Does not mean that I won’t speak to you
Does not mean that you will not hear from me
No infact
I’ll still be around
You’ll still hear from me
Just know that I’m working through things
I’m trying to live with the fact that my father won’t be here I waited for him to return for almost 20 years
I’m trying to adjust to health issues I have and create normalcy during my appointments I started shutting down and going numb it was to much to bear
I’m trying to be all that I can be for my people and yet I feel like I could do better I could change this
I’m stretching myself to much I’m trying to limit that and make time for some individuals I have yet to hear from
I’m saying your going to meet me through all of my phases and I’m letting you know that I will forever be evolving and growing and I hope you stick around for that

If someone says that they are working towards healing themselves it’s so that they can be the best that they can be for you

And you don’t get the short end of the stick

They are also aware that you deserve better

So your not just a lesson

Or a glimpse

I don’t really carry secrets
We didn’t make it here on earth
Just by falling from the skies
The trees hear the whispers
And the flowers have conversations
The heart of our desires are deeply ingrained in our flesh
So yes the desires of one and how magic is created
Is beautiful
Memorable
And to never be taken for granted
I’m not ashamed of how I feel about you
I like the idea of constantly blowing each others minds
The power of love is special
If I am yours hold me and protect me
Don’t be so quick to go against me

———-
l start dancing mid conversations in public and in the car without a care of who watches that’s how I’d like life to be
_

Tupac wrote this poem for Jada and if you have time read the full poem here’s the part that resonates the most >>>>

u will never fully understand
how deeply my heart feels 4 u
i worry that we'll grow apart
and i'll end up losing u


u bring me 2 ****** without ***
and u do it all with regal grace
u r my heart in human form

———

I hate how my stomach hurts
and how the sharp stabbing pains on the sides my tummy get worse
They make my knees bend a bit
I sit extra long in the car
So I can get ready to walk a few feet
This sets me back further
Ice cream sometimes helps
But man oh man I feel it in my back
I look so lifeless
I put my head back
I feel like I’m getting punched
Where’s my heating pad I just want to crawl in my bed and suffocate in the warmth

I’m not sure
I just wanted to take accountability for once and apologize for any of my wrong doings
In the past
I wanted you to know that was coming from me
I want you in my life
My family is ok with you getting to know them too
If you give them a chance
I’m not sure where your heart is at
If a part of you hates me
Or if there is a way for us look forward I’m for that
If I did anything last night or said anything
Or if anything came out wrong I’m sorry
I would like to actually give you a hug
I think a hug goes a long way
I’m sending you love from a distance

For once
I felt free
No criticism
Of how I felt about myself
In my own head
I liked how I looked
I liked how I did my hair
I like how the gloss made my lips pop
I liked how that soft shirt hugged my skin
I liked how my thighs looked in the pants that I wore
music playing all night
crusing through street late night
I’m starting to like what I see in the mirror again
That was day one on loving me again

I pray about you
for your well being
and Gods protection and armor over you
I have to let you know
Even if it’s written in the Stars by the fate of God
The big gentleman with the tats on his face and that is bald
Is not a kin to you
Not a friend to you
Maybe he likes what you can do for him
Maybe he likes the way you are without me in the picture
But I just had to share that if at any point we have contact he will put one out on me
So that when I leave this earth
You can go back to your old ways
But let me tell you something
If something does happen to me I need you to know that you have a calling to change the world around you don’t let him bring you down one bit
All I can say is watch him
This isn’t to help me
You can’t change what could potentially happen
I need you to stay firm in who you are and that is being great and the best version of you