im not wanted here anyway.

I keep running, moving, pushing,
gaslighting myself.
Chased by the fear
that the moment I stop moving
I'll be falling back into that hole.

That grey bottomless pit
Where nothing goes in or out
Where nothing matters anymore
x times gravity to the ground

I'm a ticking time bomb,
implosion is inevitable
A strong urge to lay down,
to

Just give up

Some child of mine
Or one of their children
Has left a cup of dirt
With a sprout 🌱
Now, I am the keeper of the sprout
Which needs a bigger cup
It’s looking unhealthy
Bigger cup acquired
Lots of attention
I dapple water to simulate rain
And even bring it to sit outside in the air and the sun
The sprout is happy
It got left with me

You were selling lies
for love
and I bought it

I teach me a lot
You teach me
what not to do
who not to be
............................

I used to love love
You broke me
And
I am not capable of loving
anymore.

this day is grey
inside and out

Little yellow birds
Greet my window this morning
Lovely beginnings.