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Jana B Dec 2020
The year that’s passed:
a watershed year,
a milestone year,
a rebirthed-via-fire kind of year.

A peeling of layers year,
a levelling year—
with flaws and faults,
an emotions-on-full kind of year.

A year of intensity,
a year of grief.
A down-on-my-knees
praying for peace kind of year.

A rebuilding year,
a learning year.
An emotional-resilience-required
kind of year.

This is the year
that it’s all been here.
In fullness, rawness, a
real, genuine kind of year.

Let the lessons be learned
for the next and the brighter year.
Let some laughter echo
into the lighter year.
Let us care for each other
to meet this with love, not fear.

Happy New Year, whether you’re far or near.
Getting in a little early - may 2021 be blessed for you and your families.
Jana B Dec 2020
You’re holding me ransom
From within your own cell
Holding my life ransom
because you’re not able.
Please please please
give me something to work on.
Are you out or are you in.
Still trapped by this instability,
even when I’m away from you.
Do I plan without, around you
Or
Do I plan for you to be within
The fabric of this new world.
I know he’s struggling, it’s just, he has been for so many years... and when do others start to matter too? All ok. Thanks for letting me process..
Jana B Dec 2020
I don’t want a memory of you
in my head, bothering me.
Skip past our music,
avoid that place.
The little things that
make me miss you.
Go away.
Except,
you brought me love.
Self-confidence.
Memory seems to be the price.
Jana B Dec 2020
Christmas.
Feelings heaving,
still reeling
from this tumultuous year.
I pretend only for the children this time
Beautiful girls, voices high
sparkling eyes full of magic-
Santa’s been here!
Jana B Dec 2020
I find some calm
and take a step;
then - wobble a little
and look back.
With another breath
and another day
I step again
into the fray.
This feels like a very big world,
and in it - me, just a girl.
It’s changed so much
since I was last through
It’s spun by so fast
now all is new.
May the steps that I take
lead the right way;
these tentative steps
lead to bright new days.
Just some thoughts really x
Jana B Dec 2020
You throw blame
casually, consistently,
targeting me.
Small bullets
constantly peppering
under a guise of civility.

Pressure builds
small barbs hit flesh
am I blameworthy?
But wait—let me stop and see
your narcissism truthfully.

Stand on your feet,
find inner peace,
not blaming and self-pity.
Recognise my battle lost;
take your responsibility.

Find your equanimity  —
and
liberate me.
.
Jana B Dec 2020
If I am sand by the sea,
my emotions are the water
rising up underneath,
ready to spill above the surface
at high tide.
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