful that maybe quite soon we'll be fine
And maybe there's still a chance that she'll be mine.
*The White Room is a place in my head that is sort of like my meditation room. I go there to de-stress
**I always mis-match my shoes, unless I'm not happy.
***This section had been removed from my first draft, and put back in again, here
****Remember Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 1990's movie Total Recall? (I know they made a remake, but I haven't watched it) He gets slapped by that one escort Melina... That's the part I was referencing
912 · Sep 2013
My rowboat
Jared Eli Sep 2013
Trouble in paradise, they all say
But there's no trouble in my little rowboat
I'll row my way
Through Banality Bay
Past the pain and humiliation
Of being duped and duplicated
And it'll all be fine
So long as I'm at the oars
And you're at the tiller
Jared Eli Jul 2014
I wish I could say it's going to get better
With a clear conscience
I wish I could make those empty claims
You hear again and again
But fill them up
With something tangible
And real
Something that meant anything would change
I wish I could grab your hand
And wipe your eyes
And say softly
"I've read the last page of our story
And guess what?
We get a happily ever after"
But I don't know the ending
And I don't know how long we've got until then
And I don't know if it's happy or tragic
But what I do know
Is that in this moment
There are more people than you know
Who love you
And I'm one of them
So when I tell you
It's going to get better or
We'll make it through this
Don't listen to what I'm saying
Hear what I mean
Because when I make those empty claims
That you hear again and again
What I mean is I love you
And that's very real
And maybe that means that things can change
But even if they can't
I love you
And that won't either
904 · Jun 2013
I met her mom
Jared Eli Jun 2013
I met her mother today
I was nervous to do it
I wasn't sure what to say
What would I do if I blew it?

"Be yourself," she says
Be myself? says my head
Now I'm thinking of Pez...
And I'm thinking I'm dead

But I walked up the stairs
Took a left at the top
I awaited a bear
Sipping an otterpop

Her mom was so nice
Called me "from Subway"
And I took the advice
Took the intro my way

Met her grandma and auntie
In the downstairs, grey room
I prepared a sea chantey
But we left, so no boom

Her mom met my dad
I hugged my girlfriend goodbye
She makes me so glad
There's new life in my eye
883 · Dec 2012
Chess
Jared Eli Dec 2012
Here I sit across the way
The lines of men will wait
They cannot move and so they stay
Useless in this state

Contrasting squares of white and black
The marble stained with gore
They cannot push the forces back
Across the checkered floor

These men I see, they stand so tall
And ready, now they'll start
In truth, they almost all will fall
But none will lose their heart

The king, he lifts his sword to fight
His chalice fills with blood
He takes the hits with all his might
A dam to stop the flood

The queen stands tall beside her king
Her power fueled by rage
She won't accept nor stand the thing:
Her double, center stage

King's knights, the twins, evoke attack
Both dance here and there
They add their kills to the traitor stack
Beside the castle's stair

A pawn moves forth to gain a crown
The act causes alarm
A traitor bishop cuts him down
But slices hip to arm

A cannon aims from castle strong
To shoot the bishop dead
Its accuracy, never wrong
Removes the bishop's head

A sudden change in fortune finds
Our king in dire need
The queen steps forth and closes blinds
And embraces arrows speed

The king cries out, the terror real
His double enters fast
King sees the knife, but cannot feel
His reign now of the past

