Today as I was walking home it started to
Rain. And all I could think about
Was looking up at you
(You’d stuck out
Like a sore thumb) as the rain came
Down on us; I was just saying the same
Things over and over “just take
Out your umbrella, bodoh”
But your ego
Would break
You didn't and so
We stood there at the traffic light
Waiting for the green man
So we
Could get to the MRT
Station as planned.
I'd been right.
The umbrella was indeed
Exactly what we had need
ed. And so we ended up quite
Wet by the time we got underground.
But I didn't run today.
I guess there wasn't much to go around
But still it was what I should have done.
Take it from me when I say
Walking alone in the rain is not very fun.

It took months to build
And only seconds to knock down
Weeks of tiptoeing around
Because you can't stand the sound
The floor makes when my footsteps hit
Slightly too hard and so bit
By bit I disappear into the background
While trying to keep my head afloat
Because while the boat
Slowly sinks
I don't know what to start think
ing about how we
Work. You love me,
You love me not;
I always thought
This would end
One day
Because you know friends
Usually have more to say
To each other
But one day passes, another
Goes past
And I thought that the house was glass
But even to those I hold dear
It seems that my words were never clear.

Tell me you’re only mine
Even if you’re lying
Look me in the eyes
Tell me you love me
And that im the only one for you
I don’t care if im delusional
As long as I feel happy again

I think words aren’t enough anymore
(Had they been before?)
I don’t remember the last time I really
Laughed without a care in the world, maybe
There were some funnier moments but nothing
Where I could get the thoughts out of my head
I think you get what I’m saying,
Right? Instead
They get temporarily
Pushed to the back of my mind
Only to haunt me
Minutes later. I’ll find
Them unexpectedly
Perhaps halfway
Through a lesson but the voice up there says
That it’s all my fault because I
Was the one that let all this time pass by
Without doing anything productive and the time
Is going to add up and I’m
Going to die alone
Penniless and unknown
To the world and we
All know that they’re going to forget me
After a while of my absence, all they need is to
Get someone from the same cookie
Cutter and bam moving on is rather easy to do.
People care, I know
(I hope) and while there’s just so
Many thanks I’ve yet to say it’s just hard to
Put it all into words
And they’ve definitely all heard
The same thing before because my friends are all far
Too good for me. But still my bar
Is set too high
For those that fall through my
Sieve but then again it is a me
Problem; what else could it be–
Nothing, that is– and so
I return to my computer where
I’ve been sitting for the past half hour, my wet hair
Making my neck and shoulders start to ache
But I just can’t bring myself to break
Eye contact with the screen or go
Grab the hairdryer (if you know you know).
Sorry I wasted your time reading this; I
Tend to forget that people like you
Have better things to do.

If you really
Meant what you said about
Caring for me,
I wouldn't always have to be
On the lookout
For signs that you
Truly do;
If you really
Trusted me
Then there wouldn't be
That wall between us; or
Perhaps I mean more
To you than most but I
Never really
See
It, you know?
Actions speak so
Much louder than words,
Have you heard?

I guess I just miss you.
Never once did I actually
Think that I’d have to get used to
Not seeing your face daily;
Not being able to talk about
Whatever I needed out of my system; they say
That girls take too
Many pictures but obviously it isn’t true
Because there’s not a day
That passes without me
Wishing I’d taken more of you.
I’d do anything to be
Teleported back in time, into
Your arms. And even though
The height difference between us was so
Large, you were always the one
That had the bigger piece of my heart.
I hate us having to be apart.
I bet you’re tall now. It’s been
Far too
Long since I’ve last seen
You.

"No, not like that. That's not how
You're supposed to behave around
Other people. What will they
Think of you now?
What will they say?
Stop moving, they're going to
Stare at you.
You're being too
Loud.
Chin down. You look proud.
Why can't you smile more?
They didn't approach you before
You did them because you feel
Like an ah lian. No one
Wants to deal
With you. You're no fun
To be with. Stop talking.
No more dancing while walking.
Don't waste their time. No.
You can tell they want you to go
Away.
Why are you so
Emo
Today?
What's wrong with you?
What're you trying to do?
Why are you intruding? They
Don't need you to stay.
Stop disturbing people. Go make
More friends, you loner. Can take
Less food or not? You need
A 23-
Inch waist, I say already.
Ayah, not smart enough.
Why so weak? It's not that tough.
Wash your face
And wake up. This place
Is too
Good for you."
See?
It's easy
To be
My own Asian aunty.