a long time ago i wrote a poem about living in a house full of closed doors
(i felt like my hands were not my own)

a boy in my english class read it and told me he lives in a house full of shame
there’s a hallway of closets but each one is the same
he said nobody would let him open the doors
but everybody wanted him too

i fell in love with him then
but i cannot love anyone in these decaying bones

i moved on but i know
that there is always something to be won
but i am no good at competition

every step i take away from you
you return stronger
the riptide pulls me in and i drown
nobody can hear me floating in the dark

you wait for me at the bottom of the stairs
the door is closed
my mind is closed
we are closed

i turn and leave,
dropping the keys in the bowl before i go

i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me i hate me

One of the most unbearable pains is needing to cry but never being able to.

i’ll find you there,
in the dark corner of the mind where terror and ecstasy meet-
in a dark, swirling tide

honey

you looked
like honey
sweet
i wanted to eat

-but you were sticky

*insert poorly drawn photo of *******