The new king stands upon the throne
And lifts his trophy high
His thirst for war has largely grown:
All other kings must die
Older poem I found in my book of poetry... Thought I'd share it :)
Jared Eli Dec 2012
A scrap of paper, photographs
Bills and letters torn in half
Busts and trophies, dust encrusted
History to the yearbooks trusted
Books and writings left unfinished
Home in which the life's diminished
Slight wood carvings, half a speech
Tales of hiking, latched on leech
Kids and wife left in tears
Remembering well my too-short years
851 · Jun 2013
She loves me
Jared Eli Jun 2013
She loves me! I read it! Right here in this text!
And it wasn't all sensual and way oversexed!
She said as if it were general knowledge
This thing that I'd never have learned from a college
She said it right now, right before she slept
I'm gonna make sure that this message is kept!
If only I'd courage like she's got to say
"I love you, my darling. Now let's run away!"
But alas, twas not I that courage lay in
I alone am least able to stifle this grin
That appears on my face when I see her at school
I'm stupid and nerdy, and she's so **** cool
She plays in a band and she rocks on the bass
Her sunglasses are never to have left her face
I know that she loves me, and I love her too
But I still feel I'm wary and it makes me blue
To know that she's awesome and I don't add much
Don't bring out the music or talent and such
I'm just like, this guy who  some people might know
Because being outspoken makes a comedy show
But she loves me, she said it! And though I may doubt
That one's on me and you can't help me out
I've got to get through to myself and just say
"Hey kid, you're so young! Take these worries away!"
But I can't so I won't and so they shall stay
To lie in my brain and come out someday
But the point is she loves me! And I love her too!
And no one should doubt it; not I and not you
849 · Apr 2013
She
Jared Eli Apr 2013
She
Kiss me with your poison lips
You lichen-covered stone
Gaze at me and your face slips
Revealing rotting bone
I see you as you really are:
Driftwood burned and damp
Your beauty's as this road is far
When your portrait is a stamp
847 · Aug 2013
Fresh out of material
Jared Eli Aug 2013
I'm fresh out of material so I guess I'll copy me
Pull out that notebook paper and begin a parody
I'v got to start with something both satiric and so nice
Like a fresh-cut rose
That only grows
In the flowerbed of our hearts

Immature ramblings from an unsecured mind
Rolling on waves of emotion like a boat of some kind
I'm so simple to copy, yet an imitation of this crap
These rhymes are ****
And just won't quit
To disappoint the audience, all
836 · Dec 2013
Untitled
Jared Eli Dec 2013
Pandas have yin and yang
Inscribed on their body
A reminder of peace
And unity
Among the united pieces
Of bamboo-eaters

Elephants are painted the color gray
The true color of actions
The Gray of Overlooking
Overrides black and white
And their wrinkles remind us
That there are some things
You can't iron away

A parrot sits
Filled with all the colors
Never to be called
Beautiful
But always different
Relating choice words
Like people
Who only want to fit in
830 · Aug 2013
I've never been
Jared Eli Aug 2013
I've never been a masterpiece
In anybody's book
I've never been a photograph
That warranted second look
I've never been a muscle-man
Nor lifted decent weight
I've never been majestic
Can't walk with my back straight
I've never been the subject
Of dinner-table talk
I've never made girls giggle
And request me for a walk
I've never been the kind of guy
Whose words are taken seriously
I've never had the kind of face
That conceals me mysteriously
I've never been a monster
Nor a saint of any kind
I've never been invisible
But I'm often hard to find
I've never been a savior
One one who has been Saved
I've never been to parties
Where I've seen the strobes and raved
I've never reached beyond myself
And changed another's life
And I've never stopped and thought about
If she'll suffer as my wife
819 · Feb 2014
Untitled
Jared Eli Feb 2014
There's something beautiful
About leaving messages
On his voicemail
When I need him
The most
806 · Dec 2013
Guarded
Jared Eli Dec 2013
Pinned down in a picture book
When all I wanted was to touch the sky
With my soft, soft wings
But you knew best, didn't you?
Keep me locked away
Like the protector you claim to be
I am fading, and you sit
With nightstick and coffee
Proud of the job you did
Protecting me
801 · Aug 2013
Mirror, mirror
Jared Eli Aug 2013
Mirror, mirror
On the wall
Who will catch me
When I fall?

Mirror, mirror
In my room
Why'd they take me
From the womb?

Mirror, mirror
In my sleep
Who sees my tears
When I weep?

