if you find yourself
attracted to the simple
swirls of black ink against
white lined school paper in
a locker you know belongs to
her, you know that you have severe

problems.

mute, in a bubble
black holes open - and swallow
swallow me all whole

party, I won't be
some, something, I want to be
somebody not me

I fumble over
alone, I speak like the dark
but I guess I try

the empty glances
alone, I guess I liked her
I got used to it

I saw one of my doubles in his circle. The confident centre of attention. Laughing, laughing, his blue eyes met mine, his grin grew wide and I hid my shame beneath my hair.

I got a haircut
I didn't want to
My nerves
Shot through
My veins on the day
Like white acid and the shaking
My knees made holes in the table
I almost ran away

No one noticed

I wonder if anyone would care
If I didn't show up today
What good am I to the world?

I wish I could be like you
Like a worthwhile person
Who captures stares and crowds and makes you wonder why you're so pathetic in every single ******* way
(I always say
The wrong thing)
I want to smash my face against the wall and drown in the joy of those who forgot me because I did not entertain

I meet a new double every day
I have too many

My doubles, the difference is you can talk to people without feeling a gun pointed to your head
Like you are going to die if you move as much as a muscle
Or say something that doesn't make them laugh
And I don't know where to put my hands

I am tired of hiding
In the corner hating everything

Creation is in our breath
our silk noise is frozen cold
as sound fills the capped peaks
as a red bike sticks out of the snow
that covers each dead root
it cushions each robin's  fall

it hangs from branches
like blank tears, long sheets
of white paper
a fox mother guards her silver cubs
she wears a white coat when she comes
the snow is what she knows

i have not seen these hills
since she came to me
offering her eyes
that see through the clear silence
she stared, and crushed my sound
till she scampered away

the black ravens fluttered empty
the leaves echo from the skeleton
the sound echoing like a shot
our boots sinking into deep holes
his feet leave tracks on the snow
where mine have left

when I turn he is not there
i can hear the raven's wings
and our tracks lie asleep in the snow
where mine have left

when I turn he is not there
i can hear the raven's wings
and our tracks lie asleep in the snow