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  Jul 31 Charlie
peyton
I said I’d take it slow—
but my heart never learned pacing.
It jumps ahead,
writes your name in the margins
before I’ve even turned the page.

You’re not the loud kind of beautiful—
you’re the quiet type,
the “wait, who’s that?”
the kind that walks past
and leaves my chest buzzing like a cheap speaker
turned all the way up
on a love song I wasn’t ready for.

I try not to stare.
So I listen instead.
To your voice,
your laugh,
your "random disappearance thingy,"
like it’s Morse code
for maybe, maybe not.

You don’t know it,
but I write about you in lowercase
because you feel gentle.
Like a song I play at night
and pretend doesn’t mean anything.

I don’t need a fairytale.
I just want a chance.
To be someone you look at
like I’m not just another friend
in the blurry background of your life.

And if not—
well.
At least you’ll always live here,
between the lines,
in poems I’ll pretend aren’t about you.
  Jul 31 Charlie
Lee
I’m trying
I’m trying
Just so you know
I’m changing
I’m changing
But it’s too slow
I need help
I need help
But now you’re low
You need help
You need help
You say do not go
Charlie Jul 30
i had a friend who was just like me
we convinced each other we weren't hungry
she taught me how to throw up
i taught her how to be loved
i was her one and only
stayed up all night just to keep her company
in the end, we could've made each other heal
and i clung to the idea that what we had was real
but nobody understood.
when they found out, there was screaming
yelling, and long lectures late into the night
they used her as a lesson
a way to show me i'm "not like that"
a way to convince me i'm "not that bad"
"not that sick"
"not that twisted"

last i heard, lisa is under the ground somewhere
though whether it was by drugs or a knife, i don't know
i wonder if she got a funeral
i wonder if anyone cried
Charlie Jul 30
on sunday, i gave away my guitar
and i didn't expect it to be so hard
didn't expect it to crumble my heart
to know i will never feel those strings again
close my eyes and move my hands
never tune the thing until 2 AM
nathan, please take good care of it
because i love that guitar, but i'm scared to admit
scared that you'll ask again why i quit
scared that you won't keep your promise
i've begun the process of giving away my things, and my guitar left an ugly hole in my chest that i'm afraid cannot be filled. i poured my soul into it for two years and now it's gone for good.
  Jul 30 Charlie
C J MILLER
I hurt you?
I dessert you?
Break you?
Make you hate you?
Sacrifice you?
Turn you?
Regret you?
What if I manipulate you?
Spurn you?
Burn you?
What if you do this to me?
But even worse...
What if I love you?
And take you back with no hesitation.
I know the risk you've done it all before
And I still cant help
But fall.
  Jul 30 Charlie
C J MILLER
"Forever"
but that means, eternity
I suppose that happiness can feel like an eternity.
love is a minefield, be sure to watch your step
because at one moment your dancing
and the next your legs are gone.
I suppose I could have been more literal,
I mean who actually lasts forever?
I learned the hard way that I ought to be saying
Maybe Never.
Charlie Jul 30
i want to fall asleep
under a sky full of stars
out at waypoint, nobody knows where you are
nobody awake for miles around
nothing but the sweet, lulling sound
of crickets and tall grass in the breeze
and that's where i want to fall asleep
that's where i want to quietly bleed
across the gravel, head tipped to the sky one last time
and maybe this time i won't cry
maybe this time i can finally die
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