Mirror, mirror
In my head
Show the Me
Who isn't dead
799 · Jul 2014
Cancerous (Revised)
Jared Eli Jul 2014
It has never been right to **** your patients, and yet
You've got consent to drop bombs they won't live through to regret
Radiate them entirely from the inside to the outside
But the dawning realization is that the victims cannot hide
As they sit with blood all pumping in their veins
Checking their pulse to see how much time remains
Until they're carted out, just another toe tag
And the coroner zips up yet another black bag
Recognition is the lowest form of understanding
Yet you slap a name on something and you're suddenly commanding
As though you're the only person who knows what to do
But the people without white coats know about as much as you
They can recognize the pain and they know that it's a stall
Years of people in your care and you've never cured it all
They voice that they are hopeful that their loved one will pull through
But beneath it all they know that the good outcomes are few
So they sit and hold the hands of the people they still love
Knowing that they soon will leave this place, and to cherish moments of
Full coherence and the times when the whole family’s together
As though this were just another storm the family could weather
It’s the end of an era, they all know within
And their forceful denial doesn’t deny Death the win
As he swoops with his cape and his scythe there in hand
And slices at the soul and drags it back to his land
So the patient flat lines, and you hang your head
You don’t have to tell the family; they that know he’s dead
It doesn’t faze you as much as it did years ago
When you still questioned your faith and wondered where we all go
When the candle is snuffed and our life-line is cut
Leaving the survivors with guilt in their gut
See, you finally stopped caring about such questionings
Because the doubting left you thinking that you just did little things
So you tried to cut it out, and leave all that in the past
Trying to convince yourself that your doings would last
Like your time here on Earth was going to count when it ended
And your soul would escape on angel wings suspended
But some nights when you’re by yourself, in the loneliness you dread
Little voices come and whisper the thoughts deep within your head
Saying that people don’t get what they deserve, not usually
They only get what they get, and any fool could see
That receiving any hand, doesn’t mean it wasn’t stacked
Doesn’t mean the cards were shuffled, doesn’t mean they weren’t tracked
Could be that the same ace you had was given to two
And the other ace-holder played it faster than you
Leaving you without the years you were going to live
Striking from you all the phrases and the love you were to give
Like a river struck a dam, your lifespan was shorter
You would sooner take the train of death, handing obol to the porter
Sometimes it just doesn’t matter how well you played the game
Because Death isn’t specific and he treats us all the same
Age, rank, or affiliation won’t hold his scythe at bay
When he’s marked you as his target that he’s next to take away
And the voices in your head speak this into your ear
Just when you think it’s silent and you’ve nothing to fear
You’ve put your time in at the hospital, and you know you’re doing good
But you’re physically not well, and why isn’t quite understood
You should be happy to be helping those with the issues you’re resolving
But you begin to feel the hamster wheel by itself revolving
No longer are you choosing, though your choices led you here
The voices tell you different, but you don’t let yourself hear
What are you doing? Is it truly what you want?
Was life just meant for misery, and happiness a taunt?
You’re surrounded by the ailing, and you look them in the eye
Your oncologist’s senses approximate when they’ll die
You feel like a colonel leading unknowing young men
To the front lines to get shot at again and again
Promising the mothers as you take the boys away
That their sons will be fine and live another day
When you know in your heart that that isn’t the case
And most would be shipped home flag over their face
Those remaining are surrounded by the chosen of the draft
The unstable cannon fodder, and the ones that love this craft
Yet whether in your care, or out there in the field
