When you see me smile
what do you feel?
How do you know
what we have is real?

Could you bring yourself if the need arose,
to sincerely apologize?
When your being stubborn and combative,
unwilling to compromise

Do you contemplate your thoughts,
against what your heart is saying?
Maybe you would see things different
if you did a little praying

Have you had the thought
that you deserve better than me?
If it came down to it would your heart and soul
allow you to fearlessly see?

The endless possibilities
that only you can bring
If you and I work together
We could finally use our wings

To count on each other
when all seems lost
Without a hesitation
I turn to you at all costs.

Your spirit is searching
for guidance
Someone who has been through it
and triumphed

With a noble reputation,
someone that inspires with stimulation
conquers with self motivation.

Where paths are revealed
in complicated situations,
Revalations.

With your faith in "the"
you gain the gift to fearlessly see
the serinity that awaits you
when you set yorself free

of all negative entities and impurities
its no hoax
he banishes insecurities

It all starts when you begin to believe.

Heartache can numb you,
The past can devour you

Time may heal you,
Truth can awaken you

Wisdom can prepare you,
God will guide you

Laughter will lift you,
Loving yourself will empower you

Love might **** you,
A friendship can save you

and always reminds you
of the things that renewed you

the best friend that never left you
travels this journey with you

to my best friend who has always been true
" I could have never made it without you!"

A quiet fall
Is what I see
When your words
Pierce right into me

Standing on the edges
Waiting for that shoe to fall
Of another heartache
No one is too small

That's all it takes
To send me to my fate,
I'd rather feel nothing,
Than live with this hate

I live to love
And love to breathe
Why can't anyone
See the beauty I see

So intense
To feel what I feel inside
Like the waters in a hurricane
I'm the waves that collide

My own love haunts me,
Curses me,
shames me,
taunts me,
Why does it feel like nobody wants me?

It seems as though,
I am a prisoner of my own self conscious mind
Deprived of the nourishment I need
With no love in my heart I'm walking blind

I am Destroyed
by that same love
I'll walk through fire
If that's not enough

My demented mind
Has caused me to be
A mess of this love
With anything but a
"So called" Lovable Me

A lost ship out to sea
that's been adrift for so long
wandering aimlessly

No destination of certainty
ever came to be
where she could call home

Tossed and thrown
by the waves that could have devoured
this magnificent ship
that possessed a special power
She would always withstand
the forces that mother nature would form
through hurricanes, tornadoes,
through the hellish of storms

Surviving one after one
she sailed on a journey
that taught her
how strong she could be

For it was all for a reason
no matter her destination
her home was the sea

My mind carries deep thoughts of
emotions that overpower me.

It intrigues me to think of the depths
in which we correlate,
the mind to spirit energy,
that repetitiously,
carries electricity,
that some associate with entities.

The ignition of the conscious mind,
that no species can replicate,
or machine can generate,
our kind of fears,
on the edge of fate being near.
There is no eternity here.

Your words can ****** me,
like a serrated knife
into the,
core of my serenity.
Killing the peace within me.

Drive me to despair.
This is how you care?
With words of poison that 'make my heart bleed.
Then blaming me for planting that seed.

What scares me is your
hipocritic validations you seem to fabricate
Its blat tenly disregarded
Its your most manipulative and daunting trait

I admit that I am no better than you.
For sin is sin, but faith can renew.

But I cant force you,
I cant compel you,
to take your fear
and drown it within.
No more excuse to play pretend.

It's hard, there is pain,
but a new life is whats to gain.

We have ****** and condemned ourselves
like we are afraid to walk on burning coals.
The drive and desire to change
outweighs
ANY pain from deep within our souls.

I remember all the times,
you use to cry in pain
I'd curl up in my bed,
crying just the same

I was confused all the time,
not knowing you were ill
Not for a temporary time,
eventually it would ****

More than anyone could imagine
It was not only my mother
My world would soon, die inside
It would crumble like no other

It scattered it's poison throughout my soul
to continue it's destruction,
Of not only her life, that was cut too short
and my ability to function

Becoming socially awkward,
Severely emotionally damaged
Dysfunctional ways of interacting
How the hell did I ever manage?

