i already know the answer
but not the why
just to know
i'll survive
or guilt
built up inside
something to hide
back when i wrote disguised
and omitted, comparably to have lied
outside, my mind
dark thoughts that linger behind
lying just a skip away in the subconscious
the past haunts
the trauma that binds
the things i have still yet to find

we are pinned
like the cushion
of an elderly knitter
and next to me
a young private
chatters and fritters
fresh recruit
and I get the sense
runt of the litter
up and over
quickly gone,
I sit,
waiting for winter

Starting gun;
Another run of
My fingers through your hair

Your cheek in my palm,
Resting my hand on your neck
Holding you again

In glass reflections,
An abstract of affection
When I see you everywhere

Fragments of when you cared

calls for resignation
disgrace, dishonor, desecration
of the office held
the law venerated
you talk of people
like chattel
to be corralled, choded
castigated
but hold yourself
to no such judgement
you're a problem
of your own making

many intertwined lineages
have I been the result of
from whence my people have come
the wealthes of their lives
the zero and sum
rail-men, bootleggers, c.e.os and c.f.os
simple tradesmen and
practitioners of medicines
and am I of the most reticent
to commitment

vain, narcissistic, materialistic
addicted to pain
playing around with
different sexes
and i love her
bright are the stars
dark is the sky
and even though they shine
it doesn't matter much to me

i got something to say
words that aren't mine
sweet lovely death
lovely death
one last caress
and you can
claim this carcass
another cadaver
for your collection

What is it one seeks
When they're not seeing?
Evidently, not blindness.
It is closer to sight, closer to vision.
Yet, if what is sought
Is but like soot -
Such a thing is akin to nothing.
No more than the dust
From what was once a pebble.
No more dust
Than that which is nothing,
Never again to be rebirthed.
Such a thing searches for non-existence.

Alternatively, perhaps one sees
But has been blinded.
They only need be healed.

coming inches from fighting
every nerve
fires like lightning
who do they serve
when it's conflict
they're igniting

Rest your head,
and dream a different dream.
What can we do?

Get up to run,
but no legs.
So, just tread water

Filling your lungs,
renege.
On promises you offered

Cause we're all the same;
That's the magic
The absolute splendor, the wonder

It's all mud
Messy people
Obscured in dirt
To bring you down under

wish i could help you
you can
it's just not your duty
in your purview
and you extend no hand
it's like everyone else
it's pretend
so i say what they say
it's okay
i appreciate you thinking of me
it'll all work out in the end

The ones you worship, in truth
Not in the words written by men.
They do not care for falsehoods of the physical
Meant to veil the true nature of your soul.
The mendacities of the mind.
These are as city streets, a
Beautiful bonsai, meant to be
Nurtured with fostered growth,
And cleansed of all *****, evil.
To trim away at dead branches
Rotted wood, that would otherwise
Hurt what has its roots
Through every fiber of your being.
The reverberations are felt
Throughout eternity; the
Things you feel, think, & do.
You know of enlightenment,
Great messiahs and prophets
Spoke of it until men killed them.
The words for you to free yourself,
They are there.
Further back than these books today
That only steal from what was written.

cream rises to the top
the tippity tip tip top
atop it all
to top it all off
a headpiece
a queen
a puppet
a president
czar
dictator
prime minister
prince
and yet
it's all old fools
and young morons
running our countries

how cruel
that it can tear you in twine
two, for twice the heaven
love split between divines

Easy to conceive,
The likes of thousands of souls
All as miserable as me.
In the likes of this world,
Like moss on a tree.
Stumped, but still living.

People know the stories of the glories of heaven
The magma and brimstones of the hot fires of hell
But not many know
Limbo
There's stock brokers there, and hedge funders
Bidding on the ****** and the holy
All the same
There's no karma, no good and evil
The three fates spin their yarn on graphs and pie-charts now
Showing the most favorable projections and safest souls to nab
Destiny is dead
The eternals drove a ****** stake through it's chest
Pandemonium has become the norm
In those ethereal planes all our paths end at
Another puzzle to figure out
Another oddity to be understood

and i am a speck of dust
and a dust mite
every aspect of the life cycle
i have seen
infinity
and witnessed
the birth of stars
their life, and death
event horizons
alien planets
out in the infinite ebony
of dark sea, space
covenants, washed with time
and gods long ago forgotten
tongues no longer wagged
i saw the tail tucked
i saw the eagle, spread
and i've bow-wowed
begging for a bone
been driven from my home
and was the one looking down
and when i was
i put my boot to their throat

gut reactions
not indictive of how i feel
im calloused, hardened
cause it's all too real
shock factor
repulsion or appeal
you can't decide which
not that i can, either
i suppose it's an old trick
going back to the one you endeared

Memorizing license plates,
Every passing face,
Mental logs; time & date.
Act stupid to maintain,
This farce, this facade.
One fake one, one falsely named.
Living amongst shadows,
Only remnants remain

i am having the worst day
and my friends don't speak to me
they are the worst that way
fairweather folks
who turn to run
in the direction of the weathervane

i've censured myself
and censored myself
over what others might think
what those i love might
for their worry
their judgement
for pride

Do not forget
Being shown a true face
Likewise, sides previously unacquainted.

you are tired
and I am tired
of the status quo
of
the way things go,
it's not something we can say any longer,
with gaze casted down
and held tongues
we must be stronger