The soldiers that you know cannot force Death to yield
While he may get distracted and pick off the others first
Sometimes it’s not the pain, but anticipation that’s the worst
When the strike is slow and silent, like a bullet that would glide
As your eyes were peeled forward, to strike you in the side
Spilling forth the gray that mattered, and your buddy whirls ‘round
Looking for the shooting culprit, but he’s nowhere to be found
Now that Death’s incoming, he goes through the motions
He’s seen it all before, the incantations and potions
The desperation amuses him but the thing he loves most
Is slowly pressing Fear in the body of a host
And when it’s ripe and lovely, dripping when they speak
That’s when he knows he’s got them, that’s when he knows they’re weak
Your soldiers fall beside their foes, all you do is hold the clipboard
Looking frantic at the file of every single lost ward
“It wasn’t me, it was Death!” but that’s not a diagnosis
And claiming that you see him, is a sure sign of psychosis
So you zip up your mouth, and throw out the key
Knowing that your battle’s over, and you cry suddenly
The tears just escape you and fall without warning
As you’re dressing up plain for more bad news this morning
You’re crying for each patient, for every second that they’ve lost
For all the days they couldn’t have because someone said that was the cost
Their hand wasn’t their choice, and they played them through, no folding
But they just couldn’t beat the royal flush dealer was holding
When they up and away, though you try not to remember
The moment’s locked in your head, like a fire’s last ember
All it needs is a stirring, something sharp to ignite it
And this morning it’s too much and you simply can’t fight it
You give in to the tears and they cleanse your red eyes
And you feel cleansed from within as though you’ve washed out your lies
Because you care about the patients, and the voices that once spoke
You’ve thrown all away, and the locks on you broke
It’s simply a matter of dealing with loss
And overcoming the pains that once were your boss
So you straighten your tie and prepare for today
Knowing that if things aren’t good, then crying’s okay
But mobilization, and actions are key
In changing the outcomes positively
A cleansing is needed, but you have to schedule the day
When one brain half leads, and the other goes away
Death’s not a thing that’s stupid or crazy
To cry about, and though finality’s hazy
And you still haven’t sorted through all of your doubt
There’s a fine chance you know what living and dying’s about
Now whether or not you believe there’s life after
It’s a good rule of thumb to cause people laughter
Be kind to your friends, be kind to your foes
Offer up hope to those with or without woes
Be good of heart and if you die, so be it done
That you among others, will be a missed one
It’s not about fairness of life, or longevity
Though it is disappointing to live life with brevity
If you’re active and friendly, you’ll be leaving a mark
Though your body decomposes, your spirit left a spark
Like those embers of memory you stirred up that morning
Pieces of you will revive without warning
In the lives of the people you touched and affected
Your Jolly Roger, in pieces, is erected
And you’ll stowaway like in a book by Robert Louis
But in the heart of a young one, a young man, who is
Training to do what you did, for the masses
Working alongside other young lads and lasses
Your profession and traits still exist, and that’s grand
Just knowing that you were a part, gave a hand
To a new generation, of leaders and lovers
And though they may not sing Bob Dylan covers
They’re connected to you through time and space
And the goodness you’ve done could not be erased
When you go, let it be at your time, and remember
Even if you think not, you’re somebody’s ember
Yes, your life has been catalogued by people that love you
Because feelings don’t change when people walk up above you
So when you’ve life to its fullest and slip into your last covers
Do not doubt you’ll live on in your friends and lovers
Now these life-living tips are not costly and no scam
But now we return to our usual program
775 · Aug 2013
pleading
Jared Eli Aug 2013
Mr. Wall, where have you gone?
You've left me here, my friend
I'm not strong enough... I cannot
Cope nor self-defend

