ive been trying to **** the fly
the one that bites
the one that leave a mark
that ******

its been an hour
attracted to the glow of the screen
I've yet to end it
I've tried, oh have I tried

there was a night when i was young
where its ancestor woke me
i did not sleep that night of nights
till i killed thy

and here we are once again
A humid springish nighty
twenty twenty three in May
ill let you live tonight

In this city
shattered dreams
we walk alone
a place to call our own
words echo
As we navigate life

Oh, your melodies inspire
a sanctuary in the night
the echoes of our our guiding light
Oh, your melodies frighten
a sanctuary in the night
the echoes of our our guiding light

Through the wreckage of our broken dreams, we rise
Finding strength in the depths of our own demise
confront the darkness within
Waving tales of struggle
redemption, and sin

Through the highs and lows, we navigate this life
we find solace in the strife
resonate with the battles we face
discover our own sacred space

Have you ever looked upon your hand
in the midst of midnights gloom
the marks upon do tell the tale
of a life once lived and bloomed

Bloomed, the wrinkles do shatter the fantasy
they tell the tale of rot
the midnight sun does shines upon
the many lies of those your brought

Mind unraveled, thoughts astray,
Losing myself in disarray.
In chaos, sparks of brilliance
ignite
Madness unveils creative light.

Mind adrift, thoughts untwine,
Sanity fades
I lose my mind

or do I

What is lost can be found
but finding madness is never a simple task

wretch

I've absolved myself

Saint

is that how its works?
its that easy

ask for forgiveness and all is forgiven
is it not?

Saint
All is forgiven

and forth i walk
and carry thy
one path one track one footprint

Jesus is no where to be found
it is me
it is I that carry's thy

Fluttering butterfly, delicate and light,
In its grace, victory takes flight.
I reach out, but it slips away,
Defeated, I watch it fade astray.

224am
father of 2
I've questioned my motives
but I've not yet answered them

I've looked around
oh have I looked around
At the other father who give a ****
I'm not special

yet I feel as though the other father miss out
too strict, by the book
whose book
WHOS BOOK

**** THE BOOK

my kids are happy
id like to think
the book is burnt
LONG LIVE THE KING

i was always told that god would be there for me
god is there if i need change
god will never turn his back on me
...
god may be taking the year off

i try but you fade away
my brother my sister
all forgotten to my now
you are all somewhere in my thoughts
deep down inside my heart
soon you will all disappear
but still here
to love you

lost with nowhere left to go
wrote a note but failed
oh what a mess
thought it could end with one button press
maybe there's a reason I've been denied

still lost
beat down soul
the rattle in my hand
woke up in a hospital bed
with doctors and loved ones around my head

crooked smiles
failed again

so this is hate
this is what i've become because of you
provocative entertainment
feeds the mouths that never close
enters minds
severs connections
decisions made based on lies fed
spewing out younger ******
enough to feed all your intentions

the crowd parts to make way
the king waves and smiles
idiots

the clear view from our window
now ***** from both sides
no matter how often i clean mine
the view's filtered through the grime

i feel fine now
just, fine
and that's alright
life, designed to bring me down
i've designed
but im alright

we all feel the same vibrations
we just need to get onto each others frequencies
...
worst pickup line ever

i find myself alone today
i can plan my day how i see fit
a rarity these days
but i wont get anything accomplished

i'll just float downstream
the slow current takes me to where i need to be
nothing planned in advance
i'll end up where i'm needed

but today its not a stream
but a calming peaceful lake
i'm alone here too
ill float in place

i guess no one need me

in motion, ideas always look good at first hand
in practice, decisions made are all written in sand

Title

the road turns slightly up ahead
then forks
i've taken the wrong path many times before
i've convinced myself over the years
that there is no "right" way
just my way
no matter how wrong that way is

its hopeless
i've had enough
the masses have passed me by and knocked me out
left alone, is there any way to heal this smile
lost the facts
the meanings
suggestions
front and back between the lines i've read
that i am and that i am nothing
with no hands to hold
and no place to lay my head

i don't know who pushed me in
i don't know where to begin
i've been silent till this day
and there's so much i have to say

but its time to fade away

i can't hold you anymore
the smoke has cleared but the damage remains
if i broke both my hands
id still reach out for you
but i fear in this moment
id be grasping the air

good morning
skipping breakfast
and start the day
push till lunch
skipping lunch
grind till dinner
ill have dinner
end the day
half hour till liftoff
the best and saddest part of the day

happy new year
and with it all its promises
to be broken

since when is it original
to wear the hatepaste on your face
delusions of a life full of waste

hello hannah
a reminder that these dogs of war won't sleep
we wont see eye to eye on this
i get it
why bother blinking when you're know ill be right there at the end of it