Roll your eyes,
What emptiness resides
Within the vacant cavity behind?
Search inside,
Roll them toward yourself and never
Again, outward.
Those who cannot stomach themselves
Have no place to judge another;
When all is law and each thought verdict
Passed upon others, save for the trouble,
Of living up to your word proper.
When someone hates themselves just as much as they hate you;
When it's a life of lies, the truth is
Misery takes no sides but to dishonesty.
What defense can be mounted
In courts with no deliberation?
Where fact is mourned over the exalted opinion
And partisanship is par for course,
Where being objective and without bias is common treachery
And only shows how little you understand of the situation at hand
One likely having little recourse for discourse
Room only for more, escalatory rhetoric & action
As hatred only knows hatred;
Breeding further contempt and confusion  
For the ailings of the world

I can recall
joy like a fog light
cutting through
the hazy swamp gas
this fly trap
of a headpiece is
at least I have something to give

you ever been shot?
so you turn to the guy next to you
and you stab him in the stomach?
that's what dating
with trauma feels like
you've sutured your wounds
till someone comes
and undoes it
soothed the thoughts that stew
till you chop in with a
couple carrots of discussion

i don't care about your man
or blowing me off
just need you
can't you understand

narcissist
was scared to upset her
now i let her
despite how much it hurts
cause she's always in pain
i am hurting more now
than before
maybe i'm worse
who the hell knows

i know i sound resentful
but it just is what it is
that's the quote i hear
i like, what gives?
you're gonna take this ****
what happened to americans
with necks to stick out
and spines that don't buckle
and bend the knee
i don't want a war
but i'll give hell
for the next man
to be free
the buck's already passed
apparent from the convoys, battleships, and f-16s
from land, air, sea
they **** a land
they plan on taking
and we're watching

You may do exactly as one requests,
Just for them to still have complaints.
Go the extra mile,
Only to fall short.
You can be asked to speak openly,
Only to be punished for your honesty
And shamed for what are your thoughts.
Still, the strongest of us have no care
For them to cause such a thing as silence;
That I am only human,
Is this my fault?

i'm *******
******* off
and don't talk for a week
**** man
i should just walk
this **** is weak
anxious attachment
detach
cause you can't say
anything you mean
and acts
don't back
what you do

and the pendulum swings
swings to a stop
and the clock turns, still
but the batteries are out
but the clock turns still

if you need a protector
gladly, i would take that role
provider, confider, supplier
of everything that could supplement
anything you felt was missing
give up my dreams
just to see yours
i can take a backseat for a while
so you can soar

Sheepdogs,
Protectors of the herd.
Do not follow orders
Without thought. Is
The course of action righteous?
Will action derive verdict true to justice?
Or do you follow the words
Of those who could not care
For anything save for order?
The order of no change,
Of unceasing sameness
Where we all suffer.
Where progress is standing still
Standing stiff, overlooking us
On the hill.

a lifetime
it will take a lifetime
of welts and pain and things I didn't necessarily had to forgo
because
I don't know
it's clear I struggle
obscured and muddled
my mind is
drugged and over-doubled
and if it all gets to me
know it isn't you

You say things
Just in the aims
Of hurting another,
Even to your lover.
And what makes you so special?

i feel very stifled
and stuck
by the economy in this state
move?
litigate
you lazy ******* shills
leave my home
cause you want to rob it?


tax too high?
we won't stomp it
well ****
that's your problem

stoke the flame
buried within you
fan it
with hope
and if it has gone out?
spark it again

Disburse of false truths,
Of complex ones that hinge on the day.
For it is ever so changing
And will be gone before being ready.
Live with the simple ones, like love
Those timeless classics
Which none among us
May ever truly corrupt.
And those things that branch from it
Like kindness, patience, compassion

Gaia, of the Order(s) - Time;
Her companion & spouse.
Kronos, of the Order(s) - Nature;
His companion & spouse.

Collaborating in leadership,
Hand-in-hand, shoulder-to-shoulder.

Equal, sharing, their distribution(s).

Of Nature, Energy; the culmination
Of Experience.

Of Time, Wisdom; the distillation
Of Knowledge.

Wisdom - an expression of nature.
Energy - an expression of time.

take the hill
the man with the whistle
hollers, up and over
i can't remember
my mother's face
and the photo
my wife gave
is tattered to shreds
a bayonet stabs
my brother to my left
bleeding, crying out for god
clammy hands
clasping my rifle, muttering prayers
shells drop like the most
magnificent rainfall
gas creeping
like fog hanging
in humid air

one man
but another in the mirror
speaking back
deception
a warning to the faint of heart
to avoid a hard earned lesson
keep the love you have
and hold it in recession
if your lover proves shy
in returning warm receptions
for you are like a beggar blind
when in denial
of a petty rejection

what is peace
a prelude to conflict
the calm before the storm
one crisis
to the next
the human memory is limited
how blessed we are that it is
with how awful life can be

Levy on me love, my sweet;

These words you bequeath,
To one whose heart is true.

Hear how it beats,
With melody and rhythm,
An instrument of the soul
In the orchestra on life;
The song which sings for you

Every tendon, all fiber
Is strung with great intention-
And I relinquish control.
Keys to me, departed with gladly
For my hand to hold your cheek

What lengths prove too far,
Where love also goes?

Levy me love, sweet chance

In that distance that love takes us
Each step is trod, fellowed by love;
That which we seek, follows

Turn your nose up,
How trite it is to be pretentious
Doing nothing but showing
Your arrogance and likely
Ignorance, often
Resulting in loneliness.
Riding a high horse in despair

If you would rather **** off the sick
Because the premise of their care
Is too costly or burdensome,
You're far beneath me.
Hell, to me you're no one.
Just someone needing to be dealt with,
With the same level of care you show

i could live off that kiss
that moment when our lips
chanced to meet
the feel of your hips
the material of your pants
my heart skipping beats
just a passing glance
i stammer, tongue in cheek
forget my grammar, leave out words
you leave me speechless
and make me weak