I need you now to listen close
To all the things inside
To you I'll make all visible
All things I've had to hide

Mr. Wall listen, please!
Oh, where are you now?
Mr. Wall I just need you
To support me as friends do
For I fear that I might
Be just
at the end
of my rope
768 · Aug 2013
Candy Crush: A Confession
Jared Eli Aug 2013
I've got this bad obsession with this game they put on facebook
Got to clear the jelly, and the level's harder than at first look
Making candies match and gaining extra lives
Requesting extra moves that are bundled up as fives
I cannot stop the playing, I've got to play the game
The more intense the episode, the drive becomes the same
737 · Aug 2013
Titanic
Jared Eli Aug 2013
She sat there and drank
As the Titanic sank
And the people were running about

"There's no need to worry,"
She said without hurry,
"I expect to be wined 'til they're out!"

The waiter dropped tray
As he scampered away
And the champagne now flowed on the floor

The woman looked down
With a sizeable frown
And gargled and belched, "I want more!"
Jared Eli Oct 2013
So your name's Amanda
And I said I'd remember it by how much
You aren't like Amanda Bynes
And you know my friend the dancer
You were there when I asked if she had
Cut that guy's head off with a snap of a leg leftover from
A misstepped plie
I told you my name
Age
Blood type
Mother's maiden name
And address
Just to make conversation
(and also because I knew you wouldn't remember any of it)
And you said that it was creepy that I decided
To sit near you
When everyone else I knew
Had left me
(I left enough room for Jesus between our backpacks
Sitting side by side)
I can't blame you for being rude
I just wish I was better at making
Good first impressions
Than I was at small talk
733 · Sep 2013
Barry Manilow said
Jared Eli Sep 2013
Barry Manilow said he wrote the songs that made the whole world sing
And all I do is sit
And type
And listen to him sing
While I cry

Billy Joel told me that he just wanted someone that he could talk to
And I only listened
Didn't say anything of importance
Or anything at all
For that matter

Adam Duritz sang that he was the rain king
And I remember
Everytime I sit near a window
Or stand out in the street
When it rains

Ingrid Michaelson told me that she just wanted to be ok
And I knew that she'd be ok
If she was singing
And being her creative self
With me

I wanted to sing my compositions and act and dance
But the songs and words
Of my favourite artists
Seem like an unreachable
Plateau
726 · Nov 2013
Mr. Brown, of the abolition
Jared Eli Nov 2013
Take up your arms , boys, down at the ferry
Purge the evil with the blood
Blood of us
Blood of them
Blood of my father and your father
And our father's fathers
Tainted with turning the other cheek
Or openly accepting
The life degraded through *******
Take up your arms, boys
For martyrdom is a far better pedastol
When formed of the bodies of the innocent
Jared Eli Oct 2013
I'm going to stop pretending
That we had something in common
Other than music
And the pool
And our mutual gay friend
Who may one day be
The ruler of the carne asadas
You were my escape once
But no more
I used you, and I admit that
I'm so sorry I did
But I never lied to you
I wanted you near me
I still do
That's what's going to make this
So much more difficult on us
I just want to backtrack
To you and I
Being bus buddies
And hanging out
Before we had the added stress
Of dating
And kissing
Or in my case, attempting to kiss
And failing miserably
And hoping your parents would
Open the door to interrupt us
I want the us before all that
The us before the us
When it was just you and I
Separate but together
Instead of
Together but separate
I'm trying to break up with my girlfriend and achieve the nearly impossible and keep her as a friend. Suggestions anyone?
723 · Sep 2013
The purple pen
Jared Eli Sep 2013
The purple dancer runs along
With ashen streamer flowing
It tails the dancer as the song
Climaxes, ever knowing

The moves are clear, concise, complete
And audience views the tale
The streamer obeys eager feet
The dancer does not fail

The purple dancer's feet attack
And lovingly embrace
The floor of fibrous white in stack
The medium of this place

And when at last the dance is done
The ashen streamer taken
Illumination: Mind has won
And through this, world has shaken
720 · Dec 2013
A bit about how I got here
Jared Eli Dec 2013
Emotions I'd lock away in a bottle
Heaving my foot harder on the throttle
Driving as reckless as this car can bear
If they could hear me, the people would stare
Because I was taxing the engine with e'ry mile
And it was worse when I'd fake a laugh or a smile
The more that I'd fake, the more I'd enclose
In a small envelope with the edges all rose
I'd pack more and more in, 'til it all would spill out
And rise to my lips in the form of a shout
But I'd bite on my lips 'til they bled ('til they bled)
And I'd keep all the shouts in my head (in my head)
And they'd never leak out, except when they did
How to express them? Well, I was just a kid
So I'd talk to my friends, but they were obsessed with games
And developing smart-assed remarks and foul names
None of them knew me, nor could understand
The shouts in my head or envelope in my hand
A slit for a thought, a fight for denial
The jury was loaded, my thoughts all on trial
No argument heard, it was senseless berating
And on the edge of cruel reason my emotions were skating
How to express what I knew was not reason?
The answer evaded me season by season
'Til it was said once, like a seed needing planting
A thought that grew out of my head, took my breath, left me panting
"You aren't Atlas, try as you might
All the feelings inside will **** you in a fight
You need to let out, like a quick-release lever
Find someone who'll ease your mind like, forever."
It took years to develop, since I first got the advice
Yet I was cast someone by the roll of dice
And little by little, my old ways would alter
My bottling acts would slowly falter
Three years it's been, and I'm surely the better
For unbottling things letter for letter
And sure, I've got stuff I don't say out loud
And things I keep private because I'm not proud
But still, I'm more open, and I'm also content
And it's as a result of the way I've been bent
714 · Dec 2013
She, me, odaxelagnia
Jared Eli Dec 2013
I will not see you differently
If that is what you fear
Because I only see you as beautiful
And everything else is just a part of your beauty

