Why must I write?
When there's so much better,
Prose, poetry, free styling words,
So much more elaborate,
So beautifully knit together,
While I create patchworks of rhymes, and reason,
This silence would ****,
This inability to express to people,
Because paper patiently listens,
Because this desire-less life feels a little lived when pen meets paper,
But I don't write in ink,
Charcoal let's me rethink,
Who knows what's going to happen next,
And if you did, what would you really do differently?
Can you escape yourself?
Wherever you go, there you are

If I could make an elixir,
To drive away your pain,
If I could find a version of happiness,
Lasting, to always remain,
I'd give every breath I could ever claim,
Every possession that bears my name,
I'd hold you tight until time stopped,
And drink up every tear before it dropped,
raison d'être, my life, my all,
I'd cut off my legs to make you stand tall,
This truth will always stay,
No matter what is thrown our way,
- I will love you till the end of me,
I love you more than you will ever see

A throbbing head,
An empty heart,
An abrupt end,
A beautiful start

A black truth,
A white lie,
A still sea,
A dark sky

A severed bond,
A frayed rope,
A sincere prayer,
A dying hope

I'm looking for better words,
To describe this inexplicable feeling;
Your exquisite person;
And all these  bubbling emotions;
That seem nourish and destroy me at the same time

Pour all your hate over me,
Drench me in your angry showers,
Watch me dance in the rain,
Exhaust those dark clouds you've carried,
When you're done,
When the real storm comes,
From those heavy, vacant, beautiful eyes,
I'll be right here

Truth comes at a price,
And I have emptied my purse to you,
I have offered my soul to the devil,
Tell me what else I can do

Wait
Hurry up!
No, you slow down
You were always faster than me, what has happened to you?
Things change
Catch up, I'll wait
Why don't you just go ahead?*
Because, my love,
We started this together,
And the finish-line without you,
Would just be my *finish

A grain of sand,
Once part of a desert dune,
Taken away by a windstorm,
Parted too soon

Regal was the life,
In the dune where I was born,
Unearthed now,
From my existence torn

A wandering gypsy,
I'm one with the wind,
From all my attachments,
Unhinged, unhinged

To see the shimmering horizon,
In your sunset brown eyes

I tried to write a poem on how I feel right now,
And all I could scribble was a paraphrased House quote,
*I feel nothing. And it doesn't feel great

There is a long road ahead,
Let us walk together

It did not matter,
It does not matter,
It will not matter...

*Unless you make it matter to you

That anchor you hold onto for dear life?
It may keep you from drowning,
But it's also keeping you from exploring the vast

I keep tugging your legs,
They keep kicking me off

Love you*  isn't something you say,
It's something you *do

You counter argued everything I said;

I took you off the hook and said no more;

What I meant was said between the lines,

A space you no longer looked for...

You look at me with hope,
I look at you with disbelief,
That look in your eyes is the purest thing I've ever seen,
I want to cover you up in a blanket of love,
Guard you from everything bad,
Kiss your eyes and fix your scars,
But I find myself holding back,
For you're an angel,
And I'm not sure I deserve the honour of loving you...

Within my soul I’ve found yours
Are they different?
They are one, they are one with the cosmos,
But our sub souls have a strong gravity acting on them,
A gravity unexplained by science,
A gravity we’ve chosen to name love,
Scientifically oxytocin creates this feeling, but oxytocin is a by product of this very gravity,
What we choose to believe is up to us
The sky is blue
Love is the fifth dimension
A day will come, far far away,
A collective surge of this gravity,
Will pull all creatures together,
There will be no anti love - no hunger no wars,
This dimension we only experienced in parts,
Will save us from our own destruction

Avoidance of human contact, is the best way to remain human

If there are no ties, what will be severed?
If there's no attachment, there will be no burden of holding on  

"But you promised!", you beg,
"Well things change with time!", they dictate
I remind myself of what John Green said, "Sometimes people  don't understand the promises they make when they're making them"

I am not capable of contemporary human relations
Shallow connections aren't connections at all  

Everyone is interchangeable,
Why hold anyone to a pedestal?
It's about being at the right place at the right time,
So what if it's the wrong person?

Let them call you an anti social monster,
You know it is them that are the true monsters relishing your heart's meat  

*Avoidance, of human contact, I have thus learned, is the best way to remain human.

This isn't a poem,
I do not like missing you

There are beautiful things around,
If you'd stop to take a look,
Not chirping birds, not pretty flowers,
Not mountains, not flowing brooks

Beautiful things in the mirror,
Beautiful things in your head,
When you smile at yourself to go on,
A choice you choose not to regret

Beautiful things like you,
Beautiful like your eyes,
Beautiful things like your thoughts,
Beauty you can't despise

Beautiful things are a collection of you,
Your nuances filled with light,
Beautiful like your laughter,
Beautifully making things alright

With no hope of reciprocation,
With no desire for appreciation,
I say I love you,
Because it is true,
Because there's no other way to exist,
Because I love you

With a chance of misunderstanding,
With the fear of becoming a burden,
I don't say I love you,
Because love doesn't compel,
Because you're my best friend,
Because I love you

Burst into flames,
Remember,
You are after all,
A Phoenix.