hello hannah
we were good once
those days filed with smiles
neglected, forgotten, cast aside
so easy, too easy

hello hannah
till we meet again
ill be right here

this is therapy

this is not a pome
this is not some randomness
this is not meant to be seen
but i have to put it somewhere

public private
its all the same to me
this is not meant to be seen
but i want to put it somewhere

i've been scribbling more and more
a **** that's overflowed
this is not meant to be seen
but i need to put it somewhere

the stars, each an idea
a lesson to be learned
this is not meant to be seen
but at least i put it somewhere

hello poetry

a life of hidden corners
easily accessed when life gets hard
adding corners doesn't solve the problems
just makes it easier to escape into them

it isn't a race
but it is a competition

we had good morning kisses
now they land on your cheek
hugs, with arms at your side
how much less can you give me?

look at me
look me in they eyes
i am not your savior
you've confused our friendship
for something much more than what i can provide
and for that
i am truly sorry

the horizon goes dark
the storm comes in
its rains washes the dirt
but the grime remains
behind your smile you lie
don't ask me what i think of you
you wont get the answer you desire
i can't be your gentleman

its midnight again and i've been staring at the darkness
the same thing like every night before
i come downstairs with every intention of starting
but why bother if its never worked before

the volume inside my head is astounding
as i sit in the quietest of rooms
i can't help myself from sabotaging everything
i can't help it, im a fool

its been years
the groundhogs day of thoughts race through my head
i come downstairs with the best of intentions
i can't help myself from sabotaging everything

i can't help it

for you ill exist in your thoughts and nowhere else
until you learn that when you soar and fly
you crash and burn and loose your smile

you kissed me like you meant it
did you mean to shatter my life too?

i am lost
i sit on the hood of my car
staring out to the open ocean
nothing to see but the horizon
a spot miles away
the waves rise and fall
crash like thunder
and then the calm

there is a spot miles away
my mind drifts there when i need it
to reset
to restart
to re-center
i wish i could live there always
peacefully

go ahead
pick up your rocks
aim for my head
pray you have luck

go ahead
cast me aside
convince yourself
you have nothing to hide

i wish that i could be like you
i wish that i could see behind their eyes inside their minds
and label them with what i think i would find

i hate that i can hate like you do
i hate that i can label without any thing to prove
i hate that i've become like one of you

this is not a public service announcement
this is not a cry for help
this is will cause a chain reaction
that circles back to end at my feet
i am not a real person
i am not real
this will change everything
this will change everything

i'm having conversations with myself
does the voice inside my head have my best interests at heart
i feel i'm always fighting an uphill battle
and that voice is bringing me down

what is that voice?
is it me?
am i arguing with myself?
is it...are you?

i feel the divide
its not speaking now but when it does i cant control it
it must not be
me

and what of him
in heated conversations he does stop debating at some points
is he conversing with someone else?
who does he consult with?

is someone else in there?!

he's quiet now
the both are
they all are?

can you hear my heartbeat?
i feel nothing
outside the space between where we all vibrate at
off the bitten path

i see you're unhappy
but I laugh inside
not to mock or ridicule
astonished that you consider it torture
ignoring your present situation
ignoring your predicted future

i'm the bad guy, perfect

these writings are nothing more
than the polite ramblings of an educated mad man
one not to be listened to

I was born
I will die
in-between
infinite universal possibilities

the distraction isn't working anymore
time fly's when you're having fun
but when minuets feel like hours
the years are an eternity

infinity, scary

until yesterday i though i was alone
until i saw you smile directed straight at me
hard to believe i never let it sink below
and our eyes met and all was well
and the world stopped to look behind itself
to realize our instant glow

what can be said about a girl
that makes the whole world disappear
and all that's left is all that's needed to rebuild
well build our home and shape the stones
and make it perfectly livable
all i need is your hand to set me free

intelligence visits those with the patience to lend their ears
its only fitting you should know you'll never make it out of here
to reconnect on a level of trust, impossible
so far away from mending a broken soul
as you cry over the parts you have sold
this path you've chosen isn't set in stone

i've known but a really long time
and i've accepted it
weather or not i can say it aloud
i've accepted it

i smile at the years
i smile at the memories
its not nothing
its not everything either

the future sometimes feels bleak
running through the paces
home is all i have
hope is all i grasp for

never have i been more ashamed
of how i treaded you that day
i spoke before my mind could stop my though from ever being recognized
i'm a complete wreck for you
i'm a complete mess for you

your mood dictates the day
multiple days
it lingers
muted

i've never felt hate like this before
id rather be unconscious than all alone
my life is ruled by powers i cannot control
decisions filtered through the minds
that will never know
its painful

its hard to get my mornings started
but mondays are mondays
and and my brain know it
so ill pretend its a tuesday
even though i have mondays off