I want for you to be happy
Even on the saddest of days
When your eyes so big that they could hold the moon
Hold only tears

If I could hug you for every second
From today until the end of it all
I would
And I'd bite your shoulder slightly
Because that's my way of saying something like I love you

I don't know your truths and lies but I trust you
And someday you might trust me
To contain my odaxelagnia, and bite me
Because science has a sense of humour, and that feels good

So please just talk with me, whenever and for whatever
I know I'm not much help at times
But I will try so hard to not be the opposite of help
Let me in, gorgeous. I want to earn your trust
711 · Oct 2013
You're kinda my obsession
Jared Eli Oct 2013
I gotta confession
You're my little obsession
(I say little cause the shrine's only one wall)
I just want to see you
And I want her to be you
But that's something that won't ever happen at all
706 · Dec 2013
Only in dreams
Jared Eli Dec 2013
You've got a lead-filled crown atop your head
Tilts forward and backward
Like a swaying pendulum
Heavy is the head, they say
But you'd know better than they would
So tell me, how does it feel?
To have all the power
All the knowledge
All the glory?
How does it feel
To know that every failure
Every death
Every illness
Every act of hatred on this earth
Is your fault?
To be omnipotent
You must accept all actions as your own
You are the most responsible
For all the actions
That have taken place
Look in the mirror and see infinity
Because you created yourself to create entirety
And the best part is
All this guilt
Will be forgotten
All the shame
Will be forgotten
All the dehumanizing things you feel
Will be forgotten
And the depth to which you sunk
Will be forgotten
And the powers you might wield
Will be forgotten
When you wake
For only in dreams
Can you control as you did before
701 · Feb 2018
Untitled
Jared Eli Feb 2018
Up and down the alleyway
The street art reeks of ****
And up and down I walk until
I cast my eyes on this:

An image of a girl aflame
Balloons in either hand
The rosy-red wrapped 'round her wrist
Her eyes fixed on the sand.

And painted waves lap painted feet
Extinguishing their flame
But water works with cyclic rolls
And feet in flame remain.