Anxiety and depression
has been present the entire time
I can't recall a single moment
when I can say I was feeling fine

She was the one I was suppose to lean on
when the world seemed unforgiving
She was suppose to convince me
this life was still worth living

She was suppose to answer
all the unanswered questions I had
To teach me how to live in this world
and be thankful for what you have

This terrible monster
in an instant took my soul
Took my mother's very last breath
And left my heart so cold

With craters inside
and cavities in my heart
My soul is now lost at sea
"Mom I never thought we'd be apart"

There is no way I can emphasize
the exact emotional pain
I see it written on paper
but it doesn't hit that vein

So alone I sit in silence
Some days are used to reflect
Searching for a way back to my soul
Desperate to reconnect

Then I realized one day
When I felt this gentle breeze
My soul wasn't lost at sea at all
Because my mother lives in me

You look with sorrow
in your eyes
That pain is acknowledged
by your angel who cries

---------along side you with understanding,
and helps you back to sanity
without reprimanding,
it's those who are demanding

you have pain for-----
They are quick to judge
and don't hesitate to take more- - - - - - -

from hands that are callused and tired
That blat-en disregard
seems like an uncomfortable attire

Have mercy on you
you give more energy
than your body can generate
that perpetual call for
more and more
your soul can't fabricate ---------

anymore from empty hearts that
don't have eyes to see
what selfish arrogant individuals
they can be

Yet your heart is still carried
with your own callused hands
Held in front of you
Already knowing
your loyal and forgiving heart
will continue to please the demands.

The love you abused
has damaged with time.
So careless of you
to abuse what was mine

You walk and you trample
to leave traces of pain
when will you realize
I have nothing more you can gain

You perceive me as lonely
You think I am weak
So furious inside,
my tolerance has peaked

Your lies are known
as if read from a book
You drained my trust
with each lying step you took

You tried to fool me
you assumed I was blind
I am keen to your straying thoughts
As if I were accompanying you in your mind

You see I am far from foolish
unlike some you come by
I can feel what you touch
I can see with your eyes

Now I will part from you
with the remembrance of all the lies,
this is your regret,
that our memory finally dies.

Joining together
in our embrace
Lips that my destiny
calls for

In my dreams
my soul aches
for the serenity
your touch
electrifies in me

A mirage of the world
in your eyes,
with painted colors of the seas,
ever so vibrant
in contrast of a dawning sky

The memory of your physique
that fits my into my mind
ever so perfectly,
that I could sculpt your body from memory
into an exquisite masterpiece

Until I see you again,
in flesh,
one to one,
face to face,
you scatter traces of you
throughout my soul,
like stars in the sky
It will captivate my mind
until your return to me

I will walk in your footprints throughout
my heart gathering your stars,
to build the universe for you,
that you have built in me.

I can't cry anymore.
Too many times let down,
there is no reason to try anymore.

To just wait for that bomb
of complete despair,
of your twisted psychosis
of the way you show care.

It was the days that you
pleaded your insanity
When you ***** me bare of my humanity.

You had the Gaul to
spawn a hurricane,
that caused confusion
and ****** the life out of everything.

It shook my world.
It rattled the orthodox of my brain.
Disaster in your wake,
have you no shame?

Knock down,
***** drag out.
Yelling, screaming,
blackout

Violations, complications,
red zones.
Hesitation in situations,
hateful tones.

Love hate, hate love,
Judging, wailing,
Push, shove.
Thoughts of failing.

Refusing to change,
understand, compromise.
With empathy, apologetic
sympathize.
Then
Emotions flooding,
rage dies.

Wrong, guilty, shameful.
Realizing, snapping,
rewind to the first time I was hateful.

Dear god, please hear me.
Forgive me, teach me.
Bring me to my knees,
to let me see the light in me.

Allowance of guidance,
pure white not demonic.
Harmony, peace, kindness,
unity, trust, faith,
platonic.

Lost my mind spinning in circles
No where to turn to

All I see is purple

I'm gazing out
searching for the answers
to get life back right

            All I see is purple

I'm wishing you would,
get me,
with everything in me,
see me,
feel me,
take a breath,

                    All I see is purple

Dream my dreams,
walk in the clouds
Feel my love
Surrounding you

                                All I see is purple

Drift away with me
under the stars
Hold on tight
Close your eyes
and tell me

                                                  All you see is purple

Year and years
pass like days
Its been so long since Ive
seen your face

It doesn't get any easier,
just a matured tolerance with
the passing time
that I had to learn to accept
that there was a greater plan in mind

I see things much more clearly now
I can proudly say that I have kept my vow
Of the promise we made
the day your life began to fade

Promising to have good judgement
respect, love, trust,
honesty and loyalty

For these values
no matter how small
You would feel like royalty

You would be so proud
that I have such a
great understanding
of this journey
I am on

Its a beautiful canvas
of this picture being drawn.