"No, not like that. That's not how
You're supposed to behave around
Other people. What will they
Think of you now?
What will they say?
Stop moving, they're going to
Stare at you.
You're being too
Loud.
Chin down. You look proud.
Why can't you smile more?
They didn't approach you before
You did them because you feel
Like an ah lian. No one
Wants to deal
With you. You're no fun
To be with. Stop talking.
No more dancing while walking.
Don't waste their time. No.
You can tell they want you to go
Away.
Why are you so
Emo
Today?
What's wrong with you?
What're you trying to do?
Why are you intruding? They
Don't need you to stay.
Stop disturbing people. Go make
More friends, you loner. Can take
Less food or not? You need
A 23-
Inch waist, I say already.
Ayah, not smart enough.
Why so weak? It's not that tough.
Wash your face
And wake up. This place
Is too
Good for you."
See?
It's easy
To be
My own Asian aunty.

All I really
Want us for someone to love me
Like I love almost everybody
Else-- my friends would've heard it before--
Because more
Often than not
I'd happily think my last thought
For most people in my
Life than shoot myself between the
Eyes.
Idk. All I want is for someone to love me
As much as I love them. Why
Does it seem so easy
For you guys?
How hard did y'all have to try?

Because I know
I will never be more
Than second place, will never go
Further than them in your heart for
Every time I try to reach out
You do an about
Turn, face your back to me
And all I can see
Is this huge wall
Immune to arrows, bullets, fire
And so every time I try I fall,
My body
Parallel to the bricks
And ground
And around
Me
Is nothing but the faces of the friends I
Know you've made in my
Absence but I really
Didn't think it would be
This quick.

There is no point to my life except to
Make everyone else’s easier; do
The work, hold the hands,
Explain the concept of a perfect square,
Beat the bullies, stroke the hair,
Finish up the class decor;
Because there’s no use in being around anymore
If there’s nothing I can do for you.
Don’t lie to me that it isn’t true.

At this point "I
Might cry"
Is my
Catchphrase;
You can probably
See
It on my face
But there's this urge for me
To just point it out
And make everything about
Myself or at least that's how
It works in my head.
But for now
There isn't much else for me to say
Instead (****).
Finish off with a laugh
So they know
Just how deep they've to go
Because smiles don't mean
A thing if you've been
In most people's shoes.
And usually
The
Attempt at making it a joke
Is a good one
So we brush it off as fun
Conversation--
The guilt starts to set
In but luckily I don't get
The spotlight
That I had wished for at first
So everything's alright
And I didn't spoil your night.

Sometimes I scroll through
The messages you
Sent and try to
Figure out
If you ever actually
Cared about
Me.
Because on some days
You'd say
I was the only one who
Understood how you
Were feeling and on others
It's like we
Don't even know one another
And after ghosting me
For a day or two
Now you're suddenly
Willing to do
Anything for (one of your) best
Friends.
I don't know how many
Times it seemed to be
That you would end
This torture but if I
Know anything about you
It's that time'll pass by
And neither of us are going to
Do
Anything because I keep foolishly
Hoping you'll change and you're
Too blind to see
Just how much you're hurting me.