The latex melts and burns her hands
Her hair curls up in ash
And I walk on, untouched, unscathed
For art will fade and pass.
690 · Oct 2013
99 cent iced tea
Jared Eli Oct 2013
99 cents for an iced tea
At the corner liquor store
But when the men in suits came and shut it down
We couldn't go there anymore
The man at the register never could add
Or maybe he short-changed us all
It wasn't the quarters he took from the kids
But the product in back made him fall
The stuff was the kind like none you'd ingest
Just go in for the coffee because that'd be best
Avoid all the product he put in the back
Because not only will you have a heart attack
But your mind and your eyes would be decieved
And the things you would see would be believed
Like Dave in the last five minutes of Stanley Kubrick's depiction
Of a Space Odyssey, but you would mistake reality for what he wrote as fiction
Up would be down and down would be blue
And your poor little brain wouldn't know what to do
All those misfiring connections made right by gunpowder
Your neural responses as sensible as chowder
Like Less Than Jake said, "I don't think I can yell any louder!"
Jared Eli Dec 2013
She renders me an idiot, a *******;
Okay,
I'll admit it!
Without her, I still act that way
But in my defense
She makes me twice as dense
Like a brick being compacted
My stupidity's enacted
Like she flips some switch that turns off my brain
And there are words in my mouth
Or are they in my head?
Or, wait what am I saying?
She makes me forget
And we haven't gone out yet
It'll happen tonight
And if it goes alright
Then maybe I won't act stupid
Maybe fat, baby cupid
Will ease up a bit so I can think 'stead of awkwardly
Talking of nothing to justify
Staring in her eyes
Her gorgeous, gorgeous eyes
You're adorable.
Potato
679 · Dec 2012
Mr. Steele
Jared Eli Dec 2012
Mr. Steele bit my hand, but Mr. Steele knows
Where the poison lies (inside), though it never shows
Mr. Steele showed the way, to cope with things unfair
From anything to everything, like hate, hurt, or despair
Mr. Steele is my friend, he's wicked and he's cruel
Can't he be? Or mustn't he? Is that not the rule?
Mr. Steele makes me be, a smiling, caring soul
Regardless of my mental state, regardless of the toll
Mr. Steele and Mr. Wall are two figurative characters I use...
677 · Aug 2013
LIES LIES LIES
Jared Eli Aug 2013
LIESLIESLIES
I am the essence of
LIESLIESLIES
I make my memory through
LIESLIESLIES
I leave a legacy of
LIESLIESLIES
I give you nothing but
LIESLIESLIES**
A hypocrite and liar,
Once displayed
Is nothing more
675 · Dec 2012
Tissues
Jared Eli Dec 2012
Tissues for your issues
Wipe your tears away
Though today is dark and dreary
It's tomorrow's yesterday
Jared Eli Sep 2013
I know that they're for me
These cookies and iced tea
You set them on a plate
Gotta say, you're looking great
But I came here just for food
And I hope that isn't rude
All these candles by the door
Can I ask you what they're for?
Oh my goodness dear, please no!
Now I've really got to go
Let me out. Unlock this room!
I don't want to be the groom!
662 · Sep 2013
Dr. T.J. Eckleberg
Jared Eli Sep 2013
His eyes never blink as he watches the scene
Of the desolate landscape below
The recklessness reeks and the actions are mean
And Doc T. J. Eckleberg knows

The cruelness of people whose hearts are undone
By the stark disconnection therein
A fight against apathy can seldom be won
But they simply did not try to win
Jared Eli Sep 2013
Stop trying to analyze and dig deep down inside
Sometimes what I'm saying isn't what I'm trying to hide
Sometimes I just say the things I feel
Or nonsensical junk about the unreal

Sure the "chocolate syrup" has a meaning
But that doesn't make everything mean something
My allusions are oft false
To delve deep into a shallow pool
Is to plan for failure
There will be pain for us both if you keep it up
I once said that "depression is an empty bottle of chocolate syrup" (there's a story behind that, message if you really would like to know) and so when chocolate syrup appears in my writing it is usually an allusion to depression, just as Mr. Steele is a razor blade and Mr. Wall is myself (my subconscious, rather) and the Woman in Red, though a Matrix reference, is a guardian angel of sorts.
Jared Eli Aug 2013
******* tired of trying to be
                                        Atlas
I need to be me for a change
dlrow ym fo thgiew eht
rednu gnilbmurc m'I

So I'm done
I quit
I will show emotion
**** that facade
**** always smiling

Because right now
I'm pouring the chocolate syrup
All over the floor
And I've gotta say
This
Feels
Great
650 · Dec 2013
It's a complicated feeling
Jared Eli Dec 2013
You make me happy
Like Dashboard Confessional makes me happy:
On-the-verge-of-a-breakdown,
Feeling-hopeless-and-pointles­s kind of happy
648 · Sep 2013
The man in Red
Jared Eli Sep 2013
"I must admit," said the man in Red
As he bit into a burning
Apple
He had just picked off the
Tree of humanity
"The taste of
Insanity
Is not an acquired taste.
It's accepted almost immediately"
He held the burning core up to his
Soulless
Eyes
And smiled a smile that was so
Hideous
That words
Cannot describe it.
"Though it is not accepted
As readily as a mother's breast,
Some would cling
Longer and
Tighter
To the
Buoyant anchor of insanity
Than the nurturing flesh
Of the mother."
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