Become, and unbecome,
In the altar of love,
Demolish knowledge,
Be a canvas, a sponge,
Let go of need,
Grab hope, for thy beloved,
And thy beloved alone,
Let go of the 'I' and 'you',
Reflect on the non duality,
If you really love,
Do not cheapen the emotion,
Become, and unbecome

My precious heart,
You make me smile
So burned and bruised,
Still laughing all the while

The stardust that makes you,
Is one of a kind,
Rare just like you,
Impossible to find

How lucky am I,
To breathe the same air,
To witness a glimpse of your magnificence,
To know, you're there

A clean slate,
A fresh start,
A happy life,
Wishes for you, straight from my heart

I have known euphoria
- it's the sound of your laughter
- With or without me,
To see your happily ever after

I'm only human,
But that's only what you are too,
You hurt me as you're hurting yourself,
Two hurting humans, whose cure's each other too

I've come to think,
When you place someone on a pedestal,
And make them aware of it,
Even if they deserve it,
There's a burden you've placed on their shoulders,
A certain responsibility,
To live up to your idea of their being,
You stop them from being human,
Yes,
Placing people on pedestals
is an inhuman act

Be not deceived,
Words are known devils,
But sometimes even actions lie

Be not deceived,
When your intellect cautions,
Against what your heart tends to hide

Be not deceived,
**What appears to be your salvation,
May well be your damnation in disguise

Here is my heart,
Served to you on a platter,
Eat it, break it, keep it,
That's all up to you,
I'm just here to love

I'm tired,
Writing these lines,
Which rarely make sense,
Somehow helps, momentarily at the least,
But these thoughts, and this life,
Throw me a curve ball,
Every time they feel better,
Kodaline's lyrics,
Am I wasting my time, am I losing my mind?
Seem to have become the question of my life,
And this silence, makes it worse,
As I wonder,
*Does it make you feel better?

It seems I have forgotten what life was like without you,
I guess it wasn't very memorable
...until you came along

These broken brights are singing me a song,
It's like they know where we began from,  
I listen with intent,
They're singing without your consent,
But you make a slip, hum along,
And quickly retract, as if that's something wrong,

These broken brights, carry traces of your light,
It helps me see, through the darkest night,
Your shadow emerges, and quickly leaves,
Caught in the act, a pack of thieves,

These broken brights with a scent of your musk,
Get stronger every evening, my companions of dusk,
You blow off their flame, but they burn strong,
These broken brights are mine, they'll sing our song

To build a life to revolve around you,
To watch you tear it apart
Step...
by...
step.

The ink will leak,
To manifest to beautiful design,
Or simply blotch on available canvas,
It does not matter;
The pen is broken,
**The ink will leak

I was not with him,
But I wasn't without him

Come on out,
We are friends
You've fought demons for so long,
Am I beginning to look like one?
You are a closed door,
With a terrified child inside,
I am a gentle knock,
A friend on the other side,
I'm begging you to let me in,
But you just continue to hide,
It's going to get darker, love,
The demons will eat you raw,
What will I do then?
Knowing I should have tried once more,
So you can scream and pant,
Throw all the hissy fits you can,
I'll be here

I love you in ways I did not know possible,
Not knowing from whence, why, or even whereto,
All I know is this; I love you
I will love you till there's a beat in this mortal heart,
And even after that,
I will love you regardless of reciprocation,
or lack thereof,
I will love you till time stops,
and until it begins again,
And I will love you

Draw a line, but not in ink,
Charcoal black will let you rethink

The emperor's word isn't set in stone,
Uncertain as breath, the power of the throne

The mighty sea is stirred by a wave,
Don't still your soul, before the grave

Clouded judgement,
Clouded thoughts,
Clouded vision,
Clouded life,

Waiting...
*for the rain

Sipping coffee,
A break from the books,
Coldplay's Gravity playing on loop,
Peacefully lonesome,
Read a Rumi quote, "don't feel lonely, the whole universe is inside you",
Last sip of coffee,
Didn't find you inside,
Oh wait, you're there,
Just a little deeper

It's funny,
This momentary sense of loneliness,
I push people away,
And miss them when they're gone,
Or is it just being with them that I miss?
But it's all the same,
A passing thought,
That's all, most everyone is,
Except you, constant

Tired of this person I've become,
Not what I intended to be
23 years of being her,
And look what it's done to me
A reflection of everyone that touches my heart,
With no true identity of my own,
A fruitless, strong barked, withered leaved tree,
Of seeds the grim reaper must have sown
I feel shallow, and vacant,
I feel old, but still nascent
With the Midas touch of crap,
I destroy everything I touch,
I appease the people I hate,
And hurt the ones I love much!
Careful where you stand,
Quicksand is potent here,
Make a decent life of yourself,
Don't let me come near

Cry with me,
Over the misfortunes handed to you,
Over the failed attempts made by me,
Over everything we won't be,
Let me cry with you,
Cry with me

I kept holding on; I was afraid of losing you
I'm letting go now; I'm afraid of losing me.